When was the last time you had sex, Holla Forums?

When was the last time you had sex, Holla Forums?

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youtube.com/watch?v=5NCHE1sGy80
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about 8 years

Literally never.

Did we ever find alien life? That is your answer

Yesterday

What's your mother's birthday again?

Today if masturbation counts.
I got laid about a week ago…with my wife :^(

How the fuck does one in the middle of USA pay for a prostitute because FUCK does it hurt my self esteem to be a virgin at fucking 23 like holy fucking horse SHIT

fuck a fat girl you know, its a far better introduction to the world of sex than a prostitute.

All hookers do is turn some men into serial killers, others it scars for life.

...

Also
thick babes are hot

How do prostitutes scar men fucking lel

Where does one meet a fatty down to fuck

well nigger bitches are always bottom tier.

Seriously, I need to find a way to have sex before I fucking literally lose my god damn mind every single fucking day every hour it's on my mind

Never, and I will never care to have.
The only thing I care about, is getting enough money to where I won't have to work.

dating websites, like plenty of fish. TONS of fatties who are desperate for a man, any man.
Fucking a fat bitch is hardly the worst thing to ever happen to you, guys do it all the time, even good looking ones.

God I love them thick

They are really that FAT, man

A naive virgin has this fantasy about how sex is, but a hooker is all business, its cold, distant and mechanical. if you can't get it up she berates you, if you take too long she pushes you away and screams times up.
You end up crushed and hating women because you stupidly decided to pay for sex.

A fat girl will give you the intimacy you need, she will suck your dick like its made of chocolate and she most likely will let you fuck her in the ass as long as you pay for dinner.
You might end up being a chubby chaser then you are open to a whole world of chicks to fuck for the rest of your life.

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Why do people like tits more than booty?

my GF has both. She's trying to lose weight though, I agree she's way past chubby.

Backpage.com
Click under escorts.
Don't be a bitch,do it.
I do once a month.
Find a slut that does incall and go meet her.
I found this chick I went to school with on backpage.
I blackmailed her into free sex a few times.

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shutup elwin

thats a prostitute
and last night

Oh shit nigga moar details

...

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Maybe two weeks ago? Sex is overrated anyway, it's the intimacy that matters. If you just want to get off, get a fleshlight, or if you're cheap, get a tenga egg.

never.

www82.zippyshare.com/v/2ZBx9NKI/file.html
www62.zippyshare.com/v/ZPGNQGJB/file.html
dropjiffy.com/f/7LQPLKE1
dropjiffy.com/f/12NEQOCJ
lqa9dxsifiav

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(wasted)
gtfo

yesterday
also I have no clue what this webm is so enjoy

I ain't clickin that shit, nigga!

fucking any place. dating websites are probably good, but ive never used em. Just go to a bar, find a quasi cute fatty/chubby. Order her a drink and just ask questions about her.

"What do you do? oh that sounds challenging/interesting"

Then order plate of fries because bitches loves fries.

50/50 she makes the first move but if not ask her if she wants to see a movie at your place. Then let her make the first move. Follow her lead. Depending on the chick you could tell her its your first time and she might take charge and take it slow for you.

HOWEVER. Don't fall for this girl. You might be inclined to because its your first time. But, no matter what she says or does, do not see her again or talk to her again. PERIOD NIGGER.

SOURCE: I used to fuck fat/chubby girls all the time way back when because they were easy, will do anything in the sack, work hard at being good in bed, and I am obsessed with tig ol biddies

Two days ago, pic directly related to the results

It is strange that girls with the best bodies (I mean chubby and fat ones) are the easiest.

one hour ago

thanks user so ramdom its good

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Two weeks ago, my girlfriend came over and we fucked six times in the space of 48 hours.

Shame she lives so far away, but it's probably a good thing. If we actually lived together I'd probably never want to get out of bed.

22 years ago

never

kek, this does not count

slithering out of mom's pussy doesn't count as having sex.

shit thread, be more original next time

put dick briefly in wife while the coffee brewed this a.m.
close thing for a blowjob from colleague a/w, but failed. 2morrow maybe.

April 2008

...

This morning

OP here, I had sex last friday night and saturday morning, 3 times total. She lives 50 miles away otherwise I'd fuck her every day including holidays.

