Ya hangin in there Holla Forums?

My job is low paying and unfulfilling. I'm miserable in it but the thought of looking for something else only to transfer into something just as miserable and unfulfilling defeats me before I even get started. I have no ambitions and I don't know what to do with my life, which I feel trapped in. If I go back to school I'll have to take out tens of thousands of dollars in loans to do so only to be saddled with the debt til the day I die and still have to work these same low paying, unfulfilling, miserable jobs. I don't find joy in my hobbies despite my talents and however much I like something it just feels like more and more of a burden. All I seem able to do is anesthetize myself with video games and weed and the pseudo-socialization and political activity that Holla Forums provides. I know these things don't help me, but at the very least they distract me from the pain of my stagnant isolation for a little while.

I want to keep going, but it just seems like things get heavier and heavier and I sink deeper and deeper into the mud.

no

Nope.

Long as the drugs won't run out

I guess. All my friends are getting prostigious cool jobs and I'm just sitting here wondering why that couldn't be me. I'm happy for them, but it stings.
I just can't seem to find success like I want.

Not really. I had dreams of owning an indie film studio to pump out shit while avoiding porkywood so on the advice of friends and family went for a business degree. It's complete bullshit but I'm too far in to do anything but double major in economics. I feel like I was fooled and let them take me for a ride only to realize what a farce it is too late. Add to that struggles with drugs, all my friends abandoning me, and my seeming inability to get more than a few hours of sex and you have a pretty miserable life.

Right now the best I can hope for is to start a co-op and hope a revolution happens.

this dude knows

I'm doing quite well, actually. I got into my top college choice and got a bunch of scholarship aid money for it, the only real worry of mine is if there's gonna be a job market in 4 years.

/r9k/ trash

Dont do it comrades. Have hope. Educate and organize and have faith. More and more people are looking for alternatives to the status quo. Socialism and the far left are discussed now more than they have the last 10 or 20 years. Capitalism is heading for chaos and change is inevitable. We need you for the revolution and for the struggle for a more free world.

Do you know how weird it is to hear this shit with a chipper voice every day?

Cheer up guys

...

Yes.

Well, yeah. Sorry but everywhere else is littered with rightists and Holla Forumstards who just blame everything on on 'fugging women', 'fugging niggers' or 'fugging jews' etc. I'd like to be able to share woes and whatnot from a leftist perspective or just without that kind of influence, it's a shame >>>/leftyb/ isn't more active.

Im scared of the Earth slowly losing its natural resources and if humanity can be saved at all!
other than that i feel like im falling behind in school
and my family is falling apart
dying inside tbh

I honestly see no trouble with mankind being snuffed out. It's an existence of suffering that's the real nightmare.

also sorry about your family and school

More of this shit please, fucking hilarious

here you go

I know that feel user, not a robot myself but this is sadly the only place where I can talk about anything without Holla Forumsyps everywhere. I mean they are here too but it's a lot different.

No you people make me want to go full Holla Forumsyp more and more every day. The fun on this board is appalling

oldies

okay

So, should I post my copypasta about "alternative" depression treatments?

MOAR

the police-matter is 10/10 tbh

I'm doing real good. Just got a state job in maintenance that pay 17 big bucks an hour plus benifits.

Don't worry though I haven't abandoned class struggle just because I'm getting the big bucks now

I'm trying to wean myself off politics and imageboards now that I've realized how pointless it all is, but I don't really know what else to do with my time. The abyss has stared into me.

Kind of want to make people laugh. Laughter, proper hilarious laughter is perhaps the only reason that comes up to keep living. I should spread it. Palliative care for the victims of late capitalism.

These days I have some weird feels. I think about stuff in the past that I would have totally done differently if I could go back in time, but since I can't it makes me feel a mix of cringe, guilt and nostalgia. I also noted that I am a less lot passionate about politics than before, which means that I am more likely to accept concessions, but at the same time I don't want to give up my principles. I really have to find a way to sort out this ideological crisis before the elections, I don't want to make another choice that I will regret.

The facebook and mall ones made me laugh, thanks.

Everyday feels the fucking same it's groundhog day taken to new depressing heights

I guess so, I'm still an isolated piece of shit NEET, I have a substance abuse problem, and I spend a good 40-60% of every day worrying about what's wrong with me. However finding this place in the last couple years has done wonders for me as far as feeling less alone and less unlovable, and studying politics and history gives me somewhat of a purpose. I feel like if I could find some irl brocialist friends I could really start to improve my life but I'm still too scared to put myself out there like that.

