Crouch-jumping

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Does he not realize that sign is to make fun of him personally? And boy he sure gets salty when told to stop being a lump of useless fat and get a job.

I also know what he's talking about, it's why I bully you DSP.

In Source games I bind crouch+jump to spacebar so I'm always crouch jumping.

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damn nigga that's good

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Classic Phil

To be fair the first one is a failure of game design if you can get past the tutorial without figuring out the required inputs.

it tells you how to crouch jump.

this, exactly. I even get angry with games that won't let me do it.

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Why the hell does nobody comprehend that crouching when jumping means your legs move up, not that your head moves down?

The guy beat Cuphead but couldn't figure out crouch jumping.

He should've hit it purely by accident.

This guy is genuinely more retarded than autistic people. Unironically.

Few months ago, my sister's friends came for a visit. They brought along their 2 autistic children. One was a 14 year old boy and the other was 10/11 year old girl I'm not sure.
So I thought I should have them play some vidya while I watch over them. Had them try out minecraft and rocket league. To my surprise they did fairly well in both without much assistance. Then the girl wanted to "try something harder". I said sure and searched up my library. They noticed HL2 and wanted to play it.
I doubted that HL2 was game these two could play without dying over and over or getting lost. But I let them play anyway.
They were fucking great
I only had to help them at a sewer puzzle and that was it. They did fine by themselves and crouch-jumped without me telling them about it. I asked them if they had played similar games to this and they both said no.

In other words, DSP is a fucking brainlet compared to actual autistic pre-teens.

NIce blogpost, where do i subscribe?

oh for a second i thought you were rating her

Please subscribe to my reddit page!

she was cute tbh

To be honest those ladders were always fucking awful and you could die very easily trying to use them.

dick her

Autism must run in the family.

Was she a Pathfinder by any chance?

Daymn, that's fucking elaborate

Yet, he beat Cuphead, a game that AngryJoe couldn't beat but still made a review for it, pulling an IGN and giving it a 10/10. Not once in his review did he show anything that he did past the starting point of first few bosses of Island 2. If he did, it was just promo videos. If DSP is sub-human, Journos and internet reviewers like AngryJoe are below even him.

he may have some mechanical skill but he has severe inability to process information and learn harder mechanics
if that's all not just an act of course

No he doesn't, he is somewhat okay at fighting games, but everyone is if you play it long enough.

Doubt it's a act, if you watch his first videos he sucked in them too. Just look how bad he is at GTA, the way he walks pass the door, or ignores the cops and shots that guy. He is legitimately bad at games.

And then there is DSP playing mario kart, he fucking loses 50cc.

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Mario kart needs an assist mode where the game turns the kart for me.

On what level though? Regular or simple?

Most racing games already have assists like that, I think Project Cars had it, latest Codemasters games have it and I am sure that Forza has it too by now. You do nothing, car accelerates and breaks itself and sometimes even steers a little for you.

One of his early videos, this is him playing Assassin's Creed online, he sucked back then too and this is before he got popular for being a faggot. He is totally not acting, he is a legit idiot.

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For those that don't play usfiv, you block by walking backwards.

It is pretty goddamn retarded.

Post pics.
Also, DSP is only pretending to be retarded.

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Yes, he is just pretending to be retarded 24/7 even though it got him less and less viewers and generally just fucked his life over. On his death bed he will finally reveal he has been pretending his whole life. I hope you are just pretending to be retarded

I refuse to believe that he isn't pretending and that he is in fact legit.
Better?

Sounds like you are in some deep denial about how retarded some human beings can get.

No, because I listened to the instructions of a game before I play it. Crouch-jumping is something you have to read about to know it is possible, though, since it doesn't exist in real life.

It's not even possible. It's an act. No one who is capable of operating any sort of technology is this stupid.

Does the HL1 - style hazard course exist for Source yet? If so, did DSP play it? In the original hazard course, duck jump was introduced as a way to jump into a pipe, ie. an area where you have to advance while crouched as opposed to jumping higher.
It's not a new concept though. Duke Nukem 3D's level design encourages you to duck while jumping to reach some secret areas iirc

I faintly recall seeing a flashing text indeed mentioning crouch jump somewhere near the beginning of the game, but was it such a spot that you actually had to use it to advance?

It's right there in the first webm

I forgot - did they had tutorial in Black Mesa? Because original Half-Life had it, and it explained crouch-jumping.

You can't. There is at least two necessary crouch jump in the HL tutorial.

I think in Black Mesa a pop-up text comes up onto the screen moments before you actually have to use crouchjumping telling you how to crouchjump.

Black Mesa has toggleable auto crouch jumping in the settings, if I'm remembering correctly

Does Black Mesa include the HL tutorial?

Because clearly that part is intended to be the tutorial if they are giving a popup notification.

I had trouble as a kid, but I do it reflexively now. Kinda bugs me when games DON'T let you do it.

Guys why do you even need a tutorial? When I first played HL I was pretty young too, and on top of that I am German, living in Germany. I had a pirated english copy of the game, didn't speak a single word english back then and crouch jumping was just natural to me. I did it without tutorials or anything. Still to this day I try to crouch jump in every game, and I hate Unreal Engine games for not having crouch jump.

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You're gonna use your arms to pull yourself up onto something you can't easily step or jump on not try to "retract your landing gear" since you aren't an airplane.

Have you ever done anything physical in your life? And quit pretending to understand physics talking about the "laws of inertia", you're just doubling down on your ignorance. It is perfectly possible to jump and tuck your legs at the same time, with a net gain in altitude relative to jumping without tucking your legs.

If you can't double jump, explain how you can double down?

but i have tried crouch jumping. my feet clipped the thing i was jumping onto and i fell flat on my face and chipped my 2 front teeth.

crouch jumping is a fraud.

THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO! FUCKING BUGGED MECHANICS!

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I figured that out on my own during the original Half Life.

I think that user was trying to sound like DSP making that post I hope

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He's probably on par with a lot of them, just way too honest to show his own failures aswell.

You are just a fatass faggot who needs to both git /fit/ and gud.

Yeah Forza 5 had it. Hated it, turned the game off even before i bother to look up how to turn off the assist. Fucking bullshit game-mechanic, why would i bother to play a racing-game if i'm not allowed to gas and break like i wanted to?
Exactly, we used to do "crouch-jumping" with my sports-team. Where we had to jump up a meter onto a ledge from stand-still. You had to pull up your feet unless you wanted your feet to clip the ledge and fall flat on your face

Fuck, High-jumpers used to scissor the bar before they used the flop-style.

I hate my life.

What the fuck is ass creed online?

Multiplayer asscreed where you hunt eachother, pretty fun idea. Barely played it so cant tell if it was good or not, I stopped caring for asscreed after finishing 1 anyway

Sure thing, m8.

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They made a political version in Steam some time ago, you know.

This is what every retard who helps makes this faggot famous thinks. You are not ahead of the game. You are every person who watches DSP.

He found his niche being shit a video games so he hams it up double-time to get retards like you to help attract more viewers. You are so dumb you're duped by a person who's only famous for being stupid.

Said the idiot that thinks crouch jumping actually works.

You still jumped higher before you lifted your legs up.

Ah yes the sport that champions doing things the hard way that's more likely to fuck your body up because they "think" it's easier and puts less stresses on body parts when infact it's the polar opposite.

The best way to play the ship was to be a bystander or whatever the neutral guys were called and just follow people around until they would attack you and get them arrested that way.

It was decent, but there are no decent gameplay videos of it on youtube so I can't show it off right now. But you chose a character and try to kill the person you are assigned while someone tries to kill you. So you basically sneak around because you don't want to get killed while hunting someone down. The idea is nice, but Ubisoft badly balanced it.

My nigga, extra points if you get a friend or two to help you block people inside rooms and shit until they get pissed off and fuck themselves over trying to get out.

Holy fuck this is embarrassing, I'd like to see him play HL1 on hard difficulty. Does he need help wiping his ass too?

Fuck you, I enjoyed reading it.

I don't think its elaborate, but the dude spent $400+ on front row tickets.

youtube.com/watch?v=yW2qDBMuVoI

Oh shit nigger what are you doing

was going to search for a vid to demonstrate it too, but was to lazy. Thanks user, no idea why the other user doubted crouch jump is a real thing.

Yes, thank you for admitting that crouch jumping doesn’t exist in real life.

t. DSP

(please refer to )

Hey, thanks for proving me right. Way to show how much of a mentally defective pile of shit you are.

Passengers.

holy shit it really is phil isnt it
in the video f he tried that same jump but didnt bring his leg up he would not be able to reach the top you nigger.
not that it fucking matters, considering we are talking about video games
and dont hide behind "I didnt grow up with a PC so I dont know autistic shit like that" because even fucking console shooters use it, you would hhave to basically be unfamiliar with the concept of videogames or merely pretending ti not understand this
sage for replying to bait

even Super Mario 64 has crouch jump

crouch jumping doesn't make you jump higher in game either, if you look at a npc in cs:go you can see that the jump height is the same, but since you pull your legs up you can jump on objects you would normally not be able to jump on. You can't see it in black mesa, unless they finished the mp part, but you can start up half life 1, join a multiplayer server and ask a friend to jump.

Let's be fair though, how was he supposed to know to do that?

What the fuck? I'm calling people idiots but it's not doing anything!

The mandatory tutorial, maybe.

But how would you know to read on screen instructions if nobody told you to?

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Isn't this pile of shit just about bankrupt now?
I'm surprised he's still around.

Ha, you wish. GoutSydePhil is raking on around $7.5k/month nowdays.

I remember when I played a port of Half Life on the PS2, I actually got stuck on this part for like 20 seconds until I accidentally crouched jumped.
At first I thought it was a glitch since it seemed so specific, like grenade jumping in Halo, and I thought I was unintentionally skipping through a puzzle everytime I did this.

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Bullshit, never happened. This is like the Holla Forums equivilent of that story where the fat chick goes to a gym and gets shitlorded until 10/10 natty fit prince charming tell her she's beautiful and asks her out on a date in front of all the embarrassed cardio bunnies.

Damn it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion, doesn't he pay for two houses as well?

I don't suspect him lasting the year at this rate.

Patreon is not the only source of income, only porn game creators make good money off patreon. He surely get's some good bucks off Twitch too. His youtube is almost dead so I assume he get's nothing from there.

wew. At least the other 3 have made real products, as terrible as they are. Trap Quest is my guilty pleasure. It's amazing that it even runs with how shit the coding is.

Just made a fresh updated version of it, some earn more now. Out of all of those I only tried TrapQuest, and not even that one deserves 7k a month. But then again, instead of sitting on their lazy asses they went out and made products that people want, so in a way they do deserve the money they get.

This makes my forearms hurt.

Activates these almonds.

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"Player is in the kitchen"the kitchen is a room

logic based languages are trully horrifying.

Does Black Mesa not have the tutorial (The physical fitness course or whatever)? Or did he just not play it?

That would be fun if he was actually making any money.
It's not an act he's actually retarded, he got jewed by Machinima twice, got his ad whatever account banned for doing jew jokes on stream, got his ass banned from twitch in two different occations (one for fighting with the staff and the other for masturbating on stream) and is banned from pretty much every single fighting game tournament for his generally toxic attitude.

He lives on some shitty appartment he cannot even pay with a wife that is both unqualified and unwilling to work on pretty much anything, on patreonbux; which, of course, are not enough to live comfortably.

And in the case you're not too into Youtube memery: Machinima is known for mass recruiting content producers before giving them shitty contracts that automaticly renew themselves, and when you want to cut off any ties you're met with either months of e-mailing computers and praying someone actually reads your shit or legal threats to keep you on a tight leash.

I think his girlfriend left him like a couple of months ago

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She did. She got sent to the hospital for a panic attack and Phil thought it was a good idea to tell everyone about it, how bullshit the hospital mechanics were and then how if she has another panic attack she's not allowed to go to the hospital.

I bet you haven't seen the SoK.

Who would work out in jeans-shorts? Women are just fucking stupid.

It's almost like it's a model in a professional photo shoot for an ad. The ones making her wear those shorts are retarded, or maybe they think it helps boost the sexy "tough" girl thing they were going for

I'll take free edited clips of his content for $0 stay mad faggot.
BUMP

wtf i love dsp now

Phil is pretty redpilled