Time for another day of being miserable

Fuck off, Jacob, and go to work.

who here feels like they don't deserve to be happy/loved ?

What a loser

check 'em

...

32 years old. 14 years too old to be on a chan.

14 years too old to change. 14 years squandered and wasted getting meaningless pieces of paper (BA English and Masters in Education) to work jobs where I am universally hated for being a white male.

Stuck in a dead end job now working for the family because even with 2 degrees I couldn't hack it as a teacher walking into a room full of people who hated me and having my job performance measured by whether they passed or failed a test I could do nothing to make them care about.

32 year old KHV. Every time I have stuck my hand out it has been rejected. Now I'm just a White Knight - a fucking anachronism that doesn't belong in this era. I am neither needed nor wanted by women OR men. Even my money has been rejected. I am worthless.

I'm tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of existing. I stopped living a long time ago. Tired of trying to recapture a long misspent youth. Now I'm just old and bald and no amount of lifting or being in shape has mattered to anyone including myself.

I gave everything I had to a fucking 26 year old narcissistic whore of a manchild and they rejected every part of me just like everyone else has. Even in degeneracy I have failed.

And now I am here. I watch /suicide/ and r9k. A loaded revolver is always on the nightstand just waiting for the moment I will stop being a pussy and pull the fucking trigger and do one single thing right in my fucking adult life. Maybe my blood will do a lot more good on the ground than it will inside me. Maybe then I'll end this fucking cycle of failure by using a shotgun to turn my brain into a tossed salad so I can rest for once in my fucking adult life and stop wishing I was dead.

There is no recovery from this. No amount of SSRIs can erase the failure I have become. No amount of CBT or counseling is going to convince me I have not failed utterly at being successful.

Its only a matter of time now. The gun is loaded and waiting. There will be no "attempt." It will be swift and certain. All I need is the moment of clarity to pull the trigger on myself.

reply inc m8, please hold on

Not worth the effort friend.

or you could not

I'd give literally anything to just be happy and loved. I believe we all deserve it.

I can guarantee you that people are NOT as happy as they seem, they're just too stupid to want to change/admit they are not happy. most people I know are quite miserable. if you ask them what's wrong they just go " NO, IM FINE, OFC I AM FINE" .I think they're just holding on until their deathbeds. they see it as shameful to admit you're not well and broken, because then people might stray away from them, as they sometimes do.

I like to get inside people's heads and I see a lot of misery, disappointment. most people feel very unlucky. "why don't I have better genes, richer family" etc.

too stupid to see they got their health, youth.
they say youth is wasted on the young.

I'm 33 in a week.I have also squandered my life on meaningless shit which never amounted to anything. wasted time on shitty people, I was so fucking weak to tell them to just fuck off and be stupid somewhere else. but I accept that it's my fault. It's my fault my family/friends were too stupid, and those who weren't stupid, were too weak to accept me.

I suggest you try really hard to find your own mistakes, that 26 year old whore, did you know she wasn't worth it, but you gave it all you had anyway? forgive yourself.

your diplomas, did you really want them, or was it family and friends pressuring you. was there something else you wanted to do?

what kind of dead end job? does it give you a lot of time to work on something else? try writing a book about your life if you can, change the names and locations and send it to some publishers under a pseudonym, what have you got to lose?

go buy some condoms, go get a prostitute, put two on just to be sure and get it over with. they are used to men in a crisis. just remember the golden rule, NEVER TRUST A WHORE, no matter how sad their story is, it's not that they're not worth helping, 99% of people are, they're just too broken and self-destructive and unless you do it the right way they'll just try to take you down with them.

try to get some weed, it helps a lot, just don't start using it as a crutch, it IS addictive, just way less stronger than alcohol or hard drugs.
I don't get high to act like a retard, I do it to do intellectual shit, watch documentaries, think about life, write etc.

people respond to confidence, if you don't have it, they just assume something is wrong with you. you just have to accept it and don't let it bother you. most people have low self-esteem, that's why they react this way.

you'll never get back that youth, same as heroin addicts try to capture that initial high and they fuck their lives up.

just try to talk to people/family, ask them " what do you think is wrong with me ? ". very few will actually give a good answer, but you'll gain more insight on how people think.

maybe you could settle for a less attractive, but warm and intelligent partner.

I will leave you with a woody allen joke.

This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken.' And the doctor says, 'Well why don't you turn him in?' and the guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships. They're totally irrational and crazy and absurd, but I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.

Kill yourself. DO IT. You KNOW you will be doing yourself a favor, and the rest of the world. Maybe take out a few people before you do it? Someone you hate?

your post begs the question, why haven't you ?

...

