>MUH MUH TAINT IS CLEAN
>MUH MUH TAINT IS CLEAN
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>>115900576I hate these fucking bears but Charmin is like the only toilet paper I like using, everything else feels like razors on my asshole.
>MY ASSHOLE'S CLEAN
>>115900576These commercials don't tell me I need to use Charmin...they tell me I need to go out into the woods and screw some lady bears, with rolls of toilet paper as a lure.
i hate toilet paper, I always end up fisting my asshole till it prolapses and squeeze my shit out like toothpaste so it never gets on my buttcheeks. hurts like hell but it works
>>115902400A bidet would be more practical.>>115901700Scott tissue isn't bad.
>>115902450bidets don't exist in most amerigger bathrooms though, so my method is the best portable option, no tp required just high pain tolerance and hand washing.
>>115902450Scott is okay but there's like basically none on the roll, it's not cost effective :I
>most Americans don't know how to wipe their ass properly>tfw a lot sleep naked or with only underwearApparently American parents don't teach kids to wipe right, that's why shit like this commercial exists.
>>115900576>We've always been an Asgardian
>>115901700have you tried Great Value?
>>115900576>Thousands of beautiful trees were killed and then turned into bits of paper so you can smear them with your turds.
>>115902993>the closest thing to charmin
>>115903023and flushed right into the ocean, god bless america
>>115902450>Scott tissue isn't bad.If you have a sweaty ass, Scott tissue can break down before you’ve finished the first wipe. So it can be fine for winter, but completely crappy for summer. Also, It’s thin. Charmin Essentials Strong is a single ply without these issues, but still single ply.
So, uh, you all do make sure to thoroughly clean your assholes when you're showering, right?
>>115903344>not pooping before you shower
>>115903023Sally, get some extra toilet paper we're having Indian food tonight
>>115903390>not pooping in the shower then ramming the turds down the drain with your foot
>>115903546A fellow waffle stomper.
>>115902736What's wrong with sleeping in underwear?
>>115903546Fat women do this because their bodies are so large and bulky that they cannot wipe as well as thinner women, so to make sure their assholes are clean they will shit in the shower and wash their asses immediately.Of course, when I say "fat women" in this instance I'm not talking about your garden variety 200-or-so pound big girl. I'm talking about the real behemoths, the 400+ pound landwhales.
>>115903344you'd be surprised how many people don't scrub their asshole and private parts, especially women
>>115903629Why do you specify women?
>>115902400Get help user
>>115903344>>115903677Wait, washing your crack isn't that common? I'm not the cleanest person in the world but even I have a personal scrubber that I use to cleanse my cornhole with
>>115900576It's cringe but it's fun cringe.
>>115903344>>115903677>>115903845What kind of gross animal would clean their asshole in the shower? That's what the toilet paper's for.
>>115903954Do you seriously not appreciate that soap and water will necessarily get your dirty, shit-stained asshole more clean than just wiping it with toilet paper? That's why you do it. Obviously you can't shower every time you take a shit, but when you're actually in the shower, once or twice a day, why wouldn't you wash your anus?Is this why so many people literally smell like shit when you get up close to them? Is cleaning down there really not that common?
>people actually choose to spend more money on toilet paper rather than buying the cheapest brand
>>115902400Are people like this the real why comic stores smell so awful?
>>115900576Bears belong in the forest
>>115904075>>115904075Single ply is actually worthless and awful. You use way more of it and it eats up the savings. Unless you mean just generic two ply, which is what everyone should use.
>>115904040but then poopoo would get on my bar of soap and towelbetter to just have wet poop butt
I have a bidet so I spray all the shit off my hairy asshole when I'm done pooping, and I wash it daily in the shower too. When I'm forced to use a toilet that doesn't have a bidet function/attachment I feel fucking gross until I can get home and wash my asshole.If you're fat, get a bidet. I'm tired of smelling you every time I'm forced to be near you.
