Lamer of Love

Woah! It looks like Susan has a lot of carnations now! From a boyfriend or girlfriend! Everyone make sure to include both possibilities, you exclusionary fucks!

It seems our rapscallion protagonist may have a heart of gold afterall, despite destroying a charity. Can Jonesy fix this one?!

Jonesy fixes the situation through mass brainwashing and pats herself on the back for being a bastion of unethical manipulation. But at least she made a new friend! And a promise to teach the world about love! Through force!

Is that you editanon?

Are you alive!?

there it is

This comic makes me want to die.

Issue 2

It's the worst day ever again! Once again, Jonesy is excluded from a fun activity everyone is taking part in!

...

Jonesy has to help her dad sell donuts! But it's a terrible situation as the superstar pop star, Stuff, is going to release a new music video! She wants to be on her phone to see it, but she can't if her hands are full of donuts and personal responsibility! Talk about yuck!

It seems as Jonesy has a very big crush on Stuff, and since young girls having an attraction to handsome famous young men with lots of money is uncommon, Jonesy begs Susan to not tell and to reveal her crush as well. I wonder who it is!

please tell my the twist is the blue haired faggot is actually a dyke

Susan has a crush on her also ambiguously brown classmate, Nisha! Jonesy has some advice her in self-made zine, but someone stole them! Jonesy and Susan team up to find the zines! Then they disregard that completely to fill comic pages have fun!

It seems the Butt Brothers have stolen all the fan zines! Because they too love Stuff! A lot, actually! Jonesy orders them to fall in love with Susan's hat! Why, I'm not sure!

So what, are the going to have a threesome with the hat?

Jonesy's sheer inability to care for other people leaves other people in a bad situation! Especially Susan, who can no longer sing her song hat included! Jonesy uses mass brainwashing to make sure everyone loves her song regardless! It's like a moral lesson, but not! Go Jonesy!

Jonesy reveals her secret to Susan and the two promise to cause a lot of trouble and havoc! Yay! Meanwhile, the ambiguously brown principal of the school thinks something mysterious is going on. Will she also figure out Jonesy's secret?!?!

Issue 3 of 4

"Okay", you say. "There's ambiguously brown people, and dyed hair, and ironic styles of dress, but there's no girls getting tattoos! How am I supposed to tell this is for quirky girls who read comics too? Hellcat had a few pages about tattoos! There'd have to be like…a whole comic centered around tattoos to get the diverse girl audience! And that's impossible!"

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Is this a LGBT only school?

Oh, man! How will Jonesy ever unjustly steal the love of her favorite singer, Stuff?!

Jonesy wants to graft the name of a popular musician onto her skin that'll last forever! For some reason, her dad says no! Way to be a lame-o, dad!

Uhoh! Jonesy tries to make her dad fall in love with the idea of a Stuff tattoo, but it backfires! A dad with a tattoo?!

Not even a day has passed since the official resignation of storytime user to supreme asscancer and we get some new marxism++ already? Can't let a nigga mourn in peace smh tbh fam.

Art reminds me of pic 2 and 3 related. Do these tacos huff paint from age 5 or why are they obsessed with bright colors?

Holy shit, this guy is great. Why can't the comic be about him and his struggle to raise a daughter who isn't retarded?

This whole thing screams
and it screams it so loud that it ruptures your eardrums and rattles the fillings in your teeth.

Because that shit would be an actually interesting SoL comic worth buying and we can't have that, now can we?

Jonesy somehow makes her dad fall in love with the tattoo lady! There's a lot of hijinx in this book! I don't know why you all aren't laughing like I am!

I'm StorytimeAnon. I do the Hellcat books and other diverse comics I sometimes come across. I don't know why, but someone in the Endourment thread said he was me and the guy who does the Questionable Content stuff and that he had asscancer. I didn't really bother making a big deal about it since at the end of the day it's an anonymous person on an anonymous imageboard, but I don't want the wool pulled over your eyes.

I bet someone thought they were so clever for coming up with this shit while writing. California can't shrivel up into a wasteland soon enough.