Anyway, I love you Holla Forums thanks for existing

don't kill yourselves you faggots, things are gonna start getting wild

unemployment continues to be hell. I'm considering writing a song about it. there's a bar a bus ride from where I live who will likely accept me but all i'm hearing is endless

my god wagecucks are morons. The only reason i'd get a job is because it's basically required.

...

this is now an >>>/uplifting/ meme thread

...

...

I'm literally on the same position.
I have been wanting to get into drawing or modding for some months, but depression is a bitch.

...

Ah fuck it, I'll share my pasta. I'm a dumbass and forgot to cap, so it'ss be text.

1/3

First off, a requisite link for people looking for a rundown of depression treatments. It's great, but doesn't really cover the more esoteric methods: slatestarcodex.com/2014/06/16/things-that-sometimes-help-if-youre-depressed/

Alright then, let's start with the old psychedelics. The first alternative treatment for depression because it's by far the safest: microdosing LSD. It's something of a fad right now because it supposedly makes you more creative and mentally healthy. However, there's plenty of anecdotal evidence of it acting strongly against anxiety and depression.

You can find plenty of material on the internet (/r/microdosing is a good starting place), but the basic idea is very simple: take a tiny dose of 10-20ug every 2-4 days. The schedule and dosage depend on each person, as you will want the highest dose possible without developing tolerance, so you'll have to tweak it until you find yours.

The most simple method of preparation is just buying the old 100ug paper blotters and cutting them into sizes proportionate to the dosage you want. The disadvantages are the lack of precision in dosage, and the fact that LSD degrades in paper over time. More experienced users buy liquid LSD and mix it with distilled water so they can get precise volumetric dosing.

LSD has virtually no side effects, so the worst scenario is… nothing happening. So I'd say it's worth trying first, and if it works, it could be taken for an undetermined time.

The other psychedelic in this list is 2C-B, another newbie-friendly substance. Also no known side effects, and a positive, warm trip, if you want to use recreatively. Shulgin, who's something like the Tesla of drug scientists, picked it as his favorite drug.

Now we come to the second treatment: dissociatives. The big one here is ketamine, an old and weird anesthetic, as it has effects of various types of drugs, and depending on which country you are, you could just go to the nearest vet shop and buy it no questions asked. It also has the distinction of being the only drug mentioned here whose antidepressant action is backed not just by anecdotal reports but by numerous academic papers.

Again, information on application and safe usage are easy to find. I suggest intranasal, whether snorted as a powder or dissolved in bacteriostatic water like a nasal spray, as they're the methods that require the least amount of K without involving injections. Beyond conservation, consuming the lowest amount possible is best for your health, because ketamine has the very inconvenient side effect of fucking your urinary tract up, up to the point of surgical bladder removal. The exact amounts needed for this to manifest aren't known; I used to think it happened only to real junkies, but I've talked to a guy who started developing K bladder using just therapeutic doses. It's possible it might vary a lot per person and you can use a therapeutic dose without long-term harm, but it's obviously a risk you're taking. If you start treating yourself with K and start noticing urinary tract problems (lower bladder capacity, constant urge to urinate despite having just done it, blood in urine etc.), stop taking ketamine immediately, and the symptoms can heal. Beyond this urinary damage, ketamine has a high risk for psychological addiction.

2/3

So, K might or might not be usable on the long term. However, it has one peculiar advantage: it works extremely fast. It can bring a person from the brink of suicide to perfectly normal in a matter of a couple of hours, or even just a few minutes. For that reason, some doctors want to classify it as the world's first antisuicide drug. Something to keep in mind, if you fear you might have a crisis, or know someone who might. A little bag stashed away (preferably in a freezer) might be a literal life saver.

(Two addendums about K. It has recently been discovered that its antidepressant effect isn't caused by it, but by one of its metabolites, HNK. As it happens, it has no recreative drug-like effects at all, meaning it may be a miracle cure for depression. But to the best of my knowledge, not a single pharmaceutical company is researching it, and as far as I can see, the reason is that it can't be patented. Capitalism! The second addendum is that another metabolite may also be the first known medicine for borderline personality disorder.)

One important note on efficacy: academic studies consistently show that ketamine works like magic on 75-80% of patients with treatment-resistant major depressive disorder. The other 20-25% are shit out of luck. So just keep this in mind.