This is bullshit. OP is desperate, can't you see? This too much effort for him. He's enlightened, he sees the ugly truth. The only way out is suicide.

I have a loving family, good grades in a field which guarantees me a job later, a girlfriend and a social life.

...

...

...

...

Yeah just fix it right? Just forgive myself. Just forget about it and move forward like nothing happened. Nothing is wrong just don't pay attention to the burning building around you!

I appreciate the sentiment, even if I know what is at the core of expressing this kind of sentiment to random strangers on the internet. Its got only the look of altruism - because there is certainly an element of self-service in there to feel good about ones self for "trying to help." I get it - I've done the same. Did the same for the slut, and they didn't want a "white knight."

Cause apparently when you offer anything to make someone happy who's going through a merciless depression, that's being a white knight. No way that could consitute actual care for someone right? Such a joke…

I'm just tired of fighting. I can put the mask on. I can act the part. Done it before and I can do it again. But it's like tensing a muscle - you can only hold it for so long. Moreover, it's just a lie. Its not who I am, just like trying to run game on some chick and pretend all this confidence is there is just a fucking lie.

A wasted life. Not even a well spent future is going to absolve that. Do you get it?

I'm not a criminal, nor am I a murderer, nor do I have any inclination to become either.

Well if you put it like that… Then why are you asking for advice? Kill yourself already.

well, I can't really feel bad for you then.

There is no response to this. There is no correct answer. There is no defense to give, just as there is no excuse to make for a misspent life.

forgive yourself doesn't mean forget about it, quite the contrary, admit your mistake and forgive yourself and the stupid whore, and only then can you move on.

I'm not doing it just help a random stranger, I'm actually curious to see what others think about depression/wanting to give up etc.

what are you fighting exactly? stop putting the mask on, that is what almost killed me, now I just don't give a shit, I dress like a bum, say w/e I want to say. most people think I'm weirdo, fuck them and their capeshit movies and their pop radio music. I'll publish my apps on google store, make couple thousand a month by doing fuck all and just enjoy my life doing w/e the fuck I want.

I tried to help this 19 year old 5/10 depressive girl who was getting beat up by her 32 year old bf. I went to her apartment looking like a bum, 2 month beard etc. she got scared, started swearing at me on the phone later on. I managed to talk to her parents, inform them of everything, they actually knew but didn't know what to do. At least I put some scare on that piece of shit bf and I think her life might be easier. oh and I'm a 9/10, I would be a 10 if I just lost a little weight, I'm 1.96m and 105 kg. but bitch only saw the beard and shady clothes.

maybe you are the same, they see your sadness and think you want something from them.

and 32 does not constitute a life, that would be 70 or so. there are old men out there willing to give their souls to satan to be 32 again.

"A wasted life. Not even a well spent future is going to absolve that. Do you get it?" sorry, buddy, I think you're wrong. and I can guarantee you that my life was complete shit too.

just don't let the shame overwhelm you. it takes a little bit of light to chase away the darkness.

Shame is the correct descriptor.

I've done enough research into suicide to know there are multiple types. This isn't some impulsive whatever. I am the "kind" of suicidal person who is trying to annihilate their life as if it never happened. Someone who is trying to erase their existence to also erase their shame, humiliation, and mistakes.

It is better that there's no one involved. Even the slut said they dodged a bullet with me. They were right, even though I never did and would never wish or commit any harm upon them, for them to be emotionally involved with me would get them in close enough proximity to get hurt when I would inevitably self destruct.

Of course I'm not delusional. I realize no measure of suicide no matter how thorough is going to erase my existence. Even if I burned my house down with me inside along with all my possessions, my brother and parents would still remember me and be forced to ensure immense pain.

That is one of the only things that has kept me alive - not wanting to hurt them. But I know if they really cared, they would see that rather than consign me to a lifetime of this torment, I would be better off dead.

And until I can "fix" myself, I see no reason to invite anyone new into this wonderful little downward spiral to rock bottom. Even "fixing" it is a misnomer. You cannot repair something fundamentally flawed by design. And that is what I am. Were I not, I would not be on fucking Holla Forums bitching on a random Mongolian watercolor message board about how fucking sad I am about being sad. The simple fact that I am here having this exchange is shameful unto itself.

If I felt like I had the way forward, I would take it. But I haven't moved forward in some time. I am stuck here in this shit town, chained to a house that will not sell so I can move, and thus forced to attend a make-do job that I never asked for and have come to despise.

How long do I persist like this, treading water to save my life? 5 years? 10 years? The outcome will be the same. Die all at once or one day at a time.

you write really nice, did you ever consider it as a career ?

just the fact that you are willing to find a way, is more than I can say for most people, they are also trapped, I see it in their eyes, I ask them what does their future hold for them and they look at me back like I'm supposed to give them the answer. and what I see on their faces? shame.

