RLM review of Rogue One

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twitter.com/lisamariemke
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Wait, you're not Mike!

Coincidence? I think not.

They'll love it just as much as TFA like the nostalgiafags they are. The difference is they'll actually bother to pretend that they disliked more than on thing about it.

tfw I recognize 3 of my shoops

Why the fuck is Disney so obsessed with huge forehead brunettes?

That's clearly a fivehead. But you're still on point.

She does not look white. She looks like she is 1/8 asian or something.

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When will muh english accent meme end?
Everyone mocks weeabos but what the fuck is with all these fags idolizing brits?
Did anyone else have idiots repeating "Happy Christmas!" to them after Harry Potter came out?

Jesus you guys got REALLY triggered about them not shitting all over TFA.

If you hate them so much now, why are you still watching them?
If you give them views it's only helping them out and their evil jew mastermind to remotely cuck you.
Wouldn't it make more sense to never watch them again and don't make threads about them and letting them fade away into obscurity?

Or we meme them into actual out of the closet cucks.

Doesn't that only work for Holla Forums?
When Holla Forums tries it they literally make everyone they hate famous and succesful, and any game they dislike sell infinite amount of copies, while all the IPs they once loved get cucked.

Did meme magic ever work for Holla Forums?
Even once?

Yes, and they caused an airplane crash.

They were fairly disliked even before the TFA review, anyone still standing by them gave up after their sellout review. Then the Plinkett travesty put the final nail in their coffin.

I don't watch them anymore. Haven't seen anything by them since the Plinkett review.

newfag detected

Why does this board have such a hateboner for interracial sex fetishes? I'm starting to feel unwelcome here.

Why does ((( Hollywood ))) keep producing content with interracial relationships? It's always black guy + white women. Why are Jews obsessed with BBC?

You're mistaken. First of all I'm only half Jewish, and second of all I'm not "obsessed" with bm+ww. Merely intrigued and a little aroused.

Into the oven with you.

That's because Holla Forums is a bunch of /r/pcmasterrace redditors and weeaboos at this point. Anything they try is bound to end up in flames because of it.

why cant the women at least look good

I dont get it

Because the primary audience is women, and the secondary audience is their boyfriends.
Women hate competition in the form of other attractive women, so Jewsney decided to cut them out.

The new Star Wars is designed to tap into an untapped segment of the population with poor impulse control and plenty of pocket money.
Jewsney already knows that diehard Star Wars fans will lap up anything they shit out, so their main focus is trying to convert outsiders: women.

question is user, Is it a fapworthy movie or not?

James Cameron did that with Titanic. Cast an average looking women who is in love with two "desirable" "men". The strategy of getting 12 year old girls wet made Titanic the highest grossing movie ever. Disney wishes it could get that kind of success.

THE ROGUE ONE REVIEW

Considering how little actual talking is in this pasta, I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult to splice some audio of Mike talking, Jay's inquisitve grunts, some run of the mill porn audio and Rich screaming "ohhh FFFFFFFFUCK!"

Mike calls for interracial star wars action at 19:52 to 1955.

your ancestors heroically slaughtered primitive natives with vastly inferior weapons and here you are triggered over a youtube video. at least face extinction with a shred of that same bravery, cumskin. smh

whitey called out tbh
daily reminder whitey got himself in this trouble by not keeping his dick in his pants and being too greedy.

I find her really cute

How long will you keep posting this meme?
Just wondering.

I wish the old RLM would return.
Haven't laughed on them for a really long time.
They are burnt out as fuck.

you hone-in on the forehead but it's more than that. There is a particular look that Hollywood is going for that will replace the multi-racial mystery-meat look that was DOA and never really took-off.

Specifically, Hollywood is triangulating a particular look for "blockbuster" action film leads that "passes" and is non-threatening to whites and asians. Short actors with black or dark brown hair and caucasoid/mongoloid hybrid skull-shapes without being Best Korea-tier moon face. Caucasian eyes that can be expressive without being four-sides-white Zoey Deshizzelly crazy eyes at a resting-state. Basically, versions of white people that asians see as attractive and 'attainable' for themselves or their kids.

