This game came out on the Commodore 64 in 1986. In it, you play out a person's entire life and control all of their decisions. You can get a job, a wife, a house, have kids, and die in your sleep… or you can get kidnapped, raped, and murdered as a child. The choice is yours!
I wonder what kind of life decisions the Holla Forums collective would make?
First thing's first: Are we a boy or a girl?
Faggot
I don't think you can be gay in this game, actually.
then a girl
Of course Holla Forums would want to be the little girl.
Alright then, do you want to bother with a quiz to determine your new personality, or should we just get on with it?
if I were playing myself I would say quiz, but thats at least 52 posts
Fuck no
Do the quiz, but only choose the 2nd option on every single one.
I'm just picking the first response, so this should go a little quicker. However, we'll have plenty of opportunities to flesh ourselves out in the future.
Alright, so be it. We start out with a pretentious quote (which we will see more of), and… our birth. They're really letting us make these decisions early.
Are we coming out easy, difficult, or should we cook a little longer?
Come out fighting
inb4 mom dies
ready to kill
We aren't having any of this shit, but we come out regardless. Some stuff happens and we arrive at the main portion of the game - this weird flowchart thing. Each icon represents a different kind of situation: the faces are social situations, hearts are emotional situations, brains are intellectual, and the family is… for family.
I'll be starting from the top and work my way down in chronological order, but which of the 4 types should I do first?
the heart
Oh, I almost forgot, let's check ourselves out.
If you haven't been reading so far, we're playing as a white suburban girl. What's the worst that could happen?
Alright, we're just kind of hanging around as a baby. What should we do?
look around restlessly
You're right, we're alive and we shouldn't be sitting around doing nothing! What should we do?
Look around, we're not a crack baby.
summon them with the power of my voice
A composed young lady, aren't we?
Hey… what the fuck is that blurry thing?
Keep looking
Im interested. Keep looking.
Keep looking
Oh shit! That's our hand!
Odd that we know what inches are, but we just discovered hands. Oh well. Our next adventure awaits!
Another heart
Emotional development is important at a young age.
It looks like we're hanging out in the living room. The life of a baby isn't that exciting from the outside looking in.
o shape happy
Mad
Cry
This is now an autism simulator
Mad and cey
*cry
I expect this girl to end up as a mass murderer
This is fun! One day we can put this experience to sucking a mean dick.
But what's this? Does someone interrupt?
move your face back and forth
turn towards them
Don't you have to buy the full version online for $5? The whole thing used to be free years ago but now you must pay dollarydoos.
Look at that! We're fucking adorable. Aww.
Which one should we do now?
Yeah, it looks like it became paid within the last year or so. I was really bummed when I found out - even the free version makes you wait after every stage of life before you can progress.
a yellow square, first or second
Get out hipster faggot.
THIS LADY'S TRYING TO FEED US A BOTTLE OF CUM!
I remember there was a flash version on Newgrounds a while back, but I can't find it now.
REEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Happy and coo
happy coo
Nothing gets your mother's attention quite like screaming autistically.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Keep crying
We're a little asshole, aren't we?
brain 1
Choose the family
Let's not also be an autist AND a brainlet.
Alright, let's see if our developing brains can figure out just what the fuck this thing is.
Determined grasp
determined grasp
It's babby's first dildo.
With determination, we grab… a rattle. Good job, we got smarter somehow! What do we do with it, though?
SHAKE SHAKE
Drool on it
yell
drool
Drool
Man, I wish I was this easily pleased.
How shall we progress?
Heart
heart
Alright, we just woke up from a nap and mom wants to hold us!
We'll let her, right?
happy smile
sleepy do nothing
We like mom, and she likes the attention. Everybody wins!
What's she doing with our faces, though?
How does that even work here?
Be still
The game won't allow you to make certain choices, and that's one of them. It's a shame, because I think some of the ones they disallow can make sense, but you can't win 'em all.