I think that if you manage to make it through this crisis of yours, you will be more than most. pain makes us stronger.

do you do physical exercise? like even walking.
I know some heavily depressed, very fit people who say if they don't work out every day they go crazy with sadness. something you would never think if you just saw them on the street.

how are you flawed by design exactly? is it your brain chemistry, your looks? missing limbs ? all of the above, omg???

having this exchange here and trying to work on your problems is nothing to be ashamed about. shame is what the millions who listen to radio pop music and post only happy pictures on facebook while being miserable should feel.

your last line made me google life of quiet desperation and found this
youtube.com/watch?v=Kave0ZOC47U

kickasstorrents2.to/the-50th-law-by-robert-greene-50-cent-mobi-epub-t12029962.html

lol just kill them too, problem solved

I was an English teacher. If I didn't write with at least a modicum of skill I would be an even greater insult to life than I already am. I taught remedial reading and writing at a historic black college. 99% of faculty and students were black. I was the 1%. A story on its own but not related to this.

You call it a "crisis" like there is a beginning, middle, and end to this thing. But there isn't. This is Mr. Bones' wild ride friend, and there is no end. The ride does not and. Ever. And it's a rollercoaster.

This isn't Bob Ross explaining you have to have bad times to appreciate the good ones. This is a chronic state of depression.

I work in medical insurance via the family and I know a lot of Doctors. I've had plenty of them offer all the psych drugs I could ever want. Enough SSRIs to zombify me for the rest of my life. But why? Why exist as a fucking emotionless husk and flatline your emotions? No, the real root of the disease is me. It is my fucking brain and whatever chems are firing off inside. It is defective.

I know this because I have been here a while. I have read and seen shit far, far worse than even the lowest point in my life could possibly be. People whose parents sexually molested them, got coked up, beat the shit out of them on the street and left them for dead. People who are posting from the library because they're too dirt poor to afford a pot to piss in. People who have endured kinds of real life suffering that would make anything on the surface of my life in comparison look like a fucking day at the park.

But no measure of knowing this has ever consoled me. No assurances that I'm doing fine have ever quelled this fucking cacophony in my head telling me to kill myself. No amount of success, personal or public, has ever seemed to matter to me because I have experienced it all utterly alone without anyone to give and receive reciprocal emotional intimacy - and the times I have tried have ended in disaster.

There is something fucked in my head, because I should not be this way. I should not be depressed or upset, and it is shameful to be this way given how well off I have been in comparison to those who have endured real life suffering.

"Chems"? Are you a fucking retarded person? Are you so fucking lazy and worthless that you can't type out a simple word? You're a humiliation to the English language and a paragon of disgrace

chronic depression, I think I have it too. I always felt like I'm up in the air, like everyone else has their feet on the ground and I'm in between places, like this life isn't even real.

I also chose to avoid drugs, what's the point in living without suffering? yeah, I feel defective too. or maybe it's this world, maybe in the back of your mind you see how crazy it is. it's not civilized, it just pretends.

but your last line kinda contradicts
"This isn't Bob Ross explaining you have to have bad times to appreciate the good ones. This is a chronic state of depression."

haha, your last line is something I have been thinking about recently. you people are the true underdogs. not rich enough to not have a care in the world, and no great traumas to shape you. you feel like you should be more because of all the advantages you had and yet you feel empty and defective.

this is why I think you need to live through it, I got "lucky" and my first abuse was at 5, when my shit dad beat me up and I woke up with my pajamas stuck to my legs because of the blood, it wasn't much, but some. and ended at 21 when my father grabbed me by my long hair and tried to knee me in the face and hit him. I could have killed him with couple of punches, but I only hit him so he'll fuck off, he instantly turned into a victim ignoring the fact that HE WANTED TO HIT ME WITH HIS KNEE RIGHT IN THE FACE and started crying and called mom yelling " HE BEAT ME, HE BEAT MEEE". I was like "lol, motherfucker are you insane???".

so how do you feel more, like chronic depression ever since you were born or an overwhelming shame for not achieving much despite an easy life ?

btw I wish I could write like you, as you see, I write like a 12 year old and I'm an aspiring screenwriter

also, did you have a MRI to check your brain for any abnormalities ?

ROFL, this retard is out there hoping you'd do it AHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. man, that is such a pathetic and desperate attempt. lel mclel.

are you jealous of him trying to find a way to fix his life ? or maybe you're hoping if he commits sudoku it might help you commit your own?

how about you stop being a sissy and express how you truly feel.

my nigga, you have all that and you tell people to kill themselves. you're either a liar or delusional and that life you are describing is your second life account.