But even if K doesn't work for you, there are other dissos to try. However, they don't have the academic backing that ketamine has, so it's back to anecdotal evidence.

In the magical world of research chemicals, there are a million substances from ketamine's family which most likely are still legal in your neck of the woods. You can find plenty with a bit of googling.

The one with the most potential in my opinion is O-PCE. Requires very small dosages, it's very cheap per hit, and should you decide to use recreatively, it's a nice and positive high that will still leave you with plenty of material. The big downside is that, like with ketamine, it does damage the urinary tract, but the likelihood of it is diminished because of the aforementioned lower dosages. Still, we can't be sure it really does less harm, so watch out for K bladder symptoms.

Next up is 3-MeO-PCP. As you might be guessing by the naming, this is not one to be taken lightly. It's a lot like O-PCE and even cheaper, but you take just a little bit above the dosage and you enter a full-blown psychotic episode. Yeah. This risk increases if you're taking other drugs with it too. "Absolute last resort" might be a good description.

Then we have ephenidine, which is apparently very newbie-friendly. No known side-effects and very pleasant, positive high in case you're into it. Unlike the previous dissos, it doesn't seem to affect even the urinary tract. User reports state that vaping it allows for an immensely smaller dose, something like 20%. Results against depression seem less reliable, tho.

One last word. Acquiring the goods is, of course, your responsibility. Don't blame me if Porky's pigs bust down your door. These days you can get everything from the darknet, just get started at /r/DarkNetMarketsNoobs, and follow as many security measures as possible (I use a pendrive with TAILS OS installed).

(One last last word. If you want to get really esoteric, ther's still transcranial magnetic stimulation and transcranial direct current stimulation, but that's way beyond my knowledge, and far less reliable than drugs as far as I can see.)

3/3

Okay, a couple more things I forgot to add.

Intead of LSD, you could try microdosing shrooms. However, it's more expensive, more finnicky (amount of psilocybin changes with each shrooms) and seemingly less successful than LSD.

Big Pharma may be ignoring HNK, but it is researching ketamine variants, which is better than nothing, I guess. A world-class shrink I spoke to recently says that Johnson & Johnson is in Phase 3 trials for a nasal spray of something called esketamine, which should be hitting the market in 2 years. So in case you're too scared to buy dudedrugslmao, you could try to hang on for a couple of years. The big downside is, God only knows how much will be the price.

There's also the option of custom-ordering drugs. There's this funny thing about patenting drugs, the requester has to disclose the whole reaction chain needed to obtain it. Meaning you could potentially hire a ballsy lab to make a batch of any drug for you, including drugs that aren't even on the market yet, like the aforementioned HNK. The big downside is, it costs a shitload of money, so depending on the dosage needed, it probably won't be worth it. In HNK's case it might be 0.167 mg/kg intranasal every 3 days, meaning a small amount can last a long time. This is all purely speculative, mind you, so don't blame me if your brain becomes mush. Oh, and the quality and prices of custom synthesis labs varies a lot and they can refuse orders for whatever reason, such as being afraid of dealing with iffy precursors. As one might expect, labs in places like India and China tend to be more adventurous but less reliable.

Among the new generation of more "orthodox" antidepressant drugs still in trial that you could order a custom synthesis for are GLYX-13 a.k.a. rapastinel, and NRX-1074 a.k.a. apimostinel. The former has to be administered via injections, whereas the latter is orally active. Information about their effectiveness is still very scant.

If you plan to use custom-synthesis labs and try these untested drugs, look into sites about nootropics, longevity and self-medication, such as /r/nootropics and Longecity.org, as well as research chemical communities like /r/rcsources. People in such communities often organize group buys of custom synthesis.

Me too user how old are you? I'm 25 and was a redditfugee here. Been lurking for some time now after the cat girl scandal. I like this place, but really am getting fed up with social media as well.

I just got a full time job and am starting to want to get offline. Deleting my reddit account a few months ago is literally one of the best decisions I've made. I can't help but cringe now at some of the "culture" there now, even the people who don't think they're edgelords are contrarian liberal nutjobs.

This is whyI am open minded about newfriends. Sometimes, they actually have a brain.

Wow, thanks user that means a lot. And please, I don't mean to shit on all redditors as if I alone am some kind of superior genius. I just realized that the culture there is toxic and had to get out of there. It all came to a head when I started finding evidence of people lurking my posts, and tracking my post history on lefty reddit. Some real nasty, weird shit going on there is all. I prefer this place for the marginal anonymity and lack of "votes." It makes a huge difference, even if plebbit says it doesn't (IT DOES).