Sure buddy…

this,
i dry humped, and came in my ex's mouth ONCE
that's it.
and that's all it will ever be becuase i give up

How do you know it's not a trap?

And trap I mean a cop

What are you, 16?

she was

Well…thats admirable! Don't give up bro.

I don't get why people put so much value on something as insignificant and vapid as sex.

I LITERALLY CRAVE FEMALE ATTENTION. I HAVE BEEN LONELY FOR SO LONG THAT I COULD GO WITH CUDDLING A GIRL AND I WOULD BE HAPPY.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE EVEN FUCKING BEEN THROUGH IN THE LAST TWO MONTHS?

THERE WAS A 9/10 CUTE BLONDE BLUE EYED NEW GIRL AT WORK WHO ASKED ANOTHER GIRL ABOUT ME AND WANTED HER HELP TO GET TO KNOW ME. THE GIRL TOLD ME THE NEW GIRL LIKED ME, THEN I ASKED FOR THE NEW GIRLS PHONE NUMBER. DAYS PASSED, AND SINCE I SHOWED INTEREST IN THE GIRL, SHE WAS BECOMING NICER TO ME. KIND. SHOWING LOVE. SAYING AWW AND SAYING CERTAIN THINGS I DID WAS CUTE. SHE MADE ME FEEL HAPPY FOR THE FIRST TIME. WE STARTED TO HUG, WE STARTED TO EVEN FUCKING KISS. EVENTUALLY OUT OF THE FUCKING BLUE, SHE TOLD ME SHE WANTED TO TAKE THINGS SLOW…I SAID OK. WE WENT TO THE MOVIES. THE FIRST TIME I EVER FUCKING WENT TO THE MOVIES AND I FELT WARMTH AS SHE LEARNED ON ME. I FELT HAPPY FOR THE FIRST TIME. WE WENT OUT TO DINNER….I FELT HAPPY…TIME PASSED….AND EVENTUALLY SHE SAID SHE FEELS FOR ME AND CARES FOR ME BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE SHE WAS STILL RECOVERING FROM HER LAST RELATIONSHIP WHICH I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME SHE LOVES ME AND CARES FOR ME. EVENTUALLY I ASKED HER "WHAT ARE WE DOING?" BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO PROGRESS FROM JUST TALKING TO EACHOTHER AT WORK. I KEPT INVITING HER TO PLACES, AND THE HUGS AND KISSES GREW LESS…SHE TOLD ME SHE DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING MORE THAN FRIENDSHIP AND THAT ONE DAY WE MIGHT BE MORE THAN THAT….THEN SHE ASKED THE FIRST GIRL WHO SHE ASKED HELP TO HOOK UP WITH ME ON WHAT SHE THINKS OF THE GUY WHO WORKS AT PANERA BREAD NEXT DOOR….

MY FUCKING SOUL WAS CRUSHED. TO THIS FUCKING DAY, I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY SHE DOESN'T WANT TO PROGRESS IF EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY SHE STARES AT ME AND LAUGHS AT EVERYTHING I SAY AND SAYS SHE ENJOYS FLIRTING WITH ME BUT DOESN'T WANT TO BE ANYTHING MORE THAN COWORKERS. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

Yeah, but would you want to be a virgin?
I'm guessing the answer is no

Yeah the only thing that has kept the human race alive for 200,000 years.
Vidya and Anime has only been around for 40-50 years.

topkek you loser. Just keep repeating your mantra - I do not want sex, i do not want sex.

It will make you feel better about the fact nobody wants to fuck you.

Why you no hava seks?

few days ago, getting laid tomorrow :^)

im putting my chips on vidya and anime

You better start believing in the friend-zone. You're in it.

Daddy fucked me when I was 4. I haven't had sex since. I'm 29 now.

A month ago with my fat and disappointing (now) ex. My dick was too big for her and she was chanting "ow ow ow ow" the entire time.

I didn't even get to finish.

5 minutes ago.
pic very related

wew lad

do flesh lights count?
if so
like 20 mins ago

Why is the toilet paper on the bed?

to clean up the cum, how would you do that otherwise

\>>6173220
you better be white,

yeah I'm white, the fuck?

