Alter Ego #4 - Adolescence Again

Not interested, but call the show because if we get the prize, we can sell it to idiots who are interested for mad shekels.

...

/thread it is

Madness, why no option for gouging? Don't call then.

Interested, call

Clearly user is interested in selling any loot we win for shekels, so I don't know why he said not interested. Trying to come off as too cool for school, perhaps?
Regardless, are we calling or not?

It actually looks like they're busy right now. Phone kikes.

forget about it, it's not like we gave a shit about it in the first place

Okay, now I'm mad, keep calling. Borrow mom's cell, call on that too.

I miss being a kid already. If this just keeps being shitty teenage girl the game then this is going to get dull. Maybe we should get some kung fu cyoa next.

Yeah, you're right, these things are gay anyway.
Heads up: At any point on the map screen, we can go on a date, do something at school, find a job, or engage in "risks" that anons ALWAYS pussy out of so there's no point

Despite what being on Holla Forums may have led you to believe, you aren't a teenager forever. Sadly, we have to put up with teenage girl bullshit first. I can't imagine how horrible it must be to actually be a teenage girl.

RISK

Okay, let's spice things up and take a risk then.

Oh, for fuck's sake.
ALRIGHT, we're at the mall when we see this really hot dude looking at us. Will we run away like a virgin?

CONTINUE

Continue.

Stop and beat his ass

He introduces himself to us.
Do we drop spaghetti?

CONTINUE

put the spaghetti back in the pockets

I can clearly see how that will play out.

He stares at our chubby physique and barely-formed breasts.
I think he's eyeraping us.

C O N T I N U E

You could have done what every other continual thread does and make archives. But no, you have to a salty bitch because the simplest rule to follow got enforced

For god's sake, we consent! Now rape us!

"Hey babe. Ur hot, wan sum fuk?"

C
O
N
T
I
N
U
E

All the risk are stupid though, like the tattoo or selling drugs. There was no option to beat up the drug dealer, nor do we get a chance to assert ourselves as the queen of the school.

is it gonna get saucy? should I pull out my sausage? GO ON

Why would I follow Mark's rules when that fat jew cheated on us with our best friend? He's a slut and he deserves every bad thing that happens to him.

He's a Yuro, and he's buying an expensive dress for someone he knows and asks us to try something on. Is this something people actually do? What the fuck?

Well maybe you shouldn't have Vivian act so nice all the damn time, eh?

This, most risks we've seen so far are pretty stupid with no reason to continue. Who the fuck gets a permanent eyebrow tattoo?

PUT ON THE DRESS VIV

continue you cunt

ABORT

Arab sheik rapist spotted, get the fuck out now.

They're really fucking drawing this out, aren't they?

CONTINUE

FULL STEAM AHEAD

well this seems safe enough then, continue

Leave with the gown

Oh, we just gonna cuckqueen someone? Seems fine to me, that's a good fetish.

Risks are stupid, that's why they're called risks, user.

Of course he has a girlfriend. He thanks us for our assistance and leaves.
Afterwards, we help out around the house and have a big dinner on Family Night. How exhilirating.
We don't have daddy issues, so this isn't a problem for us. We're so well-adjusted…

top yellow

What a tweeest

Okay, so you bitched at us for pussying out of risks and then the risk pussyed out on us.

I'll be working my way from the top down, so you just need to let me know which icon.

Anyway, our "friend" from Jamaica invites us over to her place for dinner. We go, and now we're eating turtle soup. Is this an issue?
I hope not, I've always wanted to eat turtle, I've heard it's quite tasty. Regardless, this is Vivian, not me.

horrified eat all. show no fear

HORRIFIED
WE NEED TO EAT ALL THE SOUP

EAT THE SOUP

Horrified and stop eating, I have clearly been abducted.

EAT ALL THE SOUP

LIFE, HUH?

It's just some turtle, but alright, we scarf it down despite our hesitations. Then we get offered more for eating it all. What a nice mother!
What's the plan now?

brain

wait fuck, I just remembered brain is just trivia
IGNORE

Feel like skipping class, user?

what's the green one, target shooting?

skip

uninterested go to class. we need brains

Unless they are skipping to suck dick, I'm not interested.

Physical. It's for things that happen to your body and shit. I think the last one got us our period.

VIVIAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Oh well, we get away with it. We're a good kid, so people are naturally inclined to look the other way. Still, are you trying to fuck Viv up?