If you're feeling really shitty read some of the >>>/fringe/ books. Even if you don't fully buy it, it will probably make you feel a little better, ans at this point what do you have to lose?

I was in a similar situation til recently, I was on tons of meds and too depressed to do shit. Most days I was so down I didn't even want to play vidya. My psychiatrist told me I was down to electric shock or experimental meds as treatment options. I decided to try Medical Marijuana instead.

I have been smoking weed every day for the past six months now and my results have been extremely positive. Getting stoned gave me enough relief from my constant pain to build a little bit of stamina to do things like exercise and eat better. After I lost some weight I slept better and could do more w/o getting tired which made me lose more weight and feel even better.

It also helped me to put my life into perspective and focus on the things that actually matter to me rather than what 'society' or 'peers' think is important. I realized the stuff I actually care about like good movies, interesting games, shitposting ect. are all pretty cheap and totally attainable. The things like a nice car, a fancy house, or even a romantic partnership, are just things other people are telling me that I want. Moderating expectations helped me to realize that building a life worth living was totally within reach.

Now I am finally getting help to look for work after years of being in constant pain and basically just waiting to die. I

Just my personal anecdote so I have no idea if you might have similar results but for people who have tried SSRI and traditional therapy for years with little to no results I think Cannabis might offer real temporary symptom relief if nothing else. In best case scenario like mine it can really give you your life back.

If its an available treatment where you live its something to consider at least. It would be wasteful not to at least try it before you an hero in my opinion, but whatever you choose I hope you find a life worth living.

lucky guess

youtube.com/watch?v=D9tP9fI2zbE

A lot of little anecdotes. Some funny shit. Some of it depressing as fuck, like kids getting enrolled so they could get the Pell Grant money and their parents would pocket it and then you'd never hear from them again. Kids who would just laugh and turn in a blank piece of paper on a test and not give a single fuck because they knew their lives were fucked whether they tried to make it in college or not because "angels can't exist in hell - they'll just burn up."

That was a real common sentiment from some students who grew up in the ghetto and saw it as a permanent part of their lives. A few of them were able to leave it behind, but like I had a kid tell me before: "My mom and dad are in the gang, my uncle is in the gang, I was born in the gang, and I will die in the gang." Reading and writing don't matter a lot when your life is dominated by semi-organized crime and blood feuds.

Lack of achievement. Both degrees were paid for - I don't even have fucking student loans man. But with the degrees I got, I could barely make ends meet as a teacher. Not to mention the job itself was soul-crushing. Any dreams I had were or are dead. After all this, I take a job back at the family business. (Just the fact that I could fall back on such a thing is a privilege). Been there 5 years and now own 25% of the stock. Give it another 5 and when the old man dies, it's split between me and my brother. I'll be 36/37 years old and owner of an established small business with about 15 employees and doing insurance consulting work all over the state. I have my own fucking car that I paid for and 3 bedroom house on a mortgage - the only debt to speak of.

I even got to a point where about two years ago at 170 lbs, 5'10, I was deadlifting 405. Squatting 335 for 4+ reps. Doing sets of weighted pullups and all kinds of other physical feats. I got strong - not necessarily big, but strong for my bodyweight. I busted ass in the gym for a few years and got results - looked almost impressive for a while considering I was natty.

But despite all these things - what's it for? I don't go on fucking vacations because I have no friends to go with. I sit at home and play fucking vidya or fap or fucking do this - browse Holla Forums when I'm not working or exercising or doing life maintenance shit. No significant other. 32 fucking bald KHV despite all these "traditional" markers of success and it feels hollow as fuck. It feels meaningless - as if I've "accomplished" all of these things in life yet *experienced* NOTHING.

Didn't try hard enough, didn't try hard enough at any dream, and the one fucking person I threw everything at to chase after - I fucking threw every ounce of emotional support, financial support, every fucking ounce of *me* - burned me bad enough that the fucking last thing on my list is "try that again."

And I did it all to myself. Fucking woe is me sitting here having a fucking pity party over it all - and it's NOTHING in comparison to the shit other people have been through. Even I will admit I have nothing to fucking cry over, but I cry anyways like a bitch. And that's the fucking shameful weakness that is unacceptable. That's the reason I have to abort this 32 year old fetus and be done with it. It's defective. There's no reason to be sitting here in "emotional pain." There's no reason to be making fucking blogposts about how sad-but-not-sad my life is on a Vietnamese Etch-a-sketch forum. Doesn't stop my fucking brain from screaming at me to fucking kill myself over and over again, telling me to cry, telling me to feel sad, feel bad, feel depressed when OBJECTIVELY THERE IS NO REASON TO DO THESE THINGS.

