Grown Man Simply Cannot Stop Sperging About Bad Movie

I hate this so much. I hate this SO much. DEAR GOD, I FUCKING HATE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH.

First off, to the ">capeshit" sperg, fuck off back to reddit, this doesn't concern you. The presence of super heroes has nothing to do with this movie being shit.

I watch shit movies for fun all the time, but this takes the cake. I know the critics hated this, but audiences claimed to like this. Why? How? There's nothing redeeming in this film. "I thought Harley was hot" No, the character is hot, Margot Robbie is flatter than the average 13 year old boy, her jaw looks like they substituted a horse maw in this movie, and she's a dime a dozen Hollywood blonde with no figure. You could have replaced her with any hooker dragged off the streets of L.A. and not a god damned one of you would notice, and you're a fucking liar if you deny it.

There's no charm to any of this. I felt sick to my stomach and had to take a break at around 20 minutes in. This isn't even a nerd rage thing. Okay, it's partially a nerd rage thing, but I have no real attachment to most of these characters. Yes, I hate that they raceswapped Deadshot, but it's Deadshot. …I don't fucking care about Deadshot. I barely remember most of the rest of the squad.

It's the fucking dialog, the fucking editing, the fucking music. We get an introduction scene with Deadshot and introduction scene with Harley, and they're both fucking terrible and absolutely dreadful, and then we get a SECOND introduction scene with both of them, and maybe 15 seconds with each of the rest. The song choices are all so blatantly obvious, it felt like I was watching a fan edited AMV on youtube made in 1996. Waller walks onto the scene and we hear "Please to meet you, hope you guessed my name." and then just in case the helmet you're wearing blocked the song out, four minutes later Harley asks her flat out "Are you the devil?" Oh, it's the Harley scene, are we going to hear a song about a crazy chick from the 90's? It Ain't Me actually starts playing when we see Killer Croc.

IT AIN'T ME ACTUALLY STARTS PLAYING WHEN WE SEE KILLER CROC

This is gunshot fade to black level bad. Not to mention Killer Croc's make up looks like a rejected Face Off design. He doesn't look big, he just has a giant head and tiny little arms.

Every single introduction is worse than the last. Two separate characters have lines of dialog that's basically "The king ain't nothin' without his queen!" "He tangled with a metahuman and lived to tell about it." Oooooh, scary. This line means NOTHING to the audience. Even if they know what a metahuman is this film's metahumans include amazing abilities like "Climbs ropes good" and "carries a baseball bat" You didn't want to say Flash? Say the red blur, say someone with super speed. And OHMYFUCK the Flash looks like shit. The editing of each of these scenes is so bad. So, so bad. They just walk on camera, drop a shitty one liner, and it cuts away. They got guy from We Need to Talk about Kevin who would work fine as a young Joker, and they made him The Flash? The fucking mask makes his face look so fat, it's giving me Avengers 1 Cap vibes, and the suit looks like he's a fucking Power Ranger.

"Have you heard of the pyrokinetic homeboy?" Somehow, this woman simply isn't black enough to get away with this fucking line. I feel like this movie was directed by Insane Clown Posse and they directed it over the phone. "He looked like a monster… so they treated him like a monster, and he BECAME a monster." Shut the fuck up, these people are your staff. Why the fuck did you build a jail cell to replicate a sewer? You couldn't have just put a bathtub in his cell? This is so infuriatingly dumb.

And this is the moment it hit me. What this whole sequence reminds me of, a far better shit film. Con Air. That's the bar this film has set. They've made Michael Bay look like an incomparable fucking artist by comparison. The dialog in the introduction scene in that movie actually made the criminals sound interesting.

And I'm gonna come out and say it, because every fucking review I've seen has pussyfooted around it because they don't want to come right out and say what's plastered right across his face like a tattoo that says "DAMAGED". "Nyeeeeh the joker wasn't that bad, Nyeeeeh, he's only in the movie for like five minutes, Nyeeeeeh, I didn't much like the portrayal NYEEEEEEEEH" He's a fucking wigger. Fucking Juggalos are looking at this faggot and saying "You're not black." This piece of shit's drinking out of bottles of Faygo with no y on them. He highlights everything wrong with this film. For five seconds I thought "Well, the voice isn't that bad at least" and then by the time he started talking in the night club I could feel one of my organs shutting down and dying out of embarrassment. The Joker is chaos, the Joker is a serial killer that depending on his mood will make you laugh, murder you in a horrific way, or turn you into a psychotic super villain. Someone who gets a platinum grill and tattoos "ha ha ha" onto their body is none of these things.

