Draw Quest

Fug

...

oy vey

Are we being raided?
We've had Quest threads for years, fuck right off

it's the same fags that went after ROB tbh

We're being raided by retards like you making non-vidya threads, yes.

Beating people up with a stool and whatever console is in reach.

jousting but only on velociraptors

I hope the OP has the good sense to make him a surgeon specializing in rhinoplasty.

something like that is what I was hoping for tbh

Someone's upset they never got dubs on Knight Quest

You, Sir Fuckov, have innate skills in the art of the nose job. You come from a long line of nosejobbers who take pride in their work. Your skills are widely unknown, even to yourself. Legends say your ancestors were hired to chisel out the nostrils on Mt. Rushmore.

Now that you've got an idea of who you are, what do you do?

remodel your house

Goddamnit, dubs guy. That's so fucking dumb.

Oh boy I'm getting flash backs.
Not vidya

Perhaps you have inherited the constructive genius of your bloodline? You grab your trusty ruler and mallet and get to work. Hours in things don't look so good. By the time you're finished, you've made yourself homeless. This didn't go so well.

Now what do you do?

go pick up waifus tbh

Go get some sort of gibs.

decide to make comfy shelter out of a cave in the woods, where i can plot revenge on (((society)))

Grab a gun and go to e3 to finish what ren started

(checked)
Dig through the rubble for the legendary Schnoz of Washington, the last known link to your families heritage and legacy.

summon traps

go masturbate

Nothing. "Quest" is over.

You head over to your local waifu dealer to pick up some new strange. After heading into the parking lot near your grocery store, the smell of BO and depression fill the air. You see Fred hanging around by his car and tell him you want to make a deal. He says he has a fine selection of new ladies in tow: Tsunami, Riceball, and Moemoe. It's a tough choice.

What do you do?

Fuck Tsunami, marry Moemoe, and kill Riceball.

Frank can watch, it's cool.

Flirt with him in the hopes of a discount.

Marry Fred

"Nice tits!" Fred looks at you with a glint in his eye. He tells you almost fell for your charms, but his heart will always belong to his eternal waifu. He is saving his virginity for her and cannot betray her loyalty to him. However, he says because you were so kind to him, you can choose whichever waifu that you want.

Who do you choose?

his waifus

Umaru.

Ask him more about the waifus in stock

Ask for Tharja.

You're going to get bullied into irrelevance just like the ROBfag.

Make this faggot the waifu since he already likes to suck cocks.

What said.

You're acting like he was something new

Ask about his tsunderes in stock.

Ask the degenerate if his waifu is really an elf?

Ask him if he has any aras in stock.

You slap your hands on Fred's shoulders and tell him to give you the gayest most homoseexually charged waifu he has ever sold out of the back of his car. He goes to his trunk and ruffles around for a period of time. He comes back out with a waifu unlike anything you've seen before. He tells you this masterful creation is the gayest waifu known to mankind and is rumored to have sucked potentially thousands of cocks. He calls her "Faggotta Suprema."

Now that you are out of the dating market, what do you do?

You need xp. Grind some at an antifa reunion.

obviously go to your parents house tbh

jeez satan, slow down

No thanks, give it back to him and ask him to give us some generic anime girl.

You head over to your parents house to break the news of your engagement. You knock on the front door a few times. No answer. Maybe they're busy cooking or watching tv. You ring the doorbells a few times to mess with your dad. You wait for him to yell back, but nothing happens. You check the door, and it pushes open without hesitation. You shake it off as the door swings open and…oh fuck. You see your parents splayed out on the floor. It appears your dad left you a message: "RUN."

What do you do?

Examine the corpses

Whelp, rip.

You walk towards the two bodies lying in wait in front of you, clutching Faggota close to your chest. The smell of copper fills your nostrils. You move what used to be your father over onto his front side. His face is missing. It appears as though it's been chewed off. You hear a loud thumping sound from above you and your eyes dart towards the stairs. Your chest tightens as you wait in anticipation for something else to happen. The silence persists.

What do you do?

