Consoles best used for bludgeoning burglars

If you caught a burglar trying to enter your house and steal your shit, which console would you use to bludgeon him to death in order to substitute your measly fists? Depending on the console, it can be used for stabbing, slashing and striking movements as well. PCs are eligible, so are handhelds and controllers as thrown weapons.

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X-Box 1.

The Gamecube has a handle, and will still work after bashing someone over the head with it.

Attack a rope to a wii-mote and swing it around.

Game Boy makes a great brickbat

Good point, alot of early laptops were more or less built like briefcases, and I imagine the thin edge would put some good force into your swing.

N64 controller or Original xbox. Which is the best flail?

Dreamcast is best grappling hook but only because the cable is on the correct side for hooking to the ledges of buildings.

PS4 on launch
>no games so minimal collateral damage

Nintendo products have excellent durability because of Nintendium, but the child-friendly no-edges design of Nintendo consoles make them rather ineffective for anything but throwing (with the exception of the GameCube).

vs

N64 controller a superior

N64 controllers should be used like a Sai, while the Duke is used to implode internal organs

I don't thing the hugebox would cut it since it's mostly hollow. A 360 is pretty solid, almost a solid mass of metal. Only issue there is not real proper hard edges.

they are too light to be effective.


64 cable is too weak, xbox cable is thoroughly re-enforced so you don't need to restrain your swings. plus the xbox controller is heavier.

Whats difference difference does it make?

Good call. A DC controller is pretty solid, if you caught someone in the temple it'd be goodnight sleep tight.

But, user, 1/2mv^2. The N64 controller is lighter and therefore faster, while the Dook is slower and therefore less effective.

Maybe he meant original PS4 and not the prororororo version?

The original PS4, not the pro or slim.

I bet there are already a few kids that are going to have life long scars from that thing.

They're be dead before they hit the ground.

Shit, you're right
But now that you mention it, the PissPoorPro has even more corners, its a bit heavier and is even more useless.

the N64 seems like it would have many uses. The tips are poisoned not covered in Cheeto dust.

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Holy hell, don't stop now user you glorious bastard.

quality fucking thread

Ok now I need to get some sleep. Looking forward to checking this thread later. Don't let me down anons.

The WiiU itself is sturdy as fuck, nice for hitting the head with.
The Dreamcast Controller would be good for stabbing the burglar in the eye, and the Gamecube would be excellent to deliver the final blow, with that nice handle to make it even easier.

Panasonic Q, because it's a big metal Gamecube.
Or you could use a Game.com and watch them die of disgust

Thanks for the laughs

Ok last one

This is a surprising good thread for a console war thread.

That's because it's not a console war thread but a war console thread.

Can't you make a pair of caestus with twenty-four Gamecubes pasted together in two separate 2x2x3 rectangles?

Gamecube controllers hit like a truck and are sturdy as all hell. you could grab it in a variety of ways to use the handles as a nice eye popper.

I’ll give you a hint; it turns people into red splatter.

Are you a retard?

That's a good idea. The SNES Super Scope could probably put a dent in someone

What kind of pussy thinks ‘bludgeon’ as his first line of gunless defense?

Get-a-load-of-this-cuck

Checks out
The Duke has a pretty weak bonding point at the cable though, probably good for two uses.

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Gamecube is top tier for this - it has all the plugs in a small area so it can be quickly untethered, has a handle, and as a bonus, is durable enough to handle the rough treatment. Old game boys - the grey bricks - are also useful as thrown weapons. Some controllers make excellent flails like the Duke, but weilding the N64 by the central prong allows for guarding one's hand, and holding it by one of the others allows for an interesting hook arrangement.

For a more obscure use, spray-paint a Zapper or other light gun black for use in a brief standoff in order to gain time to use another weapon. As a single-use bludgeon, one could also use a Guitar Hero guitar or a keyboard.

You mean like this?

That's kind of what I was envisioning with the 360. Once that's gone it's pretty much a hefty metal block will all sorts of sharp because of that retarded anti-tamper enclosure, it'd likely at least stay in one piece from that point on. No real good way to get a handle on it though, I guess. I'm leaning toward this user's idea.

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How the fuck would you even use that? This has to be the controller equivalent of a ceremonial weapon that was never intended for actual use.

you throw the entire stand at them

Instant KO

People have speedrun RE4 with that controller, user.

The Atari 5200. That thing would definitely kill with one swing.

Why is James holding a mailbox like an idiot?

came in here to post this myself. its range isn't great but one blow from this thing would probably discourage most robbers.


actually ps4 would be a terrible weapon because if you handle it wrong its face cover can slide off and you'd lose your grip


by the time you get the forklift started to transport it the robbers while have already taken your goods

Just grip the sides. Swing left and right using the corners as the point of contact. If the plate comes off, even better. Now you're smacking the motherfucker with metal. Though is right, look at this fucking thing.

