Suicidal Plea from a Leftist Nihilist

how do I form one?

and no one was surprised.

Find multiple people with similar aspirations and acquire the necessary property.

start a coop farm, sell vegetables to a coop grocer.

you don't have to overthink this.

by having enough capital to buy land/a business. It's retard advice.

find a marketable skill, find out if you can easily automate it, form a coop and work towards achieving full automation, repeat until communism

...

yeah co-ops are great and all but wtf guys how can i afford that with less than 2k? Most of that 2k will have to go towards getting a place to live or a vehicle I can live in. Actually, all of it will most likely.

Depends what it is user, problem with starting a coop for writing or art which requires very little capital, is that you need to receive enough business to provide for all of the people who work with you.

The cheapest co-op business I can think of is taking the immigrant path and starting a food truck in a metropolitan area. Costs probably 7-10k to start a simple one.

start a weed coop, sell weed.

wow nevermind

Find multiple other people with similar aspirations. Making it a commune helps with getting a place to live and a vehicle.

we should create a .pdf of how to start a coop, like a proper .pdf where it helps you understand how to find a market, achieve relationships and so on

I'm too broke to afford to do anything.
Fuck having neocon parents. I'm very obviously suffering right now, im literally too depressed to work. The only thing I feel like doing is writing and making art/music. I want to express myself more than anything else, and I will die if I cant.
Theyre literally killing me. Theyre cutting me out of theyre insurance so that I cant even afford a shrink. I dunno what to do lads maybe this is the end.

Not a bad idea at all, lazy gene is kicking in though.

obituary reads: "yet another 19 yo killed himself cause of edginess"

oh shit. we need some feelidarity in here

Come live with me in Mexico we need people with experience in activism 2k will last you like 6 months and there is a lot of shit going down so there is plenty of work.

I also need a roommate.

He could probably impregnate an entire village in cambodia and live like a king for two years with 2k

okay if youre serious contact me on tox:
AF00206B2DF62664F4AA34BD3340CDDDF6405F00DFC61F0A370C04C04874101E5C2E32ACD6DB

Yeah but he wants to do activism not live like a king I suppose and living in the border is just plain obvious if you want to get in to the action.

don't kill yourself famalam

go on one of those work for lodging websites, it's a website that lists jobs/accommodations where you can work in a hostel, help a grandma make her organic garden, build housing for indigenous people, or help on vineyards somewhere and they'll give you a space to sleep, shower, and give you food. go to latin america (although i would avoid memezuela rn, they're going through a lot and it may not be completely safe). go see what the world is like outside of burgerstan, learn their language, explore the nature there, talk to the people, make new friends/comrades.

it's important that you escape burgerstan even if it's just for a little while.

ok

But Ill do it tomorrow since I'm going to sleep now.

Camp outside the Capital Building like the rest of us. Fuck heat and cold and sleep and family and wealth and beauty and fame. These are the secret seeds of death.

Don't leave til the problems are fixed. We all wanna 'do art' and 'live our dreams' but the systems which would produce healthy art are fucked and fascism has taken over. Even if you could wageslave, what would it buy?

Noncooperation is a real strategy. Stop. Say NO! Stop using money. Stop using dollars and currency to buy things. Displace the commodity, put your ideal in its place. Then you will become iron, and you will lead by example.

Because of a lack of mental health services and cops being bastards, my little brother killed himself two months ago. I would do anything to have him back. It's all I want in life. But I cannot have it. Please don't hurt yourself OP.

Come join the action front. Turn your despair into action

Joining the YPG is the obvious answer but it would be stupid to do that if you don't genuinely believe in their cause.

Go to Rojava if you just want to die, at least you can make yourself semi-useful.

...

No one can help if you dont say where you live.
Its completely possible to enter the autonomous scene in Europe and live there. Just staying in squats, communes. Helping out at coop farms, hippie communes and other stuff. Hitchhiking to the major events throughout europe, engaging in street art ect.

