You awake in Voldesad's Castle. You are against a wall with chains around your ankles..
To your East, there is a large wooden door.
To your West, there is a Skeleton.
Up on the wall behind you, there is a barred window.
What would you like to do, traveler?
Get Skeleton
You pick up the Skeleton. It collapses into a pile of bones.
A small key falls from its skull.
What would you like to do?
Unlock shackles
You unlock the shackles. Your ankles are now free.
The key breaks into dust.
What would you like to do?
Slide my hand down my breeches, tug and pull, spit and slide
I do not understand, traveler.
Remember, there is a barred window on the wall behind you. A large wooden door is to your East. Beside you is a pile of bones.
Take the bones and slide them though the barred window one by one.
Open the large wooden door and JUMP THE CHASM.
ehm, KILL JESTER
push anus
You slide the bones one by one out of the window.
On the windowsill, you find a black key.
You cannot open the door. It appears to be locked. Their is a rusty keyhole underneath the handle.
I do not see a jester to kill, traveler.
I'm afraid I don't understand, traveler.
look skeleton
Get Black Key and KILL JESTER
There are two keys; a big black key and a small white key.
Which one do you want?
Pick up both keys.
As you pick up both keys, you hear the door open with a loud bang. You turn around and see a completely nude Shrek, ready to plunge his throbbing and fully erect penis into your asshole.
What do you do?
Get skull and spinal column from skeleton.
Beat Shrek to death with skull-flail.
As nude Shrek is dying, he looks you straight into the eyes and whispers "don't you touch anything". As he now draws his last breath, his erection goes down. You have succesfully beaten Shrek to death with your still intact skull-flail.
In front of you lays dead Shrek, behind him is Shrek's room, with an awful odour emanating from it, behind you is the window where you picked up the keys.
What is the next step in your master plan?
Go to shrecks room
No, user, don't!
You enter Shrek's room. The smell is so awful you almost throw up. In the room you see animals in cages, laying on the floor, everywhere. You see rabbits, squirrels, chickens, all sorts of small animals. Some of them are alive, some of them are dead, completely covered in flies and maggots. There are lit candles.
You also see a big bucket, which seems to have its fluid content recently thrown away.
As you inspect the bucket, you hear a bray from upstairs. The door to upstairs is locked. Perhaps the skull-flail can break the lock?
Take off my clothes
You take off the little clothes you had on. Your unwashed asshole now uncovered, the flies flock to YOU instead of the dead animals.
With the threat of the flies laying eggs inside your anus, what will you do? It's not too late to cover up your asshole again.
Use skull flail on lock.
You run up the stairs and swing the skull-flail at the lock, breaking it, and opening the door. You run through the doorway and quickly close the door before the swarm of flies enters your anus.
==Now upstairs, you are greeted with the sight of a living room, and a view of the outside world. All this time you were trapped in the basement
At the table you see a map, outside you see a lush forest, a swamp and a shed. There's a nice, comfortable chair near the window. You see some clothes hanging around.==
What will you do?
I keep seeing this thread in the catalog and thinking that's Shinsuke Nakamura
Examine map.
Fold map and store it betwixt buttcheeks.
Take a shit on the floor
You take a dump on the floor. Mmmm, such relief, especially after beating naked Shrek to death with your skull-flail and running from flies desperate to get inside your anus.
After you're done unleashing your steaming pile of shit into the world, you walk up to the table and examine the map.
It's a map of the surrounding area. Shrek had encircled a section of the map and written "FARM" inside the circle. You tuck the map inbetween your buttcheeks and get ready to go outside towards this so-called FARM.
You take your trusty skull-flail with you and walk towards the front door.
Is there anything you have forgotten, or are you ready to go?
Exit door, go towards FARM.
Butt naked and with only your trusty skull-flail and the map tucked inbetween your butt cheeks, you exit the door. You look up at the sun and realise it's still morning.
Ahead of you is a dirt road leading into the forest, left of the road is Shrek's shed.
Again you hear a bray, it seems to originate from the shed.
What next?
I'm sorry, travelers.. It appears one of our Elves seems to have hack– used magic to get into the adventure.
FLIPS BOARD
TURNS OFF COMPUTATER
I win by fiat declaration.
Still lonely.
Get Shreked
Look in the window
I'm sorry travelers, the adventure was interrupted by mischievous Elves.
You are in Voldesad's Castle. You've freed your ankles and pushed bones out the window. You've got a small black key in your pocket.
There is a large wooden door to the East.
What would you like to do?
Get door
Ehm, do ah still get to keep me skull-flail?
You.. cannot get the door, traveler.
I'm sorry, traveler, you cannot keep the skull flail. You did not make one.
Aw, sonuva- aye but I just paid for quite a lot of time in which I was lead to believe ah did in fact have a skull flail! That is PETTY!
Why is Limmy's show not more popular anons?
It's very hit and miss.
I'm sorry traveler. If you'd like, we can continue your quest!
Like most Britbong comedies it's hit and miss. At its best it's laugh out loud levels of funny. At its worst it's cringy as fuck.
Falconhoof is great across the board though.
Ehm… SEARCH FOR FALCONHOOF
That doesn't explain why it isn't as popular as other British sketch shows though.
Because it's from Scotland, and doesn't air outside of Scotland, as far as I'm aware.
drink wuta