Finish in one of the three orficises a woman has. Or is that your sister u jerked off onto and had to clean up before she woke up?

both of those orifices it has to come back out of, you know that, right? if she stands up or even moves at all it'll drip out and I don't feel like changing the sheets every time I fuck her. so when we're done and I pull it out, we put a bit of toilet paper against it so she can go piss without it running down her fucking legs. am I seriously the only one that does this?

Yes. Are u implying she is not right enough to make the short trip to the bathroom without it leaking out. The girth of your wang impresses me.

a bit above 15cm circum. but does that really have to do with that she can't hold it in? she does acrogymnastics so her muscles should be well trained. I just think she's too afraid to try and drip it everywhere.

you must have white children

to secure the existence of the white race

Go away Holla Forums


Mabey it's the depth of your deposite. How long is your dick? Pick fully erect dated and time stamped next to a ruler plz. In order to get to the bottom of this I need complete honesty.

Grills with a sexlife have cum in their panties everyday. It can gush out unexpectedly hours later and waft pheromones that make them horny again.

not in a position to make a time stamp at this moment so this will have to do.

it's close to 19cm. not enormous but above average and a bit too long for her, I punt the cervix on the regular if I go balls deep in the wrong position. so my load is literally dumped against the cervix.

Well then I'm all out of ideas. Tell her to clench harder or nut inside her and wipe off any mess with the comforter and wash it once a week like a normal human-being then. Or you could just finish in the mouth.

I change it every sunday anyway, just don't feel like sleeping in my own cum.
and why should I, I don't care, the toilet paper is a good solution

an hour ago.

Holla Forumsro you're getting trolled here. Everyone whips with toilet paper or handkerchiefs.

last night , again
shes going to be pregnant soon

nice quads
also I like pixels.

because you are probably one of the few of us around here with unrestricted access to sex
these fools dont know that it has no value if you have no kids

condoms and bc pills are worse than anime if you're talking about reproduction

the numbers lad, check em

I dunno, I have sex on the daily. it's a measurement of "reproductive" success, or rather the possibility of being able to do it whenever you want.

it's normal to feel good about yourself if you can have intercourse with "worthy" females when you desire to do so.

its also kind of like spinning your wheels in the mud instead of reaching destinations and travelling more journeys

I don't get your point

what do you mean? whats the destination then? kids? marriage? are you retarded?

thats fine
leftists and hedonists all die childless deaths
my offspring inherit the future

HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH
implying you're white "master" race

I never said I'll be childless btw, I said that until I feel like settling down I don't see why I shouldn't fuck attractive girls that I don't necessarily would want kids with.

marriage is a trap and you're gonna fall for the conservativist bullshit

...

I'm a libertarian and I want kids, I have nothing to do with your fantasy.

the destination is countless descendants

are you restarted?

if they dont beget your kids then what is your purpose in fucking them?

im a pastafarian and i want kids and i have nothing to do with your fantasy

responds

I didn't say "dont get kids" I just don't feel like getting kids from the moment I started fucking. I would have and 8yr old child at age 22 like wtf. I fuck around with gf and the girls she picks and when we're financially stable we'll have 2-3 kids. easy. we already have names even.

I see you pasta well indeed

ayy kmao

then you realize you're too old to have kids and too tired to raise the few you have well
solid strategy lad

I'm already financially stable and she's studying. she'll be 22 by the time she has her diploma and that's when we'll probably have kids. in about 2 years. I'll be 24. I think we'll be juuuust fine

memers assemble!

I'm curious to know how the ragelord will counter that

good luck lad

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CheckeD

if it's good looking, it's a cop

t. cop

Holy shit you look good. If that's you, whatever, doesn't matter. Man, post more of that. The ratio of good body to nice looking cock to decent amount of grooming is the trifecta over here.

Last time I had pussy it was wrapped around my neck

at least 3+ years ago by now

and it sucked

almost half of year passed, im going to die

Actual vaginal sex: Valentine's Day of 2011
My old roommates sorta-gf jerked me off last January though

Last Sunday morning with a pregnant chick I met on facebook about a year ago. She stayed the weekend.

She didnt dissapoint

Just over a month ago.


Could be worse, I guess.

...

15 min ago
fuck im sweaty

Sage


Kill yourself my man

about 5 hours ago and it was really really nice;
highly recommend short asian girls.

thank you, I put a lot of time in having my dick look nice.