Feelings are not objective, and that is the one really, really alluring part of SSRIs for me - the ability to cut that shit off and just operate. I'm scared though. Scared once I turn that off, it will never come back on, and whatever tiny grain of happiness I might have will be gone forever.

...

I ruv you user kun.

That's almost as nice as cake!

I admit it's trite, but try not to be so hard on yourself. Just because you had things easier than some doesn't mean you are a bad person.

I won't tell you how to feel or what to do but it's might be worth entertaining the idea that you are a worthwhile person despite your mistakes and shortcomings. It might be worth considering if you are being too hard on yourself.

I won't say 'Don't kill yourself' but you should consider if you have exhausted your options to feel better. If you have never smoked weed it can really give you a new perspective that might make you reconsider yourself and your life.

If you are just lonely then think about doing something positive with other people, If you can't stand going out then find a guild in an MMO or a film club or something. cytu.be/r/filmclub has some interesting films and poeple if you just need someone to know you exist.

If you truly desire real life contacts I am willing to bet there are tons of normal-fag volunteer opportunities in your community, you could consider trying that to make rl friends.

I know you have probably already considered these things, but imo its worth reminding people they have options because its easy to tell ourselves we don't.

Whatever path you choose user I hope you at least find some peace, good luck man.

...

right here, fam

I hope to reach her level one day

Instead of killing yourself, why not attack the system that did this to you? Go shoot up a bank or government office then an hero by police

no one deserves anything, user

what the fuck fuck to do you have to do get arms like that.

Q:What did one casket say to the other?

A:Is that you 'Coughing'?

OP

actually had a good day

thanks for the (you)s

1 in a million. Kys

you are so hard on yourself, and I don't know why. who says you need to achieve anything?
this stupid society where greed is worshiped, but if you were to take home a kid from the streets people would think you're crazy?

if that dead end job doesn't give you any satisfaction, have a talk with your brother, tell him you'll give him your shares for 5-10% of the monthly profit, but you'll stop working there also. he gets to take almost double the profits and just has to replace you.

only people who are obsessed with achievements are the ones who don't have much, that would be most people.

I think a book about your experiences at the black school would be very interesting, especially today. you can throw in your own experiences in too, like the fact that you felt hated for being white etc.
and after you're done writing all the real stuff, you can throw in fiction to wrap things up nicely

stop beating yourself up about it, that image of the strong, silent man is all bullshit. they just keep it bottled in till they go crazy.

I whined a lot to my friends, but a lot of shit got fixed that way. most were too embarrassed to talk about their problems, now I'm the one doing fine, they're just trapped making stupid facebook pictures where they're all smiling, meanwhile telling me in private " DO YOU THINK I AM SPECIAL? I DON"T FEEL SPECIAL :((". yeah, retard, you're not, coz you never had the balls to express yourself, you just kept it inside and now you're a fucking mess.

wearing the mask wears you down and gives you NOTHING, absolutely fucking nothing.

I am working on having no shame at all, about nothing. that's why I wanted to help that girl who was getting abused, I don't think it is normal for me to feel embarrassed if I intervene in a situation like that. fuck shame. they don't know you. how can they judge you?

It's how I've been as "successful" as I have been. I've even read about it as a personality type. A person who aspires to be something greater, so they cook up this ideal image of what they should be in their head. When they do not measure up to this ideal in any specific way, they self-flagellate as punishment assuming that "successful" people improve by condemning themselves - the idea being that if you're not the hardest on yourself, then you'll never have the motivation to improve.

And yeah, that's gotten me through some shit - hell the reason I worked as hard as I did when lifting, or when it was ultra crunch time at work, I busted my ass because that's what "successful" people do.

The alternative is complacency, and the extreme version of complacency is NEET-dom. And I have enough pride (misplaced or otherwise) that should things even begin to slide the smallest bit in that direction, I'd self-destruct before I let it go too far. Same thing with where I am now. I have been "successful" in a lot of ways, but my god I have failed so miserably in others that it has poisoned that. It doesn't stop me from feeling shameful as fuck - for failing my parents, for failing the "ideal" that I should have been, and for literally crying about it in a puddle of tears on the floor as a grown ass man.

I mean I get it - no one can forgive accusations I've laid against myself but me. "Therein the patient must minister unto themselves," as the Doctor from Macbeth would say. Even so, knowing that doesn't stop me from feeling this way. Doesn't stop the regret from waking up and wishing I had just died in my sleep so my father doesn't have to die disappointed, knowing his son never continued the lineage. Or that my mother will never get to declare herself a grandmother because her son was too busy fapping to horrors on a fucking Cambodian charcoal rendering imageboard to try and compete with Chad McThundercock to secure a female to put my children in.

