Funny bethesda game stories

Colton Reyes
Colton Reyes

skyrim

in riften getting inigo (i have quite a few mods installed)

get him and leave the riften jail

the moment i exit there is hideous dark elf man right in front of my face taking up 80% of my screen

the gaurd behind him kills him

he runs away

he runs into the orphanage killing several other citizens on his way

because i had killable children installed he killed 2 children and the woman running the orphanage (not the old bitch the dark brotherhood makes you kill the other one)

every single other gaurd in the city shows up and starts attacking him

eventually they start randomly attacking eachother

only one gaurd is left

he starts attacking me

i kill him

and thats the story of the great riften massacre of 201 4E

All urls found in this thread:

desuarchive.org/tes/thread/2762/

Logan Baker
Logan Baker

this thread was just on /v/

Luke Richardson
Luke Richardson

yeah i posted it and then some faggot derailed it
so i deleted it and reposted here

Juan Walker
Juan Walker

Thanks Todd Howard

Cameron Johnson
Cameron Johnson

my story also involves riften
be in riften doing some thieves guild bullshit
dragon attacks
kill it and steal its loot
fast travel to markarth (a city on the other side of the fucking map)
when i arrive i start absorbing the dragons soul
FROM ACROSS THE FUCKING MAP
people around me start talking about how it was so cool how i killed that dragon in riften on the other side of the map as if it had just happened right in front of them

it just works -todd howard

Benjamin Anderson
Benjamin Anderson

chilling on my horse

dragon attack

kill it

absorb soul

jump on horse

thugs show up

"don't be a tough guy, give us gold(500) and you can be on your way"

literally just killed a dragon and ATE it's soul in front of them

let's rob that guy

Hudson Fisher
Hudson Fisher

well there's always the standard catapult-into-air when hit by a giant

Nathan Wilson
Nathan Wilson

gf has exams and goes full isolation

haven't seen her in 3 weeks

miss her quite a bit

decide to make a skyrim character in honor of her

make it look as much as her as I can

decide to roleplay as her

The Rules:

1) level conjuration, let other people/creatures fight for you, I'm to precious and delicate to dirty myself

2) level Illusion, drive everybody around me fucking crazy and have people fight each other and divert attention from bullshittery I'm doing

additional small rules like
- always run away from spider, never fight them (cause she's piss scared of em IRL)

feels fucking good man.

next playthrough I'm going to play a strong independent nord women. basic clothes and just run around villages and cities fucking up people's shops and stalls, avoiding eye contact, have most flashy hair available etc.

Jayden Garcia
Jayden Garcia

lol screencapping

Jaxon Jones
Jaxon Jones

/tes/

oh wait, you're a fetcher that would cry when people told you that skyrim wasn't the best game ever, carry on, we don't want you

Luis Reyes
Luis Reyes

current year

Michael Hughes
Michael Hughes

nah skyrim was pretty shit
i just wanted to discuss funny stories of bethesda games not being finished

Samuel Adams
Samuel Adams

desuarchive.org/tes/thread/2762/

You're welcome

Jackson Clark
Jackson Clark

gf has exams and goes full isolation

haven't seen her in 3 weeks

miss her quite a bit

decide to make a skyrim character in honor of her

make it look as much as her as I can

decide to roleplay as her

The Rules:

1) level conjuration, let other people/creatures fight for you, I'm to precious and delicate to dirty myself

2) level Illusion, drive everybody around me fucking crazy and have people fight each other and divert attention from bullshittery I'm doing

additional small rules like

- always run away from spider, never fight them (cause she's piss scared of em IRL)

feels fucking good man.

next playthrough I'm going to play a strong independent nord women. basic clothes and just run around villages and cities fucking up people's shops and stalls, avoiding eye contact, have most flashy hair available etc.

Easton Martin
Easton Martin

gf goes full isolation for 3 weeks

You need a better girlfriend.

Alexander Gomez
Alexander Gomez

The people who throw things like expensive post secondary studies on the back burner for someone they're dating are not generally the people you want to be dating.

Liam White
Liam White

exactly. I completely understand that she wants to focus on that stuff and when her exams are over she's got vacation and we can make up for lost time. but it still sucks.

Asher Clark
Asher Clark

I was just playing TTW and stopped outside of Craterside Supply to wait until morning (12 hours), and Billy Creel was just mid-gulp of some water outside.
Rather than vanishing like I'm used to when waiting in NV, he chugged that shit for twelve hours straight then gave me a friendly greeting.

Connor Collins
Connor Collins

probably because skyrim sucks and you are not funny.

Colton Sullivan
Colton Sullivan

Honestly, we were just talking about it on /v/, no idea how you can enjoy that shit game. There is just nothing to do in that game. Might as well play a walking sim or some other sandbox game with nothing to do in it.

Chase Gonzalez
Chase Gonzalez

This is why no one likes /v/, you just autistically repeat the same hipster opinions. If it's popular, high budget, is easy on the default difficulty, and is easily moddable, you'll fucking hate it, but if it's some obscure shit that's next to unplayable you'll dote on it forever because it wasn't made by muh ebil capitalists.

At the same time hardly any of you could even manage to install Ubuntu, yet you trendfag right along as if you're le epick FLOSS freedom fighter xtreem pirate hacker roflmaoxd

I bet none of you have even played Chip's Challenge either.

There is just nothing to do in that game.
So now you want your columnar gameplay experience back after spending the last five years lambasting it? Open worlds, quests, subplots, dungeons, game content OUT, RPG-on-rails in? /v/ is such a hypocritical circlejerk.

Austin Roberts
Austin Roberts

this

Adam Collins
Adam Collins

This is why no one likes /v/

yet it is the most popular board currently.

If it's popular, high budget, is easy on the default difficulty

and you are basically like a redditor. You don't understand why some of us hate certain things and you just assume that it is due to popularity.

and is easily moddable

How exactly is skyrim a easy to mod game? Half of the mods don't work together well, you constantly have to install other tools to make some mods work. Modding is very limited and some mods can mess up your base game.

idk what makes you think skyrim is a easy to mod game. Left 4 Dead 2 is easy to mod. You literally drop your mod into the mod folder and your done. And if that is to hard for you, you just double click it.

So now you want your columnar gameplay experience back after spending the last five years lambasting it? Open worlds, quests, subplots, dungeons, game content OUT, RPG-on-rails in? /v/ is such a hypocritical circlejerk.

/v/ is not one person. You go into one thread and people will praise SFV and in another thread they will totally shit on it, for example.

/v/ generally hates halo, but if there is a halo thread people leave them alone and the few people that like it can go in there to talk about it.

But let's put that aside. What the fuck do you do in Skyrim? I gave the game a fair chance and found it just retarded. You can't build cool unique characters like in POE, combat is lame (chivalry:mw and dw are doing it better) and all the npc's are boring as hell, expect for serana.

Evan Nelson
Evan Nelson

boring and nothing to do

well yeah dickhead, it's not a life simulator. you go in a chill for an hour or two exploring, killig shit, then you go on with your life.

this is no surrogate for real life, you cunt.
you expect to get your daily dose of life experience and wisdom from a game? fuck off

Levi Bennett
Levi Bennett

you go in a chill for an hour or two exploring, killig shit, then you go on with your life.

and how exactly is this shit fun? Other not challenging games like Assassin's Creed at least have a somewhat interesting story, this game has non of it.

You literally just click on a enemy until it dies. It's not like chivalry in which you dodge enemy hits and shit like that.

you expect to get your daily dose of life experience and wisdom from a game?

I am expecting a challenge or something interesting to do. Skyrim offers non of that. There are no mechanics to be mastered. There is nothing interesting to be discovered.

Alexander Hill
Alexander Hill

leading shots with arrow drop
countering power attack with bashes

nothing

Joshua Rivera
Joshua Rivera

You literally just click on a enemy until it dies. It's not like chivalry in which you dodge enemy hits and shit like that.

Skyrim is among the most modded games there are. there are countless gameplay mods fixing the game mechanics.
Game mechanics have to be kept simple so that Americans understand them in the original game after all.

Ayden Carter
Ayden Carter

Skyrim is among the most modded games there are. there are countless gameplay mods fixing the game mechanics.

There is still not a mod that makes magic good, also why trying to fix a broken mess when you can just entirely avoid it?

James Reyes
James Reyes

why drive cars when they brake down sometimes
why let military be equipped with guns when they jam sometimes
why live when you can trip on something sometime
fuck off

Connor Ward
Connor Ward

There is still not a mod that makes magic good
Several. I used apocalypse. The unofficial patches plus apocalypse and for instance SkyRe as a total overhaul mod and you have a completely different and enjoyable game. I wouldn't play the vanilla version at all anymore.

Nathan Allen
Nathan Allen

ffs, either make proper arguments or don't speak to me at all. This is why I use /v/ and /tech/ over Holla Forums. They at least talk like normal human beings instead of shitting on their keyboard.

sometimes

Skyrim is not just "sometimes" bad. It is entirely broken.

That's like buying a totally trashed car and then trying to fix it instead of getting a car that is not shit. You sometimes end up paying more to fix a shit car than it would cost you to get a new one.

Adam Cruz
Adam Cruz

Play Skyrim
Do literally everything over the course of ~400 hours
Uninstall

It was a chore, and I only did it so I could tell you how much of a chore it was.

Sebastian Wright
Sebastian Wright


Skyrim is among the most modded games there are. there are countless gameplay mods fixing the game mechanics.
Game mechanics have to be kept simple so that Americans understand them in the original game after all.
Bring up the ol' Ameritard card again because you can't think of an actual reason that skyrim is broken and bad. The actual reason skyrim is bad is not because
muh developers have to keep it simple bc ameritards xD
it's because they want your money and don't care enough to fix their game because they know the community will do it for them. Just like how Fallout 4 is a linear piece of shit with outdated graphics and an uninteresting story line. Bethesda has been coasting on their community since FO3

Logan Wood
Logan Wood

you are basically like a redditor
non sequitur follows
Go shadowban yourself, retard.

Wait. You can't mod literally the very fucking easiest game ever to mod? There are what, four different mod managers made basically just for this game, load order managers, the fucking works.

Modding is very limited
No, no it fucking isn't, modding is enormous in Skyrim. Are you a console gamer or just retarded in general? Are you too stupid to set up MO? Did SKSE scare you? Skyrim is so easy to mod that you can easily run 50 or more mid-weight mods on a low-end computer along with the base game. Are you too stupid to look at ratings for mods? Is checking or unchecking a box difficult for you? Does the concept of incremental testing frighten you away? How can you be this fucking incompetent, seriously? I hope Trainwiz comes to you at night and slaps the shit out of you.

haha le board is not one person that means when we all spam contradictory opinions day after day year after year we're totally not just fucking retards!
Kill yourself, retard.

v/ generally hates halo, but if there is a halo thread people leave them alone and the few people that like it can go in there to talk about it.
So why the FUCK did you come here, to Holla Forums, to post in a Holla Forums thread how mad you are that there's a Skyrim thread here. How could you be so stupid?

You can't build cool unique characters
First of all, it's not a dollhouse simulator, it's an RPG.
Second of all, it includes an unusually high level of character customization for an RPG or even for the TES series itself.
Thirdly, there are over9000 mods that let you make your specific autism waifu or add in new races, asset packs, the works, for any look you want from creepy semi-realism to weeb shit.
Add on to that the way you can change the way the entire game world looks on a whim at an engine level via ENB, and if you're too stupid or lazy to edit an ini file, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO, because lots of autists are making gorgeous ENB presets that will work perfectly for you so long as you have the GPU to handle them.

combat is lame
Combat changes as you level. You don't start out at level 1 able to do a billion special snowflake moves. You would know this if you had actually played the game for more than ten minutes. If you're not a retarded console babby, you can even mod combat, and oftentimes multiple combat overhauls work together incidentally or by complex collaboration between mod authors.

"Buh-but how do I know what mods are compatible?"
Gee, I don't know, you could fucking test them, especially given that MO's directory virtualization makes it entirely impossible to fuck up your install in any way, so you don't even have to think, you can literally just check and uncheck things and drool like a retard.
Or hey, even better, you could fucking read the mod description which will 90% of the time, for any mod with more than 30 downloads or which does anything remotely appealing, tell you exactly which of the popular mods the mod being described is compatible with, incompatible with, or a complement of.
Hell, failing that (very unlikely case), you could even read a forum post or heaven forbid rub your two neurons together to think:
"Hmm, based on the descriptions of what these mods change, I sure do wonder if they touch overlapping assets".

What the fuck do you do in Skyrim?
The same thing you do in every fucking RPG since the beginning of time. Fight things, explore areas, collect trade and craft items, do quests, talk to people, fight bosses. What the fuck else did you want to do in a fucking open-world RPG? If you're seriously too stupid to figure that out, just blindly follow the main quest markers through to completion and then uninstall and burn your PC and buy an eksbawks.

all the npc's are boring as hell, expect for serana
MUH SPESHUL SNOFLAEK VAMPUIRE WAIFU
You 13?

So here's the reason you actually dislike Skyrim:
When it came out, fans of the series were disappointed that the stats and skills had been simplified, and thought the health regen was cheesy (it was). Rather than install the almost immediately available and seamless mods restoring stats and skills (and items) to the way they were in Oblivion and Morrowind, they sperged out endless on /v/ and it became part of /v/ lore to hate Skyrim. Hence a retard like you trying too hard to fit in while complaining about things which are the entire point of the series and the genre.

Jonathan Peterson
Jonathan Peterson

Skyrim isn't a brawler you dumb cunt, it's an RPG. It's also not linear like Assassin's Creed, meaning instead of a one-dimensional story you pick up the story and the setting by talking to people and *gasp* reading, as well as doing quests. It's also the fifth game in a series famous for its voluminous lore even amongst RPGs. For over a year /tes/ had constant lore threads and no two alike, the Elder Scrolls series has more and better story, both inside and outside of the games themselves, than probably any other video game franchise ever made. You're just too stupid to notice it because it wasn't spoonfed to you as a 300-word summary as you first stepped outside.

There are no mechanics to be mastered.
No, not if you steadfastly swing a sword around and staunchly ignore 99% of the game's countent and functionality.

Can you Europeans please contain your monotonous inferiority complexes to /int/ like you used to?

See it sounds like you got mad because you encountered a game where fireballs actually hurt you even if you're not naked.
"Holy shit guys, magic is powerful but makes the user vulnerable at the same time! OMG so fucking broken and unprecedented!"

No, you use /v/ and /tech/ because they've been slowly ground down from actual topical discussion to autistic hipster bullshit.

Do literally everything over the course of ~400 hours
No you didn't.

Vanilla Skyrim was buggy on release, like every Bethesda game ever. 9001 patches later, it's pretty stable and most of the release-cut content was restored. The 11/11/11 release date was retarded, but not as retarded as you.

Except see above, they did fix their game.
Though I played Skyrim right after release, vanilla, on an unremarkable computer and it suffered nearly no problems, so maybe you're just mindlessly repeating what you've heard?

Grayson Thomas
Grayson Thomas

burger
How do you use your keyboard without pushing five keys at once bill?

Daniel Russell
Daniel Russell

Can you Europeans please contain your monotonous inferiority complexes to /int/ like you used to?

Liam Robinson
Liam Robinson

How witty. You've earned youself another xtra large coke with that I suppose.

Bentley Butler
Bentley Butler

Can you Europeans please contain your monotonous inferiority complexes to /int/ like you used to?

Kayden Ward
Kayden Ward

Let's see how many of those you can make before you die for Israel.

Kevin Russell
Kevin Russell

insulting Americans will stop me from having to acknowledge that Europe and Europeans wont exist by 2030

Levi Thompson
Levi Thompson

The UK, Germany and France will not exist. Pretty much everyone else is about fine. And those tards had it coming tbh. Filthy commies

Connor Bell
Connor Bell

Can you Europeans please contain your monotonous inferiority complexes to /int/ like you used to?

Lincoln Barnes
Lincoln Barnes

this thread

Jose Rivera
Jose Rivera

Your president is a nigger

Bentley Williams
Bentley Williams

Can you Europeans please contain your monotonous inferiority complexes to /int/ like you used to?

Tyler Flores
Tyler Flores

The US has the highest ration of incarcerated people per capita

Daniel Rogers
Daniel Rogers

I am saying that skyrim is to easy, and your argument against me is that the game was to hard for me?

This is my last try, if you guys argue like idiots again I will not post here anymore. I mean you guys are at this point just arguing against me because you hate me as a person, not because you think that my opinion is wrong.

No, no it fucking isn't, modding is enormous in Skyrim
Modding in Unreal Engine games like UT3 is enormous.

Are you too stupid to set up MO? Did SKSE scare you?
those are the easy parts, you obviously didn't install a lot of mods or you wouldn't name those as hard.

Are you too stupid to look at ratings for mods? Is checking or unchecking a box difficult for you? Does the concept of incremental testing frighten you away?

There is a lot more to modding than just those things. MO only sorts the right side of the mod list, the left side is not touched at all and requires a lot of interactions by the user like sorting. And many mods aren't event made properly in the first place and need cleaning by the user by tesedit.

haha le board is not one person that means when we all spam contradictory opinions day after day year after year we're totally not just fucking retards!

And you are a brony who is into scat and gore porn? A board has a lot of users that like different things.

First of all, it's not a dollhouse simulator, it's an RPG.

I wasn't talking about looks and character design, but about skill builds. You can't build complicated characters like in other games, some that depend on things like stun. Or characters that deal only a certain type of damage. For example POE allows you to do a character that deals a shitload of aoe fire damage, but you take the damage yourself too. But if you have the right items and skills you reduce the fire damage you take yourself. This coupled with lifeleech allows you to stay alive. A unique and fun build.

Second of all, it includes an unusually high level of character customization for an RPG or even for the TES series itself.

Without mods it's crap. Even Saints Row 2 and 1 had better customisation.

Combat changes as you level.

I had maxed out characters, it doesn't change much. It does not compare to games like Chivalry in which you have to do 180 spins to block certain moves, or where you can play around with the animations to gain advantages.

Hence a retard like you trying too hard to fit in while complaining about things which are the entire point of the series and the genre.

MUH SPESHUL SNOFLAEK VAMPUIRE WAIFU
are you implying that characters in Skyrim are not dull? What can you tell me about that weird trader woman you meet in whiterun? What can you tell me about whiterun's jarl? These characters have no story, they are just lame and boring.

That's because I am not a part of /v/. They hate it for their reasons and I hate it for mine. /v/ hates Borderlands 2, I don't hate it that much.

No, you use /v/ and /tech/ because they've been slowly ground down from actual topical discussion to autistic hipster bullshit.

I am using those boards because the community there is just overall nicer. On /v/ people don't ask for more when I spam torture porn, people are actually disgusted by it. Unlike you weirdos. They also don't post off topic shit like this

How do you use your keyboard without pushing five keys at once bill?
Can you Europeans please contain your monotonous inferiority complexes to /int/ like you used to?

Julian Brown
Julian Brown

The US has the highest ration of incarcerated people per capita

Colton Morgan
Colton Morgan

stahp Europe has won I give up

Josiah Miller
Josiah Miller

will you fucking stop it nobody cares about your gay hipster opinion on a game that came out 4 years ago you killed this thread once already don't kill it a second time you fucking faggot

Disable AdBlock to view this page

Disable AdBlock to view this page

Confirm your age

This website may contain content of an adult nature. If you are under the age of 18, if such content offends you or if it is illegal to view such content in your community, please EXIT.

Enter Exit

About Privacy

We use cookies to personalize content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyze our traffic. We also share information about your use of our site with our advertising and analytics partners.

Accept Exit