ITT: we write a missing hiker's found journal

Day 10: I wish I hadn't wasted so much energy jerking-off to loli fantasies yesterday… I can hardly walk upright today, let alone the loss of fuilds… feeling dehydrated… eyes blurry… rabbit skins are beginning to reek as well

Day 11: Colita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Co-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Co. Lee. Ta. She was Co, plain Co, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one loincloth. She was Cola in the nude. She was Colly afterward. She was Colores on the dotted line, I assume. But in my arms she was always Colita. Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Colita at all had I not masterbated, one day previous, to meaningless fantasies. In the jungle on my own.
But there was nothing real until today, when she came out of the forest bearing fruit in return for meat.

Day 12: I found a pile of sticks near my campsite, and it reminded me of OP. Ever since I questioned my own sexualality, I thought "what would OP do??" and started lubing up a stick with tree sap, sweat from OP's mom, and semen. I grabbed the stick and shoved it up my asshole, and bled all over the stick. But that didn't stop me, I smeared the blood all over my face and continued fucking my asshole with the stick until I came on what I thought was OP's mom, but actually a wild cow. I saw what I thought was The Amazing Atheist only to realize it was just a giant beachball. I drank my bloody asshole semen and fell asleep.

Day 13: MOAR BERRIES

MOAR TRIP!!!!!!!!11111111

Day 14: I think the stream I drank from has contaminated water. I can't stop shitting. I'm shitting while I write this even. Kill the Jews.

Day 15:

I hold within my hand
Berries of golden sand —
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep — while I weep!
O God! Can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
Them from the pitiless wave?
Dearest Colita- real or fake?
Visions scattered in a lake!
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Day 16:

Benis

day 15: still haven't stopped shitting. Must've come down with dysentery.
I think my shit's polluting the water to the point that fish are dying. More food for me!

Day 18: No more berries. No more distractions. I have to get out of here. Pick a direction and follow it. It can't be too hard.

Day 20: with lack of human companionship I find myself masturbating by using my own feces as lubricant to stroke my dick while watching the bears hump trees

Day 21: It is finished

Day 22: I sware I saw that boulder an hour ago. I'm going in circles somehow, living off of fish from river that died of poison shit. God, I miss 4chan, I loved going on /x/ every day, I loved all of those skinwalker stories. Wait, shit, what was that noise I heard from the corner of my eye?

Day 23:
Bunch of smelly tribesmen clothed in rags and shit attacked me while I was shitting my guts out. I managed to defend myself by showing them street magic tricks to fool them into thinking I was a powerful totemic creature, by waving a large stick around and shouting. They left soon after this and dropped some things as they ran, fresh meat among these, but only god knows if those savages don't eat humans. I feel troubled.

Day 24: things are so much better ever since I went on no fap a few days ago. I feel strong. Fast. Liquid.

Day 25: My penis is now all blue and numb, probably got too infected from me using shit as lube, I must chop my own dick off now to survive

Day 26:

My asshole still hurts, and I am hungry. I think I'll eat the red stick…

Day 26: after chopping my penis off I have decided to change my name to Veronica and live the rest of my life as a female. I have cooked my penis and ate it. It tasted good

Day 27: Score!!!

I saw a lonely little loli outside. I knocked her out and put her in my bag.

Day 28:
I am harvesting the lolis piss. The piss contains hormones, I will drink loli piss to help me complete my hormone treatment as I transition to Veronica

Day 28:

“It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight.”

I will name her Colita
She will be my jungle princess
And, we will be best friends

Day 30: I can feel my breasts starting to grow already from drinking gallons of Colitas piss

Day 29:

My queen's piss tastes not at all like piss

Day 31:
I'm a little mixed up

Day 67: I am starting to feel dizzy from all these hormone changes, I do not know the date of this journo entry and am fucking up all over

Day 32: I am starting to feel normal again

Day 33: I suddenly feel a strange tingling sensation and realize that I have grown a vagina. My transformation is finally complete.

Day 34: ALL GLORY TO MOONMAN! HEIL FUCKING HITLER.

