Let me pay money not to play the game I paid for!

I told you this industry REQUIRES other competitors to enter microtransaction market for microtransaction market to become truly profitable. If everyone will be doing microtransactions, nobody will criticize any company specifically. Everyone will just blame the industry. But this doesn't mean everyone will stop buying video games all of the sudden.
The truly evil plan of ESA is for everyone to become like EA.

Also mario odyssey already has microtransactions, its called Amiibos, they even help searching for moons and unlock costumes. And there's also mario run.

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Yeah I wish they'd add microtransactions to mario odyssey too. That way we can support the company beyond our initial purchase.

Nothing. His article is basically a self-flagellating rant. Probably wants you to believe that (((fellow White people))) like him can't into kids' games or something.

I support microtransactions for all future Nintendo games. Praise Iwata.

…didn't nintendo put in an EZ gaming journalist mode in the game? what are they complaining about?

They did, but that only guides you to the moons, doesn't actually give them to you for free at least I think, I never tried it out because I'm not an incompetent monkey.

> Probably wants you to believe that (((fellow White people))) like him can't into kids' games or something.
Yeah I would already agree on you at the (((fellow white people))) part but the first time I have seen his image he looks like Trotsky, not even hiding it all. On second thought, either he got paid for writing such weird article or it is some sort of a kike psychology at play.

they're bitching about a jump challenge where you have to jump rope 100 times. The ez journalist mode gives you giant glowing arrows telling you where to go.

I don't even understand how games """journalism""" is a thing. Who the fuck reads articles online about video games? I've literally never met someone in my fucking life who unironically browses a game "news" site to read reviews about video games. Not a single fucking person.

It's such an unbelievably foreign concept to me. There surely can't be a large enough audience for this shit that it's prevalent to the point where they have legitimate influence.

Are they still doing parodies and satire or have they gone full retard?

it is a dumb fucking challenge, but why the fuck would they bitch about that?
it isn't fucking necessary, there are a fuck-ton of other moons and its piss easy to get the minimum number of them ANYWHERE, fuck you can even BUY a bunch if you want
what kind of psychopath wants the game to treat them like a down syndrome toddler BUT ALSO wants to 100% the game?

Your board owner is a kike, why are you bitching about kikes now?

At least ours doesn't literally gag on cocks.
Not on video, at least.

Remember cheat codes? Those things used to be in games, you'd have to enter passwords or secret button combos to access them. They're still there, but now you have to enter your credit card info and there are some people retarded enough to prefer this method.

They are literally asking if they can pay for cheats. Not just if they can have cheats, but if they can have them and have to pay money for them.

I didn't think I could hate games "journalists" any more than I already do.

It was probably Marks cock.

Calm down, autismo, it's just a joke.

Why would you even play it? If you're willing to buy the moon why even try to get it? This makes no sense. Just don't get the moon you stupid fucking kike.

I literally got that Moon on my third try, and I suck at vidya. Holy shit that faggot needs to get gud.

I too was thinking horse armor was just a joke. And paid mods were just a joke. And paying for on disk dlcs was a joke. And more than $120 for a game with all dlcs is a joke. And your micropenis just a joke.

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Every fucking medium from reading to watching movies requires effort.
Books require you to know how to read. Even more difficult books require you to know even more complex english words.
Movies require you to be able to read peoples faces on a complex level. A movie does not tell you, nor should it, what emotion every fucker on the screen has. Fuck all these bullshit excuses for intentionally making a person incompetent in life. How about, as an intelligent person, just demand cheat codes to exist again? Fucking cucks.

I shiggly diddly that was running on a duron with a geforce mx 440.

Checked?

Please be fucking satire. This is just way too pathetic even for a numale cuck.

Is there a version with the spoilers highlighted?

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no clue, I never go there. Any website with "dork" or "geek" in the name is going to end up a shithole because only faggots market themselves that way, so I wouldn't be surprised if they're a trainwreck.

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Waluigi would be the only acceptable DLC

You can already get a Waluigi costume.

