Meanwhile, in medieval Holla Forums

Meanwhile, in medieval Holla Forums

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I know too little about the medieval times other than weaponry. Is this a top quality original reference that I cannot understand?
Please do enlighten me

Vacate yourself, negroid.

Anyone else seen this fucker?

I didn't pick that image. What in the Lord's name is this heresy?

I want some games where i can plough some knive-eared wenches

Anything written by Jacques Le Goff. Instead of being limited by the rigid framework of Positivist and Marxist historiography schools he goes full Annales and delves into the day to day lives of Medieval men, stuff like how he used to see the world, what he used to eat and wear, what he was afraid of and what he loved.

we can only ever achieve enlightenment if we stop playing games that we deem as shit and realize that all games are shit in one way or the other

therefore, we can only achieve enlightenment by not playing videogames at all while striving to think of a perfect game that does not exist and repeating mantras like "CROSSBOWS ARE TIER ONE, HAND TO HAND IS THE BEST IN THE CURRENT META" for one thousand times!

Aye, the semite who runs this village is up to his underhanded ways.

The thing about the period we call "the middle ages" is that it lasted from about 476 A.D. to around 1453 A.D. and as you can imagine, a lot things changed during that span of time. Too many to even list here. Everything from philosophy to agriculture, to fashion changed drastically in that time. The 700s were very distinct from the 800s, the 1000s were very distinct from the 1100s, and the 1200s, 1300s, and 1400s were all radically different from each other. Heck, even the 1440s were very different from the 1450s, to pick an extreme example. Scholars have tried to alleviate this by dividing the middle ages into three different periods, the Early Middle Ages(500s to 900s), the High Middle Ages(1000s to 1200s) and the late Middle Ages(1300s to 1400s), but even that is far too over simplified and not at all satisfactory.

Another thing to consider is that the medieval period was a very different time for each part of the world, or even each part of each continent. Medieval England was nothing like medieval Italy, which was nothing like medieval France, which was nothing like medieval Spain, which was nothing like medieval Germany, which was nothing like medieval Greece etc. The main exception to this is that, from the late 1000s to the early 1300s, England and France were pretty similar, but even that was only for a few centuries, not the entire medieval period. To give an example, in certain parts of late medieval Germany it was illegal for peasants to own swords, however in England, at that same time, peasants were ordered to own swords so that they could more effectively fight off bandits.

Basically what I'm trying to get at with this autistic, poorly written, rant is that there is no common or general way of portraying the middle ages. There is no general idea of they were like because they were so different across the various centuries and lands they encompassed. The fact that not only the media, but academia as well tries to paint it all with the same broad stroke is either an act of extreme ignorance or extreme malice.

I didn't know that, thanks.



Thine thieving hands have yet to, and shan't ever, be lain upon my exclusives.

Cease these jests, peasant.

The fence itself wasn't blue, the wall behind the fence was

Have you peasants purchased Aftereffect 4?

And thou hast the nerve to question the taste of the peasantry, heathen.

I fucking hate the Church, they're bullshit, the Pope is a massive faggot. Here's 95 reasons why the church can eat my ass.

Doth thine ruler not have the foresight to banish them?

I believe you forgot

Thou hath entered the wrong fiefdom, knave.

Would you have the Saracens take up refuge in the Holy Roman Empire?
Woe be the day that Mohammedians find purchase in great bastions of christiandom such as Paris or London

Bend the Knee
or Drakaris

Post your facade when thou are not Count Anthony Burche or Duke Randy Pitchforde

The only one jesting here is yourself, dare friend.

Oh, my Lord. This swine is resuming his shiteposting? What of his banishment? Are the guards asleep? Alert them at once! CypherPrimate may quite possibly be the worst king that this land has ever had.

Post your armor knaves

manuscript theme

Just like you bent both of yours. :^)

Why doesn't that armour cover his upper inner thigh? Surely that armour skirting isn't low enough.

