How do we fix Quibi?

How do we fix Quibi?

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Why don't zoomers want to pay for this incredible content?

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>short-form streaming app, meant for phones

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>>133614716Call it YouTube

What the fuck is Quibi


>download the app to see what garbage it is>”start you 14-day trial”No thanks. Why would I pay for youtube shit? That I can get for free>gayme

>>133615256It has celebrities, youtubers are literal subhuman goyim.

Actresses getting full nude.

I have never heard of Quibi before.

>>133614716>not even threads about quibi can stay aliveOh no no

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>>133615615It's like the Stadia, nobody even cares about it enough to make fun of it.

>>133614716A Pandemic, one few things that makes all people stay at home watching his phone instead of going out in a party>blames the pandemic

What exactly is the "standout" attraction for Quibi? Is there some show or celebrity making something that you just HAVE to see on this shitheap? I got bombarded with ads for this shit on Youtube ironically enough but they never showcased any content, just name dropping the application.


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All I know about Quibi is that the new season of Reno 911 is going to be in it. Shame.

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>>133615986this looks like a skit damn>bury me with my golden arm

>>133615986this MUST be some kind of money loundry

>$2 billion dollar appwhy?

>>133615615>that .gif

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>Mr. Katzenbergjfc, can they all just fuck off already

>>133614716>short form streamingIsn't that what fuckin instagram or whatever is? Or jewtube?Zoomers have such shit attention spans they can't even pay attention to their stupid apps.


>>133616561based retard

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>>133614716>the coronavirus is why people don't want to use my shitty app lol

>>133616797Yes, but this has actual actors and celebrities. Would you rather watch Cletus from Topeka on youtube or someone who actually matters on Quibi?

>>133616800that's how they can save it

>>133616927clearly the public doesn't give two shits what some dumb actress has to say

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>>133616927>actual actors and celebritiesbesides reese witherspoon and reno 911, name 3 I've heard ofalso, any more derogatory remarks concerning my ((())) channel gets you the super deluxe jogger treatment packaget. Cletus from Topeka

I tried watching the first episode of "The Most Dangerous Game" on YouTube after seeing articles about what a shit heap Quibi is.Even at

>>133615986Why Sam? Why?

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>>133615106thisAlso why should I care when jews loose money?

>>133615615how the fuck can he underhand shit that hard

>>133615106I think it's like youtube, but lacking that 1% of content you actually want to see.

I was interested for some Legends of the Hidden Temple nostalgia reboot but >10 minute episodes



>>133616927>someone who actually matters>a fucking actor whoreWHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

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>>133617865Apes are strong bro

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>>133614716>HundredsThis thread will literally have more views than a quibi program.

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>>133617865how are people still so clueless about monkey strength

>>133618060So this is what billions of dollars will get you

>>133618017Not to mention its can only be watched on phones. The fuck were they thinking?

They dumped a ton of money into ad spend.

>>133618058now post the webm where the guy accidentally does something minor to piss off the ape and it rips his face off and eats it

>>133614716I don't know what that is.

>>133618060>biggest show>Christoph Waltz & Liam Hemsworth>380 reviewsYou're probably right.

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>>133615800Reno 911 got revived for it.

>>133617820>When I die, bury me with my golden arm.>its made from stolen nazi gold, and I dont want my kike son-in-law to get his filthy jew hands on it.Ah, it makes sense now.

>>133618247Don't watch if you have a weak stomach

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>>133618060I guarantee most views of any show on this platform are from friends/family of the actors.

>>133615986What the actual fuck. That scene was like House as a Soap Opera being directed by Wiseau

This is what happens that bunch of old guys in venture capital firms dump billions of dollars on some scamy startup in hopes of getting next facebook, instagram or tiktok.

>>133615986Is that the dad from Smart Guy?

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>>133616927I’d rather watch Cletus from Topeka than anything you or celebrity whores have to say.

>>133618436Watching this guy and his ape bros is simultaneously comfy and nerve wracking, because the face rip of is NOT exaggerated.Happens all too frequently as too many retards have chimps as actual fucking pets.

>>133618666>as too many retards have chimps as actual fucking petsSlavery was declared illegal over a over a century ago, Satan.

Why didn't they just make it an animation platform? No one wants to watch live action "quick bites" or whatever the fuck that is. Also no one wants to pay 5 dollars a month for short videos

>>133618666OK that´s it, enough 4chan for today..