Day 35: I have sacrificed Colita in a stanic ritual, hoping to summon Moonman to save me

Day 36: I'm going to kill myself

Day 36:
I had fucked her every way she could be fucked. Often beat her. Stolen her piss.
But still, I think she liked me. She was a funny little girl. Funny little life we live.
Human life is but a series of footnotes to a vast obscure unfinished masterpiece.
Colita's masterpiece, to be sure, finished prematurely. But we loved with a love that was more than love, and such love, I think, must end with death. Or a terrible dying with is worse than death.
She died, I loved her, I love her. I will remember her.

Day 36: I shoved the ash remains of the princess up my vagina. It tickled.

When I queefed her back out, I ate them. Tastes like chicken!

Then, in a silvery aura, MOONMAN showed up.

Day 37: What have I done

Day 38: Forgive me father for I have sinned

Day 40: Moonman is contemplating killing me for being a degenerate tranny piece of shit. I must convince him otherwise

Day 41: I have found nothing in the woods after the death of my loved one, excepy for a used clitoris enlarger and two happy meal toys.

Day 42: Moonman has decided to spare me; but I must come with him to a nearby African tribal camp site to murder them all in the name of the white race

Day 45: All the niggers are dead; as a reward, moonman unleashed his gigantic moon dick and thrusted it into my newfound mangina

Day 46: Something is bad inside like I drunk too much salty milk in my belly

Day 50: I have discovered I am now pregnant. But this is no ordinary pregnancy…

Day 51:
I gave birth to a bear. I am a dolphin.

Day 52: fuck it's growing fast i might die tonight. moonman says this has happened before and they usually live 50% of the time

Day 52: Something bursts out of my stomach like an alien, it is none other than Ben "50 more gays" Garrison. I am lying on the floor bleeding

Day 53: Praise Kek! Moonman and based Ben are feeding me redpills non stop. They also get on well together
#MAGA

Day 55: The redpills have cured me: I am no longer a tranny and my stomach is mended! But I now am bitterly cynical for having shown how shitty the world really is…

Day 56: It turns out one of the redpills wasnt really what i expected. Im having second thoughts.

Day 60: Moonman says I must climb to the top of the tall mountain in the distance; he says I am "ready" I do not yet know what this means

Day 70: I have reached the snowy peak; an ancient shrine covered in runic is at the top. It was made by the ancient Aryan race

Day 71: I look up at the aurora borealis. I figure appears; it is Kek, "Real Human Bean" is playing in the background; He turns around and extends his anus; I am showered in Keks shit. I die drowning in his pepepoopoo. The end

Day 72: This terrible hunger is stripping me of my sanity. I thought I had truly died yesterday. If only it were true. Oh how I long for the sweet embrace of death.

Day 74: I wake up to a splash of water on my face. It would seem tied on a stone pillar. I wonder how my journal updates itself.

Day 74: OP woke me up, and then led me to Kek. By the blessings of Kek I have left behind any desire for food. I am free from desire, and may do anything I please in this life. With my power, I have taken my destiny back. Onwards to the stars and memes.

What is that? I see something sparkling beyond the trees in the early light of dawn. I approach and see golden domes and towers, and an archway. Why, it is the tomb of the Emperor Tamerlane! I thought his tomb was in Samarkand, have I really wandered this far? I must enter the tomb, it will provide me with shelter, weapons, and
treasure to help me find my way home. But I remember that the Tomb is cursed. Who knows what will happen if it's long slumber is violated.
I see the insription above the door: "When I rise from the dead, the world shall tremble."
What shall I do? If I open the tomb will I find riches beyond my wildest dreams, or instead unleash some terrible catastrophe?
What will happen?

Day 76:

I have made it to a land full of white and occasionally black people. I think I will engage with the blacks in their rather ambitious attempt to swipe the ownership of this land from the whites.

brb just found some black on white porn on 'the hub'. Glad it isn't the other way round because that would be racist. And rape!

Day 77: fucking a sheboon, now have fast acting AIDs. This is a heck of a way to go. The chief nigger says I need to fuck virgin pussy to cure my AIDs. I haven't decided yet whether it's worth the hassle.

Day 78: My hallucinations are getting more overwhelmingly real… this morning, I swear I was going to vote for Tump… I am ashamed

Day 79:
The left is for the most part made up of liberal intellectuals whose weapons have been mockery allied to sentimental guilt about their prosperous and comfortable lives, and whose aim has been to liberate themselves from personally irksome moral constraints, without regard to the consequences for those less favourably placed in society.
Do not let them get away with it.