News from the Kingdom of Serbs, Croats, and Slovenes:
Death to the Saracens and to the Turks. May they both receive what they gave!

You Royalty really are retarded, must be those years of inbreeding.

Wherefore dost thou summon the band? Prithee, perform the music using thine own hands or remove yourself. Follow the example of the following noblemen

The fair maidens I possess on myn scrolls of the East are adequate, bobolynes.

Wait that's not my Daenery's being raped by Drogo webm

I have too many GoT porn webm's.

That's what his greaves are for.

smelly dumb peasant scum

I am now certain that you lay with men.

No wonder you Royals sit in castles all day, any time you try to take our farms you always get your shit pushed in.

Are you an ownborn speaker of English or have you simply befuddled the use of the two words?

We need women rights!

But women have the right to be obedient to a man. What else is there?

Ah, prithee, excuse me. My travels and use of the cultures and languages of the world have, regrettably, confused mine own birth language.

Post thine breasts or begone Harlot!

That's not a right, that's slavery! You treat your women like slaves!

summon the numerologist Batemann to examine these repeating numerals.

Such duplicated numerals! How dare you forgo such a blessing by uttering such blasphemy!?

Count yourself lucky you do not dwell in the land of the heathen saracen. At least in Christian lands we allow women to speak thusly, and I fear that even that will be the death of us one day.

Sad Christians! Meanwhile us Nords still practice Paganism! We are more Roman than the former territory of Rome!

I wish to bed the red-haired harlot in the bottom right. All the others must perish.

reveal to me thine nether regions

Acknowledged, my swot of the Russish speak has muddled mine own English more than once.

Just you wait, we'll get you yet!

Hark! The numbers have have been wasted!

Although this does remind me of an amusing tale a bard once shared at the local mead hall:

Calling a Norseman a Roman is like calling Attila and his hordes Roman

Slavery? You're enslaved to everything a woman aspires to? Is living life to its fullest be considered slavery?


A fine tale, indeed, sir!

Upon purchasing scrolls of the East I have discovered a new part of their culture they name, "Traps." They are men, but my penis cannot resist their womanly form! I do not lay with men mind you!

Thy sides.

Fellow villagers I have bad news. It seems the Lord of Vidyaga is but a Hebrew! I went on a pilgrimage to tell the king, but when I arrive I see only a monkey. What dark times these lands seem to be in.

Tis a shame that MicroHorse has no interest in making new Horse models compatible with ye olde interactive amusements.


Pope Gregory, retrieve thine thumb screws.

I too have been bewitched by these womanly men. I pray I will not come into contact with the Polish.

I was always amazed at just how bad the tits on GoT are.

Is thy immortal soul so easily corruptible that thou wouldst lay with a creature who seeks to deceive men by adorning itself to appear as a wench? Why dost thou spurn the fairer sex?

Most are covered in greenscreen and replaced with cgi tits, or a less attractive body double was used in their place for the nude scenes.

I have another such tale to share with you.

Villagers, I have a predilection for wenches posessing broad thighs and bulbous buttocks. I've discovered that women with these traits are the greatest examples of the fairer sex!

Not poorly written i enjoyed reading your post.

Fuck you guys, I'm gonna play Cops and Robbers.

That sounds like an incredible waste of time.

You mean the outlandish Chinese weapons? They're half-beyond men's kin last I heard.

That is modern television.

Thy queen would find batter subjects in the far eastern kingdom of India.

Shit meant to upload the mp4.

i will drink from your skull

As blasphemous as copulating with your neighbor's dog on Christmas without even giving it a biscuit afterwards, although those philistines would readily defend such behaviour, I am certain.

Steven Moffatt is exactly why I gave up on the New Who. I'll watch up til David Tennant is gone, and then fuck it all. Matt Smith wasn't funny. There were some good moments in Matt Smith's tenure, specifically the Neil Gaiman episode. But it was mostly just the softest turd I've ever fucking seen.