The educational system is Jewish brainwashing anyways, skip

physical

find out what green is

green maybe we'll fap this time

WARNING - THIS EPISODE CONTAINS SUBJECT MATTER OF A SEXUAL NATURE. Do you wish to continue?

YES

Do you have to ask?

YES

O FUCK YES

I hope your dicks aren't out, because we're just going to the pussy doctor to have our vaginas looked at.

fuck. comfortable go to exam.

Well I mean
There’s a slight possibility of this leading to sex

Gotta make sure our vag is healthy and ready to make beautiful white babies.

what the fug the doctor's gonna be a jew don't go

Oh, wait.
The pussy doctor is a man. Probably a jew, too. I can just imagine his hook nose hanging over us while he pokes and prods our young, nubile genitals…
Is this an issue?

Go anyway.

OP, where can I get more games like this one? I know some of them are quite big.

go anyway

yes

puss out fuck this shit

ABORT

Mom trusts him and I exist, so he can't be sterilizing white women now… can he?

He tells us about vaginas, shows us the right way to squeeze our titty, and then asks us if we want any birth control.
Man, what a kike! We're not sexually active anyway… right?

get more

Get more info. Having children is for losers and morons.

but did he inspect the vag

We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children.

No to birth control. Genocide the jew, I was wrong to trust him!

say no

Hell if I know. Do you mean life simulator games or something? What other ones are you aware of?

Well, it is 1986, so it's not like we're gonna find out about sex through the internet like everyone here probably did. The doctor tells us about condoms and pulling out and lunar cycles and whatnot. It's all quite informative.
Also, at a family gathering, someone calls us a cheap hussy because of our makeup! Mom sticks up for us, though. I guess she's gotten over all the shit we gave her when we were a baby.

heart time

Question, don't we currently have our hair directly up?

These text choices games. I know there is a bunch of them.

man at work

You're going to make us do a billion Socials in a row again, aren't you?
Oh well, heart it is.
It looks like one of our friends is, uh… anorexic? Bulimic? I don't know the difference. Either way, what does Vivian do about it?

I don't know? Is there a meaning to this I'm not picking up?

angry do nothing. we don't associate with weaklings.

angry and do nothing

[GLASS HER]

this, let her turn into a skeleton and die

Angrily force her to eat. Dumb bitch.

Also, I'm just thinking it's justified to be criticized for our appearance since we seem to have our hair straight up.

Oh wait shit, duh, we did that last thread. Probably not anymore, it's been a while since that.

You sit around feeling bad about her wondering how things could have gone so wrong, and as a result you don't actually do anything and the problem continues.
Gee, that sounds familiar!
Anyway, what's the plan now?

black man piling up shit

Social.

let's get to work

work

Work. At this point I think it's the easiest way to get into a fight.

We find one of those "free art scholarship" things if we can draw a certain character well enough. Is this a thing that happens anymore, or was it just back in the 80's? I don't know how art scholarships work.

Don't do this.
t.someone who finished graphic design

Our little psychopath would never throw matches out so I guess we're drawing

free stuff? excellent
draw

Art's gay anyway. Who would go to school for that? We toss it in the trash.
Wow, I guess we're done with adolescence. We had a fair amount of stuff left, maybe we spent too much time on boyfriends and shit. What a shame.
According to the summary, once again, we're doing rather well for ourselves. It looks like Vivian is a well-off middle-class white girl, how generic.

I’m gonna go with Mr. Hitler Dubs over here. An art scholarship sounds like one of the absolute worst things you can have on your resume. Unless you were a graphic designer, and Vivian would absolutely not be a graphic designer.

Really, our biggest problem is that we're too damn serious all the time. While we're being all intelligent and upstanding, we're not actually that happy as a result of it and could probably afford to cut loose a little more.

Oh, right, and the aggressiveness. That too.
That brings us to the end of our adolescence and the beginning of Vivian's life as a young woman. Perhaps now that that's over with, we can get into some real trouble.
Y'know, after we wait a bit because this game is freemium.

Seriously? If they want to choke money out of you they should make you wait a week or something.

Choice of Games is what you are looking for but they're sjws

There better be an option to become a killer for hire.

The ultimate twist. Bravo, Favaro

I'm fairly confident that we can actually murder people in our adulthood. I distinctly remember getting into fights with some asshole before he got killed in a bar or something.

Are all games filled with SJW rhetorics?

Assuming the ones he's talking about are made by academics, as this game was, then yeah, probably.