Find whatever did this to them and force it to be your new waifu.

Throw faggota at the stairs and run for the exit.

realize the power of waifusim is the only way to save the day

grape your father's corpse in the mouth

In a panic, you start to run and throw Faggota Suprema behind you towards the stairs. Unfortunately, you failed to realize you were standing directly in front of the corpses of your parents and face plant into the floor. Faggota flies straight behind you towards the vase near the stairs. Colliding with the vase, your ex-waifu tumbles towards the tile below when the vase suddenly explodes on impact, obliterating the vase and burning your feathery former fiance. A huge crashing sound can be heard from upstairs. An inhuman scream tears through the halls. Your eardrums feel like they're about to pop. Thudding sounds begin to get louder as they get closer and closer to the stairs.

What do you do?

Use your Russian lineage to tame the beast with your Slavic magic.

obviously you give your parents a nose job

Hide in the closet.

I will keep going tomorrow. I gotta get some rest.

Go for your old tracksuit , cigar and vodka bottle.
And family nose hammer.
Go upstairs squatting, yelling insults in Ruskie and search for the origin of the noise.

Find the homosexual trains-human nigger producing the thumping sound and force him to play some vidya with you.

...

Throw this faggot at the monster to get raped or something.

Send this nigger back to cuckchan

Run to your old room (now your deceased parents' sex dungeon) and hide under your bed, clutching your shitty plastic Buster Sword.

thanks and sleep well tbh

You will just create another /xen/ follower, ya dumbnuts.

Also, what with faggots in this board? I don't remember such activity there 'till recently.

You quickly jump to your feet and rush to the nearest closet…which is directly across from the stairwell. You pant heavily trying despite trying to breathe as soft as possible to avoid the thing out there hearing you. "Glad you could finally join us." You recognize that voice! It's your dad.

In a hushed voice just above a whisper, your dad recounts: "We invited out some neighbors for our game night, but no one brought any board games and that wouldn't do. John went down to the basement and brought an old ouija board. After asking about some lottery numbers, next thing you know this thing comes barreling out from the attic and starts tearing into poor Terry and Mike. We ran in here, and luckily it went after John after he ran upstairs. I think I dropped my glasses when everything happened."

You hear a pitter patter of footsteps feeling around the living room. The way it clatters around the floor reminds you of a dog that happily prances around when it knows its about to get fed. You could stay in the closet, but how long till it eventually finds you and corners you and your parents in the closet?

What do you do?

rape your mother

FUCKING HELL THERE HAS TO BE RAPE

Shitpost on Holla Forums with your smartphone

No child would fail to recognize the body of their parents, mutilated or no. Therefore, these are imposters. Likely even the monster itself using your fathers voice to lull you into a false sense of security.

You won't be fooled. Turn on the closet light and prepare yourself for battle.

You ask your mother if you can rape her. She tells you you know she's a screamer, so now is not the best time for that. Your father glares at you and says you should know better then to rape at the wrong time. Silence fills the room. It seems the creature has stopped. Then you hear a voice and your stomach drops.

"Hello, is there someone out there? Sir Yakov? Mrs. Yakov? I went to the bathroom and the lights suddenly shut o-Oh dear God…"

Whatever's in the closet with you is not your parents. Perhaps the shock of seeing them dead made it that much easier to fool you with the relief of them being alive. Now you're stuck in a closet with it, whatever it is.

What do you do?

Touch it everywhere in a obscenely manner.

fin your moms or dads glow in the dark horsecock dildo

rub your boner on it

Purge the demons with your hammer and remove their noses

You decide to feel it out the situation with as much uncomfortable sexual undertones as possible. You feel around your "parents." Your hands land on something slimey and thick. You stroke up and down slowly. It arcs up somewhere above you. You don't feel anything that resembles a head, or even a body. There seems to be nothing below the eyeballs…"Oh, honey, careful down there, you know I'm sensitive." That won't be a problem because there is nothing there. Your foot steps on something familiar. You bend to grab it. It's a flashlight. "Hun, you should be as quiet as possible you don't want to do something you will regret."