There is also allways the vagabond lifestyle of busking, blogposting, ESL teaching and seeing the world. If you just want to bide your time till stuff goes down(which it wont imo but whatever) traveling and seeing the world till then can be a good option.

Living in the cracks of society is completely possible.

Or just go to Rojava and learn some discipline. The bost option though would be seeing a doctor and getting a job that doesnt kill you inside.

use your loss of hope in the capitalist system in order to fight it, study theory as much as participating in activism, and do what you need in order to express yourself otherwise.
graffiti is a good way to get your art out there for people to see at least a bit, street perform your own songs and make a little cash on the side; it helps with that feeling of being a statistic.
don't fall into passivity, if there isn't hope you still died fighting.

working in the name of capital accumulation always turns you into a zombie, even at a co-op you're still at the whim of the market.

Join the army you depressed idiot

I feel you.

lol as opposed to what he is doing now?
All spooked up and fighting for his feels & tears.
Nice of you to have your morals though.

Comrade this is all you have right now. Your desire to create is the only thing keeping you going, and you can see that as a tragedy or a life-saver. Follow your creative will where it takes you, it may (or probably will) lead to hardship and struggle, though it seems like you're already familiar with these things. Whatever you do, don't give in, and don't sit and wait for the revolution, it will come when it has to. For now, struggle to become what you have to be.

How does it feel to be a dumb faggot?

A nihilist crying?

...

you could fight for something interesting

people never make the incredibly important distinction between nihilism and existential angsty/dread

you have poor social skills or otherwise live in a completely shit neighborhood.

why do leftists shit on people for this?

user wasn't necessarily shitting on OP for it. It's hard to convey tone over text.

or he has a bad case of confirmation bias and dismisses everyone over it

go outside and fix it nobody's here to fucking babysit you

Honestly, this is such a prevalent problem in modern society, and doubly so among the left, that we might as well have a sticky about it.

I'm sorry mate but I don't know an answer, and I'm looking for one myself, altho sounds nice on the short-term. Would that it would be as simple as signing up with some organization, and obeying a guy saying "do this and you will be advancing the cause". Which is how suicide-bombers are born, I guess.

That said, I do know of a couple of novel antidepressants that might save you from the brink.

Ditto for

Shit man, I'm really sorry.

get a fucking job and delete your deviant art page

grow up

So they can talk about it later in their internet struggle sessions.

Buy some cheap MDMA off the darkweb and become a drug dealer. Never speak to your parents again.

Saint Vladimir protect us!

"We evolve in a space that is entirely sectioned off and policed; a space occupied, on the on hand, by the Spectacle, and on the other, by Biopower. And what’s terrible about this gridding, this occupation, is that the submission it demands of us is nothing that we could rebel against with some definitive break-away gesture, but something that we can only deal with strategically."

OP I feel you hard. I tried to make a breakaway gesture but failed, and I live with my parents now. They are not threatening me with homelessness or anything but I am a depressed wage slave etc. I tried moving to the Pacific Northwest with about $3k only to wallow about and not really get anything going. If you have $2k then there is plenty of time to see and do things before ending it.

I really should not have left the PNW and done whatever I had to to survive, but I am a scared naive white kid from the suburbs. There seems to be nothing I can do that doesn't augment capital. self-crit thread

I would like to hear about these antidepresents please. I love trying out new RCs

I recommend suicide bombing, bombing optional

1/2

I thought I had an old post screencapped, but no matter, I'm glad to type it out again.

First off, a requisite link for people looking for a rundown of depression treatments. It's great, but doesn't really cover the more esoteric methods: slatestarcodex.com/2014/06/16/things-that-sometimes-help-if-youre-depressed/

Alright then, let's start with the old psychedelics. The first alternative treatment for depression because it's by far the safest: microdosing LSD. It's something of a fad right now because it supposedly makes you more creative and mentally healthy. However, there's plenty of anecdotal evidence of it acting strongly against anxiety and depression.