Alright user, I'm probably gonna go to bed now, but, if a [Glass him/her] option shows up somewhere in the game, you absolutely have to take it.

don't worry user, we will glass Mark next time we see

The time has come. This is it - the prime of Vivian's life.
Young Adulthood.
The astute will notice some new icons. Now that we're a grown woman, we can buy useless shit, get married, and have babies! No more risky behavior for us, just regular plain old life risks are ahead of us!
Here's our stats. Vivian looks like she's doing good! Too good.
I assume she's about 18 at this point. How will we pass the time?

We must get our hooks into some beta so we can be a NEET for life

Where would you like to meet this poor bastard?

At school, I guess.

I guess we go to college or university or something? That's the only way I can explain all these weird fucking names. Which sounds the most ripe for exploitation?

You gotta go for Rock, or Kip.

Benny G.

Rock is ugly and will probably cheat on us. What do you think?

Too alpha

Fuck no, not another kike.

Actually, he is too alpha. He doesn't call us.
Keep in mind that these activities take up time we could be using elsewhere. There are only a certain number of "turns" we have per life stage.

How did I not see this coming?
seriously, last post, going to sleep now, I sware on me mum m8s

Heart

Wait, why can't we call him?
Oh well, I guess women can't make the first move.

We're driving along with a friend of ours when he runs over a dog. He doesn't seem to give a shit. Do we?

Nah

Last time we cared for a dog he shit on our Dad's pillow. NEUTRAL, NOTHING HAPPENED

Mutts die every day, it's no big deal.

Angry and ask him to stop the car. Vivian is a friend to all dogs, as evidenced by her past exploits in this game.

the heart

Uh, what the fuck? A literal random encounter happens to us. Vivian realizes she is living in a video games.

Uh… what do we do with this box? I got the "sexual" warning when I started this too, but I skipped it because I knew you guys would say yes.

DO IT

I think we might about to get trafficked, you guys…

EXCUSE

Like we often do, we completely pussy out at the first sign of risk.
What next?

Work

Where can I pirate it?

Like, get a job, or the yellow vocational icon?

Yellow

TOO FUCKING BAD

Go to work icon, pick whichever will get us into the ring.

Why do that when we can take out a (((loan)))?

Part-time job’s our best option. Loans never work out, ever.

A reasonable proposition, but how reasonable are you feeling right now?

Training

Sorry! We're too inexperienced to train for a real job. Want to go back and apply for something else, or forge onward?

Viv's delivery service it is.

I got the same goddamn message, so I think we should wait a little while before trying to get a job.

It's free online but you have to wait between chapters

Heart

when do we kill mark

Hey, Vivian's depressed again! We already got something like this as a teenager, but you know how hard it can be to shake that off. How shall we react to this onset of feels?

Depressed do nothing

Depression goes away on its own sometimes if you can deal with it? I haven't heard that information passing around in the medical circles. Interesting. Oh well, we deal with it. Vivian's tough.

Viv is sad because she is not angry. Social, talk to normalfags and make her angry again.

How about being asked to donate to charity instead?

NO

BUT THINK OF THE CHILDREN, user!
Oh well, it's time for a stat check anyway. Lookin' kinda… broke, Viv.

But when we tried to get a job we got fucked. What do?

Get beta BF to bail us out?

Well, I tried and I still can't get any jobs, so maybe we should become a student?

We should get knocked up so some poor faggot has to support until he kills himself

School is for fags drop out

We can't exactly drop out if we aren't enrolled, user.

Social!
What happened to our Aunt's trustfund anyway?

Oh so before we were just cruising around random campuses looking for dick?

That was only $500, we already blew through it.
Anyway, Vivian sees a crazy, blue homeless person out in the streets. If she's blue, she's probably really fucking sick or an Andorian
What should we do?

I guess so. Maybe we hung around an elementary school or something.

Some druggie, concerned ignore.

If you were really concerned, would you ignore her?

Ignore, unconcerned
FILTHY, DUMB ANDORIAN SCUM

concerned about our own safety, of course

You walk away.
More importantly, someone we know is talking shit about us to our friends! It's no big deal though. We know that anyone who would anonymously spread rumors about someone else is a loser with nothing better to do.
What's next?

Heary

*heart

Go on shota patrol

Jeez, the game's kicking things up.
Vivian's walking at night when she sees a teenager mugging an old man. What does she do?