>>115904327>He doesn't use liquid soap and doesn't have a loofah specifically for scratchiness his butthole as he washes it
Quality tech at a tissue factory here, if you buy your bathroom tissue from any of the major box stores or smaller grocery stores its probably made by us.
>>115903845dude, americans cant find their cracks
>>115904040>>115902450Do bidets work?I've tried wiping my ass with my hand in the shower and then cleaning it off with soap on the other hand and when I'm out and wipe with toilet paper I still find feces on the paper.And I reach far.
>>115903344Hell yes. I fucking manscape, too. I hate the idea of being dirty.
>>115903935Fuck, that's good. That's "Wendy's Twitter" good.
>>115904327>>115902400This thread is why nobody takes cartoon fans seriously.
>people ITT treating ass wiping/washing as a scienceeat less cheese for a cleaner stool you nasty fucks
>>115902736>not sleeping nakedWhat are you, gay? Definitely clean your asshole though, obviously. Who doesn't wet-wipe until clean?
>>115904917>manscapeWhat a cringe word. Obviously people should do it, just don't call it that.
>>115902736>tfw you just wipe to "good enough" levels before hoping into the shower to get your asshole as clean and glistening as possibleI wipe like a million times and the shit never goes away, only water will stop the itch.
DID SOMEBODY SAY MUTANT?
>>115903677Wait, is that why circumcised fags always try to defend their mutilated cocks with "b-but, dick cheese," because they just don't know how to shower properly?
>>115900576It's nuts that they built an entire advertising campaign off of "Does a bear shit in the woods"
>>115904075Comfort trumps everything.
>>115905373i don't want dick cancer
>>115902736>It's wrong to sleep naked in your own house and bedDid you just take a bite out of the tree of knowledge or something, prude?
>>115905373THIS IS THE IDEAL MALE COCKYOU MAY NOT LIKE IT, BUT THIS IS WHAT PEAK PERFORMANCE LOOKS LIKE
>>115905373>Foreskinfags making up bullshit to feel better about their hideous dicks
>>115904327>Pour liquid soap on your hands>Wipe your asshole>Rinse>Pour more liquid soap on your hands>wash your hands>You're now nice and clean
>>115905439>Literally mutilated at birth because the jews tricked his parents into it
>>115905400Water gives you dick cancer?Truly?
>>115900576So who wins in an all-out brawl?
>>115900576No one is going to mention the fact that the boy-bear is holding up underwear that he clearly never wears?
>>115903344Do people not know about washcloths? I know friends that just use the bar of soap, but washcloths should be fairly common, right?
>>115900576Every time this would come on and I'd be visiting family they'd look at me because I and the bear both have glasses. Why are people like this why do they always have to associate glasses characters with me it's fucking retarded and almost all glasses characters are going to be doing something fucking annoying so it's embarassing.
>>115902736I regularly make my ass raw wiping until nothing shows up on the TP anymore. I can't say the same for other people.
Stuff like this is why I can't be attracted to butts at all.
>>115907838On the other hand, some of us are into that sort of thing. But that's a discussion better had on /trash/.
>>115904351>I have a bidet so I spray all the shit off my hairy asshole when I'm done poopingFucking this, far more efficient than tp.
Yo look at this bear mom
>>115902736>tfw a lot sleep naked or with only underwearMotherfucker, it's not the 1800's anymore. Bedrooms get stuffy as fuck and pj's don't help a damn bit.
>>115900576And why the fuck do these bears have underwear when they don't even have reproductive genitals?
>>115900576>>115902217I hate these bears.
>>115900576Why do bears need to wear underwear?
>>115907787Are you saying your taint is unclean
>>115908329Is she looking at the massive turd she just took
>>115908480No I'm certain it's the most clean taint of my family since I wipe until I see nothing.
>>115908501You should compare taints just to be sure.