You can find plenty of material on the internet (/r/microdosing is a good starting place), but the basic idea is very simple: take a tiny dose of 10-20ug every 2-4 days. The schedule and dosage depend on each person, as you will want the highest dose possible without developing tolerance, so you'll have to tweak it until you find yours.

The most simple method of preparation is just buying the old 100ug paper blotters and cutting them into sizes proportionate to the dosage you want. The disadvantages are the lack of precision in dosage, and the fact that LSD degrades in paper over time. More experienced users buy liquid LSD and mix it with distilled water so they can get precise volumetric dosing.

LSD has virtually no side effects, so the worst scenario is… nothing happening. So I'd say it's worth trying first, and if it works, it could be taken for an undetermined time.

The other psychedelic in this list is 2C-B, another newbie-friendly substance. Also no known side effects, and a positive, warm trip, if you want to use recreatively. Shulgin, who's something like the Tesla of drug scientists, picked it as his favorite drug.

Now we come to the second treatment: dissociatives. The big one here is ketamine, an old and weird anesthetic, as it has effects of various types of drugs, and depending on which country you are, you could just go to the nearest vet shop and buy it no questions asked. It also has the distinction of being the only drug mentioned here whose antidepressant action is backed not just by anecdotal reports but by numerous academic papers.

Again, information on application and safe usage are easy to find. I suggest intranasal, whether snorted as a powder or dissolved in bacteriostatic water like a nasal spray, as they're the methods that require the least amount of K without involving injections. Beyond conservation, consuming the lowest amount possible is best for your health, because ketamine has the very inconvenient side effect of fucking your urinary tract up, up to the point of surgical bladder removal. The exact amounts needed for this to manifest aren't known; I used to think it happened only to real junkies, but I've talked to a guy who started developing K bladder using just therapeutic doses. It's possible it might vary a lot per person and you can use a therapeutic dose without long-term harm, but it's obviously a risk you're taking. If you start treating yourself with K and start noticing urinary tract problems (lower bladder capacity, constant urge to urinate despite having just done it, blood in urine etc.), stop taking ketamine immediately, and the symptoms can heal. Beyond this urinary damage, ketamine has a high risk for psychological addiction.

2/2

So, K might or might not be usable on the long term. However, it has one peculiar advantage: it works extremely fast. It can bring a person from the brink of suicide to perfectly normal in a matter of a couple of hours, or even just a few minutes. For that reason, some doctors want to classify it as the world's first antisuicide drug. Something to keep in mind, if you fear you might have a crisis, or know someone who might. A little bag stashed away (preferably in a freezer) might be a literal life saver.

(Two addendums about K. It has recently been discovered that its antidepressant effect isn't caused by it, but by one of its metabolites, HNK. As it happens, it has no recreative drug-like effects at all, meaning it may be a miracle cure for depression. But to the best of my knowledge, not a single pharmaceutical company is researching it, and as far as I can see, the reason is that it can't be patented. Capitalism! The second addendum is that another metabolite may also be the first known medicine for borderline personality disorder.)

One important note on efficacy: academic studies consistently show that ketamine works like magic on 75-80% of patients with treatment-resistant major depressive disorder. The other 20-25% are shit out of luck. So just keep this in mind.

But even if K doesn't work for you, there are other dissos to try. However, they don't have the academic backing that ketamine has, so it's back to anecdotal evidence.

In the magical world of research chemicals, there are a million substances from ketamine's family which most likely are still legal in your neck of the woods. You can find plenty with a bit of googling.

The one with the most potential in my opinion is O-PCE. Requires very small dosages, it's very cheap per hit, and should you decide to use recreatively, it's a nice and positive high that will still leave you with plenty of material. The big downside is that, like with ketamine, it does damage the urinary tract, but the likelihood of it is diminished because of the aforementioned lower dosages. Still, we can't be sure it really does less harm, so watch out for K bladder symptoms.