You hear from outside the closet: "Is there anyone else in here? I need help! Come out here immediately or I'll have to call the police!"

What do you do?

Summon a cute trap

pull out your phone and look up how to recognize monster species while in the dark (and also speed dial Frank and tell him to come with the police)

it could be a trap and you know how you love traps, sneak a peak through the door crack

You quickly rummage around and grab some clothing to wear around your waist. You think best with something wrapped around your legs. It hits you like a gallon of bricks: you can use the flashlight to temporarily blind the thing in here with you which will give you enough time to escape and get out of here with John. You shine the light directly into the eyes of the thing in front of you. It's pupils dilate as you here a scream of agony muffled through the closet door. It came from upstairs. Wasn't that where John came from?

You hear John's voice become more distorted and staticy. "Aaaaah, that's where you've beeeeen. Iiii'll bbeee there in a mooomeent." Yep that's not John. The light from the flashlight must have given you away.

There's not a lot of room to maneuver here. What do you do?

get out of the closet like the proud wymym you knew you always was

calmly walk into the kitchen and prepare a sandwich from the flesh of your mother's carcass and present it to the thing in the closet.

Try to ram your flashlight down its throat(?)

Get on Holla Forums and make a thread asking for help

Poke at it's eyes, 3 Stooges style.

Continue touching it obscenely

Take a shit while you think about your next step

You set the flashlight down and angle it upwards. You then proceed to poke all four eyeballs a la 3 stooges style. Before you got a chance to slap the eyeballs to finish 'em off, you hear another angry cry beyond the door, and the eyeballs shoot upward. You notice a hole in the ceiling.

The thing outside the closet knocks on the door. Something seems really familiar about the way it knocks. Like it's mimicking you from earlier. Then it starts gargling out the doorbell. "diiiiiing doooooong. diiiiing doooong." It's taunting you. It's only a matter of time before the doorbell stops ringing and then the door swings open.

What do you do?

Check pockets for drugs

climb for those fish and chips mate

Throw the flashlight upwards to momentarily ruin the monsters eyesight, then vault up the hole. Time to get some revengeance for our parents.

throw your shirt at the thing in the doorway and run down the street while screaming RAAAAAAAAAAAAPE

looks like he's getting away with it.

oops.
He's def getting away with the murder. But who is "he"?

Take cyanide pill and end it all

is he okay?

You jump up and grab hold of the metal bar above you. You have a strong craving for fish and chips. It's almost as bad as the desire to get the fuck out of here. You hoist yourself upwards. You feel all your muscles screaming at you. This is a pretty good workout. You'll have to make sure to add pull-ups to your routine if you make it out of this. You take a moment to squat which is your natural inclination as one with slav blood in their veins. You launch yourself into the hole and crawl for a bit. It's dark as hell. It's hard to believe such a winding tunnel exists in your parent's house. You can here the closet door a way's a way slowly creak open. If the thing can open doors, it might be a matter of time before it discovers your little escape route.

What do you do?

remove your pants and continue climbing up the hole in the ceiling but you must screech like a retard while singing the american national anthem

turn off your torch and wait abit

you have a torch? take off your pants and try to set them on fire. It'll scare the monster.

Slide down at breakneck speeds as you head into the forgotten depths of the netherrealm your house was built over.

Ain't nothing said it don't lead downwards.

flashlight in anus and crawl through the tunnel with it in, if the monster comes from behind he'll be blinded by your shining asshole

You notice a crevice on the side of the tunnel, so you move as far back until you're completely against the wall. You flip off the flashlight and wait. A heavy panting sounds off in the distance, and then grows louder and louder. You see a dark shadow at the opening you just came from. The thing is long and fills up the tunnel with its disgusting form. The shadow passes by you as it skitters further down the tunnel. You think you've made it. You let out a breath of relief only to realize your error immediately after it happens: this place echoes. The thuds further down the tunnel stop. A loud wheeze erupts through the tunnels, and you hear scraping sounds. It seems its trying to turn around and head back towards you. You gotta do something.