The reason this sort of triangulation never worked with blacks is that most black people don't see any version of whiteness as attainable. Hollywood is relegating blackness to niche liberal films like "Loving" and "We Wuz NASA Engineerz".

The future is about panding to asia and the middle east audiences, censorship, and "doing business" the asian way.>Why the fuck is Disney so obsessed with huge forehead brunettes?

never. it's the language of "empire", that's why all western portrayals of Romans are played by Brits. Anytime you need to portray "universal common tongue" by showing and not telling, you'll just use an English accent.

and how does nigger trooper and beaner pilot fit in that?

The nigger was supposed to be white and the love interest at first until Jew Jew went off script and hired the groid. The beaner is gay for the groid.

Then why is Daisy Ridley so incredibly fucking ugly? No one wants their child to grow up looking like that ugly bitch.

Also that, the nigger and beaner will straight up become a fag couple in a future movie right? Won't that alienate the chinese market?

The girl is either plain or ugly for two reasons, SJWs hate beautfiul women, and Titanic. James Cameron hired plain looking(by Hollywood standards) Kate Winslet to play the lead. She was courted by two "desirable" "men". Women did not feel threatened by a pretty women on screen and went to watch the movie week after week after week. This is the Disney strategy, hire an ugly or plain women, women are not threatened by a hottie and will go see the movie. Why do you think Twilight was such a success? Plain looking girl being chased after by a "hot" pedo and a shirtless twink.

Good question, user. Doesn't make sense at first glance, does it? But the nog trooper character is a bit 'off' for a film even if the "global culture" theory is discarded. The best I can come up with is he's supposed to be perceived by the (extremely "racist") overseas audience to be a fool, and thus non-threatening. Again, I think the whole Disney Star Wars project is part of a new era that basically throws blacks under the bus in favor of a kind of a cynical neo-colonial Rorschach whiteness that asians see as "attainable loyal/heroic" and whites see as "stronk independent feminist"

Beaner pilot is irrelevent mystery meat side character that anons fuck with because we percieve him to be ambiguously gay and because we expected more due to the way his character was marketed. Dunno how the asians see him but I wouldn't be surprised if they just see him as some kind of "stalwart friend" trope.

Probably should have some anons who are more familiar with the target cultures (particularly Chinese) weigh in.

It's the SJW fish mouth phenomena. I caught some of that in this years brave brunette lead, too, in certain scenes. Don't think it's intentional that they cast actresses that exhibit that.

Rose is still too ahead of average women. Her skin looks perfect and her hair perfectly healthy. She is beautifully pale too, with no sunburns or scars, perfect soft skin. That said, she is kinda chubby and all these things were accomplished by some of the best make up artists hollywood could buy.

I don't dispute that but Cameron could have also hired a total hottie to play that role. The chubbiness gives it away to what he was aiming for. Sort of an average girl look who is still attractive but not threatening to the average female.

You're partially right, and I hope the rest of what you say is accurate because I was really hoping with Obama out of office we could get all this nigger pandering behind us. Honestly, if they want the "urban demographic" they should make shit hypermasculine, and Asian. Every black friend I've ever had has been obsessed with pretty much all of the following things: Samurai, yakuza, Battle Royale, Dragonball Z, Naruto & Gundam. The thing that got them most interested in Star Trek when I'd talk about it with them was Klingons, and not because of their skin color, because they're a warrior culture.

But the reason they're obsessed with skinny white girls is because of a massive miscalculation they've been making for over a decade. Executives are stunningly stupid. They just see a thing that's successful and think if they repeat certain elements they'll be guaranteed a hit. After the first Matrix film there were a flood of movies with bullet-time, wirefighting, black leather outfits for no real reason, and most importantly knock-offs of trinity. "Badass" flat acrobatic chicks. They spent the next decade shitting out flops like Ultraviolet, but have steadfast refused to give up on this "super strong dominatrix" character oblivious to the fact that the reason it worked with Trinity was because she was a badass WITHIN THE CONFINES OF A COMPUTER PROGRAM.

Okay, you're more on the right track than I gave you credit for, this is basically where I was going. Twilight came out, then Hunger Games, Fifty Shades, add to that Harry Potter and Anne Rice's stuff and they were convinced the winning strategy was female writers. They wanted that money fat girls on tumblr were so eager to shell out. They didn't get that the women who complain about male dominaed media will never like it no matter how much it's changed to cater to them.