>>115903344yeah inside and out
>>115904040>Once or twice a dayI think you overestimate the average Holla Forums, no, 4chan userJust go to any comic/video game/board game store and get a mighty whiff
>>115902736I live in fucking georgia. It's always 1,000 degrees in my house even with the air on.
>>115908660>Just go to any comic/video game/board game store and get a mighty whiffThat's just nerds.4chan is only used exclusively by jocks, duh.
>>115908674Jock, huh?What does RBI stand for, and how big is your penis?
>>115908774>What does RBI stand for,Ray Bwilliam Ijohnson
>>115907809I do this too. I just can't fucking help myself. I really need to get a bidet. I often wipe my asshole so raw that I get a tiny hint of blood sometimes.
>>115908781You didn't answer my second question
>>115908815I don't really know the answer.
>>115908816Well, post it and I'll judge for you
>>115908849I'm not going to post my penis on Holla Forums, you homo.
>>115903344I sometimes stick the bar of soap up my ass, yes.
>>115908868That's gotta' hurt.
>>115903344That's one area you especially shouldn't miss. Behind the ears, behind the knees, between the toes, in the folds of the thighs near the crotch... don't forget the armpits. All places where dirt and dead skin are prone to build up.
>>115908862Well shit, user, you get me all excited by talking about jocks and showering and you're not even going to at least be a little flirty? I got a half-chub going here.
>>115908891Why are you gay
>>115908875Not all the way, just a about half way.
>>115900576I know this probably isn't the best place to ask this, but if any Anons out there are praying, please pray for my friend to accept Jesus Christ into his life, and for the FtM tranny he's dating to repent and live happily as a woman.
>>115900576I remember finding Charmin commercials fucking horrifying as a kid. No idea why though
>>115908902Because the glorious sight of muscular half-to-fully naked men turns me on
>>115908933Can you stop
>>115908937Only gay if you make it.
>>115908947Stop being gay.
>>115908937>>115908955Can you at least post legs?
>>115908955Why? You can join in if you want.
>>115908967You first.>>115908971I'm not getting converted. Not today.
Just use baby wipes.
>>115903845I just turn my handheld nozzle onto high pressure and spray down my asshole and taint for a few seconds
I don't use toilet paper, I don't wipe.
>>115909036Enjoy destroying the plumbing.
>>115900576tv show when?
>>115908329There is porn of her.
>>115909769There are flushable wipes that dissolve when you're done with them.
>>115909993They are marketed as flushable.They aren't.That shit will clinging to walls of the pipes and that shit will build up like a clog in an artery until the pipes and sewers are fucked and shit will flood the streets and apartments and you have to pay thousands of dollars to replace the plumbing because the unclog tools and chemicals just aren't gonna cut it anymore.
Remember when the only commercial Holla Forums complained about was psychedelic Toucan Sam?Good times...
>>115903677I don't know many women who DON'T scrub their asshole in the shower, but women aren't really supposed to get too involved in cleaning their crotches unless they want a yeast infection (they can still give their vulvas a scrub tho)
>>115910087No they won't. That entire thing is a fucking meme. It's just a fucking wet napkin.
>>115902736Imagine being so obsessed with Americans that you think about their shitty assholes, holy fuck
>>115907761My experiences have made me think that using washcloths might be a black people thing. I'm black and washcloths have always been a staple in my house and my black extended family members' houses. When I went to Europe and stayed with several host families (all white households) none of them had washcloths. I asked a couple of my white American friends and they don't use them either. They use those poofy things (not loofahs, the other thing). Last year I stayed over at my Mexican friend's house and his family doesn't use washcloths. He was actually a bit confused when I asked for one.Also when I was little I was taught to wash my ass with the washcloth. But one day I accidentally got my face washcloth and my body washcloth mixed up and realized the towel smelled like ass and it horrified me. I'm embarrassed to say that for several years after that I just didn't wash my ass. After a while I started spraying my asshole with the detachable showerhead. But now I'm civilized. I lather up the soap in my hands and wash my ass real good with my bare hands before rinsing it with the shower head.