JOURNAL MISTERIOUSLY ENDS

Day 80: Sorry about that. I get pretentious as fuck when I'm starving to death.

Day 81: DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESUUU

Day 82:
Dying of AIDs induced pneumonia
My tongue tastes like mushrooms and diarrhea
And ah, I weep, for myself and Collita
Cruelly I killed you, but soon will see ya!

Day 84
I slept 48 hours straight and forgot how to move my limbs.
It took roughly an hour to use the hand to write this down.

I have decided to start putting the timestamp of these entrees in the subject field. I will follow this without fault, as it is only more logical.

Day 86
I changed my mind
It looks dumb as fuck, now that I look at it again

Day 87:
My whole body is numb, I am dehydrated, covered in rashes, hallucinating almost everything I see, and am without a dick and a hand. I want to die, but is that a skinwalker I see? I'm gonna shove my stumpy arm up its ass

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY COLITA

I have changed my mind again. Boy was I being a whiny faggot a couple days ago. good thing I've snapped out of it,

Wait a minute something isn't right

I heard a voice talking to me today. I do not know who this voice is, but they had a soft feminine voice. They told me where to go for food, and how to survive. Unfortunately, they seem to have disappeared. I do not know what to make of this.

DAY 91

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Fever is terrible
Shit water and blood
Sweat
Hungry but can't swallow, vomit most things up

I tried to walk from the village, but they stopped me, brought me back.
Every girl I see reminds me of Colita, whom I murdered.
I will die and see Colita in heaven

I fear that time i somehow reversing itself

My whole body is numb, I am dehydrated, covered in rashes, hallucinating almost everything I see, and am without a dick and a hand. I want to die, but is that a skinwalker I see? I'm gonna shove my stumpy arm up its ass

Day 94:
shitter

my fever is getting worse and my perception of time is fading.

I decided to take a quick trip to the bathroom after hearing of Colita to throw up again, that is when I discover a particular amulet near the shitter, what could it be?

I thought I killed Colita, who is this stranger. I couldn't interrogate her identity because I am hobbled over in crippling pain but i will make the effort tomorrow.

Day 95
I finally got my book back
Some asshole had written in it every day, the last couple of days.
He had some faggy thing with putting the day count in the "subject field".

day 96

with journal in hand, I headed west, as to what's there is beyond me, I just want to know how to get more lolis on my dick.

Day 97Day 97Day 97Day 97Day 97

Colita waits up in some sky
Watching me go; I hear her cry
'I know, my love, your cruel mistake
I taste your tears, I hear your pain.
You killed me in a dream, so wake-
Love and laughter come again.

All we ever do or sense
Is but the fault of consequence
You murdered me; it was your luck.
Die and wake, and then we'll fuck.
Here is sun the shade of honey;
Here are beds of warmest linen;
Tell me, with no beds or cunny
Would it still be heaven?
Pray die somehow- I'm not fussy
Die and come and fuck me.

Day 99
that same 5'4 dwarf came and swiped my journal and started writing about some bitch named Colita in my journal, fuck that nigger

Current Status: No lolis in the immediate area, but forests aren't always the best Loli hunting zones, I feel my dick throbbing but without an underage child to release into, hell, I'll even go for a shota at this point.

Day 100:
Don't know whom I am any more.
Woke up beside a naked girl.
Forest was silent, except for her gentle snoring and the whispered word 'Colita'- this I whispered. She turned around, saw me, half smiled. Wasn't her.
Immediately I told her to leave; she seemed surprised. I almost got violent, but she went darting off user and I relented.
God, how did this happen? Am I two people at once?
I didn't want this. I only love one girl. Only COULD love one girl.

Day 101:
On prowl. No cunny sighted. Sigh!

…I found a sleeping, female, deer though. To tap, or not to tap?

still day 101 btw
should probably do something as for getting through 100 days out here

I found a time machine. I think about going back to Day 1.

Day 101-cont.

I decided the best way to fuck a doe is to strangle it like a hoe, poetic really, though I wish she would have resisted it more in the end.

she's definitely no Loli or Shota but she makes due.

Day 103:
What the fuck am I doing with my life?
I raped and killed a child, raped and killed a deer, and I'm dying of AIDs. I also hear voices and probably schizophrenic.
Really I should fucking kill myself.
This should be the last thing I ever write

I can't believe I just did that.
For the last couple of hours I have just been lying on the ground, disgusted by myself to the point, that I can't even move.
I should not have done that.

I'm going to use the time machine. Maybe if I travel to the past I can not do such disgusting things. I don't know how to use it, though.

fug, this doesn't seem right

Day 169

The voices in my head are all faggots. Especially you. Yes you,you fucking nigger.

JOURNAL MISTERIOUSLY ENDS

get out underage

new thread when

Day 108

I keep hearing shit now when I lay down to sleep, maybe that dead deer I fucked is trying to get back at me?

Everytime I sleep, all I hear is shouting and chanting, something like: Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. Everytime I dream of this I become hornier.

Day 109

There is something at work in my soul which I do not understand. I am practically industrious painstaking, a workman to execute with perseverance and labor but besides this there is a love for the marvelous, a belief in the marvelous, intertwined in all my projects, which hurries me out of the common pathways of men, even to the wild sea and unvisited regions I am about to explore.

Day 110

The chanting has become even louder and much more noticeable. My sexual urges are near uncontrollable by this point.

I must rape something. Lest I lose my sanity. The voices, the chanting.

They tell me to strangle a child, tie it to a tree and have a labrador fuck it from behind. But where will I find these two?

Day 111

Peenus weenus :D

day 112:

I just now found a slithery little snake slithering in my path, my lustful thoughts are overtaking me again once I saw its cloaca

the screaming in my head tells me there's no point in not fucking it, but there is a little whisper, my morality, telling me it's a fucking snake.

wat do journal?

…….

day 112: cont.

as when my journal wrote dots by itself, or atleast that's what appears to be as a mad man, I decided it was time to wet my dick in some slithering succulent snek

You are really bad at this OP.

Day 113: Remembered that I have no dick, so cannot fuck snakes. What the fuck is happening?
Tried to tongue it a bit however it bit me and slithered away.
This might actually be the end; my whole thigh has changed a weird purple colour which colour is rapidly marching outward.
Ears are pounding with the resounding fever of a drum

Day 114: Come to the realization that I actually died on Day 5, and since then I have existed in purgatory

Day 115: Eating random berries and mushrooms for nourishment was a terrible idea. Woke up naked covered in tribal designs drawn with my own feces.

Day 115: I can't be in purgatory and still be writing in my journal. It was just a metaphor.

I'm just imagining OP writing all these down one after another himself.

Day 0: the time machine worked

I think I see a dead nigger

Day 1: The jungle is hot. I am naked. I have found a town of dark-skinned naked tribes-people, from distant history. They have adopted me with only a little distrust.
I am teaching them language.
PS I am running out paper. Have to decide where to leave this journal so it gets found

Day 2: I wondered if rushing the development of an early civilization is going to have consequences that could potentially endanger my existence. Not that I can afford to care much, becoming a hermit in the stone age sounds nearly as dangerous.
This evening the chieftain approached me and it seems like he wants me to marry his daughter, they probably think I'm a god. My answer ended up being lost in translation, which gives me a bit more time to mull it over. Might wanna hit that phat nig booty tho.

Day 120
same 5'4 dwarf for the last few days has been fucking with my Infinite-Journal talking about Time-Travel, fuck that nigger seriously.

Anyway, I see a scary black man not too far away from where I'm at, I'm going to investigate

there are a few niggers in this thread that are trying to put some kind of story together for the poor bastard.

Day ???: I am losing supplies in my pack. Not only have I gone back in time into fucknowswhereville with no more Twinkies in my bag, I keep getting constant and spontaneous boners from groove shaped logs. Did I time travel? What the fuck happened? Being away with no human contact has gotten me delirious as hell. Still no food, water, or lolis in sight. There is nothing but mimosa hostilis trees around me, and the last time I checked my bag, I only had duct tape, a vape, dextroamphetamine cough syrup, and bengay's. It's getting cold and I have a cough. What time is it? What year is it? Who am I and what is my name? Fuck, I sure miss being at home shitposting and fapping all day long.

Day ???: Schizophrenia is back and sickness is getting worse. I have to remember exactly WHOM I am . For real.
My name is Herman Scitanigger I am 69 years old. Some time ago I went hiking in the mountains with my granddaughter, Schita. I went missing.
Tired, hungry, thirsty, and without my meds and with access to potent mind-altering berries, I became confused and chopped off my penis.
It's possible I murdered some lost little girl, I'm not sure.
It's also possible I might have been fucked in the ass by somebody, and maybe attacked a group of negroes out here and got bit by a snake.
What's real though is that I'm running out of paper and this is the last page.
I also don't have any vague idea any longer where I am.
I'm going to leave this journal beside this tree and walk away. Either I die out here or find my way to civilisation.
Whatever happens, I've had something of an adventure out here and I realise not everybody has that, especially old insignificant men like me.
Whomever find this make sure it get back to my family in Austria news of what happened God Bless

Day ???: My cough started getting worse and worse. To my surprise, I've never cut my penis off and I just had a bad trip from the berries. As a matter of fact, this entire trip was a trip. Was MOONMAN really there? Should I really go to the elderly nursing home? Fuck it, I can't breathe, I think I might take some cough syrup. As a matter of fact, I'll guzzle down two entire bottles, I've never had anything to drink for 2 days and this shit tastes kinda good.

Day ??? Cumming into the time machine has seems to caused a few problems. One second I'm looking at Hitler's cock. The next Im staring at Dino Dong. Maybe if I shit in the random photon energy converter things will get back on track.

Day ???: I just build an entire airplane out of toothpicks and bull nigger POZZ. I'm dropping fried chicken and bull semen out of the exhaust out onto OP's mom as I fly to URANUS in my phallic aircraft. Adolf Hitler and Monoman are my passengers. NIGGERS

I'm considering this as the real end and these posts

And beyond as trolling, not canon

DONG EXPANDED
O
N
G

E
X
P
A
N
D
E
D

Stardate 54216.5: the crew still doesn't realize that I'm the bear…

Year 69696969696969: I AM IMMORTAL
I AM THE UNIVERSE
MY DONG IS THE UNIVERSE
MY SEAMON IS THE MILKYWAY
EVERYONE IS JUST MY SEAMON

Everything here is canon, Satan

Shame your post isn't canon so it doesn't matter what you say

Day 121
I really am unsure what day this is, or if this is even part of the canon
Maybe I shouldn't have dropped out of school when I was 6,
so I could fucking count a little better

Day 122: What the fuck was in that cough syrup? I had one helluva fucking night. First I flew in an airplane of toothpicks, then I became God and ejaculated the milkyway. Then I was writing in my journal as if I was shitposting about my entire journey. I even argued about what posts were canon. I sure do miss home, dammit.

Day 123: OH SHIT NIGGER

BILL COSBY WAS JUST STANDING RIGHT IN THR MIDDLE OF THE CORNFIELD. "NOT THIS TIME, MOTHERFUCKER" I SAID, BUT IT WAS TOO LATE. HE CAME UP TO ME, OFFERED ME WEED, AND LEFT. NOW MY FACE HAS BULL NIGGER POZZ ON IT. I WILL NOW MAKE A ROPE OUT OF MY HENTAI BOOKS AND HANG MYSELF.

Day 124:
Went over to Wendy and we drove to IKEA to get pillows.
The meatballs at IKEA are not very good, but at least they are cheap.
Afterwards we met up with Gregg and went to Taco Bell to get something to eat, but they didn't have Baha Blast.
They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast, They didn't have Baha Blast They didn't have Baha B

Day 124:

When things get back on track, I think I'll torture my neighbour by locking him in a basement, spiking him with acid, turning out the lights and beat the shit out of him at various intervals. Maybe I'll put on some annoying song and loop the hell out of it while I bite his face until it bleeds.

Thas rite, thas wat amma do

Day 1
found a journal in the woods and man is it fucked up. i just came out here to take a piss (ever since the court order i can't piss within 4 miles of civilization) and now im jerking off to some probably fictional girl named Colita

Day 2

Anyway I don't know whether the fuck this journal is true or not but I will probably bring it to some publisher and see what he wants to do with it

Found manuscripts are usually quite a popular genre, especially when they can be verified that they really are found manuscripts

Maybe I will become rich!

Day 3: I'm being eaten by a zombie as I write this. A Nigger Zombie.

Day 1: Braaaaaaaaaains and watermelon.