Not Harry Potter & The Infinite Cash Cow

I read the first 4 as a kid. I wish I read Artemis Fowl and some other YA novels growing up. I didn't read them as much cuz I felt they were all to similar so I read comics instead and got an interest in horror.

Artemis Fowl is really bad too. the main character is a huge Sue and the villains are always pure evil just for the hell of it

...

Wait, how many does that make now, three? The speed wizarding society keeps churning them out really makes you wonder what is wrong in the magical world that they'd need them.

they consider themselves far superior to the muggles, yet have to hide their existence because deep down they know they wouldn't stand a chance against the muggles' superior technology and numbers

seems like a good breeding ground for populist dictators tbh

But Voldermort was right, muggleborns will spell an end of wizarding culture and the dilution of the magical gene (which is recessive). We already see how a cunt like Hermione comes in and starts bitching and moaning they change their whole culture and traditions because they offend her modern, libcuck sensibilities.

Meanwhile, Dumbledore, a faggot, possibly a Jew as well, and member of the magical (((international community))) keeps flooding the place with pakis, curryniggers, kikes and coons.

like I said, the wizards don't stand a chance against the superior muggles. survival of the fittest

aw shit. Someone recommended it to me on Holla Forums and I was curious since the premise looked cool when I was a kid.

I mean, it is cool when you're a kid. especially if you're the kind of kid who considers himself smarter than the kids who bully you and wish you were rich so you could show them

however, reading them as an adult is suffering

This. I loved Hermione growing up, but now I can't stand her shit.

you just wanted to bag her

Is it because of the character or the actress?

Well that sucks. Is the Giver any good? I read part of it growing up and it intrigued me. I haven't finished the rest of it.

never heard of it. nice name though

Its an older book. The beginning of it was pretty good. It set up an interesting world sadly I never finished it.

I really liked how early on in the books, Hermione's crusade for house elf rights is treated like a massive joke (granted, later it becomes a totally serious fight for liberty), with the house elves basically saying that they love working, and Hermione trying to convince them that no, they are totally brainwashed by ze evil, oppressive wizard society, and Harry and Ron barely pretending like they give two fucks (well, Ron kinda does later on, mainly because he wants to bang Hermione).

It reads almost like a prophetic parody of modern SJW insanity.

To be fair with the House Elf's could it be stockholm syndrome they suffered from? Kind of like the slaves in the South?

I was always under the impression they actually liked working for a household, and the Malfoy and Black treatment of their own house elves is a pretty biased way of representing it, since they are the defacto "evil" families, so it's not like all house elves are mistreated by their masters.

Plus, Hermione being high on pozz, she doesn't seem to realize how powerful these creatures are, considering they can violate blood wards at will, or that there might have been a very good why wizards in times past put them under their thrall.

Next the dumb bitch will be arguing for centaurs to roam free (so they can pepper wizards with arrows and take their scalps), for werewolves and vampires to get equal rights and treatment (so when they chimp out they can slaughter more people), maybe to even import giants into wizarding society to help them "integrate".

Rowling is a dumb bitch, she preaches multiculturalism and tolerance yet her magical world is filled with dangerous and lethal creatures that hate humans and want them dead.

Because they have it so much better these days, right?

Huh never thought of that. I guess they did like working for people more.

Hepzibah Smith treated Hokey pretty well, and Dumbledore had the largest employ of House Elves in the entire world, and none of them complained or were mistreated.

Of course, Rowling will just say that Dumbledore was a meanie bobeanie for having them and not realising their structural oppression and Hermione was way smarter than he ever was for being pozzed.

I think JK Rowling got more and more retarded as society became more and more suicidal… she relaized she could get away with more without hurting sales of her book. I suspect anything new from her will be SJW Tumblr tier.