Holy fucking shit I fucking love the 'rona now?

>>133618666based and devil trips pilled

>>133618666Weren't most of them were women who treat them as surrogate husbands and shit? Just because apes can rip your face off doesn't mean they absolutely will, probably just have to know what you're doing.

>>133615062>meant for phones>women always on phone>meant for women>women want the attention boys game, chicks whore themselves. its real simple

>>133619017You forgot both will pretend to be obscenely pissed off.

>>133616927wait are you thinking actual actors and celebrities matter?? bwhahahhahahha

>>133618873Yes, here is some audio of Sandy Hook shooter Adam Lanza discussing the Travis the Chimp rampage, on which he was quite an expert. Apparently the chimp was on Xanax.

>>133615986>>133616229>>133616318>>133617820>>133618493Embarrassed on behalf of everyone in this thread and on twitter who doesn't understand that this is comedy.No, seriously, do you need things to be clearly labeled as comedy to understand that it's supposed to be funny? I thought this board liked David Lynch.

>>133614716This would probably go down as the biggest failure in streaming service history if it weren't for HBO max

Why do new streaming services have such stupid nonsensical names?

>youtube criticised for its corporate nature>competitor with entirely corporate contentwew lad

>>133619987It's pretty hardcore dedication to come up with a $1.8 billion dollar platform and fill it as shit with a troll.I liked it better when billionaires spent their money hosting masked orgies.

>>133620076They're literally 65 year old boomers trying to understand China and its shit like TikTok.

>>133619987The one clip I saw was not funny in the slightest. So they were trying to go The Room route? They failed pretty terribly. The Room is actually funny.

>>133619987>50 States of Fright is an horror anthology web television series that debuted on Quibi on April 6, 2020, for pre-signed up users and on April 13 for the general public.Sure it is, Katzenberg.

>>'s from an episode of a horror show, see the first few episode descriptions. It's supposed to be 100% serious.

>>133620178>>133620182Have you not seen Drag me to Hell?

>>133617820>The Golden Shower Head What the fuck, Raimi?

Maybe the jews will finally go bankrupt and other people will have a shot at showbiz

My waifu cut her hair short for a show on quibii think it's meant to be a recreation of rosemary's baby because she's pregnant in it \

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>>133614716>streaming service>everyone is stuck at homeYeah, that pandemic is the reason for all your failures.

>>133614716They have an ad with Sophie Turner where she looks fantastic!!!!

>>133614716is it for the LGBT crowd? I can't imagine downlading an app called "queer bi" myself, since I'm neither of those things. Also what exactly is "short-form streaming" and how does it differ from youtube?

>>133620332People in the other thread said it was designed for commuters. Seems like a horrible idea, commuters listen to podcasts or radio because they're either driving or at least paying attention to their surroundings

>>133614716Don't arbitrarily force me to watch it on my phone.

>>133620405They're wrong, it was designed to compete with youtube because boomer kikes don't understand why it's successful.

>>133618331Is it even any good, or did everyone just decide to defile the corpse for one last hurrah?>implying anyone watches qbert

Sorry Mr. Katzenberg, I don't want to give you money to watch more miscegenation propaganda.

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>>133620405I think they were thinking public transit?>implying people in America use public transit if they can at all avoid it>implying people forced to ride public transit would actually have the spare cash to pay for a subscription service just to stay entertained on the bus

>>133618436Wholesome :3

>>133620405It's a case of a new york city jew being completely out of touch with the rest of the country. "Oh, everyone takes the subway, this'll be a hit" except only a handful of US cities even have subways and in nowhere are they even a fraction as commonly used outside of NYC.

>>133620265I hope people pirate quibi shit so I can watch ASR without having to download this malware.

>>133614716>Jeffrey KatzenBurgWhy the fuck am I hearing this name again? Didn't we ditch this guy back in the early 2000s in exchange for the guy who would suck the soul out of every Disney property they could get their hands on?

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>>133620265so her show premise is "what if we re-did rosemary's baby except the dad is black?"

it's garbage either way. I can't believe that the new Reno 911 is on that garbage platform.