So we get to the next scene, and conveniently Enchantress's picture is off the wall and RopeIndian is on it. The one character who didn't get an introduction. Gee, I wonder, is she going to lose control of Enchantress and Slipknot going to die like a punk before he gets to use his amazing rope abilities? Fuck off, this faggot doesn't have shit on Paulie from One Piece. And the fucking Rick Flagg introduction. What's his power? "He can use any weapon in the US arsenal" Oh wow, how fucking impressive. If you put me in Gordon Ramsay's kitchen I bet you I can use every appliance there, but that doesn't make me a god damned master chef, and it's not a super power.

Holy FUCK, I'm only 23 minutes in and I don't know if I can keep going guys. I watch Troma movies and enjoy them with no irony because they have soul in them. There is no soul in this movie.

And just for the fucking record, Cara Delivigne is ugly even by Hollywood standards. Her body is a fucking fridge, and she has the forehead of a caveman. She got her place in Hollywood the same way Lena Dunham did, and deserves it just as little.

And yes, I'm aware she was a supermodel, big deal. Super models are selected by gay men for their ability to imitate clothes hangers. The fact that there's a male super model who's considered better at the job than ones with vaginas should summarize perfectly why "former supermodel" is worth about as much in attractiveness valuation as "former lunch lady" and if you disagree I defy you to find one person who would willingly fuck Janice Dickinson without any compensation.

This is not a sex symbol, it's a cry for help.

It's a good movie though.

Con Air was a decent and highly enjoyable movie.

Thank God, I was missing threads like this.

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I agree with everything you said except for what you said about Con Air. That is a great movie.

Yes it is. And that's the saddest statement so far. This garbage is making me appreciate Con Air more.

This scene is so much better put together than the same scene in Suicide Squad, and the one in Suicide Squad had flashbacks, theme songs and special effects. I'm far more compelled by virtually any one of these characters than a single person in Suicide Squad, and this scene is two freaking minutes long.

Pressing on, this whole "team" feels so sloppy. There's no cohesion to it, no effort seems to have been put into controlling them or having leverage on them.

The costumes for Joker's goons look like shitty cosplay, and I don't just mean the dumb Batman mask, they look like a 14 year old in an art class's idea of edgy.

The fucking big bad is a machine that shoots a laser into the sky? This shit is so fucking cookie cutter.

I've finally gotten to Harley's one-liners. They're fucking TERRIBLE. "What's that? Kill them all and escape? Oh, that's just the voices in my head. Haha, just kidding… that's not what they said."

Where's that spic kid with the disgusted look when you need him.

take your meds

This actually makes Suicide Squad gain a few kino points.

The rest could be rebbuted with:

IT'S CAPESHIT, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT, DUMBASS

It's like you're watching a #BlackLivesMatter chimpout and asking yourself why those coloured gentlemen are acting in such barbaric, uncivilized ways. What did you expect?

Do niggers really take offense at the term? I use it all the time and I still like a chunk of capeshit.

I'm actually shocked Holla Forums watches films or tv in the last i dunno 10 years, there is so much shit to wade through for a nugget of decent filmmaking, its better to go to some old blockbuster that still has VHS tapes and watch those.

Real Slim shady is playing while these people are putting their shit on. Captain Boomerang has a "pink unicorn" fetish because I guess one of the retards producing this movie watched Deadpool during production.

Will Smith calls the beaner Esse and I'm cringing, but then the dialog the beaner shoots back is somehow even worse and less authentic sounding "You got nothin' to worry about from me. I'm cool homie."

"Whet we some kinda… Suicide Squad?" THERE HE IS. I should be shocked they didn't cut this after the overwhelmingly negative reaction, but here we are.

There's no tension to the action here. A world-ending calamity is occurring -which is entirely Waller's fault for apparently keeping that statue on a shelf instead of in a safe somewhere- and because of the pacing it doesn't feel like it's even happening. Especially with how they cut back to the team casually putting on their costumes. These random gun-toting rock monsters we were never previously told about might be intimidating if there was some backstory to them, an interesting design, or I don't know they actually had faces. I rolled my eyes at Harley crushing them with a wooden bat until I saw Flagg crushing them with his fucking elbows. What are these guys, Putties? Kinda makes all the bullets everyone's shooting feel like a complete waste.