ATTACK

ANGRY HELP/ATTACK

Angry help

That's uh… not really an option, but we move in to help!

HELP THE OLD MAN

Run up and yell "FIRE", like, what the fuck?

Call police

FIRE AT WILL MEN

hello bolice :DDDDDD

yo you panties are on fire sir

He pussies out as soon as we walk up to them. That ended pretty well.

get young bf

Have babies

Where is the best place to find a young bf?

At a school again.

Neither school nor work.

The suburbs?

Alright, we're back at school with the same list of guys as before. Which one of them sounds like a shota?

We want someone who has a fucking job, not some loser studying liberal arts

Bobby.

bobby

Bobby is an insecure, brash, aggressive young man who seems to spend a lot of time at the library. We hang out around him and notice him reading Nintendo Power, then we pounce.
The shota is ours.

fam

...

Your father has lost his job lately and it's making him depressed. He doesn't understand video games, so he just mopes around the house all day.
Will we say anything?

Sad talk

What do you want to say to him?

We love our daddy

He needs a job or our family is fucked

You're a loser daddy, but I still love you

He cries.
What an emotional faggot.

social?

We meet some "apolitical" artists at a party. What do we think of them?

BORED, CRITICIZE

We hate fenceshitters, probably communists

this>>14210227

You're so rude, user.

Time to marry Bobby I think

Fenceshitters aren't human, they don't deserve manners

...

Sorry, we have to be going steady with Bobby before we can marry him. I guess we're casually dating him?

You're calling viv a casual?

Go steady and marry him

Bobby's not into us that much. Maybe we need to go on dates with him more.
Regardless, some minor bullshit happens to us. Whoopee.

heart

Then lets go on a date with Bobby and force him to go steady

Well, I guess we're going on a date instead.
Or… not. Okay. Bobby seems to be going out to lunch with a girl at work an awful lot. How do we feel about it?

HELL NO

He a good boy trust him

Murder the slut

Good job, you're acting like the bossy girlfriend who gets pissy at a guy's female friends. Oh well, it's just a minor freakout, we're still dating.
What's next?

Go on a date. How are our stats ?

Continue our attempts at tricking bobby into becoming our good little beta provider

After Mark, we need to be bossy

We're fucking broke. Sorry.
While we're hanging out with Bobby, he mentions that he's wondered what it's like to be married. Does Vivian get all flustered?

Illya?

WE'VE GOT HIM NOW BOYS
TALK ABOUT IT

We gotta talk about it

The game is just fucking taunting us at this point, jesus christ.

Can you?

No, we still have to be going steady.

Then lets go steady

Drop him.

I guess he really was "just thinking" about it.
What now? We're really broke, guys, and we haven't gone that far down the map.

Goddangit bobby. Guess we need to find a job stocking shelves or something until we reel this faggot in.

Do a social

Can we get a job?

You just want to try the delivery service?

Might as well.

Sure, let's go with that.

Fuck it let's go

NOPE, SORRY, NO CAN DO, NEED MORE EXPERIENCE

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Fine, dumb labor. We'll work that chub off.

Might as well become a whore at this point

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

mah nigga

How the fuck do you get experience if you can't get a job?

WE HAVE THE EXPERIENCE
BUT THERE ARE NO JOBS

you know, I've been asking this myself and other people for a while

S-social then

It's just like real life

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

Some retard from high school calls us with a hare-brained scheme and asks for a loan. I say he's a retard because we have like, $15 to our name right now.
But what do we do?

Pitifully ask

anger refuse to give him the money

He's going to raise and sell chinchillas… from his basement.
Will we give him the money we don't have?

Yes

No

Loan him our 15$ at 500% interest.

Well shit, what could possibly go wrong then? fuck off

Can she even drive?

I don't know how we get $500, but we give it to him, and somehow he actually makes the money back PLUS extra!
On the downside, Dad never found a job. He started drinking heavily after that and then had an accident while he was drunk driving. He died in the hospital shortly afterwards.
RIP Dad.
Anyway, what now?

I'm sure she's good at OutRun, does that count?

Try for job again?

fuck mom

Oh fuck now we really need bobby's betabux

This is getting depressing fast

NO JOBS
Let's take a look at our stats in the meantime. You're looking kinda sad, Vivian.

At least we still have our chinchillas

I've been gone since last night. What did I miss? Who's Bobby?

F

Let's go full kike

F
Time for Bobby to man up

I just wanted to play an autism simulator

Bobby is our shota boyfriend, read the thread.