Sshe is unbalanced plain and simple.
idk but if I had to guess I would expect to find out that JK rowling is probably an old, childless, unmarried catlady. Hence the suicidal propaganda…

Nah, brah, JK's got three kiddos.
She was writing the first HP book when the oldest was just a wee baby. Should've just stuck to children's literature instead of thinking that she was smart.

Isn't there a rumor going around that most of her books are ghostwritten?

I honestly forgot that Rowling has written stuff that's not Potter. I remember now that I tried reading The Casual Vacancy when it came out, and couldn't even make it past the first thirty pages, that's how dull it was. Incidentally, it was also the book that opened my eyes as to how much of a shit writer Rowling actually was.

Not sure about rumors, but I know that there's a conspiracy theory that the BBC was secretly collaborating with MI6 or something to write the Harry Potter novels. Shit, I even heard an even more batshit insane theory that there's some kind of secret script in the Harry Potter books that makes it lodge itself in your brain so you remember it. That one was actually kinda scary now that I think about it.

I thought you were kidding, but then I watched the trailer.

This is gonna be a trainwreck, isn't it?

HOW MUCH FUCKING CGI DO THEY NEED HOLY SHIT

You need to be unbalanced to cheer for & promote the death of your our people and culture (assuming rowling is not a jewess).

Obviously the death of wizarding world its race and culture is supposed to represent Europeans and people with European ancestry ( ex: Americans, Candians, etc) It is interesting that she paints a picture where the wizards who are left are mostly mongoloid (mixed with muggles) and that the government is instrumental in promoting the death of wizards and witches with its cucked and anti-wizard policies (sound familiar?). Add in the cucked ( 2d dimensional ) beta-male protagonist self-righteous “love” ( ie hate for your own people and culture) conquers hate BS and the fact that Harry does not really understand his own people or culture because he was brought up by muggles and as such identifies as one of them. In fact he really never actually tries to immerse himself in his people’s culture other than crying about his dead parents he never knew and wanting to stay in school over the summer like a faggot. He is always on the outside looking in further more he is isolated by his celebrity from his own kind.

I don’t believe she intended anyone to be a faggot in Harry Potter despite her leftist opinions. Due to the time period she started writing Harry Potter in (What? 1980’s- 90’s) which a children’s book series that featured homosexuality and Witchcraft (there were lots of groups that would decry this once upon a time) would not sell at least in many parts of the world outside England.
I think she said that afterward the last book came out due to faggots becoming a fairly acceptable in society according to leftist perception. That said as I said earlier anything new she puts out will be a race to the bottom only supported by the lowest common denominator (Tumblr tier freaks).
JK Rowling needs mental help. I suggest a lobotomy, drugs, and a strait coat or better yet a rope.

...

The answer to that question is obvious, just go to San Francisco.

Watched the trailer. Barely saw any of the movie on it. Instead I got CGI CGI CGI CGi (Of which most will just last some minutes in the film)

Please don't tell me they're gonna pull a Star Wars and show us a young Dumbledore…

Come on guys, this doesn't look bad. It's just that the name of this movie and forced multicultural shit sucks. I doubt there were so many black people in power some time ago in England.

Okay.

Well, it's on the same level as harry potter anyway.

Yeah, it's shit.

But I liked harry potter…

I hope its goes full Star Wars and it turns out everyone is related to each other

Why he was a cuck loser that had no power and never earned anything. The only thing Harry ever did is turn his back on his own people .

He got sloppy thirds on an ugly ginger.

On top of that Harry Potter was a shit protagonist in every way, moreso because Rowling kept reminding the audience how inferior he was to all the wizards around him. His greatest call to fame was the fact he could play fetch very well (but so can dogs).

He didn't even defeat the evil wizard, the old faggot, and possible pederast, schemed to turn Harry into a living bomb, Voldemort basically defeated himself. Harry never actually worked hard for his own survival or to win anything, it all fell into his lap with minimal effort on his part. He might as well have been bathed in that luck potion at birth, because the whole universe was bending over backwards to ensure natural selection didn't run its course in regards to him.