So far the only thing I don't hate is the chick playing Katana, but I know fuckall about the character, and her bra's probably padded for the film. I kept hearing people say Deadshot is "the heart of the film" but so far he's acting every bit the douchey sociopath as the others. So he cares about his offspring, big whoop, so do most animals. This movie wold still totally be shit if not for the studio meddling because the script is garbage, but I can't help feeling I wouldn't feel so constantly annoyed if it wasn't for this terrible music. It hasn't felt fitting once so far.

The action sequences are completely unimpressive, part of it is terrible choreography, but mostly it's that so far none of these fights feel like they have any meaning. They just keep fighting random rock monsters. It feels like such an asspull.

I've been holding off because I figure he'll probably have his own big scene by the end of the film, but Croc is a non-entity in this film.

There's too much… acknowledgement in this film. I don't know if there's a more specific term for it. Characters acknowledging things that don't deserve the amount of time spent on them. Flagg tells Deadshot "when shit hits the fan you're going to cut and run" and ten later, he kills a bunch of rock monsters and as he passes Flagg says "That's me cutting and running" and left at that it wouldn't feel so stupid, but the camera lingers on Flagg acknowledging it and expressing "Oh no, I was wrong about him" far more than a guy shooting a bunch of rock monsters deserves.

Then it's way worse when he shoots at Harley after she escapes. "I missed." and we get the entire fucking team nodding, including Flagg, and Boomerang goes "Good one, mate." after the previous 74 minutes have established none of these characters give a shit about eachother.

WOULD RAPE THE SHIT OUT OF THE SECOND PIC. FUCKING DIRTY WHORE

I'm up to the bar scene. I had to stop and check who the writer was. Ayer not only directed, but wrote this drivel. God, looking at his credits, I think he might be the world's biggest wigger.

Deadshot finds a notebook marked "TOP SECRET" without so much as a lock on it. He throws it at a car two seconds later as if he's read through it and demands Flagg explain "everything to everyone". We then get a flashback of earlier in the film and Flagg explains The Enchantress bailed earlier in a way that adds nothing and really has no reason to cause any of the "squad" to have any reaction. They all announce they're going to drink in a random bar they just lucked out into being right next to, Harley makes an obnoxious bow, Diablo pats Croc who just follows him because they've gotten so close over the course of this film, and Katana after a short pause inexplicably decides to go hang out with the super villains. Every single previous scene she's tried to kill them, and she's received no new information that should make her want to switch sides. Smith repeats his "And we're the bad guys!" line for the third time in the film.

Now they're having a heart-to-heart in the bar and Diablo decides to get reflective and reveal his backstory we had briefly summarized in the opening, and this pack of sociopaths is listening intently. Harley who is head over heels for the Joker -who incidentally, gives entirely too much of a shit about her in this film- looks horrified and starts lecturing him about his actions. Deadshot starts telling her to lay off him. Croc is listening intently in the background. Boomerang who's establishing scene -and every single scene since- has established as being only out for himself and not giving a shit about anyone else looks moved by the story.

Flagg hands Deadshot like six envelopes. "Your daughter wrote to you every single day. EVERY single day." …What, has he been in jail for six days? Where are the other letters? Why is Flagg just carrying this little bundle of them around?

It's like the entire script is a hammer just repeatedly smacking me on either side of the head. They keep spelling out every god damned detail way beyond any rational need to do so. Either Ayer's retarded or he fucking despises the audience. Katana is now weepily talking to her katana "My husband, if I die in battle…" Flagg starts talking. "…The man who killed her husband did it with that katana. …His soul is trapped inside of it. …She talks to it." STOP. STOP.

Enchantress's terrible dubbed voice and animated cgi face and body is giving me Green Lantern flashbacks, her costume and glowy shit are even green too, was whoever did the effects on contract for one more film so they stuck him on this?

The characters are shown dream sequences of their secret desires, and Harley dreams of being normal. The entire point of her character is that she *is* normal, but she got bored of it. The ditz thing is an act, she was a psychiatrist.

Then Deadshot points at Enchantress and heroically announces "Lady, you are EVIL!" says the contract killer who dreams of murdering Batman.

Boomerang, Katana and Croc weren't important enough to get dream sequences. That or they weren't sure the characters would still be alive by this point in the script. "I LOST ONE FAMILY, I AIN'T GONNA LOSE ANOTHER ONE!" says Diablo who has no reason to suddenly care about the crew of serial killers he's in. Oh, and he didn't lose that family, five minutes ago we were explicitly reminded he killed them.