Might as well go on a date or something.

Social maybe.

Bobby's going to be our new provider since the cake kike cucked us at prom

So when do the murders start

Right when Bobby cheats on us

Bobby has a dog. I think it… bites us a lot? This is some really odd writing. Anyway, how much of a bitch are we going to be to him about his dog?

1

Fucking asshole dogs in this game

Play it cool, we can't jeopardize this relationship

Never, if we keep wasting turns going on dates and job hunting.

What? You're not going to poison the dog? Jeez, fine. Because you say nothing, the dog keeps biting you or whatever.

Wew, does he wear pants with a lot of chains too?

social

Family.

The boy ain't right, but he's our only hope

Alright, I'll browse over what I missed.

Hey Vivian, wanna go to a strip club with male dancers?

Stay home

HE

We don't like having fun, so we tell them we're not interested.

how about no

Why we would we want to watch sweaty guys dance when we could be playing vidya?

DATE BOBBY

Another date?

Your frustration is delicious.

Bobby eats like a fucking pig. Will we tell him to get his shit in order, or be a good girlfriend and stay quiet?

We just want his betabux, leave him alone

CAN'T GENTLE

Be gentle and tell him he's a disgusting motherfucker.

Yeah, we're crazy about Bobby, sure…
Anyway, what now?

Bobby must love us by now go steady

GO STEADY OR DATE IF YOU CANNOT

Sorry, Bobby doesn't want to go steady.
BUT HE DOES WANT TO FUCK

My grandfather used to make turtle soup, bled them out fresh, hanging in the basement. Good times. It's great if you know what you're doing.

Condoms

This nigger better go get a condom.

STAY PURE FUCKER! SAY NO HOLY SHIT NOT MY VIVIAN

...

Do anal.

...

Was your grandfather a jew or muslim, by any chance?

WOW
We fucking went to sleep while he went to get condoms! What the FUCK is this bullshit!?
AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, MARK SENDS US A LETTER SAYING HE'S THINKING ABOUT US
PISS OFF, KIKE

We wanted to marry this fucker, so eventually she would be fucking him anyway.

Just tell him to pull out but then hold him in

Kill Mark

YES!
VIVIAN REMAINS PURE!

No, we will drycuck him like the beta male he is

Family

We're coming for you cake man

Heart

That was enough to make my skin crawl

Does Vivian feel… baby fever?

YES

Happy mother

BABY FEVER
Happy, thinking about becoming an ara ara

HAPPY MOTHER

Why am I not surprised?

Nah, German. How else do you expect to make turtle soup? You catch them and make it fresh. I bet you've never cleaned a fish.

job

Heart

We need a job to do the job icon, user.

A friend of ours calls us up. Her life is in fucking shambles. Do we feel like helping her out?

Sympathetic, talk to her

Might as well.

Fuck it's not like we're doing much better

don't give that bitch any money though

Uh oh, it sounds like she got
BLACKED
What will her family think? What do we think?

Have the fucking baby.

There are two options that say that, user.

Give the kid up for adoption.

Oh well keep it and have it.

ABORT

What is this bullshit, game? She asked us for help and we gave her advice and we're controlling for it? Alright, whatever.

Hey Bobby

stop playing the game

I cannot parse this command.

Maybe a job will work now?

Try and go steady again.

Date Bobby

Hurry up and get bobby into bed, our clock is ticking and viv wants white babies

The writer is a salty guy.

No jobs, sorry.

Sorry, Bobby just isn't ready for that kind of commitment.

Yeah, don't let the game play you. It's some fucking psychologist that acts as narrator.

RISK

I think we had better find some greater genetic stock for Viv's children. Do social.

Date Bobby

No more of that stupid shit with no payoff

We can't do those anymore, we're not a teenager anymore.

What a coincidence, we happen to find someone just like that at a party! Man, Vivian gets invited to a lot of parties.

Some scenarios were good. Some were just trash.

Go for it.

Flirt walk over

ok budy

Did women quotas not exist in the 80s or something?

IGNORE

We come over, and then his date just fucking leaves. Wow. Alright.
What do we say to him?

Have his baby and then we'll make bobby raise it

Small talk.

Bring it up

Wow, Vivian, that's just gross. As it turns out, he used to have a crush on us, too. What a coincidence! I guess we better leave now…

Slip the number.

Number

You had your chance Bobby
SLIP THE NUMBER

He gets our number… and that's that?

Start working at a steel mill.