>not putting soap and water on the toliet paper to wipe your ass more cleaner
>>115911764If you mean liquid handsoap that sounds like a bad idea. I remember when I was in middle school I tried jacking off with liquid handsoap and it irritated the fuck out of the skin on my dick. It was all shriveled and flakey.
>>115911784it cleans my anus well and doesn't leave any streaks
>>115911439It's cellulose fibers you dumb fuck, yes they will.It's an ongoing major crisis in tons of large cities for fuck's sake. Here's another fun fact: Not even toilet paper is actually flushable, because it's the same shit.
>>115900576Briefs best stock undies ever
>>115911833if they're both going to ruin plumbing why not just use wetnaps anyways?
>>115905439It's over for anteatercels. >A 2011 survey conducted at University of Michigan found that 68% of female respondents were "repulsed by" the idea of performing oral sex on an uncircumcised penis.
>>115911944Wetnaps do it way faster.But you shouldn't be using either.
>>115912165then what the fuck do i do, use the three sea shells?
>>115912186Wash yo ass, you savage.
>>115912186You throw the used poop-smeared toilet paper in the trash.Some places already force you to.Or just wash and dry.
>>115912304That's for poors and south Americans.
>>115903344I don't know how people can be stinky. That super fresh feeling after cleaning your teeth and a proper shower is just amazing.
*Only good toilet paper in your path*Soft toilet paper doesn’t even get the shot off. You need a bit of friction to grip it properly.Also if you don’t use wipes and/or shower when available after shutting you are a nuisance
eye opening thread
>>115908490That is pretty funny but also hot?
>>115903573the implication being that poor wiping/ass hygeine + sleeping naked or only in underwear = shit smearing in bed
>>115903344I shit in the shower, stomp that shit down the drain get me
>>115914040>Mr b naturals sonMy dick needs more
>>115911711If you're talking about thesegoogle.com
>>115900576These commercials make we want to gouge my own eyes out with a melon baller.
>>115902400Thank you for the humorous post. Glad to see people can still be silly and funny.
>>115903344You bet.Like Carlin said: "Armpits, asshole, crotch and teeth"
>>115904075There are things in life you just don't skimp on. One of those is toilet paper.
>>115902736Do Americans really?
>>115900576Who /Wet wipe/gang here?
>>115902400If you're afraid of a little shit on your cheeks, you'll never know what it's like to yoyo turds with a qt.
>>115904899You just kinda sit there with the spray going on the sphincter, or flush the colon (that's what most bidet-enthusiasts, such as myself, don't mention) and then use like one or two wads of paper to get what goo is left.I usually don't say the colon enema thing because it sounds alien / gay-as-hell, but it's the truth. All you do is sit and wait for the water to work. You can't go back, or else even if you wipe with wet paper and baby wipes, there is a small bit of shit in the creases of your sphincter. That itch will make you want to get reamed out by a San Francisco faggot just to scratch it.
>>115915692i dont know why you think that- i feel like if anything uk people have dirtier asses bc toilet paper is cheaper and water pressure is worse.
>>115914009Are you sure
>>115912245What did he mean by this?
>>115902400>That one webm
>>115902400I think ive seen a creep shot video of you shitting in a squatty potty. Fuck you and your polapsed asshole.
>>115902400Why did you make me read that with my own two eyes?
>>115903344I do. I also wet tissue with water so i can get cleaner when away from home.
>>115902400WHAT THE FUCK
>>115904327> not air drying your ass
>>115903677My ex would put body wash on a washcloth and floss between her legs with it in the shower. She’d also shampoo her pubes too. her pussy was immaculate brehs.
>>115915717Started 2 months before crazy white people started hoarding toilet paper. It just treats your BH better.
>>115911461i live in America and married one.