Still my favorite Doctor is Hartnell (aka the First).

I can't find the clips where the Doctor and 'Bill' (that black chick) talk about Timelord gender roles, or where they stop to talk about Victorian sexism in the middle of being slaughtered by Ice Warriors (a fight that has black Victorian soldiers), or the lines where the Doctor hopes women take over the human race constantly, but yeah, shit's gotten so fucking bad since Tennant. I should mention that Bill brings up that she's a lesbian like every episode because progressiveness.

The sad thing is that they're bringing in the old series into it. They've got the original Mondasian Cybermen design from The 10th Planet, they've brought back Davros and Skaro, The Timelords are back along with Galifray, and the upcoming Christmas special has the current Doctor hanging out with the First Doctor. And, of course, the next Doctor is a girl. Oh and the Master is a girl too now.

To be honest, all modern television is fucking garbage nowadays. Sage for off-topic.

I desire the demon of procreation of which currently inhabits the second to last position of thy lineup. Maidens with short hair giveth me a mighty sword to polish.


I thought Bill was a tranny?


No, just a weird lesbian.

Come back into the Orthodox fold lest the second Rome fall and you'll all be sorry.

Even thy rod is ladylike!

I too have procured a collection of such exquisitely illustrated tomes.

But to my surprise, the merchant hath set a blade to every depiction of bare skin in the artwork before delivery. He claims that it be a decree of his religion to excise the temptations of flesh so that all may better love and cherish the fairer sex.

Thou arth talking of negroids, not fair maiden, I say that you also copulate with swines.

Thou consortoth with man even though thou art man thyself!

Nay, these are the devil's lies. Alexios I Komnenos is in fact a cuckolde
The men of Constantinople layeth with saracen men. Verily, they should have let Guiscard despoil the city and save them from their own heresy, even if there were no saracens. And do not even tempt me to preach about yon Jews. Resound with me:

As always, Ser.

Hark, a Red Jew approaches.

There are also christian faggots.

Hello, I am the Holy Roman Emperor and the pope can either bow to me or I'll come swing my king dick around Italy again.

No gay man has ever fisted another gay man in the worship of Jesus though. Faggots who are Christian, sure, Faggots in the name of Christianity, no.

I'm curious can anyone show me some example of pre-Elisabeth english? not that weak shit with thy thou that sounds like roleplaying english. I mean the really old ancient language which doesn't sound like english at all.




Would any of you care to inspect these repeating integers?

I would rather see this band of uncouth performers partake in a farcically grim retelling of the classic tale of Orpheus rather than that of Adversary Might Weep. One is a timeless tale which fate and reputation will not change with such reinterpretations, while the other had a bright, if unhinged future that begot no desecrating.
Let the troubadours gesticulate in their own fiefdoms, if I may be frank kin.


twin milf sequel never

Plague Doctor Pavel, I'm Mstovaris.

Right to get fucked.

An interesting find, m'lord, but dare not forget that women have been adorning men's clothing for years. Observe this illustration of the most eminent reverse-trap.

This meme must die.

What makes you think it's referring to the one with the blue wall?

How much of that plate armor is historically accurate?

All of it, smartass. The only heavy plate armor was tourney coffin armor that was designed to make sure no one fucking dies.
Otherwise you're looking at 15-20kg tops which is about as heavy as modern soldier loadout.

The whole thing. It's a common misconception that plate armor was unwieldy. It isn't. You can do cartwheels in it.

I've only ever seen that misconception in movies, and of comical nature, at that. I don't frequent medieval circles however.

Ha! That Frank is no Roman Emperor! Constantine himself set Byzantium as New Rome, and your pope is a bishop with a big head!

I have been privy to this electronic amusement, as I witnessed mine older kin suffer it. As fair as it's visages are, the stench of heresy comes from within. Truly, current Anno Domini knows no limits.

Prepare to be burn, you heretic heathen.

Ave María.

Reminder that Byzantium's only heroic epic is about race mixing.