Oh boy, ain't that the truth.
social
It looks like our neighbor's come over to visit and they're getting awfully handsy about it.
passive drool
Angry cry
ANGER
BITCH INSULTED MY NOSE
angry, drool
Our load has been secretly prepared, ready to fire.
bombs away
FIRE ALL CYLINDERS
Drool on the neighbor, of course
drool on the bitch
Fuck that bitch, she had it coming anyway. That'll teach her to mess with babies.
incoming brain
family
We're in our crib when we hear that people are talking… but not to us?!
Is that a problem?
sad sleep
Happy sleep.
sleep sad
sleepy sad
We go to sleep, but we aren't happy about it. I guess that's what growing up is about.
But when we wake up, there's still nobody around!
noises
Make autistic noises
We gurgle a bit and make some baby noises and mom knows we're awake!
continue to make tard noises
REEEEE
More noises
Continue with autism
This is like Real Lives only more entertaining. Shame I have to fuck off for now.
Hey, wait… did you know that when you make noises, other people look at you?
This will be a revelation that carries us through the rest of our lives.
MAAAMAAAAAAAAA REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Keep going with the sounds
continue on with the 'tism
This is really leading you too hard into "first words."
Can we pretend it's Vivian?
No.
Honestly, this is pretty normal. Wouldn't it be more autistic to sit there quietly and not interact with anything ever?
Oh well, on with the show. A new icon has shown up - "physical".
Well, the way it is going, it may very well be Vivian. It is a white girl living in suburbia, after all. LETS DO IT!
Choose physical
Physical
family
Well gee, we're just jumping right into it, aren't we?
Oh boy, I remember this one.
Adventure pantry
adventures in the cuppboard
adventurous, fridge
We're going to get killed by a falling can of beans, aren't we?
smh
It looks like there's some sweet-smelling brown liquid on the floor of the pantry. There's a bunch of other stuff too.
I hope we can drink whatever is under the sink.
Let's not die just yet
We get to drink some bleach
Take it
Taste
eat it
Good call - everyone else is trying to kill us, it looks like. Here's our stats so far. Where to now?
...
family
This must be corrected
Are we aiming to be the tomboy childhood friend or Jackie the ripper?
That's why we needed to drink the liquid.
Great, now we get to go see the aunt. Wonderful.
Angry limp
...
angry resist
Playful resist.
We aren't going to let these fascists tell us what to do just because they're our parents! In an act of defiance, we refuse to allow ourselves to be bound by the yoke of "clothing"!
Then grandma comes over to help.
Cooperate for nana.
Fuck you grandma
let the old cunt have it.
Good job, you made mom feel like shit.
Where to now?
Coop, mom will hate it more.
brain? why not.
heart
brain, let's make us more retarded
Hey, we found mom's pocketbook! Are we a jewish baby?
Devilish, break that shit.
Devilish, empty it
devilish
Inq and empty.
We are given the option to back down.
I don't foresee a good parental relationship in our future.
DO IT
no, fuck that bitch
dont pussy out now, finish the job
fuck no
It's kinda like a traffic accident. You feel bad about it, but you can't stop looking, either.
FUCK NO
do it faggot
It's a video game faggot.
I hope we manage to bully the mother into taking antipsychotics and turn the dad into an alcoholic.
We dump out all of mom's shit, and on top of that we start playing with her makeup. That's what you get for leaving your stuff where a baby can reach it, you dumb bitch.
heart
I thought this was Holla Forums playing 'fuck you mom, you don't understand'.
brain
Game?
I'd rather not turn into a stripper.
B-Bane?
social
I feel far worse things are in store
ANGER HIT HIM
stripper is too good of a life, let's turn into a crackwhore. That is if we can make it to 16.
calm, do nothing
fear is the mind killer
Anger hit
Anger man in face. Self defence.
BASH THE JEW ON THE NOSE
SO OUR BABY CAN BE FREE
Calm hit.