I come here mainly for Holla Forums (that is, when people are trying to chat and not just shitpost, I think this place is pretty fucking awesome tbh) and Holla Forums to read about linux and shit. Other than that, I'm less and less finding reasons to go online. I am on FB, but beyond a few close friends, there's an incredibly low signal:noise ratio and a ton of horribly reactionary shitposts on every news thread.

Duude, gonna echo this sentiment. I'm trying to break into some real life hobbies for once. I'm trying to get better at coding and music for once, things I should have been focusing on this whole time but didn't for some reason. Depression, anxiety, idk, maybe it was a combination of the two. I can't say I'm over the anxiety, but the depression is slightly less and at least manageable. I'm not hysterically suicidal, at least. Like you, I'd love to find a balance between healthy engagement in politics, but not getting too caught up. All this Trump-hysteria has really made me reflect on just how much I should be "plugged in" to dumb shit people like him do, and trying to find what really matters. Especially with all these pseudo-anti-fascists popping up, that really are just making leftists look bad. Makes me hesitant about who I reveal my power level to, and how much I should be invested in other people right now instead of just working on myself.

I'm at my wits end. I feel I don't have much longer.

Don't give up user! I believe in you!

That's what I've tried too, but it all keeps dragging me back in, damn politics addiction

I want to get off this wild ride

Well it's for cases like that that I've written the guide a bit above this.

Feeling kinda crap tbh, my face was among the ones that were doxed.

Stop being a retard and putting your face on the discord, or get your server owner to stop being a hyperautistic moralfag who won't ban the one Holla Forumsyp that keeps facefagging you all and the faggots that shit stir between boards.

Better than last year. I don't want to literally kill myself anymore.

Enjoy the absurdity then.

the Server Owner is like you say a moralfag because he didn't want to make a safe space. Now the mods just accept anyone that comes into the channel.

Its really dumb.

Fuck dude, I don't know what to say. Hope you're still browsing this thread though. My depression, as far as I can tell, was caused by what I later discovered to be a sort of mourning, which I won't get too deep into. But I don't know how to deal with that which is caused directly through alienation, and I don't want to be one of those "just go out and meet people" fags, after all, I haven't done that in fucking years.

Perhaps, look to simplify your life, and develop a steady routine. Find one thing that you enjoy, even if you feel like you have no will to see it through, and do that one activity set to a duration and complexity just at the edge of your emotional limit, and push through to complete it once every day or two, according to your routine. Finally, find some time to quiet your mind, and fixate, if only for a few minutes, on positive, warm sensations.

I found things like this have helped me, so, if you're still here, here's hoping to a brighter tomorrow.

Nigger just stop posting your face in the discord.

Other lives with constant, chronic pain. Alone, but also here. Anguish sometimes seems unbearable. Reading theory is good, but the future hold nothingness. There are no jobs; there is no family nor friends; there is nothing.

>implying left-wing militantism will make you forget the inherent absurdity of life in 2017 A.D.

Come on, guys. Have hope. We're in late-stage capitalism and inch closer to revolution everyday. Just hang in there.

Just barely. I'm torn on so many issues- unions, national liberation, how centralized and powerful the state should be, identity politics. (and no I don't want to hear aboit it from Holla Forums, I'm probably somewhere in the middle on it, if that's possible) I'm unsure about the party I'm currently in and working with. (Yes you guessed it, the SEP) I nearly get depressed every time I read about the next fucking thing Trump did, and I'm just waiting for the day everyone wakes up and realizes what has to be done. It's just torture waiting for that day.

...

Barely

it is. i wish snow would be more aggressive with the pol insects. i know he has a good heart and wants to invite them into the community. but they're hopeless

Just broke it off with an 18 year old, I am 29. I just couldn't fuck her, she was throwing herself at me, and is hot as fuck, but clearly has SERIOUS self-esteem problems. Called me "daddy". I can't use a little girl like that. So here I am, jerkin off again. Feels bad.

to be clear I was only interested in fucking her, she was pretty boring otherwise.

I'm also broke and unemployed

...

tbh 18 is just too young for a real adult male. 18 year olds are childish. you made the right choice.

???

walk in. see this.

how do you respond?

y-yes
*slowly walks backwards out of the room*

20 minute sperg-out about ideology

I don't, because I'm not such a one dimensional person that I'm introduced in such a way.