It could had been better, but Harry Potter is pretty much the only series about wizards that had that magical feeling about it. Rowling may be a sellout, but I can't hate Harry Potter, I just can't. Harry is a bit of a cuck though.

Well said.
Ginny…. another no effort for Harry she wanted him since she met him and was his best mate's sister so he didn't even have to really go out of his way to court her. I guess it was too hard to court Cho.

0 character development for Harry. He never got any better at being a wizard or displayed any skill of his own skill. As the above poster stated the bad guys were done in by Dumbledore and their own stupidity Harry Potter was a just a pawn. Besides that his attitude and his behavior make it clear he is a cucked nu-male.

Honestly, reading young (gay) Dumbledore getting played by (not gay) Grindelwald was the highlight of the Half-Blood Prince.

...

Ginny was the biggest whore of Hogwarts, more like sloppy thirties.

She seriously was, to the point Ron got pissed off about it. I think Rowling wanted to push an empowered feminist angle there ( to make up for the early Ginny) aka the school whore.
Who thinks she stopped after cuck potter started dating her? He should demand a paternity test after she started having children.

If the HP series was realistic Harry would banged Fleur Delacour in the fourth book, because seriously, after he saved her sister from the lake she was just about ready to give him a blowjob in front of the whole school.

That might have made his him and the book series almost worth reading.

How can people like this shit? The last ones were retarded near the end, where they just ran around and around doing almost nothing. Then Harry uses a basic spell and instantly kills Voldemort no problem. The author is shit, and I expect this movie and book to be no different.

looks decent least they aren't reusing any of harry's family and shit

That's what happens when you spend six books showing the audience what a completely lazy imbecile the protagonist is, you write yourself into a corner where he does not have the knowledge, skill or ability save himself, forcing the use of deus ex machina.

Harry has spent every year of his schooling career fending off attempts at his life, yet, despite living in a world where knowledge is power, moreso than in the muggle world, and that he is sitting on a veritable arsenal of spells, potions and magical quirks he could study up (and is friends with the smarter cunt of her generation) he does nothing but goof off. And we, as the audience, are supposed to cheer for this idiot that gets out of scrapes not thanks to guile and skill, but through sheer luck and eventually wins with the power of friendship?

FIVE MOVIES

It's a children's book; blame it on the fact that childhood now extends into your late-thirties.

The whole thing was retarded. I only realized during the deathly hallows part 1

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Harry Potter's mother was born into a muggle family, a mudblood - so, no, he was not pureblood. That takes centuries of inbreeding.

God, I hate that I know this.

why didn't they just use a time turner to go back and prevent Voldemort's parentes from ever meeting each other?

Both tbh.

Because you can't abuse time travel like that. It's more important to let Hermione cheat her academic score.

You're pureblood if both your parents were wizards, it doesn't take other relatives into account.

That's kinda the plot of Cursed Child, it ends up changing the timeline so some people turn up not existing, Harry ends up being an even bigger of a cuck, things like that.

"Pure-blood is the term for wizards and witches who have a purely or approximately pure magical heritage. This means that there are no Muggles in their family trees..as the only way for a family to retain their pure-blood status is to marry other pure-bloods, all pure-blood families were related to one another by the 1990s."

Why do you make me do this?
Why do I make myself do this?

Well, it would be very boring without Voldy, wouldn't it?

What was the reason no one packed a gun? or any modern technology of any kind.
This is the reason magic kind of sucks in modern day situations.

You would think the wizards created modern tech in the first place. Instead they have that as a muggle thing.

Something something technology malfunctions around wizards mumble mumble.

Magical feeling my fucking ass dude, are you a teenage girl or something?

Holy fucking shit nigger.

Harry Potter was always for nerds, atleast in amongst people my age.

Must be a lot of youngfags on these boards…

Posting best wizard duel.

Go get vaccinated tinfoiler.

What's wrong with schlock? I love schlock!

...