What do you do?

take a fidget spinner from your pocket and spin it around while playing the Green Hill Zone theme from your phone, and make a break for it while the shit monster is distracted by your witty charm.

clearly it can only use its sense of sound smell. Confuse it by throwing a pile of shit in the other direction.

make your way out of the tunnel to the closet, use your skirt to block the hole by tying it to the metal pipe

Ask the creature to be your waifu

bludgeon it to death with the flashlight

I'm going to eat. I'll be back here as soon as I'm done.

take care op

new chimp

don't take care, instead be reckless and try your very hardest to step on the tiles that represent lava

weedie

You stand front and center in the tunnel and prepare yourself for whatever is heading this way. Withing a few seconds, its straight in your face and you're almost too scared to move your arms. You swing the flashlight with all your might.

The head of the flashlight snaps off, and pain shoots down both your arms sending an excruciating sensation throughout your whole body. The flashlight head bounces off a wall back to your face and slices your forehead open.

The thing's jaws begin to stretch open. You're about to be munched on like a kid chewing up some raisins. The floor begins to crack beneath you, and before you have a chance to react, you plummet to the depths below.

After crashing through a few floors, you smash face first into the concrete below you. Luckily, your bones and internal organs cushioned the fall. You're completely fucked up. You think you might have broken a few ribs and a foot.

What do you do?

SUMMON A VOID BEING, EVERYONE KNOWS VOID BEINGS ARE YOUR FRIENDS

take a senzu bean out of your pocket and be instantly revitalized, then go back to the parking lot where Frank was and do the fusion dance with him so that your NEET powers combine and you can destroy the monstrosity

summon your bastard moon god with the Ouija board

Jerk off until the pain goes away

Blast it with piss.

shit your pants

Draw a sigil with your blood and form a pact with the devil to save your life in exchange for your soul

check to see if your nose is okay

crawl behind the stairs and then remember this is all just a post death dream because my head was caved in with a pipe and the culprit has long fled the scene

You crawl over to the ouija board nearby. This was your favorite gift from your childhood. After all your spirit/demon summonings, you recall Void Beings being the most friendly creatures from the occult magics. You move the triangle thingy around and spell out "void." You wait a moment, and the triangle moves to "yes" without you touching it.

You lean against the wall. You definitely broke a leg, and your mouth is bleeding. A strange distortion in space appears before you. It elongates, and then a shape of a man flashes in front of you. His body is constantly swirling, although his outline doesn't change.

He says his name is Anthony: "I will do whatever you want, but I have a price. You must feed me."

What do you do?

Feed him your cum

Absorb his power.

tell him you've got roasted waifus just waiting for him

Force him to eat himself and then once he dies

tell him to go eat a dick

tell him you can have your mother's corpse as a tasty dish after he heals you and and tells the monster to go away.

Feed him your foreskin

Feed him your boipucci :3

Blast some piss into the spiraling nexus of otherworldly power that encapsulates his being.

Offer him the not-John abomination, in a cunning move to destroy this being and also get a sweet void reward from Anthony. Of course, the reward we want is a stand-like power to truly get the video game vibe going.

Use Hamster in MicrowaVe oven

tell him you'll make him the finest nose to eat you've ever made

Tell Anthony Burch to go home, we're not feeding him

You tell Anthony you're going to feed him to himself. He doesn't have a face, but Anthony seems to stare at you. He then breaks out into a smile. "I like your sense of humor."

Anthony begins to swirl into a single point, eventually disappearing completely. Well, shit. This guy was your last chance of making it through this. Now you won-

You feel an odd sensation starting from your face, and then throughout your entire body. The pain is fading completely. Not only that, but you feel much lighter. Almost like you could fly. You stand up feeling the best you have your whole life. I guess Anthony was one of the few people who not only took a joke, but could take a joke to a whole new level.

What do you do?

Go back to shitposting on Holla Forums, with renewed strength.

We must slso use our void powers to shitpost harder than we ever have before.

lets finish what we started

Force your way into the realm of 2D.