So we've had a mountain of the same bland female protagonist for the last several years. She's plain, non-threatening, flat-chested, she's a passenger in her story, two much more attractive male characters fight over her. The black guy thing in large part wasn't even a direct attack on white guys, it was another misguided attempt to appease feminists. They need a masculine male character or the male audience won't connect with the film, but if it's a masculine white guy feminists won't shut their stupid fucking faces about it. Make him black and they praise all the same traits as "progressive" "modern" "diversity" and so on.

Either way, I hope they've fired every dipshit who's marketed their films as SJW shit, and if they expect me personally to ever get back into a Star Wars film they need to outright kill off Rey and Finn and put in a female character who isn't black and has at least a pair of natural D cups on display.

Welcome to 3DPD.

I suspect you're right. The cultural establishment will be in a position to adopt a realistic view of blacks when they're confident that they no longer need them. Most blacks generally only care about two things: respect and stuff. They respect flashy "hypermasculinity" and the secret is they mostly don't care who shows it. They'll flock to white action films if the white guy is a "baller" and the film isn't talking down to them specifically.

Ultimately, I think the optics (casting choices) in media is a far easier nut to crack for most anons then understanding whats going on with narrative and tone. For that, we have to dive into female psychology and consensus-building culture and then square that with political agendas and cross-cultural overseas market concerns.

Just understanding the difference between a Hallmark Channel film geared for women vs. a blockbuster "cultural event" action film geared for the same women is a topic that can spawn a years worth of essays. Protip: the hallmark films can reveal what women want, emotionally, while the blockbuster films are more what women think they want when they get together and form/re-affirm consensus. Thats why the cheap, shitty hallmark film will get watched more than once but the latest Star Wars, Star Trek, capeshit film will blow-up and make $1B but then be ignored.

Sounds confusing as fuck to be honest and is enough to make an user want to give up on mainstream culture, but you dance with the one that brought you and I think that generally we're enjoying recent gains over the past few years because overall we are more conversant in the left's culture than they are in ours. We have a better grip on reality. We'ld be wise to retain that no matter how headache-inducing it can be.

FFS…

Second worst thing said in the review. Of course Mike's call for interracial "romance" is number one.

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It has a fun introduction.

Just saw it and can confirm full jewyness. The rebels are all shitskins who kill (white) stormtroopers willy nilly without even having to try. Yep life's pretty cheap to that type. Only good part in the whole turd was the end where vader is btfo rebel betas slaughtering them in the hallway.

-Mike stoklasta

I can't wait for their inevitable upswing in popularity now that their review of a star wars movie is once again aligned with the Holla Forums majority opinion

Why's this got so many dislikes, though? They mostly trash the film and deservedly so, and the first three minutes of them mocking people who clap at nostalgia pandering were pretty funny.

Fug that. If Rogue Turd proves anything it's that hipsters like Mike who made a name for themselves shitting on the prequels and making Lucas abandon the franchise need to be hung.

The comments are filled with shills and butthurt ledditors

Disney's SW fanboys maybe.

For two reasons:

1. Mike once again calls for interracial "romance" in a Star Wars movie.
2. Jay said Daisy Ridley is a charismatic actor.
3. They were mean to the "nerd" movie of the year.

6:30
Jay is such a ratfaced cuck.

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In fairness to Mike, in this case he wasn't specifying interracial romance, and while he did specify last time the individual characters didn't matter to him, he's just saying he wants romance in films again, which have become very sterile in this "can't piss off the feminists" environment.

The problem is Hollywood's current crop of writers can't write likable characters, and if you don't like the characters you'll hate watching their romance.

The people Hollywood hires these days are mostly there through nepotism or politics, none of them have life experience. They don't know about relationships, masculinity or what appeals to guys. They don't know about bonding or friendship, all they know how to do is make sarcastic quips and push their politics.

Then in fairness Mike knows the racial makeup of these movies and what the game is on multiple levels. Yet he still calls for interracial romance. Star Wars does not really need a romantic plot since it is a more kid friendly action adventure type of movie. Yet he still calls for interracial romance. Don't beat around the bush and call nepotism what it is, Jewish nepotism.

