I went from being gung ho communist bash the fash to jaded and cynical all over again in the span of like 6 months...

I went from being gung ho communist bash the fash to jaded and cynical all over again in the span of like 6 months anyone else know this feel? How can you not be religious or nihilistic or anything knowing the state of things?

You go from being cynical and nihilistic back into laughing at simple shit like Baked Alaska begging for milk being seen by thousands and thousands of people on twitter.

Ugh it just seems like its all pointing towards nothing

Well start doing shit, make sure to have some actual knowledge before you do though

But that video is perfect canon. From the guy saying "Based, it's going to hurt for a while" to the faggot screaming back "I NEED MORE MILK" to everything

Laying on the grass, covered in milk like its pancake make up or cum, mumbling about milk and the paramedics

It's elegance of form

Just read some history. Socialist, labour and anti-imperialist history.

Once you read the details of the lives and struggles of people who were tortured and murdered in order to save some porky a few bucks you'll feel like a piece of shit for doing nothing.

Well, at least I do. I feel like I owe them something.

Try working out and running long distances every day, and get involved in some local activism. I was depressed as fuck and that worked for me.

Take walks in a local forest park if one's near ya. Getting away from it helps me, or at least it does for a little while.

Got any recs?

you're right it might just be the summer getting to me, too much time on my hands i'm just waiting to hear if i have a job again this year. i work at a school and its cozy and being at work keeps my mind off of things

Read theory. Being gung ho or jaded are both bad.

It's not like you can unsee the contradictions of capitalism.

Shadow Wars, Soledad Brother, Carlo Tresca: Portrait of a Rebel, The Bending Cross, We Will Return in the Whirlwind all did things to me recently, and Isaac Deutscher's Prophet series, Manning Marable's biography of Malcolm X and Black Against Empire were literally responsible for turning me into a leftist.

No, but i then i start to see contradictions in some facets of communism too and it feels like it will never ever in a million years happen and i feel powerless as an individual and so on

That's actually what Stirner meant by being spooked.

Is the state of things contingent on how you feel about it? Becoming religious out of despair, or pretending not to care at all anymore is the most pathetic move you can make. Just accept reality as it is. It's not like you being jaded or gung ho will have any outcome on the fate of the world either way.

Nihilism is closer to what you described in the last sentence than "pretending not to care". Pretending not to care just means you're an asshole

more of a pussy than an asshole tbh.

not mutually exclusive

I dont know you or why you were a commie man but following Ideology groups is just like following a religion

the only real way out to to stop seeking answers from others

My advice is learn to think about what YOU want and how you can go about achieving YOUR goals, not the goals of a group.

if you think you found a solution try it out for a while and see if it works for you but remember there is more than one way to do things and odds are that no one existing solution is going to fit you perfectly, not to mention you may come to realize that your needs conflict with each other and you will end up deciding that some are more valuable to you than others.

and above all in the pursuit of individual agency remember not to kow tow to peer pressure unless it suits YOUR needs and helps you acheive YOUR goals.

I know that this quote resonated with me

There's nothing to do that actually works though.