How do I leech welfare in the US while being physically and mentally fit?

How do I leech welfare in the US while being physically and mentally fit?
I don't want to fucking work

You don't

fudge off, Holla Forums

Write a letter to the government telling them you're a Maoist Third-Worldist so they can declare you mentally ill and put you on disability.

You'd have to move to a poor area and ask around for a good disability doctor. Engineer some kind of work accident and then claim that you're in too much pain to work. Be sure to do your research so you can fake it accurately.

Join the army. There's no big welfare in the US than teh army. 600 billion budget, paid vacation in one of the many military bases abroad and i bet they spend the whole day smoking weed and raping the female locals. What are you waiting user?

Weed isn't allowed in the military, and afaik it destroys careers.
Alcohol on the other hand is used frequently.

fuck off and get a job Holla Forums

move somewhere else, this country fucking sucks.

It isn't allowed, but it does get frequently used in the army

Wtf happened to this place?

whatchya doin?


Not working is easy, I don't know why more people don't do it.

how so? if you are an engineer or mechanic or medic or intelligence officer or military police you're not seeing combat, why would that scare employers away? Surely you're not suggesting that the skills people practice in the military don't transfer back to civilian employment?

There were guides on this that where posted on /r9k/ a a while back, it was archived and, goes by the name "Uncle Remus' guide to SSI". If that's too autistic for you, I suggest asking attorneys that deal with people getting disability, and they should be able to point you in the right direction.

Yeah, I've noticed a lot of rise in pseudo-intellectuals and underage posters around here recently. The quality of discussion here has dropped has dropped considerably compared to even the post-election months.

Take a look at our active users, we have a small but very vocal influx of users from Reddit most likely. The Shitty Fallout 4 thread that became popular in catalog confirmed this suspicion.

you don't, welfare queens are a meme.

since it's such an abstract thing it's almost a comfy thought.
the scariest idea is that i'd be too cowardly to go through with suicide if backed into a corner and would live hand-to-mouth instead.

my fantasy would be to kill myself during an ESA assessment to traumatise the people working there. I know you're supposed to hate the system and not individuals, but certain jobs go beyond the pale. (The assessors basically being given arbitrary targets to meet for numbers of people to accept/reject, and thus outright lying and saying the severely disabled are fit for work, etc, in the hope they won't appeal or will be lied about again at the appeal stage.) Doubly so because they're private contractors.

All the well-read and intelligent anons are busy with finals at uni. Give it a couple of weeks, and they'll all come back soon enough.

literally pretend to be retarded to your doctor or who ever the fuck decides these things. amphetamines help.

Have you people tried long term unemployment? It's shit.

Just because someone says its better to have a job doesn't mean their from reddit. When the revolution comes do you want a nation of skilled workers or neets? How are you going to grow food or build bridges when the generation that did the revolution are a bunch of lazy stoners?
Leftism isn't a vow of poverty, just because we're against wage labor doesn't mean everyone needs to quit their jobs, thats as retarded as rightwingers who say buying things under capitalism = you cant criticize muh capitalism
Perhaps you should kill yourself.

At this point today's workers are no better than neets. unskilled as fuck doing repetitive mind numbing make work jobs.

Theres plenty of jobs that aren't like that and have necessary skills for any type of economic system. Are electricians make work? plumbers? machinists? Engineers? programmers? Tech support guys? no

Hey user, have you read

Do we have a labour surplus? Yes.
So someone else can do it.

Do you really need a reason to get welfare in the US? Where i live they'll give it to you no matter what, even if you're caught frauding them(however they'll seize your salary if you ever start working again)

There is no welfare in this country. It's a right-wing meme.

The programs that do exist are

Food stamps/SNAP - a monthly stipend for food purchases only

Public housing/assisted living - public or public/private programs typically aimed to get your rent down to about 30% of your income. You will probably end up living in a pretty shitty part of town.

Unemployment - get a job and then lose it for no fault of your own. You have to prove to the state that you're actively looking for employment, though.

Disability - Obtain a disability (or otherwise get a doctor to claim you have a disability) that prevents you from working

And finally,

The Military - try to get a logistics or service position and you've got a cushy full-time job for life with a full array of benefits, including access to the country's only public healthcare service.

Is this the bottom of the barrel of shit posting or a higher plane of meta-ironic shitposting known only to the wisest of Holla Forums's dialecticians?

'reddit spacing' has to be the most retarded meme on this board, I can't even tell if it means leaving a line or not leaving a line anymore

Leaving a space between lines. That's what it's always been. It hurts the eyes and comes from how people format their posts on Reddit (as the first empty line between 2 paragraphs of text isn't counted on Reddit and the text is put back together as a whole by the scripts when you hit the post button - this makes it easier for Redditors to format their posts. making them more like a set of tweets than a coherent whole). It works on Reddit because of its design, but it's just an eyesore and a dead giveaway here.

but is leaving a line between paragraphs ok?

Whats so wrong with having a practical skill? Learning never hurt anyone and if you can get some money on the side, why not?

Nothing wrong with having the skill, I was just referring to the wage-labour element.

I mean, if you're not working then basically you are living off someone elses work right?

It would be like a right-wing caricature of socialist /succdem positions, 'oh, they just want to laze off everyone else'. In order to be working class, dont you have to…. work?

Only if they're actual paragraphs. Spacing between individual lines like reddit newfags is just a bad habit. For example:

Hello, how are you

doing today, my

fellow Redditor?

^that's exaggerated Reddit spacing. Spacing between lines is meant to make large bodies of text more legible, not cut posts up like that.
Obsessing over it like some people or using
in place of an argument is dumb. I was just pointing out the (meta?)-irony of using reddit spacing after a greentext in a post which excuses reddit-tier posting (another issue entirely and an actual one - quality has gone down the gutter the last few months, and I sometimes worry that it's because we lack a mechanism for dealing with an influx of people who need to be educated while also retaining a place for quality discussion).

our labour surplus is so great that it's essentially functionally true to say "to work, you have to take a position someone else could've taken"
(this will be derided as the lump of labour fallacy, but even though increased employment causes increased employment due to increased spending power, there's no reason this should naturally continue until full employment is attained.)

combine it with MMT and you scribble away "muh taxes pay fo dat" and none of it really matters. (though in any case i'm more interested in personal comfort than ideological purity, although the two synthesise in suicidal ideation.)

With regards to individual comfort, wouldn't the income from a job outweigh the income from benefits in any case except possibly in the most hardcore social-democratic countries like norway?

I'm a newfag, how has quality gone down exactly?


all the money in the world couldn't build a time machine or undo the effects of exerting effort towards tasks you don't believe in. Comfort is the ability to stay in bed all day.


no seriously, we cannot make the revolution with lazy people.

There are no such thing as lazy people, just people who don't see the value of work or recognize it for what it is. It's not lazy to not want to be a wageslave.

as for now we aren't in a socialist society, and we cannot starve. So working is still neccessary, even if bound to a wage.

if we all stopped working capitalism would die and we could get to growing things minus wage slavery.

Become a capitalist

Alternatively, submit SSDI applications over and over for 4-5 years. Then once you are "lucky" enough to get welfare, prepare for living in poverty and not being considered a member of society. It's pretty hellish.