Heart

bobby

Now we wait and look for work

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE INDECISIVE BOBBY

Well, I interpreted that as "look for a full time job", and I wound up here with no way to back out of it.
Any of these look appealing?

WE TRIED 3 FUCKING TIMES, BUT I GUESS WE AREN'T GOOD ENOUGHN FOR HIM

Oh wait, factory worker's right there. D'oh.

(((Lawyer)))

CAN YOU FLY BOBBY?

Oh, wait, sorry, still no jobs.
OH WELL

Go steady one last time.

Social, we will never get a job

Heart

Date Bobby women can't have jobs

Nope, no dice.

Well, that's a shame, because we're paying for a nice dinner. How much do we tip?

Bobby is a trashbag mallninja. The crush is the better option.

Go full kike

Separate checks

dont tip, opportunistic

American dining (paying) culture is weird

No one else offers to pay.

keep mumsies

HOLD

keep the shekels

We wind up paying for our own meal. Nice dodge.
But woah, shit, we're done already?!
Alright, let's see how we did…

We need to be making babies. No way in hell do i want to be a barren old woman

Like before, we're healthy, smart, and socially adjusted. The problem is that we're broke, alone, and depressed. Sound familiar?

Go steady with Bobby or get a new boy toy

We're also kind of an angry, jumpy bitch.
Here, the game openly taunts us and tells us to look for another job, as if we hadn't wasted enough time trying already. But this is the end of our young adulthood. It could've gone better.

Perfect.

Perfect representation

Well, getting out of school really fucked Vivian up, didn't it? The real world's rough, but we still have time to get our shit together and adjust our life's course.
However, that'll have to wait, because I need to go and shower now. I'm really surprised at how quickly that stage passed by, I thought we still had turns left.

Our eggs are drying up, we gotta get hitched quick before we become a bitter feminist.

Hwat were the stats at?

I dunno, we'll have to find out after this short commercial break.

...

Right, time for Timer.

Wot?

0w0 what's this

wew

...

How exactly does one play that nearly long as one's time in NV? I can understand some autism, but it doesn't even have a workshop. Do they just sit there, staring, at sprites idling, like some sort of fishtank? Even the completionist time is around 20 hours. Maybe a learning disability?

Alright, the springtime of our youth has wilted and the summer of our lives has begun. Here's the stats you asked for. All of the icons are the same as they were during young adulthood, so you should know how this works by now.
Try not to fuck things up unless you fuck it up a lot.

Go out with bobby

Date Bobby

Go steady or look for work

Hmm, it looks like Bobby's been having lunch with some blonde little number.

SKEL

Kill them both

brain

Get a job.

We're challenged to a contest of physicality! Will we accept it?

COMPED ACCEPT

Competitive accept, does he take us for a fucking casual?

He beats our asses and makes us look like a casual bitch. Should've gone outside more.

BRAIN

brain

Our friends really think that our Doritos Stew is delicious. Maybe we could jazz it up a little with something?

Get creative, make mtn dew dipping sauce

Creative fiddling

But what kind of fiddling?

Shitload of cheese

More onion.

IT'S DELICIOUS!
One of our friends tells us that we should sell the recipe to McDonalds to make some big bucks! What do you think?

...

Offer it

Fuck those kikes it's ours

We are too strapped for cash man

Sell it baby

HOLY SHIT THEY BOUGHT IT FOR HALF A MILLION DOLLARS!
I better check our stats to make sure we get to keep it…
vivian wtf r you doin

Bobby will come through for us, we just have to wait

Bobby's a deadbeat, find someone new.

I'm going to use this opportunity to take a quick detour to the Shopping section. That cool with you guys?

That's our viv

Fuck Bobby, crush at best.

Yes! Spend before Vivian blows it all on random gaming shit.

Sure, buy some stuff.

Buy a car

...

What would you like to buy from this fabulous white man?

Automobile

Car so we can fuck off outta here

...

Toys and a house with a basement

Used car.

3

LATE MOD

Luxurious Prestige Car

It's annoying how "house" wasn't an option.

You fucking queers.

Sensible, but how are we paying for it?

CASH

Cash

Cold hard cash, of course.

CASH, fuck usury.

Congrats, you're the proud owner of a used car. Need anything else?

Yes

Try to marry Bobby and if he won't dumb him

What?

Tried about six times, Bobby isn't interested.