Wish I could absolve myself of stuff like that - of the mistakes I've made. But I'm too self-aware. Eventually I just get tired of it and sleep, and that's the only respite I get. Any energy that comes back just gets funneled back into self-punishment, and it is fucking tiring. Results in me being tired all the time. Don't feel like sitting awake in bed feeling like shit, so I stay up and only just pass out, get 4 hours, then feel like shit again because I got no sleep. Cycle keeps going.

If I die no one can force me to wake up. No one can punish me any more, especially myself. That will absolve me. That will allow me to forgive myself. My hand is stayed only because I know I would just be putting a greater burden on my brother and father who I work with at the business. But even then, I can grow selfish - selfish enough to say fuck them and just do myself in because they can find someone to replace me sooner or later, and this fucking cycle of depression is beginning to wear on the last bit of my psyche that can still think straight.

can you rap?
Otherwise, go innawoods. Seriously, go to /k/, ask em what they'd bring to kickstart their own civilization, and fucking do it. If you die, so what, you were going to kill yourself anyway. And if you live, "holy shit, look you faggots, I startes up my own fucking civilazation bitches!"

I went alone last year by myself about 3-4 miles deep off trail in a nearby (live a semi-rural area) Wildlife Management Area.

Got down to about 20 degrees, and even with all my winter clothing on and in a sleeping bag, I was losing bodyheat because my bag was not rated for that level of cold.

The only thing that saved me was that the woods were bone dry and there were still smoldering embers underneath the ashes of the fire I had started earlier in the night, so when I tossed the tinder on to start it back up, there was nothing required - it just restarted itself. I was shaking so badly I would have never been able to do anything delicate to get it going again.

Brought no GPS, no cell phone. Just had a compass. I knew which way I had left the car because I had only walked in one direction from the service road in the woods. But walking back there off-trail with nothing but a flashlight and my keys in the middle of the night and hoping I'd get there before I started getting hypothermic or frostbitten was sketchy. I stayed up all night and kept the fire going.

Absolutely felt the presence of death that night. It was all too real and extremely vivid when it is just you in the woods alone in total darkness. Life becomes very binary when you have a decision like that: lay down and die, or start this fire and live. Had I not restarted the fire and kept it going, I would likely be dead already. Part of me wonders why I got up from the tent and did it, but in a lot of ways it was almost a natural reaction to try and avoid death. Moreover it was pride. I had not planned on suiciding in the woods by freezing to death. When I go, it will be at a place and time of my choosing in a manner of my choosing, provided I don't die in a car accident or something.

It was also comforting in many ways feeling death that close. Part of me was scared, but I never felt panic. It was calming in a lot of ways to know the surety and peace of death was that close. It was freezing fucking cold of course and I hadn't worn or brought enough gear, so I was shivering like mad and may had even been a little hypothermic already, but I absolutely felt death's presence in those woods - no question.

To the older people on this board, how do I not let life pass me by.

My biggest fear of all time is looking back and realizing I did't do shit in my youth.

You are just a pussy who refuses to accept himself because he is afraid what others will think. 'Boo Hoo my dad has high expectations, so I work hard to try and live up to them but still fall short, if only he would pat me on the head and say good dog'

My family has all the same expectations of me, but you don't see me living up to normalfag's 2.5 kids and a dog standard.

You talk shit about having too much pride to be a NEET? You sound like you are trying so hard to be mommy and daddies good boy, I don't really see pride in that.

At least a NEET who does nothing but hobbies all the time has the pride to be honest with himself and the world, you are just a phony and a liar who looks down on people who have the freedom he craves but is too much of a coward to reach out and seize, no wonder you want to kill yourself.

It's pretty difficult for OP to even achieve a hard on

Take it easy on the pronoun juggling user, your grammatical awkwardness makes my asshole pucker

NEETdom is like the polar opposite. If being completely (or near completely) self-made and self-sustaining is one side, NEETdom is the other wherein you're entirely dependent upon the charity of others or government benefits.

You are correct the NEET has freedoms. Don't misunderstand though - I've always considered just dropping everything and walking away. Especially with how fatalistic seriously considering suicide will make you, why not just say fuck it and go do what you want, right?

I could walk away from everything and just try. And if I fail, I was going to kill myself anyways right? So why not fail spectacularly?

But how much suffering is that going to inflict on some of the only people who have ever cared whether I lived or died? At this rate, the only person showing to my fucking funeral besides them is gonna be the fucking coroner. Do I really want to hurt these people? For fuck's sake, they're the only people who have ever even begun to even try and reciprocate love to me.