With the wife: 2 weeks ago
With some strange: 7 years ago
With my hand: an hour ago

What an irresistible set of pussy lips she has. The best ones wrap tight around your dick and suck it

STOP DDOSING LIBRECHAN

about 3 days ago, tinder girl… she's chill but i don't really know if i want to get involved so i might have to do the whole "want to be friends" thing…

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i believed in you user

they stink
no self respecting man wants to fuck them for a good reason
they couldnt even take care of their own fat in order not to lose 5 points of attractivity
they're failures, just like you
that's why you want them because you know you cant get a skinny one, because those are fucked by proper men

nope.
that's not your girlfriend you idjeet

topkek neckbeard

you are either 14 or a NEET 30 something with no experience with women.

youtube.com/watch?v=5NCHE1sGy80
…read caps, man

but he is right…

49, two ex wives, two children
had 3 long term relationships, discounting another one because there wasnt anything serious emotionally with her
my last one got fat during our relationship, i didnt mind it but she looked gross, like an elephant or a rhino
your dick doesnt care once you're fucking it but i'd never hit on a hambeast, matter of self respect

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no you wont
she wont stick to you
you know, countless couples have come before you and followed your mores
the results are plain to see
divorced, ruined kids, no strong healthy family
that was the agenda and you're falling for it even though you're on 8ch with all the material to redpill you, good goy

Are you implying regular women wont do this? Sounds like you're naive.

Second post and I don't even need to read the rest of the thread. 28 years old and never even been on a 2nd date.Worst part is I'm not even horrifyingly ugly; I'm just too scared to talk to girls.

If it isn't already can we turn this into a feels thread?

last vacation

Never Im a wizard and will be 32 in 3 months. Im going to kill myself if I cant figure out some way of having sex without visiting a prostitute or fucking a hambeast in the next few months.

If you believed in him, why did you research the image?
You have huge trust issues.
You really ought to be ashamed of yourself.

What do you look like?
Do you work out?

Yes 3 to 4 days I lost 50 lbs over the past two years working out doing nothing mostly body weight and calisthenics in a HITT or Tabata format. I didn't even change my diet too much. I still have body fat that I'd like to loose

idk what I look like really. I guess Im average looking. Ive seen people I know look worse than me. I got a resting asshole face though

Don't kill yourself bro. Life is precious.

A life alone is no life

Nonsense there's plenty of hobbies life has to offer.

I have a list of hobbies. They are only temporary distractions.

what does getting your cock sucked feel like?

Shit I cant remember the name of this ho.

23 year old guy virgins should def go with a prostitute. just let them massage you first

Like your cock died and went to heaven.
What they say about peircings, it's true.

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3 years.

Its associated with shit, most people are turned off by that present company probably excluded

I must have this sluts name, please.

Having sex is for faggots

Kill me please

Never mind, looked a your image user.

pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1911907862

depends,
if the chick is just jamming it really fasts in and out her mouth, clearly unexperienced. It feels really awkward.
If she takes her time and so you can feel every inch of movement and moves circles with her tongue pressed against where the tip and skin meet… it's the best thing ever. EVER. Everything tingles and you can almost hear the heavenly sounds.

Is Eva Angelina asian, hindu or mexican?

I'm getting laid Tuesday but about a year and a half before that

yum

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I'm 26 and a virgin. My last gf was molested by her dad as a kid, so didn't end up going all the way with her. We did get nekkid and shit though.

Anyhow. Why the fuck would you kill yourself because you can't get laid? Why would you base your self worth on the attention you get from some vapid cunt?

Honestly I find that most women are not even worth my attention. They have absolutely nothing of value to offer except their warm hole, no personality and it's all about what they can take rather than what they can give. There are 'normal' girls out there, but it's like finding a needle in a haystack.

Years of constant loneliness are hard and crushing. It''s hard to make people understand how depressing it is every day to wake up alone, eat alone, watch movies alone, go places alone, go to sleep alone and then repeat it unending for years while everyone around you gets gfs or gets married.

Its more than just lack of attention from some vapid cunt its a complete lack of feeling wanted and a lack of belonging. It's also a seeing something you deeply desire in front of you and never being able to obtain it, like Tantalus.

