Hey, user. Can I borroow your phone for a minute? I need to check my gmail

Hey, user. Can I borroow your phone for a minute? I need to check my gmail.

I've had male friends ask me this, and they're always the ones that have broken phone screens and massive chips in the plastic. I hate people who cant take good care of their stuff.

Only if you're communicating with fellow gmail users. I cannot ethically be responsible for enabling you to be a tool for Google to violate non-users' privacy by scraping their mails without consent.

If I let you touch my phone while it's unlocked, it violates the integrity of my PGP private key and I'll have to issue a revocation then redistribute a new key to everybody I maintain contact with.

Sorry.

I know you really just want to check out my dick pics, so how about I just show you the real thing?

You know, if you said it in a sarcastic and joking enough tone, and people already knew you as that kind of character, they'd probably leave you alone after this approach.

yeah ok

is this really as much of a problem as it sounds? doesn't keybase or something like it check for revoked keys before you use them?

The only guy ITT who gets it.

do you actually have a keylogger installed on your own phone for just this situation or would you actually spend 10 minutes googling keyloggers until she tells you to forget it?

go back to /r9k/

Fuck off reddit

sorry I don't have a phone

I use replicant and I won't let you corrupt my computer/phone with some non-libre spying services.

Sure thing, i have a dedicated reusable normie-mode that can be reset after every use.

There's no wi-fi here.

Of course it makes sense only with the first option.
Fortunately it's easy to do, just use custom keyboard with your own code injections, gagagaga,

Hey sweety, no problem! Oh let me just call my friend before, I forgot…
*taking out a banana, leaning it to my ear and pretending I talk to a friend*
— Oh yeah, I'm using a bananaphone! *at this time I make a scary face*

...

kys

Stop shitting up this board with your dorito-breathed r/9/kuck tier beta-male faggotry and go talk to an actual girl.