What does that picture have to do with your post?

what a waste of sweet succulent quints

I read it in 7th grade, it's pretty weird. I also heard there's two sequels, one of which a character comes back and kills everyone. The only "kid's book" series I liked was the a wrinkle in time sequels. Weird shit like riding unicorns through time and meeting nephelim and Noah.

Kill yourself tripfag.

Source?

Is there any book similar to Harry Potter where the protagonist isn't a cucked nimrod and the story isn't full of pozz?

How so?

The Name Of The Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, and to a lesser extent its sequel Wise Man's Fear

When did harry ever hate his own people or culture? He fucking hated the Dursly's and made every effort he could too make sure he never went back there.

I tried reading that shit and the protagonist was such a pretentious faggot I nearly got AIDS from reading it.

So Harry was a nihilist. His end goal seems to be to ruin everything and everyone around him.

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Dumbledore became a celibate asexual after him falling in love with Gildrwand ended up with his sister dead.
He had a piece of Voldemort's soul attached to his own, how was he a bomb?
He had to find several horcruxes. That's not what I would call " fell into his lap".

How?
How?

Forgot to link as well, sorry.

How?
where they just ran around and around doing almost nothing.
Explain in detail.

I specifically remember the books mentioning that electronics don't work in the Hogwarts grounds because of the "magic in the air". Not sure about guns.

How is Harry a cucked nimrod? How is the story full of pozz?

Did you even read the books? Harry is a very hopeful character. He makes a effort to help everyone because he's a nice person.

wait is that a sequel to the Harry Potter series?

I always prefered The Edge Chronicles. They could be surprisingly brutal for kid's books.

The Old Kingdom trilogy was also pretty good.

JOHNNY DEPP

The first two Arty Fowl books are pure fun, and if you stop reading there it's quite nice light children's lit. It's after that when his character and the plots suffer.

It's about his son and his friend. J.K didn't even write it, and they replaced Hermione with a nigger.

If one archiver doesn't work try the other.
web.archive.org/web/20161105222711/http://www.mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-news/eddie-redmayne-no-idea-fantastic-9181241

Could they have picked an uglier sow?

Shouldn't guns be considered magic by their rules? Gun powder is like an alchemical thing.

How old are you even?
I'm 25 and I remember loads of faggots older than me being into this shit when I was in high school.
Of course there were also plenty of younger middle school fucks that were into it, but they had the excuse of being extra young and stupid, so they had an excuse to like this shit before figuring out Rowling was a fucking terrible author.

Relationships are schlock, GIVE US SCHLOCK

That first pic basically disproves evolution. No way whites evolved from niggers. Since yesterday, #SpiritCooking, it's only a matter of time till the proof is revealed. Whites are Ayyy Lmaos.

No shit we didn't numbnuts. We evolved from hominids and spread out over time.

Guns in general aren't electronic regardless.
Unless the bullshit magic barriers somehow allowed for complete suppression of chemical reactions, guns should work perfectly fine within any boundaries of any magic school.
Guns are literally just metal (and maybe plastics or ceramics) and ammunition is simply metal with accelerants encased within a shell.

How so?

has this become a new meme?

antsu on head retarded

You have to go back.

No numbnuts I was saying the specific phrase "How so?" has become a new meme not asking questions in general.

There are entire wikis that will explain the plotholes in her Harry Potter books.
Her shit is entertaining, and it's fine if you enjoyed it, but denying that the lore she attempted to establish didn't constantly contradict itself is fucking stupid.
Even the slightest analysis would topple the plot of every book past The Chamber of Secrets, and even then the first two books weren't terribly consistent with one another.

The thing that I really dislike about Rowling is she will do anything for approval.

"WAS DUMBLEDORE GAY?"
"U-Uh yes! He always was, haha, silly normies didn't get it! b-but you cracked the code!"

"HERMOINE WAS BLACK, INNIT?"
"Y-Yes of course! White people! Ew! Yucky!"