Well that's a relief! Turns out there are several user's hell bent on giving commie AIDS to the denizens of full/co/!

Boy oh boy, this just makes my Adidas track suite feel twice as comfortable tonight!

Jonesy feels somewhat bad after destroying her father's one chance at happiness and makes a plan to apologize!

Not only is Jonesy's dad not mad, he's the one who's sorry for denying the middle schooler a tattoo! They both get an image of donuts grafted onto their skin! I hope you like unemployment, Jonesy!

… what a lesson.

Issue 4 of 4

The last Jonesy! With a surprise twist!

Jonesy's at prom! And everyone is having fun, so she plans to destroy it forever! You go girl!

who wrote this garbage. I want to see a picture of the human garbage that produced such shit.

...

The kids at school suggest that Jonsey's dislike for fun social gatherings is a cover up for her own disdain at the fact that she can't enjoy said social gatherings because she is an awkward an unlikable nutcase that has no friends!

Jonesy then makes a comic where the main character has the power to control the kids at school cementing her place as a special and important person that people should love decides that she needs to destroy prom!

Jonesy's secret powers and it's very questionable fontstyle can't be used anymore! The Principal is onto her! If she find out that Jonesy has love powers, she'll

She's a spic, why would you think she'd ever get a job?

It looks like Jonesy's alternative plan to destroy Prom is by starting a rumor in order to create a web of lies and distrust. The best part about diverse comic writers is their ability to make likable characters.

For some reason, the other students don't care for Jonesy's desperate attempt to destroy the happiness of others for her own validation, and in a fit of rage commands the promgoers into love, but It seems as though Susan and Nisha are hitting it off!

Jonesy, filled with compassion at her friend's budding homosexual relationship, commands her extremely diverse student body to have a great prom. Looks like it's a happy ending afterall! Even the principal can't prosecute Jonesy for her previous crimes!

It's funny how this character is rewarded for just not being a terrible person… actually, she has been rewarded for being a terrible person as well.

Looks like the miniseries is ending on a happy note, but wait wait wait just a moment!

What about the surprise twist?!

Oh my word! It's Stuff! A world famous superstar singer came to this middle school prom for some strange reason. But no explanation? But we're at the end of the 4 issue miniseries! It can't just end here!

Surprise!
The 1-4 miniseries was so popular, it's now a monthly comic! That means there's going to be more Jonesy! Which I will not be reading!

I don't even have the strength to point out everything.
This shit is fucked up though.

I'm angry, confused, and disgusted.

HELP

...

yep, looks exactly right

Is this what these people want the world to be? Everyone's a blob of various shades of brown?

Also, why the hell is there never good comics posted? It's always rageworthy shit. I've seen more quality storytimes on Holla Forums of all places.

Yer a cunt. That's how he gets his shekels that pay for your shitty proprietary phone. All for some popkike.
Speaking of which Stuff looks faggier than that fag from the Mettaton vid that all the tumblr tards got all pissy about because they made Mettaton a tranny and the fag made him a dragstar and…
Yeh, stuffs gots a cunt.
Wait this bitch didn't just copy her mags? She had to do them by hand? Just fucking scan em and then print em out. If "she's poor" is an excuse, go to the library, those always have copiers/printers/scanners. Fucking karma I guess.
Oh and they had to be named cis.
yep, faggot's a tranny.
Yer a cuntx2, leaving the stand alone, completely ruining your chance for your dad to get those shekels he wanted to have so you could save for college.
2 more to go. Fucking christ

(check'd)

I've been too busy to post our eternal pal, Jimmy Olsen.

Farid seems like an unintentional male version of "appealing Tumblr character parody image".

One of the common arguments put forth by actual misogynists is that women are completely selfish and immoral. The contention is that women are natural solipsists who will behave like sociopathic children unless constrained by immediate negative consequences to themselves. That's a pretty negative portrayal of women and I rarely encounter it from anyone except extreme traditionalists and hardcore MGTOWs.

And this comic.

Twas me

Also since the owner of Holla Forums can't into CSS you should all add
.file { max-width: 100%; }
To your custom rules if you don't already have it. It makes storytiem readable.

fuck it all

honestly, this feels like a simple cash-in on the popular elements/tropes in other comics aimed towards Grrrl Nerds!!!