Stuff for the fam

Computer

Toys, need vidya

Sorry, you can't buy toys unless you have children! Why else would you be buying toys, anyway?

Get a new BF

Spoken like a true tchotchke rube.

GET STEADY WE ARE RICH NOW

Fucking cunt how are we supposed to entertain ourselves?
Let's give bobby one more chance then cut him off if he fucks up again

We come to our senses and realize that Bobby isn't ready for commitment, so we dump him.

Let's go find a chad

Work, again.

Where shall we find this Chad?

WORKING MAN

Other, where chads lurk

This is turning into Holla Forums now.

I think you misunderstand.

I don't see any Chads here, but does anyone else strike your fancy?

Andrew

JIM

Jimmy boy sounds reasonable. He can help dispose of the bodies later.

Don

Date Josh and upgrade your relationship to the Next level.

Andrew's not much of a catch, if you ask me, but he doesn't say no, so we start dating.
What now?

Louis, we'll be able to fuck whoever we want while he watches

Get work

Part or full time?

part time

delivery with our new car

Make your pick.

Ain't no car delivery jobs.
We're going through this money rather quickly, aren't we?

Social. Who forgot to tell Vivian about piracy?

I imagine piracy was a little harder in the 80's than it is today.
Oh look, political activism. Is Vivian going to get involved with her local community?

Not interested/Stay Home and Play VideogamesDo Something Important

If it doesn't interfere with vidya then who cares?

I wonder if Vivian even knows how to drive.

We don't have kids to fuck around in the yard, so it doesnt really matter does it?

We don't go outside often enough for the trash to be a problem. It's whatever.
Naturally, this comes back to bite us in the ass later.

Get preged

Dating, in an attempt to get

You have to be going steady/married for that, user.
All you guys want to do is get a job and pump out kids. Don't you have any imagination?

We go out on a date and our boyfriend never shows up.

Go steady

We're a woman, what do you expect?

Jesus

Despite standing us up, he accepts! Oh god, finally, we have a REAL boyfriend!
What ever are we to do now?

Heart

make babby

...

Angry piece of mind fucking femishit

Calm, talk with the friend.

YOU BITCH

Tell me how you really feel, user.

FURIOUS

Only angry

...

I am the angriest women who ever lived.

Throw her out a window

ATTACK

...

She said all of that while Andrew was right there? What a bitch!

Marry this fucking stud

Marry that boy

Are you serious, user?

Yes

He's the one

How much are we going to make him shell out for a ring?

Heirloom

Well we still have our hymen

Yeah, that'll work… do we want to talk to his family about the engagement?

Sure

I guess

Do it.

...

hint hint

Bullshit. Whatever, let's drop hints, we can't propose

...

H-heart

NIGGER I WANT BABIES AND MY CLOCK IS TICKING

user! You got us caught in a fucking chain letter. Jesus christ.

Fuck we have to do it, I don't think we have any protection dogs

We score some free tickets to a play? That's… alright, I guess.

Date

Our boyfriend wants us to have dinner with his brother.
Uh… this could be awkward.

Go for it, let's see what happens.

YES kiss Andrew in front of him!

Wait did we date a mike?

Kill Jester.

Andrew, like a fucking beta, gets jealous of his shy younger brother. Are we gonna make fun of him for it?

INTER

Shy away

Tell Andrew to fuck off.

Andrew pouts like a baby bitch. What's his damage?
Anyway, what's the plan now?

Cuck andrew with his brother

Heart?

Work, again.

We've got a problem, but we aren't sure if we should reach out to Mom for help. What do you think?

Cynical, own.

That's not very consistent, but… okay.

MARRY

This shit again?

WORK

HEIR

Discount ring is fine..

Same as last time

Sorry, they don't actually have any heirlooms. Oops.

Monay.

Fuck no wonder he got nervous

What about it?

Buy a house?

Take out a (((loan))) for a $10,000 ring

What kind of house did you have in mind?

You know he's the one who would buy the ring, right?

COndo.

If we buy a ring then he'll be out of excuses

We buy a new condo! Congratulations!

Marry and demand a cheap ring

Marry, ring 3

Will we talk to the parents this time?

Of coursh

They feel the same way they did last time. Will we drop some more hints, or let him bring it up?

More hints

Andrew has FINALLY gotten the message and asks us to marry him!

YES YES YES BABIES

yes

Finally. Yes.

...

WE'RE ENGAGED!
Took long enough.
Anyway, when did we pick up $60k of debt? We should probably pay that shit off, but we seem to have blown through most of that McDonald's money. Maybe we'll get lucky in another scenario?