"Voldemort was the true holder of the Elder wand!"
"Y-Yup! Worked out my super intricate plot! Haha, I am far better than old codgers like Tolkien!"

For the sake of the fucking crown love, be consistent eh? It's okay to say "No, but I wish I came up with that" or "No, but I could see how that could be accepted" fucking hell if the theories around Childhood's End, The Tripods and by my stars and garters Lord of the bloody Rings is any indication of how many fan theories you'll get here's a bit of a lizzie in your back pocket, don't trod on your lore in an attempt to get a rub down from your pre-tween audience love. Smack my arse and call me linda, why does she want this approval

Which ones?

"Could have been black"

Same muff, differen't tuff my son

She said that? Source?

Give me a tick squire, I'll have a gander at her shitter I remember her sucking off someone over the fan theory but I may be remembering it wrong

Look up the Harry Potter wiki alone and read through it. Within 30 minutes I will guarantee you will see at least one glaring contradiction.
I know you're in denial here, and I know it's hard to accept, but your favorite childhood author is a hack.

The books and movies were still pretty entertaining regardless, and that's all that should matter, since nothing in the entertainment industry is truly consistent to the point of not having gaping flaws, and this goes especially in regards to fantasy.
I mean, fucking Game of Thrones is notorious for ridiculous plot holes and yet it's still highly regarded.

Even Tolkien couldn't manage a plot that didn't have glaring plot holes (not even exclusive to the eagles either), yet he is esteemed as one of the greatest writers of the modern era.

Aye it's a rule of writing. For every masterpiece there's always an old sod who has too much time to debunk your plot but the thing I hate about Rowling is instead of doing a Georgey Martin and going "Haha, Touche, you got me!" she insists that she's a better writer and that others have simply "worked it out ;3" as if it's the soddin' enigma code

You really can't expect a woman to admit she fucked up tbh.

Too right mate, too right

How much you guys wanna bet that this movie will flop and this franchise will never get off the ground?

My entire folder of ex girlfriend nudes I'm not suppose to release.

Screencap it

Done user. I can't post it here because the file is too big.

Nobody cares about your ugly slag.
You might as well post that shit now.

Regardless, this movie looks like shit.

Yes, but there is more than one ugly slag and one of them isn't fat!

But is she double ugly to compensate?

No but she does have a feminine penis

Nothing, because it won't flop.

Normies with flood in by the millions to see this dreck. Unfortunately.

But the Harry Potter hype has died down hasn't it?

The eagles weren't a plot hole, but I'd like to hear what else was.

I don't remember that part, or an sort of sex for that matter. Did I just forget or was that cut out of the burger version?

How so?

What did he mean by this?

Besides Harry she was with at least three other guys from Gryffindor (including a nigger) and I think two from some other house.

"People his age" were probably getting into first grade when Half-Blood Prince was on theaters.

Are we actually supposed to believe the shitty little parlor tricks wizards do in Harry Potter could compare to even a WWII army? Wizards in Harry Potter are weak as shit compared to most works of fiction.
Some fucking fag would point his dildo at Hans and wouldn't even get a word out before being ripped apart by an MP 40 or get gunned down by an MG 42. They're going to find their lightshow bounching off a panzer or get killed by artillery fire.
That's if Allied troops don't freak out and kill them.

I remember the Harry Potter craze and how Potter fans acted like Voldemort was this ultimate big bad but guys like Sauron can totally crush Voldemort.

Voldemort's a really wimpy villain if you stop to think about it, his only big thing was being unable to die from a killing curse because he stored his soul away from his body, but even 12 year olds know different ways to stop a person without immediately resorting to killing.

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Could Kiritsigu solo the Harry Potter universe?

Kiritsugu

Fucking Frodo Baggins could solo the Harry Potter Universe. Imagine Rambo ending up there.