Nothing here is new, some guy found a way to make some cash off of recycling other about-as-shitty artists, and fuck, I admit this sounds better than a retail job.

If I could go back in time, I would reveal to Bryan Lee O'Malley that his girlfriend, Hope Larson, is going to destroy their relationship by cheating on him.

The emotional blow will drive him to suicide, thus preventing his shoddy art style from taking hold and curbing Canada's poisonous influence on our young.

Ok, this is the worst shit I've read in a long time, and I've read Leth's Hellcat and USG.
Also, I highly doubt this comic sold as well as they claim, does anybody have any source or sales figures to back it up?

Shallow hipsters have better things to do than "read".

From comichron:
Jonesy #1, $3.99, Boom, 9,157 units, rank 188th

I couldn't find figures for the other issues.

For comparison, in the same month:
Batman #49, $3.99, DC, 102,689, rank 3rd

By the way, Cigar Aficionado Magazine has a circulation of 256,355.

Cigar aficionado is actually a pretty decent magazinegranted it has been a while since I read them so I don't know if they went down the pot. It sort of picked up where old school Playboy left off when it started trying to be Maxim. It has good articles about dressing, understanding food culture, alcohol, men's interests™, socialization, literature, and art. It's fairly patrician. It's like how you used to be able to pick up playboy and if you read it month to month you could be able to hold your own in a casual conversation about pretty much any topic of the day.

I miss when men gave a shit about being men, and being classy men.

...

I don't know if that's good for Boom numbers, though. Boom might have a different gauge for numbers since they're not as big.

I was dumb enough to think that the entire magazine was about cigars. I really am an idiot.

the internet is a marvelous place

To be fair, cigar's probably are their primary interest piece each issue, and the subscriber-user did say that they only really expanded into all-around "gentlemen's interests" after Playboy went full prole.

How does someone fill a magazine of cigar related things? I never thought the subject was so deep.

A great advertisement would be pages you could rip out and smoke.

Discussing the state of the global market for tobacco.
Ripping into the recent resurgence of cringey as shit anti-smoking ads.
Constantly updated info post on where to find quality smokes and advice on how to preserve them.
And a little bit of ego-stroking on how fancy you'd look puffing a cigar during high-class events.

It's probably not as big a portion of the zine as it's advertised, but I can easily imagine how you'd pad-out the center articles. They probably also have space dedicated to expensive wines and suits to go along with the cigar-stuff, to keep up the theme.

And they would be horribly dry. Humidors exist for a reason.

Reviews, ratings, crops, politics, farming techniques, food/drink pairings, accessories.

this

That's a fair point, and I'm sick of looking at sewage statistics so let's look at comic book statistics. Unfortunately BOOM! Studios does not seem to be publicly traded so their financials on the internet probably aren't super accurate. Datafox says their last funding round was $2.18 million and they have 81 employees. Pic is their other sales from that month.

Doesn't seem super hot to me but I found a Bloomberg article where an analyst claimed that these smaller publishers generally want to sell about 5,000 to 10,000 for their licensed stuff so they're probably not doing too bad. I'm too lazy to tot up their monthly totals from the other months but if you project these sales (maybe not a good idea given the large amount of Issue #1's) they're pulling down about $4 million a year. That's ~$50k per employee which kind of sucks (remember, this is their gross), but bear in mind that these numbers are probably a little low since the little guys depend more on non-traditional distribution which comichron doesn't track.

In short, my amatuerish wild ass guess is that they're treading water. Not doing too great but they should be able to stay alive. I mean shit, they made at least 40 grand off the runny diarrhea OP posted so they have to be doing something right.