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You know, why not? If these assholes really cant do something I'm pretty sure someone in grade 8 would find barely challenging. Why not? Its not like anyone else is going to use it in a game with fairly lax punishment for death and linear challenges where some basic exploring can net you moons fairly easy.

what's wrong with wanting to support your favorite developers even more while simultaneously bypassing the worst part of video games (working through the actual gameplay)?

Guys, game development is SOOOOOO expensive. Every company NEEDS to include microtransactions and loot boxes or else they will DIE. How else will they pay for those multiplayer modes that everyone is asking for? Those online subscriptions you pay for servers isn't enough. I don'r have any experience in game development whatsoever but I'm pretty sure having those extra polygons on character models cost a fuck ton.

Everyone keeps saying "LOL SLIPPERY SLOPE." No, it's called cause and effect. Give them an inch, they take the galaxy.

Remember that one article about some guy who went invited to a Rock Band party and the only thing he wanted to do was discuss foreign politics instead of playing the fucking game?

There's another moon at 100? I died at 41 and I was already jumping continuously.

Honestly, reading this article, it sounds more like he's cursing his own shittiness at video games and acknowledging this kind of casualry is what permits microtransactions to thrive. At no point does he imply they should be in because it's a good thing.

i think it's ironic?

Where were you when videogaming mercenaries became a thing?

Grown men shouldn't use irony. Grown men should speak their minds.

It's called a lets play

Watch all 56 parts and you can say you played it

But that takes away from the most important aspect of gaming: paying.

missing an L in that word.

I think that's intentional.

Read that as playing and thought you were being serious for a second

I'm still going to point it out.

or am i?

To be honest vinesauce did a good one on that game.

It means that all SHs and publishers have to fuck up so that, once the industry crashes, the Jew can buy it all. Same old story, now that hollywood is rotten and gone, it's time for these maggots to consume an other corpse.

you can buy fucking moons with coins unlimited after you beat the game

You are

What do you mean user?
The world is full of beautiful videogames, and i wanna pay them all!

then play* them.

There's the problem.

He wanted to talk about politics in the Philippines. What the hell was going on in the Philippines?

Maybe he wanted Hotwheels deported to the US or something, I think that article was out during the GG days.

Fair. Nintendo doesnt also have a could track record with dlc and amiibos in particular. I could imagine maybe Nintendo offering unique costume dlc. Harmless at best. If they did add dlc kingdoms then they better be worth it.

At a certain point you have to suspect that people like this work for the company in question in some oblique fashion and are trying to fuck everyone over for their pay-cheque.

Why does this nigger want microtransactions for something he could look up on-line?

Because he would need to play the game to get it anyway.

Wouldn't be surprised if Nintendo paid this fag to do this. They obviously see that kikes are making a killing on microtransactions and want a piece of the pie.

It was cut, but the guy wasn't nearly big enough to be Mark

How would you know, are a fag who has seen Mark's dick?

Everyone here knows about Mark's dick

Guess I'm lucky that I don't know

Tell me about mark's dick

because in the 90s we had good gaming magazines that revolved around developer interviews, reviews, and they started to transcend their medium and things like e3 started coming about. It was all going very smoothly and was organic until (((BIG MONIES))) became a part of the game. Now it's all whores now so most journalists just fit right in with gaming news.

MARK IS PURE!

Pure Jew.

Meanwhile, the most expensive game to develop ever, made triple the cost of production in three days.

Either a) He has no friends or b) All his friends are also games journalists.
For his sake, I hope it's a).

it's nu-male ""comedy"" you retards

That's pretty bad when DSP did that so easily. When journos are worst than DSP at playing games, you know the whole community is shit.

I genuinely consider DSP subhuman. I have no idea what to classify game journalists, other than to assume they're a community of individuals suffering from cerebral palsy and mild retardation that somehow banded together to review games.

No. Excuse me, you've missed the point.

He doesn't want to pay to unlock moons. He doesn't want moons. He doesn't want to play. He wants YOU to pay to unlock moons.

Jewish trick. Pro-tip: always assume they are lying.

What do you expect from a man who would pay money to watch another man fuck his wife?

Ah but if it's not funny it's not comedy, much like the Big Bang Theory.

you know what to do user, all you need is his address and a couple of "tools" to get the job done.

now go

- not fbi.

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Slippery Slope is a real thing. And it's not a "fallacy".

