I can't sleep, Holla Forums. I've been laying awake for hours. Know any good bedtime stories?

I can't sleep, Holla Forums. I've been laying awake for hours. Know any good bedtime stories?

None that I know of OP
Look around for some porn or whatever, tire yourself out

I heard a noise in my basement last month, it was pretty much how I imagine it sounds like if a baby is thrown into a wall. You know, a whimpery high-pitched squeal and a wet thud. Obviously, I thought maybe a bird had flown in or something, it happens sometimes (I leave the window open down there because if I don't, the boiler might overheat because it's an ancient piece of shit) so I wasn't too freaked out yet. I went down, turned the light on and noticed there was a thin trail of blood going from the window to under the boiler, which had never happened before but I still figured it was a bird or maybe an injured rat or something that jumped in.

Anyway, I went back up the stairs to get my gun just in case it was some creepypasta shit or a rabid cat or something. When I went back to the basement door, I almost shat myself because there was blood all the way up the stairs and the trail continued to the bedroom. At this point I was almost certain that it wasn't a bird or whatever, and thought it must've been a raccoon or whatever so I actually was ready to shoot that motherfucker if I saw it.

The trail went under my bed, which made me really fucking nervous since the only way I'd find out what the fucker was was to look down there and I couldn't aim for shit in that case. I hoped it wouldn't attack me, I said something like "come out, bitch" to see if it would react to the noise but it didn't. So, I looked under the bed and saw a garden gnome. The fucker was smiling. I was smiling, too. My wrists had been smiling this whole time.

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Once upon a time there was a little girl who was kind and smart and good, and very beautiful. This little girl wanted badly to be Lain and because she was so good and asked so earnestly and so often the Sky Queen heard her.

The Sky Queen made a new universe and in it she made the girl her avatar, so that she would not only be beautiful, but hold the hopes of a new Wired. But the little girl hadn't thought about what she was really asking for. Her beauty blinded many people in the new universe, and so she thought she was ugly. And she made masks. And just like Lain she attracted the rapt attention of the Wired. And like Lain she was ashamed and afraid and hid her face all the more. Now to be like Lain she couldn't just have the power but the responsibility.

And so she begged and begged the Sky Queen to take back the gift, but it couldn't be taken back. And in keeping with the gift of becoming Lain she made the Wired forget, but some of the Wired cannot forget, will not forget.

And to this day because of the power her potential builds, because of her fear she restrains it, and the next chapter is not yet written.

Every time I sleep, I have the same dream. I'm in the cellar and the light flickers like it was about to go out, the radio is on with 60s classics playing when the door starts to open slowly. I try my best to either hide, get something to defend myself with or close the door, but no matter what I do, a burnt man with barbed wire wrapped around his mangled body stumbles into the cellar and crawls around on the floor, wheezing and wailing. Sometimes I manage to hide until he crawls back outside and wake up, but usually he spots me and I have to flee. When I go out, the door doesn't lead out of the basement onto the backyard like it does in real life, but instead into a tunnel. The burnt man pulls himself up on his feet and starts running after me, shaking and stumbling or even falling down and crawling back up, but he keeps getting closer and closer. Often, I can outrun him and the tunnel branches off into multiple narrow corridors that I can hide in, but eventually he will find me and rush after me and I have to keep going into tighter and tighter tunnels until I get stuck and have no choice but to wait for him. When he does get to me, I wake up covered in sweat and can't move — I get sleep paralysis, which is basically what happens when you wake up but your body is still asleep — and there's an androgynous figure standing naked at the door, but I can't make out any features because it's too dark. It can last up to ten minutes, but every minute feels like forever when I stare at the clock and try to understand what the thing is whispering; I can never make out what it's saying. When I finally fall back to sleep, I snap awake almost immediately.

Once upon a time there was an evil space captain named Captain Bucky O'Hare. Captain Bucky O"Hare hated all frogs, even though he called them toads, and swore to kill ever single toad in the galaxy. One day the brave Grunt along with his noble friends Toadborg and the Uncountable Brothers Toad Toads and tried to hunt down Bucky to protect frogs everywhere. Many toads died. The end, go to sleep now.