Schlomo's come to visit? Calmly scream
anger, break the Jew nose
Hit the kike, we aren't going to be fucked so early in life
Punch him before he bites off your foreskin!
We bop that motherfucker right in his face. We're a tough womyn who don't take shit from no man, especially no kike man.
...
brain
it's called the clitoral hood. Never trust a kike.
I somehow doubt the parents would have saved us from the kike
It's a feminine penis. Doctor Goldberg diagnosed us with Gender Dysphoria and prescribed estrogen.
Aren't we just little miss graceful? Are we going to try walking?
Daring steps
Daring lets go off
ABORT
WE'RE GONNA BUST OUR ASS
Daring, let go
climb that shit
We… bust our ass. Good thing we're in a playpen.
no
no
NO
let's be stubborn
keep smashing our head on the fuckin floor
Yes
We're in a playpen you pussies, what are you afraid of?
Oh well, what now?
heart
Social
pEOPLE
Family
Heart and if I am an IBM executive, why should I care if I am loaded with cash?
We're sitting around eating our autism snax when we realize we're stuck in a high chair.
What do we do?
Anger escape from high chair!
Escape
Curious escape
Curious spoon.
escape
mission: escape
angry escape
anger, fuck peas. take drink
Man, we were trying to play video games and she just took us to go eat! This is bullshit.
Keep going
Run away!
cry
Cry
crawl away
Stiff upper lip. Crawl
crawl
at this rate this girl's going to be one fucked up kinky bitch when shes a teen
We make a break for it when a leg gets in our way!
STOP RIGHT THERE, WE'RE GOING TO GET RUN OVER IN THE STREET.
DORIFTO OUT OF THE WAY
dodge
submit tbh
...
Third option
RULES OF NATURE
Dodge!
dodge
Checked and kek'd
Unfortunately, we are not faster than an adult… yet. We're back in the high chair again.
...
Drink milk so we grow stronk
gib milkies
Drink the milk, our bones must become strong
spoon, since dumping the milk on the ground is not an option
milk
We're never going to have big American cowtits unless we drink our specially-estrogen treated milk! Bones, who gives a shit about those?
Meanwhile, here's our stats. I'll try and post them every 100 or so posts to keep everyone updated.
hey asshole, stop trying to sabotage our baby
M I L K I E S
Social or family. you pick.
Social
Alright, family it is.
Dad says it's bedtime. What do we say?
Family
cranky don't go to bed
Tired, ignore
Hang on wait how old are we now
Tiredly ignore the request
We don't wanna have daddy issues and become a coalburner. Listen to father. Tired ask to stay up
Why can't we just go the fuck to bed?
tired say
Wait, how old are we at this moment?
This oppressive MAN just put his hands on us and carried us off! What the fuck is his problem?
Probably like 3 or 4? Like I said, the farther we go down the flowchart, the later the events take place in our lives.
3?
OK
ok
Guess we should be two years maybe? Can't imagine we're that eloquent. I'm not after all
say ok, get some good girl points for daddy's cummies.
ah.
"ok", dad seems cool.
ok
We love you too, dad.
Heart
social
the heart
social
When was the last time someone said that to me…
We have a favorite toy. It's getting old and we treat it like shit, so mom wants to get us a new one. One day, we can't find it anywhere. What do we do?
Unless your dad is hank hill calling your own dad would probably suffice. He and your mother miss you.
panic and ask for info
suspiscious seek info
suspicious seek info
Suspicious and seek information, it's possible our mother has broken the NAP.
THAT BITCH
In before OP fucks up and picks the serial killer victim card in childhood.
Suspicious, seek information.
I suspect the jews in this.
Panicky information seeker. The jews did this, I know it.
One does not simply break the NAP with a toddler. Or else.
We flip our shit and go around asking everyone where it is. Mom's looking awfully guilty…
THE KIKES TOOK OUR RABBIT
Keep calm and show that bitch she's been raising a serial killer
Hysteria only option
Schlomo maniputaed the bitch into killing our rabbit!