Next up is 3-MeO-PCP. As you might be guessing by the naming, this is not one to be taken lightly. It's a lot like O-PCE and even cheaper, but you take just a little bit above the dosage and you enter a full-blown psychotic episode. Yeah. This risk increases if you're taking other drugs with it too. "Absolute last resort" might be a good description.

Then we have ephenidine, which is apparently very newbie-friendly. No known side-effects and very pleasant, positive high in case you're into it. Unlike the previous dissos, it doesn't seem to affect even the urinary tract. User reports state that vaping it allows for an immensely smaller dose, something like 20%. Results against depression seem less reliable, tho.

One last word. Acquiring the goods is, of course, your responsibility. Don't blame me if Porky's pigs bust down your door. These days you can get everything from the darknet, just get started at /r/DarkNetMarketsNoobs, and follow as many security measures as possible (I use a pendrive with TAILS OS installed).

(One last last word. If you want to get really esoteric, ther's still transcranial magnetic stimulation and transcranial direct current stimulation, but that's way beyond my knowledge, and far less reliable than drugs as far as I can see.)

If you're brave enough you could always live on the road doing odd-jobs across the country.

Man I should get back to following the drugs world. Glad to see that there is development in regards to Ketamine.

shit I loved 2C-B when I was younger. Well, it was acutally 2C-I which was was still technically legal here at the time while 2C-B was already banned. My mate used to buy it in bulk from US chem suppliers.

bump

If you're going to kill yourself OP, you might as well make a pipebomb and aloha snackbar yourself into a bank or something. Just make sure you don't get any other proles caught in the blast

friend of mine is doing it, learned how to juggle pretty well so he makes quite a bit of money on traffic lights, more than enough to feed himself and keep moving.

one of the happiest fellas i know, i'm quite jealous of his balls

I wish I had a bit more money, I'd buy a plot of land and just live off the land gradually building all the infrastructure I need and operating a farm or something as a source of income.

I've been thinking about doing this for a while now, no vehicle just walking from place to place, with a tent and foraging skills. Unfortunately I'm stuck in wageslavery and don't have time or spare money to afford the equipment. I've come to the conclusion it's wither this or suicide at this point, and I would much rather die living than die not living at all.

3/2

Okay, a couple more things I forgot to add.

Intead of LSD, you could try microdosing shrooms. However, it's more expensive, more finnicky (amount of psilocybin changes with each shroom) and seemingly less successful than LSD.

Big Pharma may be ignoring HNK, but it is researching ketamine variants, which is better than nothing, I guess. A world-class shrink I spoke to recently says that Johnson & Johnson is in Phase 3 trials for a nasal spray of something called esketamine, which should be hitting the market in 2 years. So in case you're too scared to buy dudedrugslmao, you could try to hang on for a couple of years. The big downside is, God only knows how much will be the price.

There's also the option of custom-ordering drugs. There's this funny thing about patenting drugs, the requester has to disclose the whole reaction chain needed to obtain it. Meaning you could potentially hire a ballsy lab to make a batch of any drug for you, including drugs that aren't even on the market yet, like the aforementioned HNK. The big downside is, it costs a shitload of money, so depending on the dosage needed, it probably won't be worth it. In HNK's case it might be 0.167 mg/kg intranasal every 3 days, meaning a small amount can last a long time. This is all purely speculative, mind you, so don't blame me if your brain becomes mush. Oh, and the quality and prices of custom synthesis labs varies a lot and they can refuse orders for whatever reason, such as being afraid of dealing with iffy precursors. As one might expect, labs in places like India and China tend to be more adventurous but less reliable.

Among the new generation of more "orthodox" antidepressant drugs still in trial that you could order a custom synthesis for are GLYX-13 a.k.a. rapastinel, and NRX-1074 a.k.a. apimostinel. The former has to be administered via injections, whereas the latter is orally active. Information about their effectiveness is still very scant.