>>133615105YouTube is actually useful tho

>>133615615>The look of help me on her face

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>>133620649An user in a previous thread said they cracked it and uploaded sophie turners show but i can't find it publiclyprobably on private torrent sites or something

>>133618060>"Uh-oh"There's a reason Katzenberg was ousted from Disney and generally seen as a retard

>>133618329>that vague-ass nothing descriptionno wonder no one is intrigued by this shit

>>133614716>I can't believe no one wants to watch Chrissy's Court!Said no one ever

>>133614780Is that actually an official apps account lol?

>>1336156159000% based

The only reason I watch tiktok is the cute underage girls.Quibi lost that market. I don't want to watch some hag hollywood has been.

>>133617820>Why Sam? Why?

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>>133623308Yes. 46K followers but rarely get more than 30 likes.

>>133617820A jew knows a good deal

>>133614716make content people want to watch and make it convenient to access(nobody is going to pay for vlogs you can only watch on one kind of device)>>133619987It's definitely comedy, but the joke is the author's pathetically childish attempt at social commentary.>>133616927Celebrities don't matter. Paid actors are interchangeable and the things they say aren't valid or important because they're paid actors.

Quibi will never get big because if you aren't on a phone it makes more sense to just watch Netflix, but if you are on a phone you don't want to waste data on that shit.If you're on your phone but with wifi, you can probably just walk over to your computer somewhere and, again, watch Netflix instead. You don't need a paid premium app to give you ADHD YouTube bullshit.

>>133624203>Netflixpeople still watch that?

>Jews seethingHahahaNetflix and Disney Plus have been doing fine

>>133616321Because hollywood is dying and utterly desperate.

>>133615986this is fucking insane

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>>133618666Retards + any medium or larger sized animal = faceripping.

>>133617595>"The Most Dangerous Game" CHOSEN on Crackle already did 3 seasons of this show and did it a million times better.

>>133618247>>133618666Apes are not all the same. They're like people. Some are utter assholes, others are just chill.

>>133620543Not to mention the amount of situational awareness required to use public transit.

>>133615986How can I watch this if I don't want Katzenberg to get muh shekels?

>>133624924Can confirmt. equal opportunity employer

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>>133618588Is tiktok as big as facebook now? I never use any of those but bait vids coming out of omegele was great. That shit should have made billions. Billions of bait vids I mean.

>>133624557Didn’t disney just state their streaming platform has cost billions, and costs hundreds of millions a month to maintain, and is only generating 5 million a month?

>>133619987it's not comedy, it's a horror anthology kys

Qwizibo is basically going to be a "lost media" platform when it shuts down because burgers never rip anything anymore if it's on a stream service.

>>133624203it's presumably short episode tv shows, vs netflix's hour long 13 episode "binge watch" snore festsi can see the appeal in condensed tv shows that get quick to the point

>>133624956Wait a few months maybe, no one even cares about this shit enough to rip it yet.

>>133624924What are the niggers of apes?

>>133625150If there’s demand for it, they’ll rip it. “Lost media” is just a moronic meme created by people who can’t imagine missing out on something.


>>133625235Baboons will fucking eat you.

>>133614716I'm confused how does it have a $1.8 billion valuation? It seems they have about $500k worth of creator value locked in and a full form app worth maybe a million considering what it does. Seems it has a value of about $1.8 MILLION....

>>133625347And that’s how money laundering works.

>>133625347>how does it have a $1.8 billion valuationA group of retards pooled their money and gave them 180 million at 10% share or 18 million at 1% of share of the company. Valuation is just imaginary worth.

>>133614716If I understand it correctly it's YouTube but you have to pay for it. Should've paid 100 high engagement Youtubers/instathots to make exclusive Qwyjibo content for a year and then reassess. Nobody is going to pay a monthly fee for 3x 10 minute snippets of some generic celebrity garbage every once in a while.

>>133625645Even YouTube pivoted its exclusive content to just auto adblock now. YouTube Red is dead as fuck.

>>133615106youtube in 2005

>>133625347Either they convinced some boomer VCs it was the next tiktok or it's just money laundering.

>>133614716>People are inside and starved for content>It's because people are inside that they don't want our content!

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>>133614716>people literally stuck at home with nothing to do for weeks>"my streaming app does poorly because of the coronavirus"KEK

>>133625737>>133625843My thoughts exactly. This should be primetime for this Q bullshit. Same issue with Disney+. D+ should be racking in the dough while everyone is starved for content.