H Y S T E R I C AL
calm
Hysterical
NAP BROKEN
ENGAGE TEMPER TANTRUM
WHERE IS MY WEASLY MAHMEE
Become hysterical.
Don't bring me into this, I'm merely the avatar for Holla Forums's choices. I have no will of my own. Unless someone, you know, asks.
You're no fun! Look at what you've done, now our own mother is lying to our face after stealing our toy!
We must overreact immediately.
fuck that BITCH.
NEVER BE SATISFIED
NOT SATISFIED
See
Mother fucker quit picking the sane option
We're not taking that bullshit.
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT SATISFIED
I guess be satisfied. Although being a woman we should've flipped a tit.
not satisfied
ONLY BLOOD CAN SATISFY US NOW
Good job, guys, you salvaged that pretty well.
and the emotional scaring begins
Heart
the yellow one
Mom thinks we're an alcoholic and tells us we need to stop drinking from the bottle. How do we feel about that?
angry, give it up
angry but giving up the bottle
seconding this
Angerly refuse!
The bottle is my life now
Angry but give up the bottle
We must accept progress, in great anger
ANGRY REFUSAL, FUCK THAT WHORE SHE KILLED WEASLY
Angry resist
Try again.
How do we tell mom to fuck off?
Throw bottle
So we are playing a dwarf?
THROW THAT FUCKER
KILL THE BITCH
throw bottle.
Fold arms and say no. Bottle is still needed.
Cry in anger.
Throw that shit.
Throw it, the rabbit must be avenged with blood.
We chuck it at her and get our asses smacked for our trouble. What now?
...
[glass her]
Suck our thumb
Learn to leave without it.
Let go
Rest in piece bottle
live*
Let go.
Suck thumb, we need to get used to having fleshy appendages in our mouth.
How the fuck do you get warts from sucking your thumb?
Oh well, whatever. Stat check!
the brain one
Yellow
What is this odd thing we're touching this time?
yellow
the two bacon rashers
Man, sucking our thumb better be training us to suck real good dick.
confused, ignore
It must be shekels. KEEP TOUCHING
I just noticed a baby has more money than I do in real life…
passive and keep touching
Curious and touch
Confused, keep touching.
In 1986 money no less
To be fair, this is money that your family's holding onto in your name. But it's also 80's money, so it's like $3200 now.
You wonder what it is, but maybe it's not that big a deal. Are you sure you don't care?
Well,i was looking for a way to depress myself,that worked a bit.
So when do we meet grandpa?
let us find out whatever the fuck this is
insist on NO
Yeah, alright then, you guilted me.
Spoiler that shit nigga.
Yes
What the fuck is this? It looks like some kind of portal to a place where there are other babies! Who the fuck is that?
Whoops
we've found an oblivion gate, so it must be someone else.
you
Punch that stranger!
Stranger danger!
Someone else
It can be nobody else but us. We need to scream at it.
das me
wew, a mirror.
Dremora aren't this fleshy. I guess it must be us.
Are we pretty? Would we fuck ourselves? I'd fuck ourselves.
Could be a TV.
hang on aren't we like 5 now, how have we not seen a mirror before?
no
no
Who pronounces beautiful like that without sounding molesty
we are our own waifu, for now.
yes, we are the best angry baby
UNWARRANTED SELF HATRED
Damn right, we're sexy as fuck
Great, we're taking our first steps towards a dependence on the jewish beauty market to satisfy our own self-esteem issues caused by the fashion industry.
Paedo detected.
family
That is not true,there are some ugly babies.
It looks like mom wants us to do chores while Suzy Fantastik is on. Are we a Holla Forums girl or do we not care about western shit?
Passive ignore?
The fuck kind of baby can do chores?
We a helpful good girl.
PASSIVE IGNORE
we will be weebs.
Passive and listen to mom.
Tell her to do own work, lazy bitch, trying to watch my shows here.
Ah, she's sure to not ask us again if we don't answer her. Good idea!