If you plan to use custom-synthesis labs and try these untested drugs, look into sites about nootropics, longevity and self-medication, such as /r/nootropics and Longecity.org, as well as research chemical communities like /r/rcsources. People in such communities often organize group buys of custom synthesis.

maybe you can go to Rojava?

you could help the PKK?

You could try being racist.
You say everyone around you is a bigot. Well, you know the saying, 'When in Rome…'

This is unironically sort of true. Externalising and removing all nuance from problems gives you an enemy to hate and to blame for all ills. Liberalism teaches us that material success is more or less one's self-worth. To take an American example, where this liberal ideology is at its extreme, poor white men (compared with minorities) exceedingly commit suicide/abuse drugs - they don't have the same opportunity for externalising to cope with failure. They cannot blame their failure on "the other", without subscribing to some racist/conspiratiorial beliefs.
Same logic is also used by the populist Left to gain influence and popularity while operating within the liberal dogma:
This is true, but for a fundamentally different reason - left-wing thought frees us from the success paradigm of liberal ideology.

smdh

True, I would agree that externalizing your problems onto other people is an easy solution, but probably doesn't help you much in the long run.
It's a trap that both left and right fall into. Whether it's porky or the jews, it's not helpful to go around with a mindset that there is some force out there (the 'big other' as zizek would call it) that is stopping you from being a better version of yourself.
But still, I would advise OP to not dismiss all the people around him offhand as bigots, as that's just another way of externalizing your problems and avoiding the hard task of growing as a person. Just because someone's prejudiced doesn't automatically make them a monster. Everyone has prejudices, they just deal with them in different ways. Behind the label you put on them, 'bigot', there is another human being, who eats, shits, has hopes and dreams just like you, and maybe they just had a bad experience with foreigners that has conditioned them to behave a certain way. You have to take people as they come and be able to open up to them without holding them to an unrealistic standard. That's something we all have to work on, actually.

Well what would be the leftwing success paradigm? On an individual level I mean, because collectively I suppose it's ye olde collectivizing of the means of production.

It's a modern version of "opium of the masses". Gives solace but doesn't actually help with the underlying problems at all.

I agree. Liberation from the material-wealth paradigm of success lets one build themselves.

Bigotry is inherently irrational though, and engaging intellectually with the irrational is a pointless excersise. I've debated many a bigot (mostly nazis), and there is barely any real exchange of ideas because of fundamentally incompatible worldviews. A nazi will claim that the holocaust didn't happen but if it had happened, it would have been justifiable - because of a global Jewish conspiracy of which all jews are a part of in some way (race hivemind or völkish mysticism). A nazi will claim that everyone but Germany was the aggressor in WWII.

Of course, one can't claim to be completely free of these irrationalisms, but externalising your problems to "the other" lets one ignore such intellectually and mentally taxing self-questioning. Evaluating systems of belief based on facts is far more difficult (and schizophrenic, in a way) than evaluating facts based on dogma.

No amount of graphs or research contrary to their beliefs is going to convince a racist (or conversely, the ideological anti-racist). The way to engage and influence bigots and other irrationalists appears to be the irrational "personal/lived experience" level. There are any number of anecdotes about racists turning away from their former beliefs based on personal experience in interacting with the people they hate the caricature of. A good example would be the video of that American right-wing militiaman who got a ride from some muslim guy and was forced to rethink his idea of muslims as subversive suicide bombers. Same with liberal caricatures of Trump or Brexit voters as bigots or mislead working-class lambs.

Where we differ, then, is on the point of irrationality. I don't believe people are rational actors, or that rationality as an end in itself is even desirable. It's useful as a tool to manipulate reality, but the idea of a society based on reason and enlightened self-interest sounds horrible. Taken to an extreme, you can use rationality to justify suicide or living a mediocre waste of a life, never striving for anything, experiencing the ups or downs, or any sort of beauty or transcendence. The whole idea of having aspirations and goals and grand motivating ideas is a spook; an irrationality, so I choose to embrace the spooks.