And I'm grateful for that much. God, you can read dozens of stories here about people's parents abusing the fuck out of them. While mine are far from perfect, at least they have tried. And my brother too.

At what price freedom? I'd pay a whole lot. But if I force them to pay for it too? I'd be more worthless scum than I already am…

have you tried talking to your parents and brother? they should be a support system, not people who judge you and make you feel miserable.

My father doesn't believe mental illness (depression) exists.

My mother is an ultra-devout Christian (and I've long since fallen out of the church and been Agnostic) who demands I return to God.

My brother, when I had a proverbial gun in my mouth and I tried talking to him about it, stared me straight in the eye and told me, "I wash my hands of you."

Sooooo yeah! Great folks most of the time, I promise ;_;

You will never find happiness in pleasing others, the only one who can make you happy is you, the only one who can find the things you enjoy is you, you have the power to get better or end it all, you just have to choose, but you should choose soon because staying how you are sounds like a living hell.

oh man :(((

that is bad luck m8. you have your problems too. with that kind of family. you really can't say you couldn't fail in life. with people like that which you can't please. my family is kinda the same, not so hardcore, but pretty narrow minded.

at best they tolerate me, but understand? no.

even after me spending hours explaining how I am, they assume the stupidest shit.

it's time for you to find out what you really want.
stop thinking about your age. just go for it. become immune to their way of thinking and their judgement. that's what I did. I put my email in the thing here, I'm the one writing all the big replies to you btw, if you wanna write me sometimes it would be nice, I am curious to see more about your story.

27 years old here.

Find one thing you're good/decent at that you enjoy/don't mind doing. Music, painting, writing, dancing, carpentry… juggling, pen drumming, whatever. Pour 100% of your free time into it until you are the best at it.

Get exercise. Lots of it. As much as possible. Push yourself as hard as you can.

Do things for other people. Donating money is unfulfilling, but giving time/guidance/labor to those who need it is immensely satisfying. I really enjoy helping elderly people in my town with things like yard work and general home repairs.

Any sort of physical labor is satisfying. When you DO or ACCOMPLISH or CREATE anything with your own two hands, you have a purpose.

Also…

Surviving is too easy these days. We don't enjoy life because we don't have to work at it and we take it for granted. You need to challenge yourself in other ways in order to feel any sense of accomplishment or joy.

Whenever I start to feel down, I go camping for a couple days… just me, a tent, and a few basic supplies. I turn off my phone, build a fire, hunt/fish, and my brain quickly reprograms itself to primitive mode. You don't have to do this, but you do need to challenge yourself somehow.

hunt/fish.
I'm a vegan. :|

I don't get it, do you guys really not feel sorry for the animals? I honestly don't understand that, and don't give me that macho shit, I was picking fights with kids twice my size when I was 8.

going vegan 5 years ago made me a better person and I feel a lot healthier, it's hard to explain, my body just felt clogged up before.

btw the "I'm a vegan :|" was a joke. not the vegan part, just the delivery.

I want to stay up all night but I have to work in the morning.

I don't like sleep. All I need is drugs, internet and food and I can stay awake forever.

I suddenly immediately hate you. Not because you're vegan, but because you're SO VEGAN that you made an entire post about one tiny part of my two posts of advice.

I hope your vegan diet helps end your depression :)

I know he's not actually going to kill himself.

I'm so depressed. I need money so bad but my work is really slow right now and I don't know what to do. Im trying to look for another job but I feel so embarrassed doing so. I dunno why, it just feels really awkward. I still have to do it though

the reason I need more money is this girl I'm dating is losing her place to live at the end of the year, and I want her to move in with me rather than move back to florida. but I just can't afford her right now no matter how I slice it. right now I'm renting out a room, and I need a bigger place.

everyone close and precious to me have always been abruptly taken from me. family, friends, and lovers, died, moved away, and left with me without warning. I finally have a chance to fight for someone I really care about but I don't think I can win this fight. I feel like I'm giving up before I even start but this situation has played out so many times before just with different people and different titles(aforesaid "friends, family"). I feel so helpless, I only have 2 months to get a new job and more money or else this girl will leave my life forever. she might leave my life anyway for other reasons idk. I just feel like this girl is one of the only people who didn't know my at least 50% of my life/past and wasn't utterly repulsed by it.

I was wondering why people eat meat way before I went vegan, I was just too lazy to find alternatives, I knew they existed, just too lazy…

I swear if you people weren't so caught up in your low self-esteem you'd realize this whole veganism thing isn't about your feelings or mine.

.

