Locked Gandalf up on the roof, where he can escape with eagles

Oh no, user, not the midget pussy.

It's better than what Saruman had in his NEET tower, Orcs and Wormtongue.

So, you're basically saying that Saruman's tower is Middle Earth's /r9k/?

Middle Earth's r9k candidates could be:

Orthanc
The Dwarves, most are male and don't reproduce. Lusting after gold.

I'm pretty sure /r9k/ isn't that Jewish. They just have poor hygiene and want to rape/eat women.

You think he should've predicted that a stray band of horsemen would've killed his guys right next to the magical treeman forest and that the hobbits that escaped from them would be able to persuade said near extinct treemen to send an army of trees to go to the ancient fortress of the horsemen to join the fight whose logistics were taking up most of his time?

Well of course. Amateur mistake, Suraman. Always account for magical tree armies suddenly changing their plans.

...

Tolkiens a great writer. He addressed all the plotholes mentioned ever about the lotr movies in the books.

So orcs and trolls then.

/r9k/ are the goblins. Smell terrible, short and never go outside unless it's a life or death situation.

That's a disservice to goblins.

So what's the equivalent of Holla Forums in Middle Earth?

Are there even female orcs?

If I was a post-modernist I would say

Yes yes, well done Saruman, well done, HOWEVER

Sauron got killed by a fucking hobbit that wasn't frodo or bilbo. Kek how does that even happen nigga? It's like Sheev Palpatine being killed by a random Ewok.

...

...

tom bombadil

If he didn't want to guard the mountain doorway, he could have at least walled it off or something

That's Sauron, when he let himself be captured and sank Numenor with no survivors.

The prequels turned “wise” Yoda into the most incompetent leader of all time. He was working for a Sith lord and was completely clueless. A man under his command turned into a raging mass murderer and he had no idea. Yoda couldn't even beat Dooku or Palpatine in a fight. His inept leadership lead to the extermination of the Jedi under his watch. Epic fail.

They were cutting down the forest and shit. It was like right on their front lawn. He should have been aware of the magic trees and expect some retaliation after he cut down a chunk of the forest.

You know the rules, faggot.

Pretty sure all of the lotr orcs are dudes
They don't reproduce like normal critters

What do you think goblin pussy smells like?

Sounds about right.

Saruman and his addiction to palantírs.

Maggoty bread.

It's explicitly stated that they breed like other creatures. Uruk-hai spawning from a mud pool was in the movie to make their creation look more dramatic than the orc breeding pits.

Why would orc women look like sexy human females?

because they are an independent orc who don't need no man

no mames guey eso es de jotos

Uruk Hai > Everyone else in the middle earth

They had an industrial society with manufactures and mass produced standardized weapons and plate armor. They also invented gunpowder (berserker initiating a bomb in the siege of helms depths) and it would take them maybe a year to develop proper firearms. They also had a superior breeding ability because they could have been created and matured faster that normal humans. They had better stamina than humans, better strength and better senses.

Clearly Uruk Hais were the master race of the middle earth but the LOTR jews aka elves, LOTR tree jews aka Ents and LOTR ancient jew aka Gandalf ganged up upon them to take them down, because they knew that Uruk Hais would dominate the world because of their superiority

but they were lead by that jewish wizard saruman. sarman always talks about progress and innovation and shit yet he's thousands of years old and is still doing the same shit he did milleniums ago.

Its da wizards keeping da Uruk man down man i tell you, its a wizard conspiracy

Gas the wizards, middle earth war now

HOL UP

Durr Hurr Uruk Hai master race muh dik

Exaxctly. Gandalf address exactly this point in the books after he is reunited with Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas. If Sauron was smart, he would have secured Mordor and emplyed all his wits trying to find the Ring; but because his biggest fear was taht someone would take the Ring and use it against him, he waged war against Gondor before he was completely ready. The entire point is that he was too malicious for his own good, because the idea that someone would try to destroy the One Ring didn't even enter his thick firey vagina eye in the sky.

Have a taste, bro.

Hitler also had a weapons and armour production, a eugenics program, and killed a bunch of white westerners (across europe, using suicide pilots at the end of the war as well). Interesting that your description of a jew would also include Hitler.

The Uruk-Hai are an Early Modern society surrounded by the Middle Ages.

They were advanced enough to have 'menus' remember, meats back on the menus boy. Menus, as in modern ones, first came into existence in early 1700's. Menus as a simple list of foods came into existence as early as 900s to 1200s. And large scale agricultural system that needs to be dealt out to large numbers of people would require a system of menus and catalogues.

IRL version was Munition Armour, produced in the early 1600's Europe. Their swords are duel function, a cleaver for fleshy targets and a spike for penetration of mail/plate, which is more than can be said for most other weapons used. The logistics of producing that many pikes too would be crazy. They also used crossbows, which were stronger and more industrial than a normal bow given the metal mechanics involved in their construction.

I think I'd describe that bomb as a mine, given how it was placed under their defenses and set off. Mines were first used in 1412.

Which reinforces the idea of a menus - a developed agricultural system that provides them with a required nutrients to grow tall and strong.

Add all this to the fact that they used Pike-Warfare, and had what amounts to Zweihander-wielding elite soldiers (Berserker) (both signs of Early Modern warfare) and I think it's abundantly clear that the Uruk-Hai were the most developed and technologically sophisticated society in all the Middle Earth. Given a little more time they'd have used their gunpowder to propel their Ballista shots, basically proto-cannons.

...

MOAR

Weren't the Urak-Hai and the Orcs in general based off the real life "Eastern Hordes" and such? Like the Mongols, Turks, maybe even Arabs, etc. Gondor is supposed to be Constantinople/Byzantium, and the Siege of Gondor was basically like if the Pope and the Western nations actually showed up to reinforce Christendom and BTFO the Turks.

Yes.

No, you fucking retard not that eastern. Eastern as in the eastern side of World War 1 - Germany and Austria-Hungary.

i think he's taking the "lotr is a christian analogy" meme to a new autistic level tbh family-senpai.

That's because it is a Christian analogy you nitwit. You really think that Tolkien would base his almost-Satanic tier villains on Christian nations?

the midget anus?

The thing is, the Uruk-Hai owe all their progress to their leaders, saurman and sauron.
Without their leaders, they become unorganized and ultimately hopeless.

Most of history owes it progress to leaders and a select few inventors though.

That's more regular Orcs. Uruk-Hai are a vast improvement over the original breed. They probably would have done fairly well for themselves on their own if they weren't wiped out at the Hornburg/Isengard.

You are aware that The Hobbit is a fantasy-skinned retelling of his experiences in WW1, right?

lol. is that why he disagreed with C.S. Lewis about Lewis's overuse of christian allegory?

Why do you lie? What's the point?

Why do you shitpost Holla Forums terribly? What's the point?

Tolkien didn't base his stories on any great war and there was no symbolism, everyone knows that. Maybe you should read the foreword sometime.

This. Both of the other guys are wrong, he didn't base any of it off anything, aside from maybe Eru=Christian God, and Elves and Dwarves=Germanic Mythology. I suppose Morgoth is clearly based on Lucifer as well, but the Orcs aren't based off anything, other then Orcs.

And those fucking Luddite talking trees and thousand years old jew ruined it

...

Oh no they need men. Just not in the way you think they do. Prepare your pelvis, she may be soft on you if you're lucky

sarumans tower is wizardchan

shit, i tagged the wrong post

Tolkien says that but his experiences of the war shine through and it makes it impossible not to draw conclusions. Also, the great eye of Sauron has to be Masonic symbolism. I think he just said there was no symbolism so that he can't be accused of anything.