You decide now is the time and place to shitpost. You take out your phone and go to your favorite site to ruin, "8queer.net." You put on your witty cap and enter the first thread that catches your eye. Feeling unnecessarily proud of yourself, you gain an unearned sense of accomplishment. Even though you did absolutely nothing productive or useful, you know in your heart of hearts you made the world a slightly better place one shitpost at a time.

Now what do you do?

lets give that monster a nose job he soon wont forget

Focus at the task at hand and do something about the monster.

Realize that the monster is now right behind you

Masturbate

Eat 40 cakes.

go back into the tunnel

Eat 6000000 cakes

can we ignore the (1) and done posts?

This. Use your newfound void-strength to find your real waifu in the 2d world

You rub one out to relieve yourself of all the pressure you're under. You savor the moment and finish in under 20 seconds. You don't even have the luxury to be called a minute man…A feeling shame overwhelms you. You don't remember the last time someone else has touched you on your crotch besides yourself. You shake it off and move on.

Now what do you do?

yeah I might. Two different (1) posts talking about eating cakes is more than a little suspicious.

Remember there's a monster to fight and go searching for it again.

Having relieved yourself, manifest your voidpowers in a singular kick, and kick the general direction of the monster.

Take a dump

Use void powers to escape

You stand perfectly still. You are not entirely sure how to use Anthony's powers, so you're just going to have to wing it. You concentrate on the light, empty feeling inside your body. In the back of your mind, you focus and leaving the house. You feel yourself falling backwards.

When you open your eyes, you're back outside the house. The front door is still open.

What do you do?

Pee in the hole.

go back and close it, leaving it open like that, any number of fiend could get in…

Use my new powers to make 2D waifus real.

DRR DRR DRR DRR DRR this hole was made for me.

Eat a cake, using those powers made you pretty hungry

Shit on cake.

It's possible, using Anthony's powers, to turn something into nothing. Maybe it's possible to do the flip way too? You concentrate on the 2D realm. You must find a way to bring waifus here with the 3DPGs. Your mind wanders into this 2D universe. Skirts. Perfume. Oversized irises.

Eureka, you found it! You release the 2D into this universe. It is done. You feel really proud of yourself. If only your parents were alive to see you today. You're sure they'd still be pretty disappointed in you, but you wish your parents were still alive. You feel something wrap around your foot. Before you can see what it is, you lose balance and face plant for the second time today.

It looks like that thing doesn't want to let you go, and it can't quite leave the house. You're getting dragged into this thing whether you like it or not.

What do you do?

Offer to eat cake with it.

Get the thing to be your new waifu

Become a knight and swear fealty to the Kaiser

Try to fuck it

RIP AND TEAR

Go willingly. Now that the 2d has been unleashed, you know that the monstrosity that killed your parents has now been safely transformed into the cutest of misunderstood and moe girls.

I Arrived Home To Check On My Parents And The Monstrosity That Killed Them Is Now My Girlfriend!?

I love these threads.

>>>/quests/
It's an entire board of just these threads. They could use some more people.

This asshole doesn't know just who he is fucking with! It's time to rip and tear him a new pair of Levis! You activate your void powers and…nothing happens. When you used them before you were more calm. There's too much pressure and you can't concentrate. And you can't even budge. The thing's grip is too tight. You watch, frozen in its grip, as its jaw dislodges and keeps dropping. You're not getting out of this on-Faggota Suprema?!

She must have come to life when you brought waifus into reality. Launching from the vase's explosion, she heads directly into the thing's eye socket. It's grip loosens on you. Now is the time to make a move.

What do you do?

Focus, and phase out of it's hand

realize your stando lazarus to active your void power and fall backwards into it

Make a better waifu with DFC, this is the most important issue at hand

Fuse with Faggota thanks to the Power of Love(tm)

You take a breath and center yourself once again. A hollow feeling fills your body, and next thing you know you slip back down to the floor below. This thing looks a lot bigger than it was before. It's practically become a part of the house at this point. You gotta figure a way to get rid of this thing.

What do you do now?

That thing must be a demon. Pray to God for help.