Data in csv if you want to play with it:
Rank,Name,Issue #,Price,Publisher,Units Sold,Gross Sales
129,Klaus,3,$3.99,Boom,17183,"$68,560.17"
178,Bill & Ted Go To Hell,1,$3.99,Boom,9966,"$39,764.34"
188,Jonesy,1,$3.99,Boom,9157,"$36,536.43"
213,Adventure Time,49,$3.99,Boom,7184,"$28,664.16"
215,Lumberjanes,23,$3.99,Boom,6952,"$27,738.48"
218,Adventure Time Ice King,2,$3.99,Boom,6707,"$26,760.93"
249,Jim Hensons Storyteller Dragons,3,$3.99,Boom,5378,"$21,458.22"
254,Kennel Block Blues,1,$3.99,Boom,5269,"$21,023.31"
261,Big Trouble In Little China,21,$3.99,Boom,5007,"$19,977.93"
268,Mighty Morphin Power Rangers,0,$3.99,Boom,4788,"$19,104.12"
295,Snow Blind,3,$3.99,Boom,3879,"$15,477.21"
Month Gross,"$325,065.30"
Theoretical Year Gross,"$3,900,783.60"

as an avid cigar and hookah smoker, I empathize with you hatred of anti-smoking ads, especially Truth and the cringy, vain attempts to appeal to us millennial. Just makes me wanna smoke more.

I mean I get that smoking is bad for you, which is why I don't make it a regular thing and I don't smoke cigarettes. but these people act like it's their god-given right to tell you and people like you what you can and can't do. The holier-than-thou attitude is the worst part, I could deal with everything else.

and on the part of the comic, this has got to be one of the most poorly executed, self congratulatory pieces of crap I have ever seen since princless.

Oh Christ, I've seen those fucking truth and their commercials with "let's make this the generation that ends smoking! XDDD" and then most of their videos contain I can haz cheezeburger-tier cat memes. I am not a smoker myself, but it wasn't these fags that influenced me not to smoke.

It's like those pathetic attempts of getting people to not for Donald Trump, "Tuck Frump xDDDD", "Make Donald Drumpf Again! XDD" it's autistic shit like this that makes me happy I am voting for him.

Hold up, is that fucking Mettaton?

Thanks OP for this, really.

Is tell me is this horribly ill feeling the feeling of a cancer forming somewhere in my body? I feel sick and somehow disgusted by humanity as a whole, is that a common reaction to these comics.

absolute garbage, my mom knows danker memes

Fuck almighty.

the absolute worst offender, though not by a wide margin.

What's the name of this music?

Ada's theme from Resident Evil 2.

Americanized Mexicans (Mexas, as they call them in Mexico) are some of the most annoying, hypocritical people you'll ever find. Specially the ones that call themselves latinos.

They are laughingstock in Mexico.
When Trump deports them, they'll be torn to shreds by actual Mexicans.

Thanks man.

honestly, in a free and just society, smokers should be allowed to smoke just as much as anti smokers shouldn't smoke.

But I hear you, I don't even smoke and I feel like smoking after these "truth" videos that have become far fucking annoying than anything big tobacco could muster up, hell at least back in the day, smoking commericals were laid back, cool and refreshing and they didn't patronize their customers as a bunch of dumbasses unlike the Truth commercials that I swear make more money and are far worse than Tobacco companies are now.

I am convinced that people that actually follow or do that shit are by products of propaganda or some MK ultra shit. No one acts like that naturally being an autistic memer in real life. Hell even on image boards we at least joke about memes but I've had conversations with people in life that think spouting memes is on par with mozart or carl sagan in terms of intellectual conversation and that scares the shit out of me.

I rather have cancer stick commercials on television then anti PSA truth commercials now.

Women don't want classy men, they want beta men to do whatever the hell they want while they continue to replace the gender roles and push for change.

Men need to be men and women NEED to be women. We'll never be equal but we can at least understand eachother.

This comic is just pure garbage and it's proving that these are not people with personalities or love, they are vapid consumers by products of a high commercialized age too retarded to realize they are walking money bags and while they try to preach how "progressive" they are they'll continue to vote for politics and ways that they think will benefit them.

I would be glad to have the Flintstones tell me how great a cigarette is than these faggots tell me how I am funding big business and killing the trees with their "it's a le trap XDD" meme.

I don't know what I expected

yeah see what I mean? Cig commercials didn't tell you you're a moron, they didn't treat their customers like meme spouting autistic faggots.