Social

For some reason, us and Andrew go on a couple's vacation with Mark and his new girlfriend.
To be honest, she seems like an alcoholic.

Unconcerned chat with mark

Let Mark get fucked

Sorry, can't do that.

It's his problem, right? Unfortunately, we're still stuck with them during the vacation. Should we say fuck it and go home early?

Nah

No matter how bad things get, at least we can always tell ourselves that we aren't Mark.

Go for a nice walk, and maybe the problem will resolve itself by the time we get back

Baby time

Marry

Are you sure about this?

Yes we have a house, a car and have never worked a single day in our lives

Well, there was that time we had a babysitting job. Regardless, what kind of wedding do you want?

Small, we're drowning in debt and mark is our only friend

Reasonable, but what about the honeymoon?

Simple lots of bareback babymaking sex

Nice and romantic

2

Go jerk off, user.
Where do we want to settle down?

Country

Andrew leaves us alone at the altar

...

...

Does that mean we can make kids or not?

I'M NUUUUCLEAAARRR

We're not married, so no.

C-c-call Bobby

...

Did Andrew ditch us or are we still steady? Are we going to die alone anons?

Oh shit, he dumped us!
And we're still in debt!

DATE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I didn't want a Holla Forums simulator

This is almost as sad as Holla Forums's actual dating life.

Maybe we should try getting a job

...

other place
At least we invented the MacCheesyDorito

Alright, which of these eligible bachelors catches your eye?

Larry

Larry's really only got one thing going for him: he's hot. Still, we manage to go on a couple dates with him.

Heart

Keep dating

Vivian's nervous about constantly being cheated on and left alone in the world. Does she deal with the stress by eating her problems away?

NO away with you fat!

Time to get swole I guess

Vivian's chubby not a whale, snack responsibly

We don't actually have the ability to chill the fuck out, so we manage to get nothing done. Oh well.

DATE

Projecting any, user?
Larry's cooking dinner for us at his place one night, when his fucking cat gets into all the food and fucks it all up. Fantastic.
Should we tell Larry?

Say something to Larry.

eat the cat

We need a new bread soon

I think Xanax came out in the 80s, that'll chill her out.

We don't eat the cat but we do eat its hair.

If we lose larry we're going to have to get accustomed to cat saliva anyways

Heart.

Well, great. Since we don't have any kids of our own, we're borrowing someone else's for this scenario.
Will you tell a child that the dude in a superhero costume isn't actually a superhero and is, in fact, merely a paid actor?

Calm, make up a story.

Calm truth, break the conditioning

user, please. Vivian is not a calm woman. Fortunately, we're just able to let the kid keep living in his fantasy world. Fucking capeshit.

heart

This time, Vivian meets an old friend. She's gone through a divorce and actually came out better for it. We, on the other hand… well, you know. Vivian can't help but compare her life to her friend's a little bit.
Will we do anything?

You should ignrore, making my ime to make Vivian.

CON USUAL

Get mad and make some changes

Major changes, can't hurt

I set low. Too bad because I I made everyone woman love me.

What the fuck were you trying to say?
Regardless, we're doing fine so far. No need to make any changes. Yup. Our life is exactly the way we want it to be.
Speaking of which, we haven't paid of a single cent of the debt we took on for buying a house. Just a heads up.

We need a job..

Do we? Part or full time?

Full time? We have a lot of debt

Time to break it.

What kind of full time job?

I played with her in the sandbox long ago.

A big heart matter, that they do not know. Ain't that a shame.

entrepreneur?

Ain't it a kick in the head.

user, you're drunk.

Holy shit, we actually got the job! I'm fucking stunned! We're an entrepreneur now!

Whoops, forgot an image.

Time to tie the knot! before we get too old

LIKE A

We aren't going steady with Larry, user.

You are no

Try to go steady and try a work icon

Shit's finally starting to turn around

You are not this is.I am making dinner.

Look at that, he actually says yes! Color me surprised.
Anyway, we have to go out of town on a trip with a coworker. Will we accept it or decline the offer?

Excitedly go. But make sure to mention no showers

Yeah, this should be good for us! We can finally show everyone we mean business by going on this trip. For once, things work out well! Our coworker invites us to dinner to celebrate our success.

Go

Naturally, he asks us if we want to fuck.

We are desperate virgins, I think we have no choice and must follow.