I'm sorry for developing and beta testing >90% of the written and spoken language that non-Asian, non-African countries communicate in. I'm sorry for introducing sport as a means to evaluate the physicality of a country's population and determine the best well-rounded athletes. I'm sorry for creating the very concept of history and continuing to dilligently document it after 2000 years, even in times of crisis. I'm sorry for sending your ancestors out to the New World in order to colonize unchartered territory and experience new things. I'm sorry for creating both the imperial and metric forms of units so that things may be measured and otherwise quantified. I'm sorry for revolutionizing industry and initiating the mass production of necessary daily items that would otherwise be too time-consuming to produce by hand. I'm sorry for introducing the ship, the train, the bus, the bicycle, the automobile and the motorcycle to the world as a means to move people further afield with less effort, less risks and more freedom. I'm sorry for introducing the telegraph, telephone, radio and television as a means to publicize and enhance communication over large distances. I'm sorry for sending our best scientists to work on your ailing space shuttle program and helping to beat the Russians in the Space Race. I'm sorry for inventing the internet which you are using as we speak, in addition to the forefathers of the advanced computing devices you are observing it with.
But most of all, I'm sorry for the disgusting, abhorrent "meme" known as simply by the precise percentage of 56. We only wanted to put you on the same playing field as everyone else after years in the ivory tower of online self-righteousness. Had we known that you would have a reaction quite unlike any of the others that you have tested on us over the course of the past 100 or so years (long before the internet) we never would have done it. From the Brits who have bad teeth and speak in an undiscernable accent, to the French who do nothing but smoke, drink wine and surrender all day, to the Italians who are all moustache-wearing cryptoniggers with a penchant for sex and food, to the Swedes who allow everyone to step on them, to the Germans who were brutes and monsters for wanting to create the perfect race. We all took it on the chin and after a century of being left in the dust decided to make our own attempt. Needless to say it appears to have backfired miserably, and we will never try anything of the sort ever again.
