ITT: STUFF THAT HAPPENED

>>114906340>baldingSupercage would have had a luscious wig of hair, bro.

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>>114906340Was that ever even a thing that was going to happen?

>>114906340>>114906428>SuperwopNot even the Silver Age was this absurd.

>>114906471Oh yeah, see >>114906428 they did costume tests and everything.

>>114906282>SPIDER-MAN'S A MENACE!>no no that's ignorant

>>114906282... you know he could pull it off

>>114906329>>114906330Imagian Marvel being pedo propaganda for the last 30 years

>>114906428>>114906501I want to die.

Someone do a good greentext of how that movie would've beenI'm too lazy and incompetent, and an absolute sack of useless crap that hasn't done anything productive in over a week to do it myselfTCH-amooon-EEEEH HEEH HEEEE!

>>114906874I have the "what it 90's Tim Burton directed Spider-Man" greentext. Will that do?

>>114906282Jim Lee was also in talks to become the majority shareholder of Marvel after their bankruptcy. No one's confirmed exactly why the deal fell through.

>>114906428>lusciousThat wig looks more 'trailer park meth head'

>>114907066I thought it was bad photoshop at first

>>114906471Yep. It's one of the most notorious unproduced cape movies, and one of the ones that came closest to actually being made, they had a full cast lined up and everything.>Nicolas Cage as Clark Kent / Superman.>Courtney Cox as Lois Lane.>Chris Rock as Jimmy Olsen.>John Mahoney as Perry White.>Tim Allen as Lex Luthor.>Jim Carrey as Brainiac.>Written by Kevin Smith.>Directed by Tim Burton.

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>>114907328>>Tim Allen as Lex Luthor.auuuuuuuuuwuuuaaaa?

>>114907328That list reads like fucking Mad Libs.

>>114907328A younger John Mahoney (and, you know, still alive John Mahoney, these days) I could actually see. The rest of that is lunacy.

>>114907591They were probably envisioning a more over the top Hackman-esque Luthor again, and at the time Allen was legitimately one of the most bankable faces in Hollywood.

>>114906340>>114906428"Superman needs to fight a giant spider in the third act."

>>114906428I would've loved a 90s Tim Burton Superman movie

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>>114907328that list reads like a shitpost

Lyle Waggoner & Peter Deyell were almost the Batman and Robin of the 1966 TV show.youtube.com/watch?v=c-BHYo4U0M4

>>114907668It's literally just a list of actors that were popular in the early 90s.

>>114907718I now really want the movie to be one where Lex and the gorrila guy swap bodies and its just tim allen gruntingyoutube.com/watch?v=3QbIrUVfhhE

>>114907752>>114907668I assure you, that was really the plan.

>>114907328Do any of them fit a part or was it a random grab of 'people like these goons right now so fuck it'?

>>114907718Bingo. Both Luthor and Brainiac are extremely comedic in the script, and they were supposed to merge into a bickering, two-headed cyborg named "Lexiac".

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When was SuperCage supposed to be made?

>>114907836That is absolutely fucking retarded.

>>114907833Bit of both.Cage fit the moody, tortured Superman that they were going for.Cox is a pretty good fit for Lois.They wanted an urban, wisecracking Jimmy Olsen, and that's Chris Rock's schtick to a T.Mahoney is a pretty solid Perry White.Luthor and Brainiac were both supposed to be scenery-chewing, over-the-top villains like >>114907836 said, and Allen and Carrey were both extremely bankable at the time.

>>1149078501998.It came so close to being made that they actually had teaser posters like this up in movie theaters at the time.

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>>114907911I may actually remember seeing posters like that but I can't tell if I'm really remembering or my mind is just flubbing. I was like 12 at the time.

>>114907895If they were going for that take on Supes, it seems the over the top stuff with the villains would feel incongruous unless the script was pretty deftly handled.

>>114908028You know how Tim Burton's movies always toe the line between the melancholic and the ridiculous. It was like that.

>>114908141Fair enough. I admit the idea of what it would've ended up like is an interesting thought.

>>114907328>>Tim Allen as Lex Luthor.>>Jim Carrey as Brainiac.It's hilarious just to imagine it.

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>>114907328>>114907591>>114907718Buzz lightyear as lex Luthor. I can see it

>>114907328Damn I knew about Nic but the rest is news to me. That would've been amazing.