Get a load of this kids. This is a solid fucking hunk of lead that will shatter a nigger's jaw on an upswing and splatter his skull like an overripe watermelon on the way down.

Birch I deal more damage with my bare hands than an original Xbox.

How many years did you need to train to master your ki?

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A gun

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0/10. Would not operate with.

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I can't play video games on a gun, user.

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i cant believe no one has mentioned the 360 power supply.
heavy flail anyone?

Even, say…Laptops?
I think I may have an idea.

contributing
I can't into oekaki

Dual wield the gamecube as brass knuckles.

Is he swinging a Wii nunchuck around his presumably erect penis?

10/10, user.

weaponized autism, this would make a good banner

yes

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Crack'
Bang
What the fuck are you doing in my house motherfucker?

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You make Mike Jones sad

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A PC with an Nvidia graphics card would make for a good makeshift grenade.

That abomination looks like you could simply throw it at an intruder and it would slice him to pieces. Or it could power on and turn into a fucking manhack.

2 kg of pain. And can be used to shitpost after use.

nothing personnel

This man gets it and will leave no burglars alive.
Commodore 64 and Amiga PSUs are also good options.

I am in fucking tears.

Under rated post

I remember, in the late 2000s, hearing all kinds of horror stories about Wii remote straps breaking or slipping off, and people breaking their TVs with them. Shit, with the infamy of the 360's hardware failures and this, the late 2000s had some huge growing pains regarding console gaming.

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There was also that cop that shot a kid to death because he opened the front door with a wiimote in his hand

The fact that they went for a hueg plug instead of a brick for the NES still triggers me to this day.

Wiimotes are serious fucking business. They are already classified as a lethal weapon in North Korea.

You know, you don't even need a rope, just attach the nunchuck unit and some third party accessories and you got yourself a weapon and a shield right there.

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I keep a non-functioning Vectrex on a heavy duty metal shelf near the door of my room. Drop that on a burglar and they're a dead man.

This may be kind of a suicide tactic, but having a shortcut on your desktop which launches S.T.A.L.K.E.R. and getting it to overheat your two SLI NVidia GTX 1080 GFX cards by having the main menu run at 9000 fps can be useful as a makeshift molotov cocktail or when you've decided to end it all.

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Is it possible to attach them to Raspebrry Pis and just tosse the overheating graphics cards as flaming projectiles at burglars?

CRT wins again I see

I think even a modern monitor is enough to cave their heads in

The wii proved to the world that casuals are retarded.

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It's a transformer you dummy, it will have an iron core with copper coils.

Just go full medieval siege defender, immerse the cards in a pot of oil, and when the intruder breaks in, fire them up and pour the resulting boiling pot of oil on them.

Actually, now that I think about it, you could substitute the oil with Bad Dragon cum lube, and fire it like a napalm flamethrower using one of their spurting dildos. All it takes is for one burglar to be sent to the hospital with third degree burns from being soaked in boiling artificial jizz fired from a dragon dong, and no one, not even the most cracked up "urban youth", will want to break into your house again.

Now I am imagining a "Home alone" scenario, only instead of Kevin it's an autistic manchild who rigged his parent's house with stuff like proximity detonated piss bottles using a bunch of electronic shit he has around the house like broken PC and console peripherals.

Glue(?) under the door/windows to force the burglars to remove their shoes and then have them traverse a maze of spilled Lego's that have been nailed down to the floor.

A series of distractions/alarms in the form of a large sonic the hedgehog cardboard cutouts that constantly repeat "you are too slow!" on a loop while the autist moves around his home with a 100% camo rating by going naked and smearing himself with cheeto dust and wearing a few mountain dew bottles on his body which makes him indistinguishable from his surroundings.

Semen.

archive.is/3StNF

Ooo, this one's also good.

We need a drawfag to make a mini comic series out of this.

The guide posted earlier is the updated version of the one in your post, and is made by our /k/. It has more updated info, prices, and has weeded out some guns that can no longer be considered within the "poorfag" price range or whose quality control has slipped due to acquisition by organizations like Freedom Group.

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4u

What are you the king of the sea?


Looks better than the original.

Work up sick as hell but have another.

stupid thread

The trick to fighting downs Vegeta is to strike first.

Blue hair, laid low. Not sonic the hedgehog.

I don't own no stinking consoles.

PC + emulators master race!

You can't kill someone with a fucking emulator.

This thing would be perfect for swinging, with its pointy edges and convenient handle. Plus you could still play a few rounds of f zero before the cops arrive.

Nerd: "Warning, incoming game"
Robber: Wha-*crack!*
Nerd: "Game over, The user wins"

You virtually can m8

My giant case weighs a LOT more than your puny consoles.

Your consoles are like a dagger. My rig is like Dragonslayer.

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My pc hurts me some times.

I don't buy you're actually swole. Post your calves

Instead of buying an overpriced console, buy a gun.

Otherwise, I guess I'd use the classic xbox.

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OG Xbox too strong

The first PS3 model. That thing was fucking enormous. That, or the Atari 5200.

You could mentally scar an intruder by showing him some ZSNES and KGEN98

This here lil fella.

If I was not swole I could not draw such amazing arts. Checkmate user.

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PC master race wins again

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that pic can also be named "bitcoin crash"

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lol. simply epic thread my friend. just upvoted, for the win. yes.

Classic Hulk Hogan levels of SWOLE user.

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If I shot a burglar with a fucking assault rifle in my country I'd go to jail for sure even if they broke into my house in the middle of the night.
I'll keep the suggestion in mind though

Every comic book artist is a faggy twink yet they draw swole motherfuckers. Argument invalid

CRT MASTER RACE

None of the items listed there have a fun-switch.

CRT wins again.


user I do not draw comics. I draw graphic depictions of video game violence.

(checked)
/thread

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I fucking hate the hotpockets here sometimes

Oh it's just the site fucking up again

The Gamecube is made of solid Nintendium and can fall out from the back of a car at high speeds and work perfectly fine. It comes as no surprise that this baby can be used to crush somebody's skull and still work perfectly fine.

i see user, PCs may cause a sore toe or two now and then, but your PC stealing your dick and keeping it in a stasis chamber in the front of the tower is just over the line.

are you 40 years old?

protip: when it comes to shotgun accessories, keep it to a minimum if you have little upper body strength. A side saddle with 5 shells, a butt saddle with 5, and a sling with 15 shells plus a full tube turns an 8lb~ scattergat into a 20lb one that's a lot harder to shoulder, aim, and fire quickly.
t. 590 owner

fund it

Not when I wear a dew rag brother.

Please never stop drawing user, these are wonderful.


And any other drawing I missed from any others, these are also good.


Good and underappreciated reference to ReBoot and it's "game cubes"

Why is he eating the xbox?

I saw my friend swing that fucking remote right through the drywall beside the tv

heh

I used to live in a house with a daddy long legs problem. Any time one of those fuckers would come into my room, I would take this thing and lightly drop it on their heads. Worked pretty well

if i personally had to pick one as a weapon, i would choose the NES zapper. i would sharpen/shave the front of it so its sharp, hold it like a gun, and jam it into someones throat.

if i had to pick an actual console i would pick this 3-way arcade game, hold it by the steeringwheel and spear them with it, possibly leaping down a flight of stairs at them. all 230lbs of me.

Yes but their body are under so much pressure if you touch them they tend to explode anyway.

Forgot to color Dpad and buttons

FUCK NO

They don't bite user
Thanks for the warm wii nursery

Gotta eat big to get big
C'MON

The gamecube has a handle. It's probably the best weapon console to equip. Also made out of nintendium so it is durable. The xbox would break and has low durability.

Easily the ps4, it comes with several sharp corners and edges that can be used creatively.

Best be reading the thread anons.

My PC caused spine injuries. Not kidding.

Lower spine extrusion (not protrusion! I dodged surgery by a hairs breadth) because it's heavy as hell and I was carrying it wrong and I was not excercising.

Much more fit these days, but I have to watch myself, and there are excercised I should really avoid.

This is the best thread on Holla Forums in at least a year.
Not EXACTLY defending against burglary using vidya, but it reminded me of this, which involves burglary and vidya.

Maybe that should be the next thread. What consoles are worth stealing for the games or resale value or who would you rob aka famous collections worth stealing etc

Wait what happened there, did the other guy block him?

The part where he couldn't send a message?
Yeah, he blocked him.

So I'm assuming he either actually scouted the neighbourhood and found nothing or figured out he got trolled pretty hard.

Probably got arrested for his violent facebook posts.

is this 1984?

Have you been living under a rock?

You can get arrested for defamation, posting CP, etc
Worse, this is 33 years of 1984 being a thing.

Pretty much

Explain Jack Kirby then.

well you should be arrested for that…

Then why ask, faggot?
There are plenty of things you can say in real life that could get you arrested, nowadays it's the same whether you say it or you post it.

Can you make one with Pantera's Vulgar Display Of Power ?

Actually, I imagine it's because he wanted to signal he was done talking to him because he thought it was threatening or something?
Neither option you suggested fits with his last message.

Maybe he did it in a fit of rage, it seems like talking to him was making him more and more mad.

That's more likely an explanation, actually.
I don't remember if I took part in the thread where it was going down real time, but I do remember everyone being amused with the idea some guys beat up a random dude because of that random troll.

C'mon, the thing is pretty much MADE for precise throws, compared to it's contemporaries, it's pretty compact and has a decent design that allows it to fly through the air like it's 2007, add some more weight and you'd get a modern hunting rock

ROUND 1
FIGHT!

What I've learned from this thread is that swinging a wiimote around you penis is a viable fighting tactic

Why the fuck do only relatable human beings think of stuff like this?

This thread is a miracle.

And thank you for immediately thinking "fucking murder the piece of shit and do the world a favor".

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The n-gage is much more dangerous than a simple throwing weapon.

It had a bit of console wars shitposting in the middle of it, and I got worried that people here forgot how to have a good thread; but it looks like they all just gave up on whatever they were trying to do. This shit is what happens when everyone contributes good OC to make a thread as fun as possible and just has a good laugh together. Look at this one screencap; a cheeky meme-ass post like that is surefire bait for people to start biting on, going all on about YEAH I HATE THAT SHIT TOO but user just responded and made a joke about the mouse being a fucking manhack.

Threads like this are great, and, by the way, I keep my GBA SP by my bed simply because it's easy to hold onto and grab if I need to play some vidya to take my mind off of something so I can go to sleep. That fucking thing hurts if you get hit by one of the corners of it; the plastic is more solid than you'd think and it's easy to hold, so it'd make a very good makeshift throwing weapon, especially if you can get it to spin around really fast in the air. It's kinda like a bedside firearm you can play games on.

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I would throw Game Boys at him. If they can survive a nuclear bomb I'm sure they can survive being thrown at some nigger breaking into my house.

Goatse

I would reckon the first pic would have the initial edge in the combat due to getting the first hit in. Why? Because the 2nd pic guy is wearing headphones and can't hear the sound of him coming (aka the windmilling Wii Remote).

Now after that the 2nd pic guy only has his hands (with controllers) to fight with. While 1st pic guy has more options and combat possibilities with hands, wrist, N64 trident headbutt attack and the unpredicktable and ridickulous wild willy windmilling Wiimote whacker attack to be finish off with. His only disadvantage is weaker performance in cold climates because of the lack of clothing.

A defensive barrier of game gears can be effective in deterring thieves before you are forced to bludgeon them with consoles.

I a switch would be good? It's kind of shit by design and will probably explode on the burglars face

Very creative. I'd punch a dude with that.

The Switch would probably smash their skulls. I don't understand the "switch has shit build quality" meme. The stand is shit and so is the battery life but the thing isn't mad of glass.

It's still made of Nintendium, it's just fucking tiny. Have you held the thing? It's like a centimetre thick.

I'd rather they have it either internal like the PS4, or just make it clamp on the back like the N64. More than once have I had a brick dangling out of the back of a high entertainment centre because it wasn't fucking long enough.

What said.

I think I finally get the design of this controller

Not a bad idea but it only works if you're younger or just have manlet sized hands. I tried to grab it in a comfortable swinging position and I couldn't get it passed my second knuckle. Only workaround I can think of is a larger handle.

I'd have to also say the Phat PS3 would be an excellent choice. It's dense/heavy as fuck. Throwing is likely out of the question unless you are a Shot Put Olympian. Best bet would be to hide behind a corner to wait for the intruder to pass by, then slam the PS3 down on his head like you are Moses breaking the Ten Commandments.

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They jewed the profit margins too much and the plastic construction of the thing was exceptionally low quality.
Also, on launch it had no games but now it has no games and a pro model (with no games).

I don't think that counts as the weapon, but rather the thing with which to summon the being to kill the intruder. Just takes the right inputs.

I think this is a pretty solid choice, light enough to swing around easily, heavy enough with electronics to do some damage. Possible extra damage potential with the pointy body one on the far right. if not from blunt force, then from shattering and having a plastic shank.

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There is no other way.

WTF I PRESS TA BLUDGEON, NIGGA?

PRESS THA CHINESE BUTTON

NIGGA DEY ALL CHINESE

NIGGA DEY ALL CHINESE

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This thread just keeps giving.

Wow, fuck you too, user.

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Deadliest console, pic related
/thread

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This is fucking amazing

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This thread feels like 2006

archive.is/JO5rS

Don't let yourself get lost in the past again, brother.

nichegamer.com/2017/09/25/original-xbox-controller-returns-xbox-one-windows-10/


Speak of the devil, you can pre-order heavy-class boomerangs now AND use them on a modern PC.

Easy, just own a Xbox 360.
The burglar will just 360 and walk away.

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10/10

You put a Bowser amiibo in a sock and you've got an impromptu mace

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What is with this picture user.

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You're the greatest user.

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That can't be true. What would that accomplish?

Jesus christ.

(Heil'ed)
Nintendo presents the Gun Boy Advance SP.
The "SP" stands for Shoot and Play.

Beautiful user, just beautiful.

it fixes the computer

Thanks for the (you)s anons. My empire can never fall now!