Advice/support thread?

i'm feeling a bit down and there's no thread like this on the front page that i can find so i figured i'd start one because i need some help…

i married my husband when i was a teenager to get out of poverty and have grown to love him… he is a wonderful person and i care deeply about him but lately he has been very attached to drinking. last year he was working abroad and drinking so much that when he returned he went into pancreatic shock and went into the hospital for several weeks. he recovered very well but lately he has been drinking a lot again due to stress from his job (trying to avoid layoffs) and it is stressing me out as well. i am so worried that he will go back to the hospital and come out with permanent damage but no matter how much i try he seems to be attached to drinking. i've told him i can get a second job to support him if he looks for a better, less stressful occupation but he refuses, he wants me to quit working so i can focus on the household, but i can tell it would just drive him to drink more to compensate… i don't know how to put into words how much i need him to reduce or stop his habit, even if it means for a few years i work more, but he is so engrossed into his masculine breadwinning ideal that he seems to be unable to compromise. has anyone here quit drinking and can they advise me???

You must seize the means of alcoholism.

Why not seek a therapist for him? He may not take it immediately, if I go by what you say of his attitude, but it can definitely help. I think he could also use at least a drug that isn't as damaging as alcohol, like weed. Better not to use drugs, but weed will rarely affect someone unless they have histories of mental pathologies. Best of luck user.

Not to be rude, but 420chan has a board which deals with counseling for people. Just mentioning this since I doubt you will get much help here.

To be honest you either gotta drag him into therapy or divorce him if he refuses to stop killing himself with booze. That being said if you feel like you can still reason with him you need to seriously sit him down and make the stakes absolutely clear. You can't let him destroy his liver because of his bread winner spooks you need to be assertive and stand your ground. If he refuses to change his habits there isn't much you can do and you shouldn't blame yourself the only person who can truly fix this is him.
I don't want to be cruel but you shouldn't let yourself watch the person you love kill themselves like that either really push him or leave staying is only going to be unhealthy for you.

Well he should take milk thistle for his kidneys. There is a herb called kudzu that reduces desire to drink a lot I heard what it does is make a hangover come on quicker instead of the next day so a person can self gauge easier.

i've tried to get him into weed but it's illegal here so it made him even more stressed about his job and legality and stuff… i might try to get him to go to therapy but its a bit expensive

Post your tits?

yeah i agree. i'm just a total pushover and it takes barely any convincing to get me to stand down. i need to be stronger but it's really hard to overcome everything that stands in the way

Fam wtf are you doing? If you can't stand up to him maybe get your pastor/priest involved.

he's an atheist though which is definitely not helping. ive tried over and over to get him involved but he seems to be adamant

All I can tell you is that when you sit him down you need to think about him in the hospital you there next time worrying if he's going to wake up. Hold that thought tight and in that moment tell yourself you need to stop it. You need to make sure it doesn't happen. Hopefully it'll light the fire in your stomach and get you to push yourself and him forward.

we talked about this when he got out, and i ended up a sobbing mess over it but eventually he went straight back to the bottle.. i'm just so scared of losing him whether its due to death or just divorce, he's the only good thing thats ever happened to me and im so scared of losing him,,, maybe i can call his mom and get her involved or something - she was super harsh on him when it happened

Make sure to check not only with professional psychologist. There is a specific practice I'd recommend, which may be cheaper depending where you live, which is psychoanalysis. But therapists come in various types so don't lose hope right away if some therapists ask for exorbitant sums.

If he has a good relationship with his parents you should definitely get them to help you have a real intervention. If there's anyone else you can get for it you should contact them about it. The more people he sees the more seriously he'll take it.

I can't tell if this is bait

yeah his family is really close-knit but his dad is also a heavy drinker so i don't know how well it will go… suppose its worth a try

do you know the difference between psychologist and psychiatrist? as far as i can tell one is a MD and can prescribe medication and the other cant, do they both do therapy?

IIRC psychiatrists will mostly be drug pushers. I doubt they would treat cases like this, but it doesn't hurt to check.

Slit his throat and fuck a goat.

Psychiatrists tend to just prescribe drugs tbh

...

I heard working out can reduce stress not that I would know that.

Also how many fucking kid do you have that you need to stay home full time in this day and age?

Addiction is usually rooted in alienation. You obviously love him, have you tried having more sex with him.
I wouldn't give hm an ultimatum on his drinking like some anons suggest. That usually doesn't work, and doesn't address the root issue of his drinking which you've identified as money.
I would insist on getting a job for yourself though, if he balks just say he's a grown up who can decide when and when not to drink, you're a grown up who can decide when and when not to work. As money comes in see if his situation improves, it may require a little time though.

Actually, reactionaries being willing slaves and overworking themselves to death in an economy where even two working adults can't provide enough sounds hilarious.

Sorry to hear about your husband OP, why not ease the stress with a vacation? It's summer after all.

Holidays do not solve the alienation or stress. The only way to stop the depression and mental breakdown that people claim to fix with vacations is to make work not hell.

Sadly we cant do that.

Does he have a full life outside of his job?

Not to be opportunistic, but defining yourself primarily as a worker or a member of "the working class" does not create any real happiness. That kind of identity is fueled by a fear of starvation not hope for a fulfilling life.

This could help
Get him a variety of things in life that make him feel good to add to "recieving paycheck, having a loving wife, drinking".
Mostly something to replace his drinking.
Working out and weed also. Depending on your healthcare system and the quality of your insurance, it'd also be a good idea to get him checked.
Also, stop him from worrying about losing his job in some way. Getting a job yourself could help. Getting him a better job could also help.

Start drinking with him, it will drive him so crazy that he doesn't have a little free, alone time for a little bit so he will either stop or kill himself.

Or send children away for a night or rent some place together, get drink together and talk. If he doesn't want to stop drinking, try to suggest some less harmful alcohol (high quality vodka is best) and some medications. Appeal to his spooks, make him feel that he is the best man in the world and you want him around as long as possible. Also, buy him some viagra and have lots of sex, sex is healthy and great against stress. Once a week might be ideal, but I'm not sure if you can manage it.

Literally what. The problem alcohol poses for your health comes from alcohol alone. The other stuff in for example wine could have a variety of effects on your health, it could often even help.
Avoid those stronger types of booze, they are easier to abuse.

And yes, get him sex. You can probably manage once per week. If it becomes boring, try experimenting and making it more kinky.

bump

why?

why shouldn't we have an active advice/self-help thread?
There are a lot of anons in desparate conditions on this board.
Here people can exchange their experiences when it comes to bad situations.

Then we should rename the thread, if that is possible.