Yell out to Faggota, if she is still alive in there

Rape it to death

since the dawn of time one thing has solved mans problem like no other and that thing is fire, this is a big problem so you're going to need a big fire

only rape can save us now

Rape it with fire

It's about damn time to burn this whole creepy-ass house to the fuckin' ground. You rush to the garage and grab the gasoline tank from the work bench. You ruffle around in your father's drawers until you found what you're looking: an old but useable matchbox. You go around the entire house spreading the gasoline as far and as heavily as you can.

You stand outside the house. You light a single match, and take a moment to admire your work. It's time to light it up. The gasoline catches and the house is engulfed in flames. From where it stand, it appears as though the fire is forcefully spreading itself all over the house. The penetration of the flames is intense and purely unconsensual.

The thing from inside let's out a deafening screech. You can see birds flying away from the sound in all directions. The screaming doesn't stop for hours as the house continues to burn to ashes.

You sit down and relax. It's been a very long day.

What do you do?

Hold a funeral for Faggota

This. Invite Fred too.

Shoot off into space with your newfound abilities.

lets go to our grand parents house I'm sure they'll love our new vold powers

Make a new Waifu.

All of the above, and rub another one out while we're at it.

I'm going to call it a day. I'll be back tomorrow in about 20 or 21 hours. I got work to do.

thanks again, it was fun take care tbh

bump for tonight.

sage for tonight

Hit up some void buddies by channeling your soul through the void dimension.

Did that guy ever finish the quest or at least put up an archive somewhere?

You decide to lay Faggotta Suprema to rest once and for all. A small get together is held to mourn the loss of your loved one. She was a hideous waifu, but she was a beautiful waifu to you even if no one else thought so. She gave you comfort with her soft, squishy body in times of need. She exploded and pierced the eye of an unspeakable creature that should not exist in any reality. She did all that anyone could ask as a short-term casual waifu.

Now that that's over, what do you do?

lets get our revengeance on those deamons once and for all!

Steal your friends blonde waifu.

Your blood boils deep inside you. A hunger lurks there…a thirsty hunger for revengeance! but wait, didn't you just burn down your house and metaphorically rape every demon in your house with the flames of justice and leftover gasoline? You've already avenged your parents and your waifu.

What do you do?

Join the French Foreign Legion.

Take the fight to them and invade THEIR world.

Use our void powers to shift into hell. Those demons are gonna learn their lesson today, and everyone knows void > hellfire.

Go to hell and punch satan for spawning that thingamajig in the first place.

Shift into the demons homeworld and rip and tear.

Lead an invasion into England.
Norman Conquest 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Lusting for revenge you become a supernatural hunter and get a daki of sam winchester.

Ask Fred for advice on what to do next.

freds dead dude.

He was at the funeral.

So jim is still carrying his corpse around with him in those sunglasses. That's really fucking morbid.

You decide you need an outside perspective on this whole ordeal. You decide to consort with your wise friend, Fred. It is said for every roll of fat on someone's neck they are 10x wiser. This is how you know Fred is of a greater mind then even Buddha. You explain everything that happened to Fred, including your newfound Void powers.

Fred's face brightens. He thanks you from the bottom of his heart for bring his waifu, Lendara, to life. He knew you were an amazing dude from the moment he first met you in his mom's basement when you bought figurines from him. When you get to the part about the demons in your house, his face furrows. He tells you, John…I mean Sir Fukov, you must fight the demons. If they were able to get into this reality, they have to be stopped. The only true reality, Fred says, is the one where waifus are real.

He says you must master your Void and Nose powers because there's no telling what demons lurk beyond this dimension. You must train.

Where do you to train? What is your training routine? What do you do?

where else? the arcade!

Obviously, muscle wizard. We train in the Himalayas, secluded and isolated for months. Strain our physical body to the breaking point for maximum punching efficiency. Combine the punching of our enemies with the application of our void powers.

Training routine: jelqing

Seek others with void powers and kill them to take their power.

You say fuck it, log onto Holla Forums and delete this thread.

Project your mind to the depths of the Earth while doing the crow stand.

Consult a jew for nose training

Monks are extraordinarily good at teaching strangers how to master martial arts, so you set the Himalayas as your got place to train. You spend 9 months training and perfecting your Void powers into your punches. You are now at a point where you can consistently use them as you throw a punch. They are pretty effective on objects that aren't too dense. Punching through things like concrete and steel is still iffy.

You have reached a new found confidence in your abilities. You can even open up small rips in space.

What do you do now?

watch gay porn

lets go to heaven and kick the shit out of angels for awhile

Go beat the shit out of worst koreans

Go find the demons responsible for what was in the house.

Find a cute loli to take on as an apprentice

these to be quite honest

Attempt to raise faggotta back to life

You want to find exactly how those demonic creatures were able to get here in the first place. You decide to go back to your old house. You slam your palms together and rip a hole open while focusing on what it feels like to be back at your old house. Your body is sucked through.

It looks like someone got tired of looking at the pile of wood and ashes where your house was. A smooth pile of dirt has covered up the mess that used to be there. It feels weird for something so big to just be gone. You start searching around looking for clues. You don't know what to look for, you wander around for awhile.

You see a little piece of white sticking out from the ground. You dig it up and wipe away the dirt and grime covering up the words. It's a business card for a realtor, Bob Tiller. You remember him. He had been trying to get your parents to sell their house around the time you were moving out, but they refused his offers. And he was very stubborn about it. Could he be connected to this?

What do you do?

Research his whereabouts

rape him.

lets prank call him, that'll show the fucker

Text dick pics to the phone number on the card

You choose a dick pic from one of many on your phone. It might be yours or Fred's or someone else's. Frankly, you lost track of which is which. It appears as someone is about to reply back.

You receive a message:

"Hello, *-*-****, I can no longer be reached at this number. If you would like my services, I'm located on Garrison Dr. at 4426. I'll gladly help you if you need an evaluation on a house, or if you need a special house call. - Bob Tiller"

What do you do?

obviously we need to give our phone a nose job, it's embarrassing using it as it is

mail a dick pic to the address.

I'll continue tomorrow. I need to take a break.

take care again

If you can't do it by phone, then you will do it by mail carrier like how the pioneers used to. You slip in a personal photo from your wallet into the envelope. You're about to put it into the mailbox when a gust of wind blows by and rips it out of your hand before you can put it down the slot.

You watch is the envelope gets carried higher and higher. That rectangular piece of paper is catching some serious air. You hear an airplane coming in to your left. There appears to be a small speck directly in front of one of the plane's engines. Is that your mail?

You see small red dot show up on the plane's engine. A huge booming sound erupts in the sky and the plane explodes into a ball of fire. Woops.

What do you do?

Clearly he uses demonic magic to stop all incoming mail from you, drive to the address

I agree with this statement.

take a bus to the address

You know what? It was probably some kind of black magic that sent that letter through the jet engine and blew up the plane. Being that unlucky is impossible. You're sure of that. You decide to go the old fashioned way to get places: public transportation. It's an uneventful ride up there. After a short nap, you wake up to hear your street coming up. You stand in front of a fairly large sized house. A sign out front reads: "Bob Tiller's Realty: We Put the People in the Homes." Everything looks normal.

What do you do?

Dropkick the door open.

Bust in like Kramer asking him if wants in on a dick pic mailing business.

knocking is for people without void powers

Go in and ask if he wants to share a nice cake.

Rearrange the letters on the sign to something inappropriate

Kick the door and shout out some Postal dude quote.

You make your up to the door, and you burst into the office.

"Okay, guys, hear me out: the dick pic industry has become grossly oversaturated. 1 or 2 dic pics per girl? That's manageable. But nowadays, chicks have access to thousands of pics of other men's dicks. So you see, there are too many dingbats on the online space. What this means is that men will send their dick electronically to their target, but they have a low chance of the receiver keeping said picture. The solution: hand picked and selected for quality, a genuine dick pic mailing business."