>>115902332Don't give me any ideas. I and some fellows might draw it given some free time.
>>115903677There's a large amount of men who don't wash their ass because they think it's gay
>>115900576Why do these bears trigger so many people? We all take a fucking dump. I'd rather have cartoon bear family shilling toilet paper than a real one. Although I did find the old guy bemoaning people not to squeeze the Charmin was kind of funny.
>>115917650The japanese guy shitting in those sqautty-potties with a rosebud prolapse?
I really wish shitting wasn't a thing somehow. It's fucking disgusting and it leads to all this dumb shit. I wish everything we ate just evaporated or something and left nothing behind.
>>115913179That's what he did, did you not read the post you seething cuck-stain?
>>115904899Yes. Mine cut my toilet paper usage by like 80%. You just rinse your butthole and then wipe clean/dry with a few squares.
>>115918239What did they mean by this?
>>115900576BOO BOO, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING?!
>>115900576>taking pictures of your TV on your phone to make a stupid shitpost thread on Holla Forums
>>115919078>change your underpants twice a weekThe fuck, I change mine every day no exceptions.
>>115900576Honestly, these bears.You can say that they suck. You can hate them. But as an ad? They do the job, a bear rapping about wiping his ass while picking up his dirty undies leaves an impression in your head.Thus, you are more likely to buy Charmin
>>115919515I literally never think about advertisements when shopping. Not their mascots, their lowest prices, etc. I don't fucking grab Reese's because of that terrible sorry not sorry campaign. Even when I see mascots I don't think about their commercials. There are times I'm dissuaded from buying something if I'm watching a really bad ad campaign. Fuck the rapping glasses bear and fuck you.
>>115902400>that postkill me
>>115903344Well, I bend over and "bedae" my butthole, then I get my ass rag and scrub after drying off.Also what's your strategy for wiping, Holla Forums?>2-ply charmin ultra>start off with 3 sheets folded>finish with multiple folds of 2 sheets>usually only need to do that 3 or 4 times
>>115918886yea that one
>>115902524Modular bidets that attach to existing toilets can be purchased online and delivered to your house.
>>115916019>yoyo turdsHow does one "yoyo" turds?
>>115908875Not from the stretching though; the soap would dissolve the mucous membrane of the inside of your rectum causing irritation.
>>115903344I scrub rigorously.
I look at the paper after I wipe
>>115909993There is no legal definition of flushable and if they dissolved in water they would be mushy right out of the package.
Would a business be ass blown enough to get my poop dna scanned in order to capture me? I'm a bit of a poop phantom at several businesses that have terrible customer service and practices.upper deckers, floor pee, poop in trashcan, pee and poop into air dryer, urinal cake in sink, etc.The poop will never stop until the people get justice.
>>115921678>start off with 3 sheets foldedcorner to corner into a long pentagon, i thought i was the only one...>wipe, fold, wipe, fold, wipe, toss>repeat if neccessary
>>115902400that's a pretty nice idea, I think I will do it too.
>>115902400Toasting in an epic bread.
>>115919515>I literally never think about advertisements when shopping. Not their mascots, their lowest prices, etc. I don't fucking grab Reese's because of that terrible sorry not sorry campaign. Even when I see mascots I don't think about their commercials. There are times I'm dissuaded from buying something if I'm watching a really bad ad campaign. Fuck the rapping glasses bear and fuck you.I'm the same way. Honestly the harder an ad tries the more spiteful I grow toward the product. user was right in that I sure as shit remember the Charmin bear but that doesn't mean I want to buy it anymore. The only good ad that makes me want to buy its product is the one for those Purple mattresses.Conversely, the more terrible an ad is the more I'm willing to watch it. Tons of shitty mobile game ads on mobile youtube lstely but I watch every one to completion because I'm genuinely curious what the fuck they're thinking.
>>115903344i wash my crack in the shower, and finger my taint with some wet TP to clean it out when i take a shit.