Better than I was last year

Still awful though. No friends.

having a gf is a chore, it takes up way too much time. it sucks to be alone, however. build your steps to a commune, my friend, then your basic social needs will be met, and you might even find a gf. build material means also

Self-care is important asshole

...

This is the whitest thing I've seen all goddamn week.

and I guarantee 3/4th of these are getting a degree in psychology financed by their dad

I'm good on that front.

Ugh.

I have no job and no friends and my country is probably going to collapse soon.

- Have a gun.
- stock up on food.
- keep us updated
- ???
- survival?

Hard to get a gun here in Russia and I'm poor anyway.

I hate my job and lost the only irl had I friend a few weeks back. I don't even sperg out around people, I just never leave the house outside of work and don't know anything/anyone where I'm at

That being said I do have a gf and seriously it makes me less worried about the future. Not that I expect that the relationship will last for years (or hell, even months), and if shit hits the fan she's as fucked as I am. But it still helps.

They told my it was a numbers game. How do you do it without completely ruining your self-esteem.

REEEEE

What happened with your friend?

You have to base your self esteem on a foundation of confidence in yourself as an individual whose value is independent of the opinion or perception of other people.

Rejection always hurts, but the key to not being torn up by it is understanding that someone's subjective perception doesn't affect your objective qualities.

At least try to be fucked together.

meant for

I will be seeing my waifu 3 days form now LIVE.
I have been waiting for this moment for 3 years, working up the party ranks. I just wish that press wont go and fuck up my changes for local leadership position.

So yeah, I`m feeling quite excited right now. Also there is a good change that I will be elected to city council 3 weeks form now.

Then what should I base my self-esteem on? I'm a slightly above average history student, I'm short, not particularly attractive and I live with my parents. I frankly don't see myself as amazing, neither do most women apparently.

spooky

I hope you feel terrible after your first concession to porky interest. :P

Someone needs to keep the eurocommunist politics and stand against consensus politics of the party alive since old guard is unfortunately dying. I don`t plan on making concessions nor compromises every political party needs its throwback hardliners and populist agitators.

Prety shit to be honest.

Just crawling though day to day. Wake up everymorning realising I'm likely going to be doing this for the rest of my life is not a fun thought.

I'm trying to get motivation to become well read on politics but I can't motivate me to do it. Might buy a book in physical form as it's much easier to read then.

I'm just another loser on the internet, but for whatever my opinion is worth, what I went through was a long process of building my own confidence. I flunked out of university originally because I was so terrified of talking to people that I wouldn't leave my room.

For me, an important step was leaning to socialize. I had to push myself to talk to people, strangers, learn to strike up a conversation and how casual conversation works. Eventually I felt comfortable enough to go looking for places with like-minded people to participate in this or that with. I met people that had similar thoughts and interests, and that's when I think I made real progress.

The distinction between bravado and confidence I think is that bravado is the adulation of the ego while confidence is a certainty in ability. The best way to build confidence in my opinion is to find some arena to test and improve your abilities. The form that has taken for me are groups for debating political and social ideas–history, politics, religion, etc. I tested my knowledge and rhetoric and theory against others, and sometimes I was superior, and sometimes I encountered areas that needed improvement.

I'm not completely 'reformed,' so to speak, but I'm much different from how I was before. Having a social that respects you and what you think and say was a big help to me. I've had some decent success with girls if that's any measure of things, but I think the colleagues I've made have helped me more than my past girlfriends. Not to discount the effect a significant other can have, but it seems like most of the time people are just looking for someone to validate them as an individual, which isn't a sound basis for any relationship. Which isn't too say that is what you're doing, but that's the impression I get from lots of >mfw no gf types.

Sorry if this is a rambling mess or not very helpful. I'm not a guru unfortunately, so all I have to offer is my own limited experience. I hope it helps though.

I only have to get 40% to pass this first year of university, but I have such little motivation that I doubt I can even get that.

This lack of motivation and I think pure laziness is fucking crushing.

What year? You can always take time off if you need to. Even as a full-time student.

I really hope things improve for you. I'm currently at university but I feel like my life end up like this. I don't have any advice, other than to try and make some friends, even Internet friends. It doesn't matter if you lose some, just try and make more.

I'm doing full time first year UG Electronic Engineering in the UK.