"uuh, that's nice, sir, but this is a realty business already. And we only see people b-"

take off your pants and facefuck the ceo

Interrupt her and offer to show your business model.

Notice that she's jewish and go on a rampage to save vidya from EA, the true demons

"I LIKE IT. SEND THE MAN IN. I WANT TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THIS PITCH!"

"uhm, okay, go ahead and head back I guess."

You sit in a chair in the big office. You can only make out a silhouette of the man before you.

What do you do?

Freeze up and explain you were only pretending to be retarded.

you guys can go ahead and reply to the most recent post. 8ch was eating my posts.

I guess this works for this too

facefuck him

>Bob (((Tiller)))
Grab the handbag on the wall and tell him you'll turn him into the lampshade if he doesn't tell you where the gold is kept

shit a dick shaped poop on his desk

Use your unholy void powers to fuse with him and steal his identity and all of his thoughts

Why does this man have an elf working the front desk?
we must remove elf

Remember when we decided to make 2D waifu's real? I'm guessing that she is his waifu.

Which means the waifus of furries are now real too.
Praise Lord Zarus, time to genocide the furries and the knife ears.

His back is turned to you. You figure you can let him gabber on for as long as he needs to. You can use your Void powers consistently with punches, but you've never done something like fuse with another person. It's probably got something to do with rip holes in space or something. You never really considered how your powers work.

You get ready to make a move. Before you have time to react, he's gone. What the hell? You swear he was there a second ago. You feel something sharp pressed against your neck.

"That's not very polite. I invite you into my personal office, taking my precious time out of the day to listen to your dick pic pitch, and this is how you treat me? I believe it's time you explain yourself. What are you really doing here?"

You're in a tight spot. What do you do?

fall backwards using your powers behind him instead then say "my name is fuck off and you killed my parents prepare to die"

IT WAS A SCHEME ALL ALONG. BRING IN THE DEMON SO THE PARENTS WOULD HAVE TO SELL THE HOUSE.

Teleport behind him and unsheathe your katana and then say "Nuthin persenel kiddo"

Good get, also tell him his waifu is shit, remove elf

HE WILL EXPECT YOU TO TELEPORT BEHIND HIM, TELEPORT IN FRONT OF HIM, ALSO ASK HIM IF HE KILLED YOU PARENTS AND IF HE DID TELL HIM THAT WAS MAD NOT COOL

You phase through the chair, but something goes terribly wrong. Instead of falling backwards, you fall straight down. Becoming aware of your mistake, you become solid again, fusing with the chair.

"Where did he…holy shit what happened to you? Cheapass china chairs, damn. Musta fallen through. Now tell me-"

"MY NAME IS SIR FUCKOV, YOU KILLED MY PARENTS, PREPARE TO BE KILLED BY YOUR OWN CHAIR."

"Your parents? I don't think I've ever met you in my life. I could have killed you earlier but didn't. Explain to me just what is going on here."

What do you do?

(nice)
Give him the nosejob of his life.

Explain that you're the one who brought his waifu to life

When this thread is inevitably scrubbed by some janitor, please migrate this to >>>/quests/

Maybe this man isn't who you thought he was? You proceed to explain what happened to you almost a year ago. About your parents, the things inside your house, bringing waifus to life, and up to where you find the business card.

"Fuckov, you poor motherfucker. No man should have to endure so much…And it was you who brought my precious little Riceball to life? I always believed waifus would become real, and when it happened, I was the happiest I've ever been. Oh my sweet little Riceball.

As for Bob Tiller, I am not him. He skipped town almost a year ago. He said he had to go make some deals with the devil. He laughed when he said it, I just thought it was a harmless joke."

That certainly clears things up. What do you do now?

ask him who is he

this

Has this thread reached the bump limit?

yes it has

All right. I'm going to save most of this thread, then I'll make a new thread.

I thought it was raised to 350? Did Mark change it back?

Don't forget about:

well we've been at page 3 for awhile now

this is gonna take me a bit. I can't find a good screen saver to capture this whole thing.

Just archive the thread m8

I just saved it as a webpage.

New thread: