"user, why do you have vegetable oil in YOUR ROOM?"

How do you respond?

Kek, why the fuck have you vegetable oil in your room?

Fuck you mom haven't you ever cooked anything in your room before?

No, you must be some fat shit user

Don't tell me you fap with dry hands

Haven't you heard of lotion

"I'm about to cook the fuck outta dat ass." Preferably said to your mom.

Lotion is good if you want to keep it clean because it just rubs into your skin. Oil is usually superior though

I don't have money for water-based lube.

LOL. Actually did that once, and stupidly tried to put it out with water. You can guess what happened next.