Cig commercials realized you were a working man, a man that was mature enough to make the choice to smoke or not, back in the day smoking wasn't something that was forced on you. It was simply there and it was simply just like "yeah you can smoke or not it's all good".

I mean yeah we know now cancer and all that is horrible. But Truth has gone way over board to paint anyone from the 1950's and beyond as evil satan lords and how smoking is So BAD STOP NAO PLZ XD XD.

Honestly fuck you Truth you autistic shit brain vapid spawns of propaganda shit.

I feel that. There was a girl in one of my drawing courses a few years back who was like this. She was a memelord weaboo with the mentality of a third-grader and the vocabulary of a sailor. Being in her vicinity was always a trip.

I've got asthma, so I can't smoke even if I wanted to, but those "truth" ads make me want to smoke just to spite the faggots that made them.

There are many heads that need to be caved in.

fo sho, check out their channel for more quality keks at their expense.

and now for and interesting story. I was actually around when these guys were just starting out.

the year was 2013, I was attending WARP tour in San Antonio Texas. As the music started, pie-eyed me happen to come across a booth which advocated for the end of smoking, this group was called truth and they had an extreme fetish for the color orange. naive little me didn't think much of it, in fact he kind of agreed with them before he tasted his first sweet hookah. and now, that little venue from my childhood has grown into one of many of my personal annoyances. Funny how life works.

I don't do shit for women. I do it because I like it. I like old cars, shitposting on imageboards, stiff cocktails, music, and traveling.

I don't care pretty much about anything except living the life I want. If I want to smoke an expensive as fuck robusta while sitting on my porch sipping cognac and arguing with autists about kino, ink and paint, and military history I will. I am almost 40 years old, I have worked my ass off to give myself an extremely comfortable life without debt or obligation. If someone wants me to give that up for some political fashion statement they want to wear today I don't care how tight their pooper is, how pert their tiddies be, or how long their legs are. They can fuck right off.

Besides I am starting to think /a/ is right. 2d really does seem like a better choice than 3d

Not a problem friend.

Truth has been around since the early 00s. I used to catch their commercials on late night comedy central.

Using Impact and that Metallica font is one thing, but shit like pic related is absolutely unacceptable.

I mean, really. I know that that emoji's supposed to mean "over here, guys, I have something important to say" in this context, but a simple raised hand or even an open mouth would've gotten the "gravity" across better. Also, it would actually look natural and not fucking stupid.

Doesn't mean it's a good choice. It's like putting :) next to a character's smiling face; it's redundant and distracting.

I'm trying to think of positives this comic has . . . and the only one I can think of is that each story is standalone . . .

Nothing else stands out . . .

Also the gay romance feels off . . . We just assume from Susan that Nisha just so happens to be gay (like her), and yet there is worry from her in issue 4 that she might have a date (guy or girl) when at the prom.

Again, it's Scott Pilgrim's cancerous legacy. It's use of non-traditional exposition is clearly to blame here.

Honestly, I beginning to associate Pilgrim with The Watchmen. Not in terms of quality mind you, but in terms of influence. Every single faggot is copying the surface elements of that book without understanding how they work.

Further corroborating my belief is the fact that this terrible comic actually has a Bryan Lee O' Malley variant cover! It's drawn in complete Pilgrim style too, even though O'Malley is drawing much better stuff now. I'm sure they want this book to be the next Scott Pilgrim, except DIVERSE.

No, man. It is just a comic.
A very lame one. I guess it is for children or something?

I own two ferrets. They don't make arf sounds, they barely make any sounds. It's a little creepy actually, to see them play-fighting in complete silence. They do hiss and dook, though.

While I realize that it's a comic book, of all the animals to pick watching anime with the protagonist, you pick one that can barely see?

Tell me you are fucking joking.
Who the fuck buys this shit? No fucking teen girls, that for fucking sure. I mean, holy shit.