Star wars is an adventure film, removing the romance and the guy winning the girl at the end is removing a core part of the genre. It would be like removing the shower scenes from a slasher flick, it isn't important to the overall story but it's incomplete without it.

Lets sum up the review for people who won't watch it.

Not RLM but I want to see the uncut version. The reshoots make it less dark and it's likely that the movie lost vital plot points for it.

Who won Leia at the end of a Episode 4? Han or Luke? No one did.

That was kinda the point. The average Star Wars viewer projected themselves onto either Han or Luke depending on which they liked more. So having no clear winner was part of the draw.

The hate bandwagon against RLM is because of all the Trump jokes.

Within the last year RLM has done 3 Star Wars reviews and called for interracial romance in at least two of them. RLM are cucks.

The image I posted would not please Mike unless there was a black guy involved. Face it, Mike is the cuck to surpass Louis C.K.

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No, A New Hope did not have a Romance. Stop with this fanboy bullshit.

I always found romance in star wars to be a side thing for other characters. Forcing it on the main character isn't a part of those movies.

In the first there's no real romance other than Luke thinking princess Leia was hot and also the chance of adventure. The romance was really left to Han and Leia since they played off each other better than Luke and Leia, Luke's arc was more about his conflict between the Jedi teachings and his Friends.

The problem with these new movies and the problem with the prequels really is that there's no 3 Amigos going off on wacky adventures.

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i get paid by trump and his friends to shill for exxon on Holla Forums lol

Wew lads, I think they're on to us.

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Uncharismatic women are Jay's type because he's a betafaggot loser.

Fuck off Cucklasa.

Forgot my image.

I agree TFA sucks but because he enjoyed it doesn't mean he's a cuck. People can like shitty things.

Also

Here we go. Just what we needed. RLM apologists trying to rewrite history. Go away you cucks and worship Cucklasa elsewhere.

The porn analogy is apt, people will get desensitized to it soon I hope.

you wish cucklord.

No. Scene is only good if you are into tame ENF shit.

What did he mean by this?

That's my fettish.

Uh huh

WHO GIVES A SHIT IF THERE'S BLACKS
WHY ARE THERE NO FUCKING ALIENS IN THE MAIN CAST

My question to you is how can guys like director Gareth Edwards and writers Chris Weitz (involved with American Pie films) and Tony Gilroy (Bourne Conspiracy films, Armageddon) make a better Star Wars film than Hollywoods "golden goose" Abrams and not get any recognition as the better Star Wars crew?

And on that note, how DID Abrams come to be at the helm of both fucking SW AND Star Trek? His only contributions were the Alias series, Lost, and several other flimsy projects before his rise to fame. Seemingly out of nowhere, this guy swoops in and people are gushing about this newfound talent. I feel that his ancestry had a part in that. Abrams wrecked both movie series and Rogue One was like a breath of fresh air in comparison.

PROS:
>all the crucial characters die, meaning no dumb sequels

CONS:
pilot supposed to be insane after getting his memories sucked out, but shakes it off as if nothing happened

I will have to add some further comments regarding Rogue One. The film deliberatley tries to avoid the pitfalls that lesser directors would gladly have pounced on. No dumb fan-pandering as stated, but also no obvious cliches. For example, Jyn tries to rouse the Alliance to fight with all this inspirational music going on. Just as you're about to groan of frustration, the council members decide that's a bad idea, and leave Jyn on her own, even though the viewers know she was speaking the truth. Jyn's power level was way high at the start (rushing into a group of stormtroopers with a baton), but they toned it down near the end (running around with no weapon and minimal fighting). Same with the ending, Cassian and Jyn could very well have shared a kiss just as they were going to be evaporated, but they settled on a hug, since they didn't have any special feelings for one another. RO had the feeling of the first three films, and I found myself on the edge of my seat several times. I found myself more invigored than annoyed, something that didn't happen with Force Awakens.

Nigga they can and will probably shit prequels about those shit characters harder than an indian with diarrhea .

It's funny because it's true. Was even cucked by Mike "Breed My Wife" Stoklasa.

Did we watch the same movie?