We're like, 6 or 7 now.
We're not a baby anymore, we're around 3-4 years old at this point.
yes
Not unless she cuts the power cord like my mom did.
Oh shit Star vs
yes. We are probably watching a 4kids version of a magical girl show.
Uh… I think mom's turning us into a slut or something. Great, we're already being trained.
It was the 80's, think more like Jem or something.
Fine, but I swear if Suzy loses her battle because I wasn't there to support her, I am blaming mom forever.
Oh shit, I forgot an image, whoops.
Better than being addicted to talmudvision tripsman. Go with the brain one again
do one we left behind
let's counter the slut training with brains
IT'S A FUCKING FURRY YOU GUYS HOLY SHIT
frightened and point at the furfag. Shame it.
What the fuck,we walked into a furcon
WHY IS HE TOUCHING US AND WHY IS HIS NOSE COLD?
CRY
push it off
There is only one option, why is it not one here?
Cry. We cannot beat the furfag in our state.
GRAB HIS HEAD
He seems trustworthy, grab him.
NO MEANS NO
Cry, if the nose is cold it's not a fursuit
WAAAAAAAAHHHHH
Why is mom making us touch the furry man?
Oh shit we feral now
pet
Pet the man
Pet him so he'll let us suck him off later in life
Get out of there! Can't be getting yiffed now!
ANNIHILATE THE FURRY
pet the man. Maybe he'll go away if we comply to his demands.
^this
Are you implying we're going to suck dog dick or something?
TAKE THE KNOT
all the hearts
Just fucking kill him
Social
...
the heart
yes
How have we never seen a doggo before? Do we live in a cube?
We find… a shekel.
What do we do?
hoard
DISHONEST TAKE THE SHEKEL
honest and leave it alone. We are not jews.
...
take it
Honestly take it, besides, we already have $1500 saved for us by our parents. Just making an early withdrawal.
Don't take the shekel, schlomo will try to charge you interest if you steal it.
I guess we are jews. But I mean, it's not like we really know we're doing anything wrong, right?
Listen you gotta fucking take it whenever you can get it.
HONESTY
Nothing, I said nothing!
display
Show her
hold quarter
THIS
Show her the proud product of our shekel-grabbing.
You're such a boor, user.
yellow
Social
THE LAST HEART
Dad takes us to the park, where we come face to face with… another baby. An interloper on our domain! What do we do with them?
That's a weird reaction, when I did that exact combination on my end the reaction of the parent was confusion, not being hugged.
RULES OF NATURE
curius finger
Finger the fucker.
You said we're 7,how the fuck are we still a baby.
Agressive, poke the fucker
AGGRO FINGER
Sometimes the results are different.
Finger their face, show dominance!
Curious and SHINING FINGER it
It's probably based on your stats or previous interactions with your parents.
AND THEY RUN WHEN THE SUN COMES UP
AGAIN
...
mercy
Kill him
Absolutely merciless.
do it again, show the bitch its place
Well, if there's no sympathy, just keep hitting him
NO CHOICE
OUT OF THERE ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE
YES, YES, HOROSHO! AGAIN!
REK THAT BABY
WITH THEIR LIVES ON THE LINE
ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!
top yellow
Green
physical
the green one
Also we need a played expected got with this where we have little girl raiden
Now i feel bad.
Look at that, we apparently have a friend, and we're over at her house.
green. Also we might have become a sadist.
Artistically on paper
dont
impulsive paper
Draw on the paper
Artistically on paper.
Aren't we prim and proper. What do we do with our masterpiece?
Our Mom
our mom, other moms are gay
There needs to be a more aggressive option, we can't be having a friend like that. There's no such thing as a good Missy.
Missy's mom is a whore
our mom
Artistically in general
our mom
There's no place like home, isn't that sentimental?
Yeah, you're right tbh, I've never met a Missy who didn't love to stir shit.