Tom Cruise/Hugh Jackman could have been Iron Man

>>114906282In a Broadway version, that would be pretty cool

>>114907328So it would have been the Cat in the Hat: Superman edition

>>114908199Let me TL;DR the script that Burton enjoyed the most.>The script begins with Jor-El, going to check on I.A.C., the "Intelligence, Artificial, Cybernetic" - Currently a bitchy A.I. in the shape of a glowy ball. IAC complains that Jor-El turned him, while Jor-El says IAC's need for power made him "untenable">After a bit of chiding on both sides, IAC redubs himself Brainiac ("because my brain is so big"), and reveals that he's 1) developed little spider-legs, and 2) drilled down to Krypton's core and is destroying the planet. Brianiac tells Jor-El he'll let Krypton go if Jor-El gives him a mysterious perfect AI named "K" that generates its own power. Jor-El refuses and runs home.>There, Jor-El explains that since he made Brainiac, Brainiac is kind of his son, but his wife Lara disagrees. Jor-El readies two ships -– one for his family and K, and one for himself, after he sees if he can stop Brainiac. But as the couple puts K and his baby in the spaceship, Brainiac attacks, and Jor-El is forced to launch the ship before Lara can get into it. After a bit of nonsense about Jor-El being his dad, Brainiac kills Jor-El and Lara, and hops in the other spaceship just as Krypton explodes.>30 Years later, Brainiac is traveling through space with a menagerie of exotic alien animals; he's also turned the Kryptonian rocket into a spaceship resembling a skull. He finds Earth and locks on its biggest energy source – a Lexcorp power plant – and then he tells one of his alien critters to "fetch his cape!">Lex Luthor, described as as "the boomer love child of Robert Vesco and Leona Helmsley", is giving a press conference about some doohickey that lead him to discover two alien spaceships landing on Earth 30 years ago, one near Smallville, one in the Arctic. Clark Kent is of course covering the conference.

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>>114908354>Clark calls Perry White, who says "you'll cover Smallville — local boy, human interest, 'Hick Town In the Headlines'... I'll send Lois to the Arctic, she'll think that's fun: longjohns, frostbite, stuck on a tundra with twenty men...">Clark leaves, listening in on the crowd chatter with his super-hearing. It slowly becomes obvious that no one knows Superman is an alien. In fact, they hope Superman finds the alien that landed, and kills it.>The next day, Clark walks to work, and surreptitiously helps people on the way –- he drags a bus about to hit a guy to a stop, he moves a tired delivery boy's papers, and he cooks the raw meat a homeless woman is eating from the garbage with his heat vision.>At Smallville, Lex's team of scientists finds an alien bolt. Clark goes to Ma and Pa Kent's grave to ask them about the bolt… because it turns out Clark doesn't realize he's an alien either. He thought he was a human all this while... and is now beginning to suspect otherwise.>Back in Lexcorp, the power levels are going down; an aggravated Lex heads to a sub-basement and meets Brainiac, who kills a bunch of technicians. Lex asks Brainiac if he's the alien that landed 30 years ago, and shows him the bolt. Brainiac sees that it's Kryptonian, realizes K is on Earth, and presses his holo-sphere against Lex's face in "a strange sort of cyber-kiss.">In the Arctic, Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen and Luthor's Arctic team are somewhat surprised to see Clark Kent walking past. In a blizzard. In his business suit. They make brief small talk, and then Clark continues on. Lois and Jimmy are perplexed, but not as much as they probably should be to suddenly discover their co-worker talking a walk in the Arctic in a suit and tie.

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>>114906282No matter how good of a job he would've done, Peter Parker most likely would've become black with no Miles counterpart.

>>114908432>Clark spies a little glowy crevice, walks to it, the ice gives, he falls down, and meets K. K gives him History of Krypton 101, and Clark is just stunned to find out he's an alien and not just a regular human mutant. After a brief conversation about the past he never knew he had, Superman leaves K (who, it should be noted, specifically says "I am programmed to protect you". This will come up again later.)>Back at Lexcorp, an EPA agent is coming to inspect the waste-disposal system. This is a very abd thing, because Lex sends him and his family on an all-expenses paid trip to his amusement park –- Luthorworld — and then Brainiac puts one of his alien creatures on one of the roller coasters to eat him.>The "Plutonian Gnaw Beast" eats some of the track, but Superman catches the roller-coasters cars as they fly off, and starts fighting the beast. After knocking it into the water, which Superman realizes it does not enjoy, he flies into the pool, sucks up all the water and spits it at the monster until it dies.>Brainiac wonders why Luthor hadn't mentioned Superman before, quickly deduces who this is, and realizes Earth's yellow sun it was gives him his powers. Meanwhile, Lex is disgusted he's missed a chance to stoke the public's xenophobia against Superman.>A distressed Clark takes Lois on a date, and briefly explains to Lois that 1) he's Superman, 2) he's an alien, and 3) there are some potential reproductive issues.>CLARK: One day, you'll want a baby, and I won't be able to give you one — Or, if I can, he's liable to ... who knows. a human carrying a "super-baby", he's liable to — who knows, punch his way out ->Lois, for her part, takes this three-part revelation exceedingly well, until she kisses Superman as Clark, and they both realize it's super weird.

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>>114908533>Brainiac insists that Superman needs to meet his Doomsday. Doomsday is, of course, a tiny alien pet, with his own tiny nametag that says "Doomsday" on it. Lex is skeptical until it bites off the tip of his finger and begins growing into a hulking beast.>Brainiac points to Lex "never pet a thing named Doomsday", a good line sadly mitigated by other quips Brainiac spouts, including "always a bridesmaid, never a bride", "mano a monster", "want to hear a lot of Kryptonian shop talk?" and "the sun is about to exit, stage left." Those last two are in regards to Brainiac and Luthor's plan to block the sun, by Brainiac transforming one of Luthor's satellites into a really big disc.>Three days later, Superman feels like he has the flu. At the Daily Planet, Perry White is assigning "life with no sun" stories.>PERRY:Lane, you cover the feminine angle - how the eclipse affects carpooling, grocery shopping, soap viewership, tranquilizer intake.>They wouldn't get away with that today. Anyway, Luthor pilots the "Shadowcaster" really close to Earth so Superman can see what it is; as weak as he is, he can only fly up enough to take a look at the tech, before crashing back to Earth. