Really small weird and really shitty games

This is a thread about small disasters. Shitty games that never got the change to be "threadwortlhy" shit.

- You all like big shitty fucking disasters right? How about the small disasters, the spurt before the calamity.

I have a fairly bad game to talk about. But it has some good comedic value in it. I'm going to post a full play through of this piece of shit, because it took almost 3 hours to beat. And I loved every sing.. I pushed through, because someone had to.

And we begin by playing a "human amnesic" in the world of Dogolrax. I'm trying to not spoil anything but you are "The Guy", since you die and respawn like nobody's business.

Also you are given a "bonusgame" on like 2 mins in the game. It's a shitty asteroids clone like a school project.

Other urls found in this thread:

vacuumflowers.com/star_guard/
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

Game starts fairly story heavy, but you are not really part of it. You see a manga-asset-girl blowing up her manga-asset-robot, and you start just running around. At this point the game just tells you to get a better job, and just stop playing.

But as you push through the absolute nonsence most of this is, the more you begin to see. See the misplaced assets.

Game seems like It's the worst kind of "Another world" clone ever made, but then…

I know this seems like random shit, but playing the game is random shit. That is what made me go through.

It's just half-assed minigames and pure gloria.

...

But hey, it has black and white mysterious story moments… They are like flashbacks to a different era, so cool.
How about a minigame? How about the worst asset combining in the history of human arts? Well here you are.

Remember how stepping on a saw just split you in half instantly? Well that's gonna happen a lot.

Also the best immersive in game password system.

What's the fucking name?

a timeless classic

I swear all of these images are from the actual game. It is just so half-assed.

More mini-games.
And the "reward lizard" comes to tell you, that the game devs had read an article about giving players constant small insignificant praise, keeps them playing.

Now we finally get some plot development. And shitty minigames, fuck.

And the bast traps ever. Gif related.

After that gif, I had to take a break, and what more fitting way to play the hidden minigame. We didn't have those coming out of our asses?

The hidden minigame was kinda ok. But I was so badly molested by shit mini games, that anything short of a razorwire-anal-scrubbing would have been sweet release.

We start a new episode, and what the fuck? We play the worst kind of meatboy wannabe.

Also we meet the Grimnar Dimlord.

Shit started to get more meatboyiy and less fun, since the game had that "we don't know how to math or game" kind of feel of total uncontrollable floaty feel.

But who gives a shit, when there are new minigames to be bored of?

Any way, I shit you not, they actually branch the story here!!! I tested it, and it was about 20 lines of text and one background. So if these b-team indies can do it, why can't Bethesda?

And, then something weird happened:
The first load screen of the game. 1,5 hours in, we get a loading screen.
So obviously I was fucking sitting on the edge of my toilet, holding my breath, waving my hands slowly and whining like a retard. What greatness is it loading?

A god damn minigame again.
But now it's fairly good. It's like a really shitty megaman water stage, with better weapons but way shittier movement.

What the fuck is this piece of shit?

I am not joking, this is still the same game. Keep that in mind.

So more minigames, and some weird dialogue I didn't capture.

It's called "Dogolrax", and I'm not fucking joking, it's on steam… Do not buy it, you autistic fucks. That is why i'm doing the "shitthrough", so you don't ever have to touch this.

Back to the game: It's meatboy then shitboy then this unfinished piece of shit:
(But I got an easteregg) (Like getting AIDS from saying it.)

Oh, god it's soon over.
We get some NEW minigames that are more developed, but still shit. We get missplased assets the anime kind again. And some good old WTF dialogue.

Did I stumble on to op's blog?

I think this is more of an abridged screenshot let's play.

They know. And we know.
I don't know if this is some weird trend, but this is the third time i get this in an completely unfinished game. Are unfinished games somehow more valuable than finished products? Well, we will all see the truth when they are finished, right?

Dogolrax is the pinnacle of gaimg you little shits
This is the true evidance that games are art
But so far only Dogolrax can be compared to Davinci or Michelangelo's works
All other games don't need to apply

After that minigame gauntlet, we get story: Captain CosmicSkull has… oh for fucks sake.

Ok, so as briefly as possible: The plot is: cosmic doom and struggle, "hyper goody race" but oppressed, one savior, It was you! The end.

We get a monkey island and star wars reference, on the shop that sells lightsabres and keeps live things screeming in a sealed tube as an attraction?, but I think it's not quite right. I seriously thought that the game would do something with the screaming guy, but no. Nothing at all.

So this "shitthrough" is almost over. Don't buy the game, just look at these screenshots and laugh. Playing the actual game is not fun.

Finally the last one: Yes you escape with some girl. Also, the devs bait pretty hard on a Dogolrax2. So stay tuned!

What a weird piece of shit this is. It's like a school of really bad game designers got together and decided to make "the game of the millenia". But could not do actually anything, and had to just patch together a "thing" from others work that resembles a game.

I really enjoy badly made games, so the point of this thread was like I said in the OP:
This is a thread about small disasters.

is this another world

How much did it earn on steam?

Hmmm I thought I saw a similar title in Xbox Live Indie Games way back when.

Around $3K I think. Seems to have made profit.

As an aggydaggy these kinds of devs are like a role model, since they're yesdevs who managed to put something interesting out. During this period of recession entertainment is not a necessity like food or water (or even shelter), but entertainment still required to take peoples minds off their shit lives. I think it's actually sinful to be spending millions of dollars producing entertainment (Hollywood and AAA companies are guilty of this). So to me it's actually more preferrable to buy shit games from random spergs, so they can buy more Cup-O-Noodles to stock in their mom's basement. I actually prefer new, shitty experiences compared to polished but rehashed, reheated ones.

its kind of charming. it feels like some inexperienced nobody just decided one day to make a game and went for it.
it should be an inspiration. even if you dont like it, because anyone who really puts their mind to it could probably do better.

based on the way the dialogue is structured i'm just going to go out on a limb and guess the guy that made this is a russian, or maybe a huezillian.

Well that was quite a ride, thanks for going through that so we don't have to OP.

On the one hand I'm amazed this got onto Steam, on the other hand as an aspiring agdg guy myself it's kind of reassuring how low the bar is.

There are glorified Newgrounds flash games for sale on Steam. Valve doesn't give a shit.

theres really no better time for amateur game devs. the bar might as well not be there.

I think these kind of games are really charming. They really are. Low budjet and low skill, makes a faulty bad product, but if the devs really want to make it, it can be quite the experience.

I very rarely buy anything like this, because most of the times you get a really shitty clone of and iOS-game, with 1 hour of game and flipped graphics.

I kinda liked the parts where you notice a horrible mash of assets, barely held together by force of will. Sadly the end of the game was really just boring. You can get bored of nonsense, it seems.

Pic. was the most insane clone of "twobutton brawler" also known as one "fingering punch" or any of the 200 iOS-games that are identical.

Star Guard's pretty good. Short. I'd say it's a glorified Flash game, but it's literally a Flash game, except it somehow doesn't feel like cheap trash.
Very minimalist platformy shooty thing. You go forward and shoot red things and get diamonds. Whatever story there is is presented in brief sentences that appear in the background.
The only complaint I have about it is the difficulty. Hard mode, which is unlocked by beating the game, should really be the default. I don't remember if there was any other difference other than hard mode giving you limited lives and one extra at the end of the level if you got the diamond, but on a game this brief, having close to no punishment for dying feels far too lenient.
Also, I think I remember there being a soft lock on the final boss if you die at just the right/wrong time.

vacuumflowers.com/star_guard/

Well, it looks better than my attempt with Game Maker.