Should have given it to Missy's mom so she can constantly compare her to us and ruin her self-esteem.
top yellow
green
So uh, we're at the mall when this woman with big tits stands near us. Do we want to talk to her?
Why is this even noted, we're like, a 6 year old girl?
Didn't say we put our name on it. Bet Missy would've pretended it was hers.
grab titty
ask her how she got such phat tiddies
Tell her she has big boobies.
curious ask questions
We need info, is the answer milk? I bet it's milk. Mom, can we get some milk on the way home?
INQUISITITTIES
What the fuck are these options?!
Mommy said daddy option
fuck dog
Train thievery skill.
...
Ask about the doggie. The yiffing has left us traumatized.
Husband seems the most personal question. Ask if she's a slut.
thick skull
What the fuck, mom hit us for saying that!
… but we can keep talking to her anyway.
Husband, it could lead to tuddies.
Ask it again
husband option
yiff yiff
Damn, she does! Ain't that some shit.
top yellow
skeltal
green
Some bitch in the sandbox took our toy!
kill
Angry back.
The weak should fear the strong. Angry Grab it Back.
ANGRY
GRAB
Destroy.
This girl's got retard strength or something, she ain't giving it up!
People have to learn not to mess with us, angry grab
Bite
bite that ho
RIP AND TEAR
BITE
Bite
Suck her fingers. Or bite, fine, jeeze…
OW
What the fuck, she's still too strong for us! It looks like we learned to fear the strong today.
Total war is the only option.
heart
green
green
green is physical, right? We need to train in order to get our revenge
She'll pay for her transgressions later.
...
What the fug, is this Dwarf Fortress now?
Hey, our fish Gabriella is missing. What's up with that and why am I getting deja vu?
Quick,find him.
...
Who cares? It's a fish. Fish are dumb.
unaffected search
Confused, Look for Gabriella
I swear to god, if that hag also took our goldfish…
Don't be sexist,it's a trans fish.
confused look for fish
I guess you're right. If we don't show our feelings, then they can't hurt us, right?
This is it, the final stretch. The game will boot us to the next stage before we can finish all of them, though.
skeleton
one last heart
physical
I think we should focus physical and family
So we're at our friend's house when their mom's shitty cooking makes us sick. Splendid. What are we going to do?
puke
to the bathroom
call mom
Find bathroom, we can't show weakness.
Projectile vomit.
...
Splendid. We barf all over our plate and end our infancy. Good job guys, time to see how we did.
...
Overall, it seems like we're fairly well adjusted.
We have had our childhood stolen from us.
R I G G E D
You know, except for that whole beating the piss out of people thing. We may need to work on that.
Jeez, why put it like that…
The weak must fear the strong. Nothing to work on.
That brings an end to our infancy! Since I didn't buy this shit, that means I need to wait before we can move on. Since this part's wrapped up, I'm going to go make some coffee then come back and we'll move onto adolesence. I'll probably make a new thread for that because my autism won't allow me to start a new thread in the middle of our development.
brb fags
so when do we get to grab fleshy objects?
Plenty of time until we meet truck-kun during adolescence.
Lewd
There's still grade school before we hop into adolescence.
makes sure to link the new thread
Entertaining thread so far OP. Appreciate it.
Are you the 8chanmania fag?
I miss threads like these. Last one I remember partaking in we made a robot out of wood and then went on a nuke spree after it got destroyed.
...
They were running the battle royale during this but with the power of autism who can say.
Nah, just some fag who's done this before. It's been year since I've done this though, I forgot how much fun it is.
People like you make Holla Forums worth visiting.
Well shit, thanks, man. I've actually been meaning to do this for a month and kept forgetting, I had the feeling this would be a fun ride.
NEW THREAD
inb4 deleted
This is shit
Nice going OP you fucking dumbass, the Mods actually enforce the rules on this board when a thread is reported.
Alright, so what happened? I went looking for the second thread just a little bit ago and it's completely gone. I stopped looking at the thread sometime last night after we burned our head.