As for the anecdotal evidence regarding changing someone's opinion on something like race, it goes either way. Living around and experiencing gangster violence first hand changed my perspective on lumpenproles in a very shocking and visceral manner. It's true that we're just making generalizations based on our limited individual experiences, but it's hard to go back to just thinking that all these biases and group preferences are mere social constructs- Clearly, some degree of bias is an evolutionary defense mechanism that prevents us from stuff like disturbing hornets nests and eating poisonous plants.

What a curious mystification of life and death.
It is human nature to kill, but also human nature to question killing, and to choose not to kill. Also ought-is-fallacy.

I thought you were an ironical naziflag, as nazis generally dislike analysis or discussion of their irrationality, but that's a key part of the ideology. Rejection of enlightenment and French revolution rationalism in fin-de-siècle western bourgeois society is where nazi-style nationalism is derived from.

Rationalism is more a method for inquiry than a system of belief in itself. Suicide can be justified rationally, but so can the opposition to suicide.
This is why nazis can have internally contradictory worldviews; belief is more important than the justification of the belief. That is the essential difference. They abandon not only impossible search for objective truth but also the whole of reasoning and justification.

Being dismissive about "mere" social constructs is strange, as the things a nazi should hold dear, "fatherland, family, tradition, religion, etc." are some of the most obvious examples of social constructs. There is a strange current of thought that seems to claim that if something is a social construct, it is somehow not "real". The very reality as we understand it as subjects is a social construct. Generalisations and concepts by which subjects experience and think of things are created socially. "Actual reality" is a fantastic construction everyone beliveves in.

Evolution is not normative in any way, it is concerned only with reproduction. There is no progress in evolution, only reaction to environment. Evolution does not work like in Pokemon, more evolved is not "better".

The basis of knowledge itself is generalisation. The key here is again to have the right methodology and aim - to find the justifiable causal chain to get accurate generalisations. Even if all the criminals and social misfits in a village were green-eyed and left-handed, it would be a pretty wild claim to say that it was the green-eyedness or lefthandedness that caused the criminality.

Why do your spooks lead you to nazism?

Become a capitalist,form a corporation,fully automate the jobs away. Repeat until full luxury,gay space communism.

this meme is disgusting for a number of reasons, the least of which is the implication that everyone need be homosexual, the worst of which being that it relies on techno-socialist Utopianism as an end goal.

your reality is pathetic altruism and serving a self-destructive ideology until you inevitably expire
of course OP is suicidal, leftism will never build anything that will outlast the civilization it infects

welcome to a facet of the liberal agenda
continue ensuring that unhealthy attitudes and mindsets endure in society because 'muh feelings'

Told you about life dog

Dumb polyp

...

oh you ;^)
tell me this doesnt all just end with persons entertaining themselves in any sick and sordid manner they desire for the rest of their lives
you'd be better off plugged into a virtual world and having your body maintained with a series of tubes

Dumb polyp

Holla Forums, sorry to hijack this thread but I thought it'd be an appropiate place to vent.

I've been having odd jobs for 2 years now and it's fucking awful. My current one is wagecucking 10 hours per day at a call center, I've lasted 4 months and it's not as awful as an assembly line or having your blood harvested for cash.

I turned 20 2 months ago and I see no end in sight in this. I can't move out with the paltry amount I get paid, and I'm a single guy without vices, I can't imagine how people have children with these wages. But still, I get told I am among the lucky ones instead of being a NEET or involved in gangs.

I live with my alcoholic single mother, so I couldn't have someone who could fund my studies. Even if I did, most engineers get paid $500-600 usd monthly so they're not that much better off.

Fuck living in the third world, fuck the cronies that live it up thanks to our misery, and fuck living in the third world while having the first world less than 2 miles from your workplace.

Like what? Global warming? WWIII?
The future is going to be awful.
The time to die is now.