The wizards aren't quite that weak. A normal human or hobbit or whatever wouldn't be able to do it. But give that normal human Time Alter - Double Accel, Origin Rounds in a Thompson Contender, machine guns, and explosives?

The only Universe I could see having an all out war oh the autism would be great would be the Naruto Universe.

Though the one thing that does legitimately piss me off about the Harry Potter Universe is the fact that the forbidden spells don't really seem to be forbidden for much of a reason. Can a lore fag explain this? Why is Avada Kedavra, Crucio and…Imperius? Why are they banned when other spells have the potential of doing the same thing?

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Now I want to see the Punisher take on the Harry Potter universe.

But Little Witch Academia has two movies and is getting a series.

Eddie Redmayne looks fucking weird.

Where the fuck are all the magic creatures from American Folklore? This is just a bunch of bullshit eurotrash masquerading as an American wizarding movie.

All low T males look really strange

What if Harry Potter was set during the American Civil War?

House Elves are replaced with House Niggers, spells now explode out of a wand like a musket, cannons are now just giant wands on wheels that team of wizards need to operate to get it to cast as spell correctly.

General Vol D. Lee leading the 8th Louisianian, 19th South Carolinan, and 13th Texan Deatheater Regiments on a raid of the Frontier Fort held by the Wizarding Union forces, Fort Hogwarts, to cut off the "Hogwarts Express" train supply route to the rest of the Wizarding Union forces while Abrahamakedabra Lincoln delivers the Gettiwizards Address.

Shit could be neat.

Wendigos and Goatmen are way too cool, that bitch needs to stay away from my innawoods monsters.

Obligatory spook stories. Didn't really believe in monsters till I lived in a bumfuck town in Colorado in between two Indian reservations. Only kids to make friends with were Indians so I spent a lot of time with them. I very quickly learned why those guys are so superstitious.

Was that from the gamecube?

Neville Longbottom is the Ensemble Darkhorse
He worked his way from loser to warrior

What happened in Colorado? You have to share your story at this point. Does anyone believe any of the stories in the pics? I have a friend with a pretty convincing bigfoot story.

It's funny he was the real hero in the movies when you think about it.

Who will this Shaw dude be?
His campaign dinner is getting wrecked in this scene

Would not be surprised if they changed the script last minute toward the end of last year to sneak in some Trump references.

Anyone or anything faster than magic words and flicking/swishing wands could obliterate the Harry Potter Universe. Those pussies probably wouldn't even know how to possibly deal with Rambo before hundreds of them would be dead. Their way of thinking is archaic and polite. A brutal killing machine would terrify most of them shock.

*into shock

I wanna see the Punisher fuck their shit up.

Rowling herself said that one trained marine/seal could wipe out Hogwarts. Or was a team of them?

My nigga.

Persumably the later ones.
But since there isn't any clear evidence of it, it's mostly based on how the style of her writing seems to have changed in a short amount of time, unless she forced her self to write differently.

Even a big change isn't completely implausible for a writer without that much experience, especially if they have a pro-active editor.

I think they want to attract a new generation to the new films. The last book came in 2007 and the last film in 2011. People who grew up with the first book/movie had enough time to marry and have their own children. Now with a new movie the parents will probably feel a bit nostalgic(even if the last movie was 5 years ago) and will want to introduce their children to the "wanders" of the Harry Potter universe.

...

This is because harry is the John Everyman. Had he actually worked hard, had some talent and earned his victory he would be unrelatable to the normalfag.

Hence the lucky dues ex like ending.

iirc, some wizards didn't need wands, they did everything mentally. Wands really only augmented the power of the spell.

Also,
So…British?

No. I still love Harry Potter, it's part of my childhood and holds a very special place in my heart. So much so I watch the entire shitty movie series every couple of years.
Yet, I have zero interest in this shitty movie, or the shitty cash grab new books.

I love the orignial series, but anything new that JK is touching is fucking dead to me.

"The Cruciatus, Imperius and Avada Kedavra Curses were not made unforgivable until 1717."