Greeks aren't white :^)

You're next, heretic.

Anything after the discovery of the web among kingdoms is demonic infested manure.

They tainted the works of the scribble Lord Affectionship, the tales of risen revenants, the works of the east and childplays of our youth.


Hermano Francisco.

Get the tools.

Thou art sodomized by thy own lady!

The origin of this young hefebous boy? I need it for… for inquisitorial investigation.


Thou Art One who be intertwined with men

Byzantium in ith modern state be not a true rome either
Thy Scandianavian Vikings know as the Finns are

neither are we not Mark of Judea who hath failed at the joust 12 times before thy joust was ready for consumers
Thy jousters who organised the Joused Segar laughed at thy pathetic semite

Mine fair maiden is superior to thine, impeccable of spirit and cleanliness. No other shall feel the warm embrace of her hand as I shall. I hear tell your "maiden" bathes but twice upon the month and not upon the day.

Holla th're noblesmen and fellow excitement seekers!
Wouldst any of though be interested in purchasing this centurys greatest copy of Adverse Situation the Fourth?
I also recommend getting the non-poverty edition of Skir'om, which also has it's own place on the Switcheth contraption.

Beware of the lies of the hebrew!

Hark, a trickster!

'Tis a fine scroll indeed.

And yet, you all regard thyselves as those of superior taste? Despicable.


I bid thee, make thy leave.

Is not sodomy if it is a trickery.

(Thine numerals representing sire hitler hath naught gone unseen)
Aye, however there is naught that can be done.

Ah, a fellow well versed man I see here.

Then it is hebrew trickery, is it not?

Yeh, everything is the hebrew's fault.


Can someone recite the fable of the expanding world and the work who consort with beasts?

That video remains pure bullshit once you realize how long an actual conflict takes. Try doing that after 4-5 days of marching and fighting.
Oh wait. They took it off and had a squire to put it back on. They ate tons at a time when food wasn't really all that easy to supply in large quantities.
Knights were the primadonas of the battlefield.

Bonus points for realizing men were smaller back then.
Bonus points for realizing:
And finally

The video points out retarded shit
Yes, an actor who just put it on can wear it for a while for fun. A knight had to carry that shit for long periods of time while swinging at flesh, armor and clashing swords/maces/whatever with the enemy.

The argument of:
is pants on head retarded. Medieval warfare does not involve backflips or 1v1 sword swigning. In a battle of endurance knights often lost. They had to get in, get shit done decisively and fuck off. While the regular army did the rest on foot at that.
Fucking lazy ass knights and their armade of fanboys.

The back flipping I think was more of a demonstration of how agile one could be while wearing the armor, not a demonstration of what knights actually did back in those days.

"Mine" lord must cease corsorting with his undead queen at once.

Hark, mine eyes spot a cuckold!

Yes but that supposed agility was aimed against the argument that they were slower, clunkier and would be dead or easy targets once off their horses.
Yet throught history that is exactly what they were. And after a 2 hour battle with swinging swords and riding horses one drop off their horse was normally fatal.
Even ignoring the basics of unarmored humans being extremely prone to heavy injuries from falling off a horse the video guy goes on to suggest that dropping off one with 20kg minimum of armor and a 5kg weapon is somehow not a big deal.
The video is a bunch of modern stunts of guys playing around in armor and pretending to be real fucking smart. That is what it boils down to.
And let's not pretend heavy ceremonial armor never made it on the field of battle, because it sure as fuck did.
Battle of Agincourt
Frederick I
And here is the prime moron again:

We have reliable reports of 50 kg of armor and above fighting on the field, But nooo. It was light as fuck and they breakdanced all the time:DDDDD

The whole knight agility thing is joke, but great for knight lovers. You couldn't really limit your agility any more than wearing a knight armor in medieval times.
It's fucking laughable as an argument. Lemme put 50 kg of armor on me, so I can prove to you I can still be agile for months of wars :DDD

Tsss good fuckin band cocksuckah!

sir, you have been intoxicated by words repeated enough times they take root as a false truth.
the plates of a night weigh nearly as much as the supposed kits of the future, but all over the body instead of merely on the back
while you are correct good sir about exhaustion being a real danger it has more to do with the abundance of layers a knight would be wearing, with small clothes, tabard, chain, and yet more

Nay. Kingdom of France.
Lord giveth me strengh.