Jay "More Men in My" Bauman.
Surprisingly AIDSMoby is the least cucked at RLM given he's actually had his own kids.

Darth Vader has a reason to be in, same as Leia, while C3PO and R2D2 are there more as a nod to fans. I can't recall any others at the moment if there were any

Are there any pictures of his wife? I'm curious as to what kind of woman would let AIDSmoby touch them.

Here's her twitter, plus there's a picture of the family together in a Pokemon cosplay on AIDSMoby' twitter too.
twitter.com/lisamariemke

Not sure if you are serious or not. The robot always telling the odds, the two guys from the bar who tried to bully Luke, moisture vaporators, one of the guys who helped blow up the death star, Darth Vader's fortress, Mon Mothma… It's basically fanfiction tier with all the recurring characters and references.

Looks cute. Maybe he lets her get blacked or something.

No shit, it isn't George Lucas doing them, so it is fan-fiction.

Is the movie bad just because there are references or because the references derail the plot and are distracting? Those references are subtle, since I honestly had to take a moment to remember all of those. If there are references in a movie I would much rather take subtle over distracting and I would say those were some of the smarter choices.

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Jay lost his mind completely or he just proved he doesn't actually know shit about movies.
I guess that's why he's a failed filmmaker.

That's not what I meant though, fanfiction is written differently than even tie in stuff. Rogue One has more in common with fanfiction than say the Thrawn trilogy or whatever.

The problem is that they weren't subtle. At all. If they were then I would have enjoyed them. Instead it will pan to some character for a significant amount of time like OH MY GOD ITs whoever. Why the fuck did they need a CGI Grand Mof Tarkin. They could have easily written around that or not shown his face or something.

CUCK MY LIFE INTO PIECES

What?

What?

The only subtleness is the archive names, which work just fine as small references.

Thats when I closed the vid, I dont know what the fuck happened to them.

Cuck my life into pieces
This is my last divorce
Destination: no breeding
Don't give a fuck if I caught my wife cheating

What the fuck did the prequels ever do to this guy that he looks like he's got PTSD at a mere indirect reference to one of them?

Maybe an earlier girlfriend who didn't want to get BLACKED liked them? Every time he thinks of them he thinks of the rejection the bull he brought with him got, every time it rips open the wound again.

2 minutes and twenty seconds and I now have cancer. This shit is so cringeworthy at this point even if they're still trying to do it ironically. At this point it seems like they're post-ironic and are doing it ironically-ironic. Don't care what else they have to say. I think an episode of the communist-BBC produced TV show for kids, The Teletubbies would be less cringeworthy.

I don't watch their videos, I just shitpost on Holla Forums

but they keep praising TFA

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Jay couldn't get with Gillian despite the fact that she was all over him in that Best of the Worst episode.

If you can't tell Mike was purposefully trying to get Holla Forums's goat you're a special kind of retarded.

Rogue One is objectively better than TFA and Jyn is a cute.

Yes, but that's not saying much. Like saying a cold, dull and non-spicy burrito served on top of a disgraced corpse is better than a turd served on top of dying geriatrics.

And I'm not surprise.

Which episode? Also, are you saying Mike has no game? The source of his cuck fetish is becoming clear.

Do you think Jay is secretly a closeted gay?

Which movie is that from? The shot looks gorgeous.

So yeah, I just watched it due to a family outing. It was either that or some even worse shit I'd have to deal with, since my theater's selection is garbage. The theater was completely empty save two other families. K-2 and the action was the only good thing about that movie but at least I didn't have to put up with the garbage the last Star Wars heroine's so called acting was. Much more enjoyable then I was expecting.