It's just wizard politics.

Do you really expect a retarded bong slag who could barely keep a story that based in her homeland together to actually know what the fuck she's doing with something based in burgerland?

why are guns banned in our world while knives, axes, swords etc. are legal?

Difference is accesibility though and functionality.
Compare some of the spells like…Flipendo? Fuck I'm not going to bother trying to remember the names but spells that fling people about, set things on fire, etc etc. These things happen on a whim.

Unlike a gun as well, it being a tool, these abilities are more like learning a martial art. We do not ban fists or outlaw fists. I honestly just want to know why?

Does it affect your soul or something?

My nigga.
;_;

Artemis Fowl is varying quality.
First book is the best book, mc is pretty complex, is willing to kidnap people and threaten world war to help his family.
The Arctic Incident is alright, but the villain flat out lets himself be recorded while telling his secret plans of betraying everybody. Main character becomes a goody two shoes.
The Eternity Code is meh, and where the series should have ended. Artemis fucks up like a complete retard, tries fixing shit the whole book and makes some plans.
Opal Deception is very meh, kills off best character and overall pretty boring.
The Lost Colony is lame as fuck, it's about fucking magical demons and dimension hopping. The only fun part is how they disguise a demon as a muslim kid and it works. In the end Artemis swaps one of the eyes with Holly, can use magic and becomes the ultimate sue.
Time Paradox is fucking garbage. Artemis has to go in the past to stop himself from killing a retarded animal, but in the way he turns into a 17 year old. The book has shipping out the ass. In the end it turns out it was all Opal(?) from the past(??) posessing Artemis' mother(???) to do whatever. The twist is retarded and the book is shit.
The last two books I couldn't read but I know they are about amnesia, Artemis having multiple personalities and all kinds of other gay shit.
the book had a fucking tanned shortstack elf on the cover and it made my kid dick diamonds
Try the first one, but don't read past the third.

I don't think that is is I think its social engineering had he worked hard at all it would have promoted "privilege" and toxic masculinity" or some communist bullshit like that.
Even if normal fags can't relate to working hard they can admire it and be inspired to follow that example…. after all he would start out like the a normal fag and develop into something better.

Hell thinking about it a bit more it could very well be that Rowling doesn't know how to write compelling male characters if could be her world view ( she is female and a leftist). That people don't become better through hard work and self improvement but rather are handed everything…

You know, for kids.

...

Did you read Keys to the Kingdom or Pendragon?
I read the first few books years ago and was wondering how they turned out.

These books, and their illustrations, were so fucking good.

It's really not a very interesting story. I went camping with some of my friends and two of their dads in the woods during the winter. The first night was pretty normal but the second night it felt much colder than usual and it felt like we were being watched the whole time. Everyone seemed pretty spooked and one of the Dads started praying in Navajo. They stayed up the whole night making sure the fire burned tall.

We didn't really talk about it ever again but I'm convinced it may have been a Wendingo because of how cold it was. It was probably a bear truthfully. Sorry it's not a very interesting story.

Definitely the most mind boggling shit in the series by fair. Artemis is a self insert for the author which makes the whole kissing with younger holly a bit pedo.

FIVE MOVIES

So you're saying that any actual military could have wiped out Voldemort and company with no trouble at all? Kek, way to admit that the whole story had no stakes.

What a heap of dog shit.

I always got the impression that the whole Artemis/Holly shipping thing was because of the fandom. If it's not, well, the whole thing is basically Eragon/Arya levels of creepy, only even more so because Artemis is like twelve, while Holly is supposed to be eighty.

Which reminds me, they're supposedly making movies out of those books too, only it's Disney, so it's pretty much guaranteed to be pozzed to the maximum.

calling it now, they're gonna make Butler a black man

Well Eragon was written by a 15 year old right?

It's honestly quite scary how plausible this is.