...

Same guy here… Okay dude, I like you, so I don't want you to take this as in insult to your character, just some advice.

Getting laid won't solve your problems. I mean say you have a one night stand and shag a girl from a bar. Then what? You go back to the same old routine. Why do you 'deeply desire' pussy so much? I mean I'm a virgin too, but I'm not really that arsed about it. Sure it would be nice to lose the v-card, but if not, there's always fleshlights. Also dunno were you live but escorts aren't that expensive here (about £120 p/h), so that's always an option. Honestly though, after I've had a wank I lose all urges to use an escort.

I've also lived alone for the most part since leaving university. You just have to learn to be happy in your own company and do the things you enjoy and make you happy.

Focus on other areas of your life. I started lifting around a 18 months ago, which I would recommend. Keeping in shape helps with confidence and a healthy body is a healthy mind. I've also taken up a few hobbies (photography and German), I'm not saying you need to ditch the vidya, but it helps having some hobbies which will get you out and about. I'm also focusing on my career and recently moved cities due to a new (better job). I've started looking at a few groups on Meetup.com which will get me out of the apartment and be able to meet new people. Oh, also I'd advise meditation, I've just started this as well. There's a book called 'Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world' which I'd recommend.

The way I see it, there are two choices. Become bitter, resentful and depressed. Or become content in your own company and realise that you can do whatever you want to do, you aren't held back by anyone but yourself. Become proactive in pursuing your own happiness and self improvement. I went for the second option. You know what I realised? The only person responsible you my happiness is ME.

It sounds like you are probably depressed, you need to try and escape the spiral of negativity and self doubt (trust me I've been there… no one wants me, I'm ugly, I have red hair, I'm not tall enoguh, alpha enough, etc,etc). Fuck all that shit man. Just cast all of those thoughts out of your mind "as you think, you shall become". It works! It's a self fulfilling prophecy. At the moment you are in a prison of your own making.

My advice to you:
-Start meditating, this will help with depression and anxiety if you have it. It's actually proven to be more effective than meds.
-Start lifting and eating properly (look at Stronglifts 5x5).
-Get some new hobbies that will get you out of the house.
-Set some goals of where you want to be in the future.

Reading:
-Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world
-No More Mr Nice Guy
-The Book of Pook

DON'T throw your life away man, you are NOT alone.

If you need someone to talk to, reply to this with your email and I'll set up a new e-mail acc for you to mail me on.

Thanks for the reply.

I live in rural Wisconsin. The escorts around here are either the sheriff doing busts or nasty black whores from Milwaukee but even if I was willing I do not see that as a solution to my problem as it doesn't deal with my loneliness

I've already started most of what you suggested.

I do yangs style of tai chi which is a form of meditation
I've been working out 3 to 4 days a week at home mostly body-weight and calisthenics. Lost about 50lbs
I have goals that Id like to be working towards but seems pointless at times seeing I have no one to share my achievements with.

Moving is one of those goals I should really focus on I went to one of the best Criminal Justice programs in the country, made the deans list too, my degree in wasted here but I currently do not have the funds to move.

Getting out of the house more is something I will work on and something I realize I need to do. If I'm not at work I'm at home. Those are the two main places I go.

I've started looking at meetup.com there's a few groups that are interesting in my area and to my disgust a "fur suiter" meet up group.

I'll check out those books but no promises I'll read them. Im not a big book reader and lose interest in them quickly if I don't find them interesting.

Thanks again user.

fuck yeah they are

N E V E R
E
V
E
R

ate my now ex girlfriend out a few weeks ago, didnt get any farther than that, made her cum one and now she hates me.

Yesterday afternoon/evening.

She said she wanted a baby, it turned me on. I'm probably being really stupid.

Five years ago. Fuck.

this morning

it was very very nice

...

Meh, sex means jack shit unless it's with someone you care about.

two and a half years ago
feels bad man

like last week. it was ok

...

S-same

At least I get to brag about being like pic related

the closest i've gotten to sex is sucking a girls toes.

its not supposed to come out like that right?

That's the to-go model

ive always wanted my babies to be more conveniently packaged

The factory packaging is not too bad

When I was 15 with my gf who was also 15

What's your routine?

yes

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you people love tumblr girls after all

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