This, and shit like Squirrel Girl and Hellcat, is why woman don't read comics. Fucking Japan, a country infinitly more conservative country than the US has a booming comics market that is made by/for woman, with a range of subject matter that goes beyond quirky wacky self-insert shit. I read fucking Basara, a series about a teenage girl leading a rebellion against the Emperor of Post-Apocaliptic Japan, and you know what? It was fun, kind of filled with melodrama, pretty boys and homo-undertones, but fun. Is that too much to ask? Something not so "meh"? Something that isn't just a blob of random bright primary colours with no rhyme or reason?

Is Scott Pilgrim a Revolutionary Girl Utena ripoff or is it just me?
I remember thinking there were a lot of thematic similarities between the two of them, specially with the way both Utena and Scott are naive to the point of hurting their friends and specially the whole taking swords of people's cheasts thing. I got really kind of weirded out when someone asked Bryan about it and he claimed to have never seen the show despite putting a fucking poster of it in on of the panels.

She's not ambiguously brown she is quite clearly a spic. What she is is ambiguously male.

That would be hot.

Wait a fucking minute

I'd storytime a good comic series if I wasn't a lazy fuck.

try for drill hair

I never would have thought I'd hate a comic or character so much by just reading the first two pages.

Holy fuck, I thought you were exaggerating when you said Jonesy is the worst person in comic history but your assessment is completely on the money. This cunt actually makes the new Squirrel Girl almost look like tolerable company by comparison.

I want Jonesy to die. I want her powers to malfunction and brainwash the entire town into gangraping her until she expires, but I want them to keep her alive as long as possible to prolong her suffering.

FUCK THIS BITCH

Vaping. It's safe, and as long as you aren't a cunt about it nobody will know you're from San Francisco. You know, aside from your assless chaps you little fruit cup.

tbh, I wasn't expecting the black girl to be a lesbian. That honestly caught me off guard.

Well, this stuff is diverse alright… and the more I see, diverse it gets.

I didn't get this one for a second. Truly carlos you are the living end.

I want to hurt someone after reading this

I actually liked Scott Pilgrim when it came out, but yeah, all these copy cats are garbage and have almost ruined the nostalgia of Scott Pilgrim for me.

Except complete shit, with no coherent story or decent writing in the slightest.

Holy fucking shit Carlos

Nobody read Scott Pilgrim for the story, stupid. They read it for the slick VIDYA MEMES

ADVANCED CARLOS

Puns truly are the highest form of humor

live damn it!

LIVE!

jesus christ that kike

I am drawfag not quite a great one; and I was kind of the same when it came to simple artistic styling, but now that more and more comic book artist are coming out with this style, I decided to go more realistic "style" than this hipster faggotry art style that comic books are pushing on us now. The problem now is that they are not doing it because it is more efficient with producing more content but more because it is more "quirky" and "indie". And all the kids love that shit right? RIGHT?! But yeah looking at the numbers, nobody are buying this shit. The problem that I have with this is that more stupid fucking kids are going to look at this style and be like "OH SO THIS IS WHAT I AM SUPPOSE TO DRAW LIKE WHEN I DRAW COMICS?! OMG SO KAWAII UGUUU~!" When they don't even have a fair grip on anatomy. I am not saying either that you have to master every turn and bump on the human anatomy (Not that is a bad thing either if you want to be through with mastering anatomy) but at least understand how the human body works and how the anatomy looks on certain positions. It is like this generation of artists are more about taking the easy route and getting it done quickly for the sake of getting done, rather than doing for the sake of quality. In short, quality doesn't come fast. It takes time and it shows.

You first, boyo. I ain't getting anywhere near that putrid cunt.

They also had to explain what Metroid was because it was too obscure.

Was Jonesy suppose to imitate Scott Pilgrim because I don't see it. I saw a better imitation in the parody comic of Sarah Palin vs. The World.

Reminds me of that guy who made Skullgirls.

Other than just being horrible, the thing that pisses me off most is that it couldn't contain its story within the listed amount of issues. Popularity shouldn't altered what was planned. Finish up your mini-series and start your new series after like everyone else.

Jonesy isn't ripping off the story of Scott Pilgrim, rather it's story telling devices and art style. The influence is clear in every single page.