A 15 year-old shut-in virgin with no clue how normal people operate, yes. Which sorta excuses the creepy shit in the books, but Eoin Colfer is a grown-ass man and seemingly socially well-adjusted, so what's his excuse?

Oh, let's not forget the prime excuse for Black Hermione.

These retards man.

Never been so true, don't have the pic though

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MUD
BLOOD

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The Edge Chronicles were fantastic. The outlandish and bizarre inked artwork is fantastic and guides the imagination to wander further.

That pic is what I remember the first Artemis Fowl books being, some Shadowrun-esque operating against magical beings. But it's been ages since I read them and as others have pointed out in the thread, I may be just remembering the good parts in otherwise shit series.

How will they portray a manlet that eats the ground in front of him and shoots it reactively out of his ass?
I imagine this is somebody's fetish.

just like that

There is a scene in which he knocks out Butler with a fart.
There is a scene in a second book where he can't shit out a rock, so Artemis has to pull his finger and the rock shoots out of his anus like a cannon, killing an enemy soldier.

Don't forget the time a guy got fed a bunch of sugar-coated wasp eggs, which hatched in his stomach, ate him from the inside out and then swarmed out through the mouth of his husk of a body. That's the single most horrific death I've seen in any media, and it's in a book for ages 10-14.

This unfortunately. The series starts off nice, and then it slowly degrades into convoluted plots and suefaggotry. I still like the setting though.

it's not like you can't portray farting in movies

But farting is the purview of female comedy!

But he doesn't exactly fart. He shits constantly, sometimes in detail. He explains that eating the ground that you already shat out is not as tasty.

This sounds fucking hilarious.

As is with its progenitor, jewish comedy as jews almost collectively share shit and fart fetishes. Not even exaggerating.

It's really as simple as that.

Couldn't they use expeliarmus on soldiers with guns?

Welll In theory he could mind control the right people in the right places?

But he was so anti muggle he probably didn't understand human power structures.

So yeh Voldy's war on muggles would have finished before the first bombing run was over.

I guess that was the stakes, a war on muggles would have meant the death of all wizards.

Even at close range it takes seconds for that shitty spell to reach the target (assuming it hits at all), while it takes less than a second for a bullet to hit you from the same distance.
Fat lot of good it does you if you're already bleeding out and in severe pain while the asshole who shot you simply has to run a short distance to find his gun.

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Wouldn't it be funny if Batman v Superman, Not Harry Potter, and Lego Batman all got the same reaction within months of each other? That's like, all the eggs WB is putting in one basket.

Not sure about Lego Batman, but Not Harry Potter is almost certainly gonna be trash.

Voldemort could have been an awesome evil genius, but Rowling can't write competent villains, only clownish buffoons.

He ticks all the marks:

Give me a character like that and I could write a villain that puts David Xanatos to shame.

He looks like an albino Orca whales benis.

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Problem with wizards is that you can't easily find them, and they can teleport at will. Sure, if you catch one unprepared it's relatively easy to kill him with a gun, and most wizards seem to be sorely lacking in common sense, but it only takes a few smart ones to wreak havoc and brainwash half the politicians and generals to do their bidding, or just coopt some terrorist organization or other.

Their mind control abilities are far more terrifying than anything else they've got in their repertoire.

I remember someone on tumblr going in great detail how fucked up those books were. Like one kid could transform into a fly but he tried doing it while human size and died from collapsing in on his own mass and begs for help as he dies.

I never read the books and haven't watched the movies. Did I make the right choice, Holla Forums?

Maybe? I've only read the 1st 4 books a long time ago so I don't know how well they've held up. The first 2 movies were fun and whimsical. I guess you weren't missing much user, especially with the later films.

You made the wrong choice, clearly. You should have read every book, watched every movie, and obsessed over every minute detail on the potterverse, and gave all the shekels to the heroine of frustrated single moms everywhere, J.K Rowling.

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But I thought Voldemort was supposed to be wizard hitler not wizard magneto?