Splayed open on the sheets, the virgin was eager to be swallowed. Her lungs fluttered like the wings of a wounded pigeon and my penis began to throb. The girl's whimpers of pleasure and pain in unison with my groans as I peeled back the skin from my cock, it was time. I got on top of her and bit into her throat, scraped my freshly skinned baton against her flesh and crawled inside her, making her scream and cry out in orgastic suffering.

"This is the best feeling! I'm gonna cum! You're so fucking hot! Fuck me! Eat my dick! Fuck you, you fucking cunt! Cunt my eat! Hot fuck cum splash! Wet nice! Boobies, boobies! Mommy, mommy! Birth! Virgin! Jesus Christ, play with me! Play with me!"

My head unfolded in glorious bleeding petals, my mind leaking into the squirming mass of dying insides. This was the climax and it sure tasted better than the best cuisine.

Last night, I finally manned up enough to get a hooker and lose my virginity. Right up, I told her I'm a virgin at 27 and that I'd understand if she'd decide not to fuck me. She said she didn't mind and so we got on the bed, took our clothes off and I got ready to fuck her right in the pussy…

If she was my girlfriend, I would have her get a tattoo of numbers in her arm and she would dress up in a concentration camp Jew outfit for foreplay that includes spanking over my knee, cleaning my anus with her tongue and eating beef with milk. After that she would get naked and go in the oven. I would heat it up to make her feel uncomfortable, but not too much as I would masturbate to her discomfort. She would have to stay in the oven until I'm about to cum. I'd edge for a little bit, then release her from the oven and cum on her face. She would then write in her diary about how horrible it was while I put on a Nazi uniform and open all the windows to let cold air in. After that, I'd lead her to the bedroom and get her to lie down on the bed as I read aloud what she wrote. Then we have sex.

Lyhytkasvuinen ja karvainen musta mies käveli moskeijaan ja tervehti imaamia, mutta heti kun imaami näki hänet, hän otti häntä olkapäistä kiinni ja huusi "mikäs apina se siinä on!" ja nauroi. Mies ei ollut odottanut tällaista kohtelua moskeijassa, joten hänen reaktionsa oli vähän liioiteltu; hän kaivoi taskustaan puukon ja viilsi imaamin kurkun, työnsi kätensä niin syvälle kuin pystyi ja repi hänen selkärankansa ulos, sytytti moskeijan tuleen ja juoksi kadulle alasti, huutaen "MOSKEIJASSA ON LOHIKÄÄRME!!! SE TAPPOI IMAAMIN!!!" Kukaan ei uskonut häntä, vaan joku soitti poliisin paikalle. Poliisi kertoi miehelle että lohikäärme — jos sellainen siis olisi olemassa — ei olisi voinut tappaa imaamia sillä imaami oli tehnyt itsemurhan edellisenä iltana. Mies kauhistui ja kysyi, "kuka siellä moskeijassa sitten oli?" Poliisi nojasi lähemmäs ja kuiskasi "your mum". Mies ei ymmärtänyt minkä takia tuo ikivanha vitsi olisi hauska, varsinkaan kun hän oli Amerikkalainen ja oli siis kuullut sen tuhansia kertoja joka päivä ennen muuttoaan Suomeen, ja paskansi poliisin naamalle. Poliisilla oli sattumalta paskafetissi, eikä hän voinut vastustaa hieromasta paskaa koko vartalolleen. "LISÄÄ," hän huusi, mutta karvainen musta mies oli jo juossut pakoon. Kun hän vihdoin pääsi kotiin, imaami (tai siis mies jota hän luuli imaamiksi) oli siellä — haamuna! Kauhistunut mies päätti raiskata imaamin haamun ja täten päästää hänet taivaaseen (tämän ajatuksen takana on jonkinnäköistä loogiikkaa vaikka kumpikaan meistä ei sitä näe), mutta tajusi liian myöhään että eihän haamua voi raiskata, kun se ei ole fyysinen olento. Yhtäkkiä koko asunto oli ihan ektoplasman ja sperman peitossa. Lyhytkasvuista miestä ei koskaan löydetty, mutta paikalliset homot huhuilevat että hän asuu viemärissä, raiskaten kaikkia imaamin näköisiä ihmisiä. Ei-imaamien harmiksi hänen käsityksensä siitä miltä imaami näyttää on ihan päin persettä… mies moskeijassa oli nimittäin alkoholisti.