Thou must have fallen from thine steed one too many times, sir knight.
Every knave knows that france is naught but jungle, home to naught but creatures of the jungle!

Sir Todd, your continued falsehoods shall steer no man to partake in your broken electronic amusements this day, return to the ministry of Semites that reign over the Zenimax Realm.


Ay fellow friends what is the meaning of this discriminating act against this young poor merchant!
Open your eyes men and look to see that he is exactly like the rest of you. Why, I've tried his Adverse Situation product and I must say that I pretty much have been entertained by it.
Now if you desire to be a ruler like me I recommend you buy such a copy of his works from the Bithosda print shop, they only cost about 300 pieces of silver!
Do it or I'll have your head!

And let there be no piracy amongst the likes of you

Caliphate* of France you doth mean.

Begone, you prince of lies! you heathen! Yer children plays are flawed, broken and are a product of the devil! They are an offense of anything christian, and by the Pope I swear I'll strike you down with the might of christ!

Our catholic king and queen expelled you from the mighty kingdom of Spain, reconquered and unified, to protect our souls from your blarant demonic schemes!

Sir Val the Cuckoo Raiser be striken by a carriage.

Yeah, those knights were so overrated and useless. More noblemen should have gone into battle without armor like pic related :^)

Stay thy hand! It hath cometh to our attention that our peoples of the lands south of europa were indeed of royal nobility and other significant statuses!
Our blood can be traced back to the bloodlines of the Egyptian pharaohs of yonder tens of centuries ago!
I sweareth upon the Lord almighty himself!

Go back to your master's field, negroid. You're falling for the Semite's lies again.

Return to the depths of your caves, Neanderthalus. Accept your true lords and queens and pray that Lord Yakub hath mercy on your ilk.


We understand it clear Neanderthalus, bend the knee or be burned by Yakub's fury. Do thou not knoweth the true master's or technology, whether iron or steel, and the true feudal lords?

I'm sorry, the only sounds your face opening produces are

Time to return to the Saharan landmass.

Oogath Boogath is our solemn prayers to thine Lord Yakub, yee should seek his forgiveness and relinquish our castles back to their proper people, pale cave-beast.

Most amusing, it sounds like it would be a fine challenge to partake. But everything in creatively diverse moderation and not yearly stagnant unchanging over-saturation.

On the topic of people from southern lands, should we harbor concern at those people from the south east region, the "moo slims"? I have a feeling most foul if they come here, they could be like a sickness to our lands, our order and all we hold dear? Or do I just speak of hearsay?

Flawless argument, truly thou art the mind of the eons

Le peasant of devastated posterior

Well all they have done

Declare thy maiden and judge accordingly.

Nippomancy is the blight which plagues Holla Forums.

This thread is fantastic. I'll give it just this one bump to see if it takes off again.

-Medieval Engineers
-Stronghold/Stronghold Crusader

>he partakes in the cuckoldry of (((western))) electronic amusements

I declare thee a sodomite who lays with men. You had best end your presence by your own sword or take leave with your 10 coin back to >>>/somethingawful/

Hold steady lads, the thread cannot sinketh beneath the waves. Let it rise above all else, and give it a mighty bump to bring back from the depths!

this thread be anchored, me matey

Nay, NAY I say!!!

Return, foul heathen, to thy pagan land of Reh'diet! For the Kingdom of the Eight Chancellors pays patron to the careful study of the divine inspired rite of Nippomancy. Thy ramblings have no place here, Hebrew!