They're fighting the Mayan-looking CGI giant who's apparently forgotten about the tentacle things he's used the entire rest of the film and decided to start slapping the characters around, and these cgi reaction shots are making me feel like I'm watching fucking Percy Jackson.

So after Croc reveals a new super power of being able to enunciate words better when under water, Diablo pushes the Mayan statue thing into a corner. It looks like he's about to lose, but thankfully the big monster that just overcame a supernatural fire demon was standing over a man-made bomb. That should do the trick.

Doing her best Rita Repulsa impression Enchantress proclaims "My spell is complete!" after spending the entire movie saying she was building a machine. Then she decides to stop using all her magic powers and just teleport around.

They land a few hits, but she just keeps coming back after regenerating. Thankfully she then forgets she can teleport too so Croc can slam her into a wall. Then she remembers she has telekinesis and takes all their weapons away. Harley cuts her chest open with Katana's… katana, and in a very half-assed shot pulls out her heart, which Flagg then feels the need to specifically explain for the third time in this scene "Her heart's out! We can end this now!" A slow motion gun toss from five feet away later and the fight is over.

Waller -who really there was no good excuse for Enchantress keeping alive, if she got all this "useful information" by pulling it out of her mind, you'd think she'd kill her once she learned it- shows up with her "If I press this button you die" phone with her fingers right over the buttons. Harley's is somehow red again despite being deactivated earlier.

Killer Croc requests access to BET in his sewer cell, now you know he's evil.

Showing further contempt for their audience, rather than a post-credit scene, we get a pre-credit scene of Waller talking to Bruce Wayne. Despite already knowing about these people in BvS, and supposedly being the world's greatest detective the new canon is that he got the idea to form the Justice League from Waller. I see his grey hair and it just strikes me how fucking weird it is that they decided Batman should be an old man when they start the Justice League.

Fuck Warner Bros.

Enchantress poster is nice, hadn't seen it before.

Haha wow OP is still going strong, my autism detector is off the charts!

For real?
I can guarantee you that even the most braindead infantry soldier could do the same proficiently enough to kill the fuck out of whatever.
Or by "use" did they mean "has access to"? Because that's still retarded.

Go fuck yourself, these threads are always funny.

eh… I thought it was better than batman v superman.

What with all these Hollywood women being cast that are fridges?

Fuck, I'm glad I quit before the bar scene.

Part of the problem is something I've brought up on this board before, the movie was made by Gen-Xers and is filled with shit Gen-Xers think us Gen-Yers think is "cool". It's Hot Topic: The Movie.

Then there's the insulting racial shit. Not only do they blackwash Deadshot, but they put lines in his mouth like "I need you to white people that thing."

Then there's the tone of characters. These are supposed to be villains and yet it ends with them sticking together and fighting for "friendship" with Harley literally giving a line about fighting for her friends. It's like something out of an anime.

Then there's the seeming total pointlessness of the Joker.

Anyway, I agree, the movie is total shit. The animated movie was better.

Jesus, they'd all have to pool together just to make a C-cup.

Pedowood is real. The fags want everyone to look like little boys. Just as bad as feminists wanting all women to look ugly. /pol save us.

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"Muh unrealistic beauty standards!"
Does that answer your question?

90% of the action in this movie is 'fight some grey guys against a grey background' and honestly a putty fight from power rangers is more compelling.

My nakama.

tl;dr you hate it because its popular and has strong female characters on it. kill yourself

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You make it sound like strong female characters were just invented. Fucking idiot.

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this thread is fucking golden. i haven't seen a sperg rant this hard in years. the fact that you get a hate boner when fortunate son actually plays (while down in fucking louisiana of all places, the one part of the country where ccr's music fits better than any other place lmao) for once in a movie is 8/10 shitposting material.

please continue, i also legitimately enjoyed the movie, despite expecting it to be a total pile of steaming shit.

What the fuck is Fortunate Son?

something we'll never be.

But if they had to pick a CCR song, why use Fortunate Son instead of embed related or Born on the Bayou?


Fortunate Son is what "It Ain't Me" is actually called.

well, born on the bayou is about a guy remembering his days of youth that specifically involve watching his dog chase niggers, so that wouldn't fly in today's world. green river is great, but it wouldn't fit with the scene. fortunate son is all about we the people, the grunts, the nobodies, which is what killer croc is.

What's this? Someone just left this terrible opinion laying around.

well, I'd eat her pussy. she's probably way more attainable than Margot

anyone saying otherwise is either gay or a cuck

She's got a monkey face there.