I don't think time off would help me get myself on track, unfortunately. My parents would also be disappointed and probably not let me live with them (I'm at student accomodation living off their money).

I keep telling myself I'll get down to doing stuff.. until I invent excuses and just give up. The worst part is that my exams are in 9 weeks.

I know that feel.

I have people that I hang out with so thats not really a problem. I don't like to go out often though and they always want to do shit like clubbing which isn't my cup of tea. Gets me enough interaction though.

Ah, okay then. I dunno, you could try and look for a hobby if you feel emotionless or without motivation. But either way there is some struggling you have to do with the fact that you have little motivation.

You might like to find people with whom you can do activities you enjoy, too. My friends go clubbing (I don't like it) but I have others who I LAN party with sometimes, so it sorta evens out.

I find it ever harder to reconcile my growing misanthropy with my leftism tbh

Taking up the hippie lifestyle for a while can be liberating, its selfish and not revolutionary but it keeps a lot of people from going insane.

Rojava my friend is allways an option, they need some propper leftist influence too.

Learn a language and leave to some place where education is free. Its possible.

As if it was so fucking easy lel.

Barely m8

I'm about to turn 26 and I can't find a fucking job, I'm thinking about dropping out of college again (and probably for the last time) and my anxieties are taking over my mind. I think I'm depressed but I can't afford professional help or medicine.

Can relate

It's a memey answer but it's true: just try to be, or act, more confident. I know you think there should be a foundation for self-confidence, but it doesn't.

There's something strangely appealing about unattractive and/or goofy people being really righteous and self-confident that people are drawn to.

Seriously? I've never articulated my misanthropy so well until I acquired a left-wing vocabulary to do so

Don't worry, after the revolution you may be sent to work as a GULAG guard or something.

why is leftypol sad?

Alienation under late stage capitalism
Depression
Poverty
Etc.
:🍀🍀🍀

Why want to change the system if you are happy with it?

...

Lonely sad 17-30 male neets are more likely to use an obscure leftist image board than others.

I'll have you know I wage slave which just makes me sadder.

Might wanna look into Cuba's ELAM. Free med school, and it's even open to some gringos. And if you're from America you already know half of Spanish anyway.

Well with all due respect to Cuba, it don't think it's really the best country to move to, even compared to the shithole I'm from.

Capitalism engineers misery.

Hell, even now that I'm aware of the general nature of the system I still feel bothered that the future promised to me by 1990s consumer media never came about. Drugged up on advertising cheques that can never be cashed.

lol no

...

...

implying that all these random malcontents won't revolt and/or ferment revolt if you throw them in death/torture/slave labor camps

yeah right lol
Have you heard about many succesful revolts in GULAG? Yeah me neither.

t. eternal sociopath

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_uprisings_in_the_Gulag

it's a meme degree, don't do it
t. econ degree holder

Diagnosing people with extreme personality disorders from flippant comments on the internet is a serious sign of redditopathy.

What degrees can you recommend, if any

Because the impression I'm getting is that they're all meme degrees

lel

doing population health and genetics at uni, still trying to credit half a year of credit for the year I've already completed elsewhere

just want to take off and leave everything behind, family's feelings are the only thing stopping me

sometimes I'm content, but I feel like I don't even know where my life's going

You would have time to try.

For a job? Know people and have personal connections
But if you're already in business related area and want to stay there, see what you can do to fit actuary stuff on your resume or stats

The problem with an econ degree is that it's jack of all trades and a lot of people tend to have them

i'm lonely a lot nowadays. only speak to 1 friend and i'm tired all the time. awful paying job with little prospects of future change. my toil is for nothing when i have nobody to share my time with or work towards a better future for

have to sleep to work again and sleep to work again and sleep. its like one long drawn out horrible day that wont stop. cant even get the effort to read or develop myself.

...

Being aware of your position in society but not being able to do anything about it

lol no. Fucking help me fam.

Then proceed to either ignore them because fuck serorities or engage in arguing whether stalin did or dindonuffin

BTW the main reason I still have some wish to go on is because shits going to go down and I wanne see what happens.

...

Kek/10

On one hand worsening depression and consistent feelings of hopelessness that leads to me inhaling every substance I can.

On the other hand its made me far more active and actually start organizing 'n training? Silver lining I suppose. Stims equal motivation against all odds.

18 year olds are kind of useful though in that you can redpill them hard. But you need a daddy fetish to power through it until they're 20-24 or so and developed an interesting personality of their own I guess