My ultimate fantasy is to abduct Natalia Poklonskaya after a romantic dinner date and amputate her hands without anaesthesia. I would make her live in a doghouse and treat her like a puppy, taking her out for walks (she would have to crawl on all fours) as I go about my groceries. She would have to wear an SS officer cap as a form of degradation at all times, and the only food she would be allowed to eat would be raw human bodyparts. If she needed to pee, I would fuck her doggystyle until her warm piss sprinkled on my dick and balls. I'd then rub my junk on her face. If she had to shit, I'd place a bowl under her ass and when she was done shitting, I'd get disposable latex gloves and throw the shit at her, rubbing some of it on my dick as I masturbate.

Dennis punched Rhonda in the nose the week before last. He tried hitting her in the stomach but she ran away. Dennis may slap Rhonda around this year for that. Rhonda is able to dance! Dennis told her to look straight at the lamp. He promised not to give her a little extra bonus, if you know what I mean. Some wasteful… Dennis matter-of-factly hit Rhonda in the face. He gave her a black eye. Ouch! But, he promised not to cut her labia. Much sufficient. Dennis handled Rhonda roughly and flipped some knuckles. He is a happy man. Dennis smiles.

Following this, they watch sleazy movies together. Yikes! This is taped. Rhonda is lucky. Dennis will not beat Rhonda with a blunt object today. He likes showing her pornography. He likes watching her sleep. He is lonely. He wants to feel her skin. He wants to feel her flesh. He wants to feel her bones. He holds a hammer above her head as she sleeps. Dennis has never cried. He may give her a hug today. Dennis likes to wait for Rhonda to wake up. He likes to watch her sleep.

The magazines are dead to Dennis. He smiles. But, on the inside he cries. He looks at Rhonda. He swings the hammer. He does not hit Rhonda. He wants to hit Rhonda. He smiles. A mangled Rhonda does not leave him. Rhonda loves Dennis. Dennis loves Rhonda. Dennis hates Rhonda. Dennis has a hammer but he doesn't hit Rhonda with it. He could hit Rhonda with it, but he doesn't. Dennis is a loving husband. Dennis will not beat Rhonda with a blunt object today.

A girl is masturbating with sharp pieces of glass, there's blood everywhere. Her boyfriend tries to stop her and asks "what are you doing!" but she cuts the tip of his dick open. The glans says "open the door" and spits blood whilst repeating it over and over. He is absolutely frightened, but he grabs a piece of glass and starts sawing his own penis off. It screams "you can use the backdoor!" and he shits himself. A dick is being born from his ass. It squirms out and falls on the bed, covered in wet shit. It erects and dives into her vagina while shouting "for the deer god". Two fat old people, a man and a woman, crawl out from under the bed. They grab the bedpost and begin chanting "deer, deer, deer" as warts start growing on their bodies. She is still masturbating with glass, her vulva is all torn open and she's peeling it all off. The cock has disappeared somewhere deep inside her. She slices her clitoris off and eats it, then forces her fingers deep into her boyfriend's nostrils. He sneezes but the snot is blocked off so it leaks from his mouth and he starts coughing. Her belly bloats suddenly, popping her ribs and crushing her bladder, releasing piss on the sheets. Her cervix prolapses and a little hairy creature emerges from its flesh cocoon. His dick cheers "congratulations! it's a deer!" and pees on the baby like a champagne bottle. The baby deer and his dick lived happily ever after.

Holy shit.
Is Serial Experiments Lain actually about chan whores of God?
Think about it. Take a woman who was raised under the roof of God, and combine that with the modern world. Watch as her life strays off course due to the modern world being incompatible with traditional family upbringings.
Once she goes astray, she will end up taking comfort in the digital world. The wired.
She will seek attention on there, and people will be attracted to her god-like qualities, obsessing over her.

You could probably, with a bit of editing to change the context of some scenes, make the entire series of Lain be about chan-whores, orbiters, the internet and god.

I got the same problem I think that it is a symptom of not finding tomorrow exiting.

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Historical post

Remember how the thread suspiciously stopped getting bumped before hitting the bump limit? Shit was spoopy.

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I didn't know that

Cracky-chan never was a chan whore you heathen.

Once upon a time I fucked your mom.
The End

d-dad?

whoops

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