Killer Croc is a dumb carnie who has a skin condition and eats people.

In this version he's a braindead nigger who despite wanting to live in a sewer requested a couch, a 40oz and a plasma screen specifically to watch BET.

The song doesn't apply to him at all. They may as well have played "Born To Be Wild"

See this is why Men these days are cucked, you can't even rate chicks on hotness anymore.

you might want to reread some of those comics, killer croc has always been a braindead nigger. the song still applies.

He's white in the comics, in the Animated Series, he had a white southern accent. Either way, the song isn't about braindead niggers.

No tits, no ass, upturned nosferatu nose, giant caveman eyebrows, bad teeth.

Oh yeah, she's "attainable" like all the chicks I swipe left on Tinder.

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She's from bongland.

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Burgerland imported her so they probably have more interest in her.

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That's what I implied. You can't import something without it being exported to you.

But just because a country exports something doesn't mean the country it's foisted upon wants it.

that totally explains why suicide squad is the highest grossing capeshit of the year so far, the biggest august box office ever, the largest opening weekend ever, and the highest grossing opening featuring will smith.

my point is that if niggers didnt buy it, nobody would bother exporting it. your use of the word "foisted" is retarded. stop pretending you know how the world works and go read a fucking book on introductory economics

Appeal to popularity fallacy. Part of that was a protest by frankly, stupid people. The smart person would just not see either, but after the resounding failure of Cisbusters the left THOUGHT because this was a critical failure it would be a box office failure, so they put out article after article calling this movie right-wing, and accusing it of misogyny and gun worship, and it got everyone who violently hated those people to go see it.

Then once you've made a bad decision, all the rest of your effort is spent justifying it.

And yes, foisted upon. The American public didn't pick Piers Morgan, they didn't pick Cara, that was CNN and Hollywood's decision. The scorn, terrible ratings and petitions to deport Piers Morgan suggested that as usual, the higher ups had not a single clue what the audience wanted.

sauce for that pic? Didn't know Croc could feel guilt for what he's done.

Got this

That comic gave me all kinds of feels.

I'd cum on her. She looked hot in the movie. I'd let her castrate me too.

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why on and not in? get her preggos for lulz and you skip town.

So if his daughter wasn't in the way he would have been able to kill batman easily right?

pretty much, or batman would have pulled something out of his ass like he always does.

I couldn't get past the first hour tbh

Just vote for Trump

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This made no sense. Everyone else is dreaming about being with their loved ones but nah deadshot gets a dream about killing batman instead of being with his daughter.

I want enchantress to squat on my dick.

is this by the same artist that did those other bad ass president pics?

noice.

you know why there isn't and will never be a clinton version of this?

because she's a woman

I'm not kino-savvy, but the scenes transition just felt off. The one that sticks like a sore thumb was the one with Harley stealing the purse, like it was only her kooky line, cut, next scene.

Also, the music felt extremely tacked-on. Like they already made that scene but because they needed to make the movie quirky, they stapled the shitty unfitting songs.

Funny how they are pushing Harley to be this strong female icon, considering that at the end she's slobbering over an abusive man that twisted her mind into being his fucktoy. And dear Lord, those baseball hits were shit, at least Katana looked like she was making an effort.

No, he'd need someone to white people Batman before he could have the slightest chance at it.

JUST

You know, that's the saddest part to me. I saw Mr. Nobody, and I know abotu that movie where he plays a tranny hooker with aids or whatever, he's supposed to be a really, really good actor.

I went in expecting that he was going to make me like the character in spite of myself, that he was going to give a performance so good I'd have to overlook the retarded tattoos and ghetto mouth bling.

But he's fucking awful. Even if they dressed him up normally, even if the dialog wasn't awful, even if every single aspect of the way he's written feels like it's what a really stupid person would come up with if tasked to write a crazy character, Leto's acting is fucking awful. There's nothing fun about his version of the character. Even in the scenes where he's with Harley he's moody and looks like a heroine addict. Constantly lowering his voice and stretching his neck around in a circle. And when he's not doing his shitty smolder voice, his attempt at a Joker voice is fucking abysmal. It's like he asked for audio clips of the Joker to study his voice, but they sent him cips of 60's Batman Penguin instead.

lol

all those characters except Mary Poppins are shit
strong badass sexy woman need no man silly boys xD is a shit concept and you amerikikes need to stop it. It's cuck shit.

somewhere out there, there's a guy who has a fetish for refrigerators. this is his time, it's his time down here.

Is Joker a cuck?