What is your why, Holla Forums?

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ability is great and stuff, but life is pointless without purpose, and purpose comes from having goals, and that is why I'll never not want to killing myself. I've been able to have goal, because I've never been able to care about anything.
I have tired so many times to find something that would give my life some reason to exist, from hard drugs to religion, nothing worked, and now I am here, trying to find an inexpensive, painless way to kill myself, while forcing myself to keep some semblance of normalcy as to not have my parents (of which I am leeching off of) start to worry about me. Basically, living with pressures and preferences. it is a very hollow existence.

I get you.

I live in hope that I will one day see a living vagina irl

What a waste of runes

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a/s/l?

teh luls

The point of life is pleasure. Pleasure can be extracted from life. Why die?

Consciousness is an epiphenomenon.

We are a ping pong ball floating in a jacuzzi.

There is no why

I'm just sitting it out till I get out of college next year and then decide if I need to kill me and how

Waiting for love I gues

To pass the time until I die

My reasons: distrust of humanity when they can hide behind a smile instead of a screen.

because i'm an autist

72 virgins

The overwhelming notion of Boredom, probably

Raw endurance and a desire for self-improvement.

I spent my undergraduate career almost totally isolated, living with my parents, just fucked up constantly. I was in a bizarre state. Occasionally I'd exercise, but socialization revolved around drug use and attempting to derive some level of stimulation from novelty to satisfy a deep dissatisfaction.

I simply lived.

I spent 7 years destroying myself. I lived through it. I ended up with no less than 5 and no greater than 9 substances in my piss at any given time for the period of a year before having a total nervous collapse and then a mini-heart attack. I'm sure it was a heart attack, though it's been explained away as a panic attack, as I'm too young and fit.

So.

I peeled away substances one at a time.

First nicotine. Then ambien. Then buspar. Then adderall. Now I'm working on alcohol. Had a minor misstep in readding THC, however I have no addictive lust for weed, and it's not been a problem. I try to abuse caffeine, but it never quite works like the raw stimulants I've used.

Now I'm going to the gym 5 times a week. I'm kinda looking for a job, but there's no purpose in that. It feels utterly hollow. I need a shit job. I'm going to write. That is my life right now.

1) get healthy. Super fit.
2) get out of the city I grew up in. Leave this horrible situation that caused such psychic hardship
3) create something. derive your satisfaction from creation
4) no 4 really. I need a job and I know it. But there's nothing beautiful, nothing attractive, nothing worth living for in terms of work I can find. I have to find that somehow, and I can't do it here

So I distract myself constantly from my goals because real change is hard. I end up here. Hell, the fact that I'm distracting myself with reading, writing, and videogames at this point is impressive considering what a waste I was so recently. I was getting to a place where alcohol was my only hobby. I've no retention capability when I start to drink, and so I'd just watch TV mindlessly, often reruns, as it would be all I could handle. I really drink myself into idiotic stupors. 5 days without is an achievement at this point.

Fuck, I'm fucked up. But I can see glimmers on the horizon. Then the sun will come up and fry my skin off and I'll be begging for night again. HA

Night, anons.

Can it truly be said that we are awake?

I like this post.
Tell us more about yourself.

Well… I fuck dead sheep…

There's not much to tell.

I got put on amphetamines at an early age for a diagnosis of "does not like school", and had mood swings and trouble sleeping for the next decade and a half. I cannot remember a time in my life without drugs.

I am currently entering a period without drugs and have to entirely rewire my motivation system. I literally took pills to feel motivation and took direction from my surroundings for all my memorable life. I ended that. I'm trying to end the habits.

I still live with my parents. I'm pretty sure I make their lives hell, and I hate myself for it, though I know these are useless emotions and I need to act to make things better. It's tough when I externalize blame for many things and project it onto them, because they put me on a hard set of drugs at such an early age. I am working on creating productive thought patterns, and taking the anxious, neurotic energy I'm riven with and investing it in better pursuits.

I like art. I'm an excellent writer. I have prospects. It's simply hard to see them from the bottom of the pit I've lived in. I have to remind myself: I'm not going to kill myself. I'm still alive. I have things to do.

The old adage: one day at a time.

Life, man.

I've many stories, and extensive notes from protracted periods of crazy. I simply don't have time or the mental endurance to share them right here, right now. Nor do I have the profit incentive.

And what about you?

I don't have a "why"
Which is most likely why I spent the last four years after graduating high school as a NEET recluse.

ALCOHOL FEELS GOOD

SOBERING UP FEELS BAD

IT'S EASIER TO FIND HAPPINESS WITH A BUTTON

THAN TO FIND IT ALONE WHEN I'M SAD

this

I just want a girlfriend/wife.

you mean my raison d'etre?

its a stripper as sad as that sounds

strip her and beat her

no right now she is pretty much the only thing keeping me from offing myself in a hotel room

j?

what?