I'm a huge proponent of the raw vegan diet because of the incredible results it has on health, energy, and quality of life. Anyone even vaguely familiar with how humans are anatomically designed should understand that we're wholly designed to digest plant matter exclusively. Even the results of a cooked vegan diet are undeniably optimal for health as compared to a diet of animal products and processed food

With that said, no I don't feel sorry for the animals. Call it desensitization to the world's evils and horrors working synergistically with rational self-interest

Pick one

-4/8

That's all well and good, but your assumption that we don't care about animals is fucked. What if I eat only humanely-raised meat or animals that I've hunted and killed myself?

What's your problem with hunting? Would you rather a deer be hit by a car, be eaten alive by a natural predator, or die instantly and painlessly by a bullet so I can eat it? What about in cultures where people do not have access to an abundance of plant-based protein? Is it wrong for them to hunt, or should they and their families starve? Furthermore, is it wrong for wolves to tear their prey apart while they're still alive? Do humans have a responsibility as enlightened beings to NOT kill for food?

Not who you're responding to, answering anyways

Morally suboptimal

Not necessarily. The most moral system is the one that minimizes pain and maximizes pleasure as a whole system. All animals in nature die horribly and gruesomely, therefore I think it's morally superior to hunt and kill mature animals

Humanely-raised is moral. Giving those animals an enjoyable life is even more moral. The way that hunted animals should be handled is that only mature animals should be hunted

That is plenty of time to make a decent amount of money. Go to Craigslist and look at the Gigs section, and you're nearly guaranteed to find some menial task that will make you a quick $50 TOMORROW. Do this until you get the second job.

Also, I almost guarantee that your depression is caused by doing NOTHING during your free time. You need to go do things that you enjoy, or even better, things that challenge you.

Holy fuck that's the coolest webm Ive ever seen, ty. It may sound weird, but I identify with Yume Nikki in a personal way. I think of her as my feminine form

I have hobbies, actually pretty useful/productive hobbies. it's just the lack of work is really depressing. my bills are piling up and my goal of moving to a bigger place is moving further and further away

it doesn't help that I've been in really bad relationships before so I'm super paranoid of everything this girl says. like she might say one inocuous comment and I suddenly think she doesn't like me any more or is just using me for my money etc. I haven't bought her anything yet(like gifts, we even go half on meals) so I know that idea has no ground, yet it still plagues my thoughts.

when the fuck did I assume you don't care?
I fucking asked if you do or don't.

all your arguments are just annoying. who are you to play god ?
can we hunt and eat retarded people too ? they have no value other than being studied to prevent their diseases, but there's more than enough for that. plenty are dumber than animals. is it morally right to kill them painlessly and eat them/feed them to our pets?

when you kill that deer, you might cause her predator to starve to, is that right? that predator might have babies so you end up killing their whole family.

only way I see hunting would be right is to kill it the moment it got caught by the predator, not during the chase. and then let the predator eat it. this way you reduce their pain to zero and the ecosystem doesn't suffer.

or you could eat it and feed the predator vegan food with supplements, namely vitamin D, which humans get from the sun, since we're herbivores, but carnivores get it from meat.

If you hunt deer to fucking extinction yes, otherwise no, the predator isn't gonna starve

That's not how an unbiased, unassuming person asks "do you feel sorry for the animals?"

To answer the question, though, yes I feel sorry for certain animals. Specifically, those bred in captivity for the sole purpose of feeding us.

Also, if you'll notice, I didn't make a single argument in

I just asked you a bunch of questions so I could better understand your motivations.

Certainly you can't be serious. If hunting and killing animals is playing god, then I for one accept our new wolfgod overlords. OHH, wait, you're referring to the argument that I didn't make which you assume is "it's better for me to kill it than to allow it to die a painful death in nature." Well then yes, consider me god. Something's gonna kill that fucking deer, whether it's a bullet, a car, an open wound that gets infected, or a wolf tearing it apart alive. Are all these things "playing god?"

Holy shit you make me angry.

Oh, and I meant to ask you: where do you get your protein? I'm legitimately curious. My girlfriend is vegan and she can barely get enough.

From what she tells me, you have to get things like "soy protein isolate" in order to get enough. Makes me wonder how humans could've ever been herbivores.

I get mine from soy lasagna and tofu+peanuts combo.

you can just google vegan protein sources and check the back of food wrappings where you can see calories/protein/sugars etc.

my aunt, who's a doctor, said I shouldn't be a vegan because she gets a lot of sick women at the hospital who get there malnourished from a vegan diet, because for them VEGAN = eat 2 apples and 3 bananas a day.

so basically people are fucking stupid and everything they touch turns to shit, veganism is harder to get into.

there's no point arguing with you

CTR stop you defeatistic shit and dysnomia ban those fucking twts.