Did you know he not only did gamergate before gamergate was a thing by pointing out paid off journalists boosting ODST's ratings despite it being a shit expansion pack/DLC in a $60 package, but was also an example of fake news before that was a thing? You claim to be enlightened enough to know not to get played by journalists except when they're so bad at cuphead you buy the game yourself, playing right into the viral marketing ploy fucking nimrods, but fall for literal goons making autistic 3 hour montages of out-of-context clips, 7 hour podcasts they try to get Jim to join with disinformation about a (((conveniently suddenly canceled))) debate, and screech about "racist" things in his videos.

I'm almost certain this isn't serious. I think it's mocking the idea that microtransactions can replace the actual accomplishment of completing an in-game goal yourself.
Dorkly's clickbait, sure, but I don't think they're that far beyond the pale.

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Fuck if I remember what those spoilers were, but well memed, friend.

The gaming journo is immunized against all dangers: one may call him an industry bootlicker, hack, parasite, shill, it all runs off him like water off a raincoat.
But call him a casual and you will be astonished at how he recoils, how injured he is, how he suddenly shrinks back: “I’ve been found out.”

This is why god doesn't talk to us anymore.

fugg :—–DDD

You know, you're right. DSP, as shitty as he is as a person, was one of the earliest people to point out a lot of the ridiculous corporate bullshit that people are just now publicly talking about. He had to deal with Sega DMCA'ing his Shining Force 3 videos for dubious purposes, and he made a massive deal out of it; as much as I laugh at his fat ass for being a terrible human being, he was absolutely in the fucking right there.

It's sad, too, because if he was generally well-respected and a decent human being, the shady shit he pointed out would have echoed a lot louder than it did. Then again, you have to admit that some of those montages are pretty fucking hilarious, though I think I'd rather shoot myself than watch him play a fuckin' fighting game again.

user fails to understand the problem. These are people who mostly can't actually get better, hence why their entire lives revolve around making everything easier. There are people who are born inferior and have no hope of improving, it isn't just a choice for them, and they should be identified early and left to die of exposure.

I never thought i'd see the day were I saw someone actually beg a company to pay to skip gameplay.

When I was a kid I used to do a challenging level on Ratchet and Clank for a friend, save it to the memory card and give it back.
I gave my games to another friend any time there was a water level involved.

Why even bother playing games then?

You inbread mongoloids Dorkly is a satire website and the article is clearly a joke. Holy shit.

As a gamer, i'd just like to say that it is a real shame that Nintendo is not giving us gamers the microtransactions we demand. Nintendo should be ashamed of themselves. #demandjustice #nintendogate

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The two overlap very often nowadays.

Don't joke about that; it may happen.

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tipical jew, sucks at life so he wants a way to go around the obstacles using money
i bet this is the kind of guy who think themselves smart for beating point and click adventure games by following step by step walkthroughs

It shows in the board's quality tbh.

Usury and kikes were a mistake.

I understand there are some games that have a skill ceiling so high most people will give up long before finish, but those games are rare. You can progress through most games, no matter the difficulty, with a combination of perseverance, blind luck and cheesing, and if all else fails cheat your way out of a difficult part. There is no fucking excuse for being unable to finish a game made past 2000 since most have been made retard proof.

The article is written tongue in cheek with the author acknowledging his shitty video game skills and the absurdity of his request everywhere. I'm actually a little surprised you were all too autistic to notice.

All that stuff is just a joke, though.

It's just that anybody willing to buy into this shit and defend it is the punchline.

No, user, you misunderstand. It's all clearly intentional.

Just stop pirating.

Kill yourself kike.

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You're just optimistic.

Anyone who writes out "fucking" for emphasis is usually a pussy in my experience.

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This would be a decent joke if it were a youtube comment or a funny picture or even a shitpost here. But even despite being a joke, doing it as a full-fledged relatively long article makes me sick.

He must be destroyed

you reminded me of an ex-jewish friend that spent all his childhood playing point and click adventure games but he was pretty awful playing anything that required skill. You may be onto something

Of course, the fool and his money soon go their separate ways

It's the DSP conundrum. Is he retarded, or devious?

dsp is comedy genius

feels bad, man.