Cast (which everybody dies) is as follows:
Heroes
-Strong Female Character, family tragedy as the start of the film
-Roguish Latino, doesn't actually follow through with his orders because trust and friendship; the heroine's dad dies anyways from A BOMB completely making the tension preceding her dad's death way more retarded then it should've been
-Sarcastic Droid Asshole, best character in the movie and the only one to cause any laughing in the theater, bonus is he mocks the strong female lead and her bad acting
-Deep Asian Blind Monk Guy, Jedi poser and the only thing he does is beat up stormtroopers and prove that stormtroopers are blinder then a blind man
-Deep Asian Man's Friend The Menacing Cuban Black Man, like's guns and basically runs around menacing stormtroopers with his big guns
-Menacing Rebel Extremist Leader, he is a fatherly black man thus it's okay and dies with honor after mentally raping a man's mind courtesy of a Death Star to the face (holding back it's punches of course)
-Fishface Stand-in for the other one cause he dies, only on here cause all the other rebel leaders are a diverse cause of cultural enrichment and sitting around twiddling their fingers with their thumbs up their ass, notably he is of a darker skin tone
-Princess Leia, spoilers she was in the battle and doesn't die cause plot holes would happen

Villains
-Narcissistic White Man recruits brown scientist to destroy the galaxy with the Death Star, gets screwed with the other old guy from the original trilogy
-Old Villainous Officer From original Trilogy and Maybe the Dude That Might've Been Force Choked in the original trilogy, it's been a long time since I've seen it so it could be someone else
-Darth Vader, kills a bunch of dudes and we get to see that in his spare time he hangs out in a tank full of burn cream and he enjoys toying with officers getting a little to ambitious for his liking by sarcastically almost choking them to death.

Other
-R2D2 and C3P0, cameos
-Heroine's Scientist Dad, notably brown
-Heroine's Coalburning Mother, gets killed and notably fucked up her brown husbands plan (note: it actually looked like his bluff worked until she showed up)
-Rebel Leaders, Diversity and Cultural Enrichment; the "leader" of this group was a white old bitch whom is obviously a cunt like always when a woman is in charge.

Notable Good Points:
-Death Star shoots at least twice, and you get to see both with the graphics and effects being pretty cool.
-Lots of action, and fast paced to boot there was constant fighting and preludes to fighting and the second half when they're on the archive is pretty much a long action sequence.
-Light on the love plot, mostly just some flirting and subtle charge between main man and woman then they basically only start to show any attempts at cheesy romance about around the point they die from the Death Star blast

Bad:
-Multiculturalism undertones everywhere like usual
-I already knew exactly how everything was going to happen, you could see it a mile away.

I am going to guess Episode III.

*Cast I Forgot:
-Pilot Guy, black and basically along for the ride. His childish and very enthusiastic ways can be explained by his mind being gently fondled by an alien for interrogation. I forgot him.

It dawns on my that I should say more, but that's really it. That's all I have to say about it. Prologue that introduces the heroine is that the mother goes and gets herself killed right after her dad actually bluffed the white male villain. Then she is broken out of prison cause she is his daughter to try and convince her stepdad (rebel black man extremist) for help with a supposed information leak, he thought it was a trap but showed her the information the Rebels wanted anyways. Hologram goes out with her stepdad's base cause the nearby city got zapped by the Death Star and it's an increasing series of being just in the nick of time until the final planet they needed to go. Second destination after picking up three stooges is the hidden base where the Death Star was developed and her dad dies from a bomb then accuses the latino of doing it as if he'd actually ordered the hit or whatever after he explained he didn't take the shot. Next destination the rebel base, whereupon all the black people and white women chicken out for a raid on the final planet, so she gathers up her friends who brings along disposable rebel lackeys and the rest of the move is one long action sequence and infiltration mission where the plucky cast dies one by one as the mission goes on for the Death Star plans.

That's it.

yeah it looks just like my favourite video game.

that's being a fucking retard which he is constantly, not the definition of a cuckhold.

What's your favorite video game, Mike?

It was all a joke bro. Just like the ironic over-excitement the defense of Daisy Fridge-face, the soft-handling of Cuck One - all of it, it was all ironic. It's just that you nazis can't tell. Seriously. It's just joking.

But wasn't Alderaan the first time the Death Star was used?
Or just another plot hole becasue nobody bothered to watch the first movie?

This one.

Can someone please make a gif of this?

I tried to make it look good. My program kept crashing so this is the best I got. Also if on Firefox or maybe even other browsers, search for the MakeGif addon. Pretty damn handy.

I think reshoots fucked it up

Thanks user. Here some ultra rare vivs.

Quality dropped too when chicks left after that we got stuck with beard fat and aids fag….
They got to stop cucking & hire some funny people to replace aids and beard and perhaps up the quality a bit.