>>115902400Put me in the screencap friendo.
>>115919078I'm still waiting for my Clean-Asshole Club membership card to arrive.>>115908464Real question is if they feel the need to wear underwear, why are the parents nude?
>>115903023Maybe some of them have scat fetishes
>>115902400Um . . . ok
>>115921789Post it faggot
>>115909769If you want to bitch about what's flushable then get onto the countless women, like my sister, who try to flush their period rag things down the toilet and don't even bother to see if it goes down. She's a few years older than me, both of us in our 20s, and I was still having to flush the damn thing with a plunger myself with all that blood.
>>115902400I was wondering why this thread had a high count
>>115902400Thanks for the wisdom. I'll remember you when I frost my next cake.
>just ripped my asshole trying to pass a diamond hard, potato sized shit>tfw the bowl was covered in bloodGuess i have to take laxatives again, bros, but why does it keep happening!? I literally haven't changed my diet for years.
>>115925906You should get that looked at.
>>115925906Maybe you should change your diet.
>>115902400WHAT THE FUCK
>>115900576When are they going to recast this with red bears voicing the family? It's putting them out of the industry.>>115901700Yea, too soft and it doesn't seem to get it enough, too hard and it's terrible especially as someone who wipes until I see nothing on the TP, sometimes to the point of making my ass a little raw. The funny thing is that it make to it if they don't instinctively prohibit the national order of the tower of god and the hia burning flame inside. It really makes the thinking man think. Only the red people of the forest of forest of probably even do that forest of. I've only killed like once. Red marker?
>>115925906Take it from somebody who had the exact same thing happen to him. It's entirely likely it's colon cancer. Get. Checked.
>>115922102Yoyoing a turd is where you are trying not to shit yourself and you keep pulling it back in, even as it's coming out, up and down, like a yoyoWhat he's talking about is shitting into someone else's butt and having them shit it back into yours, which, according to UrbanDictionary, is a Manhattan Transfer
>>115926601A Manhattan Transfer seems like it would only be possible with unhealthy, rock hard, shits. In theory it should be as good as lemon or chocolate lemon pie, but in practice it sounds awful.
>>115926601Can you tell me what a Cleveland Steamer is then? Mr Encyclopedia?
>>115911711yep, shared a bathroom with a black guy when i was in the military.always a washcloth in there.
>>115918239How's your marriage, kiddo?
>>115927196Different user but, The Cleveland Steamer is when you shit on somebody's chest and mash it down with your ass cheeks like the wheel of a steamroller.
>>115903677I was hoping they'd be especially self concious about wiping those smelly crevices. Tell you you just meming.
>>115902400PUT ME IN THE SCREENCAP
>>115926295>It's entirely likely it's colon cancer. Get. Checked.Please...no. my family literally just lost someone young yo that evil disease.
>>115902400Nice dubs you fucking paycho
>>115911711I just rub soap in my ass crack too, just take that extra care to wash your gand as always whdn you mess with your ass. It boggles my mind why you'd want to add a cloth to the equation (I already feel burdened with tools just juggling my siap/shampoo/brush. Do you put the thing in your laundry or just throw it away?
>>115902400That ain't good long term but you do you
>>115912304Christ, I really don't wanna be a spectacle of hating my country and it's people but I gotta ask folks everywhere this. How often do you absolute fucking degenerates managing to soil toilet seats with piss or hair or god knows what? How do you not feel shame to exist with such indecency and retardation to manage the feat? Fuck me do people just fall apart and leave filth like walking corpses that would be indignant to be caught and called out.It truly doesn't feel like such a leap to imagine society in whatever literal African shithole villages where their feces dropped in the road turn to fucking dust storms. Apathy and ignorance where every third person I hear not wash their hands as they leave a restroom makes me feel insane in an insane world.
>>115930545>feces dropped in the road turn to fucking dust storms.All I'm hearing is darude with fartsoundsTurdstorm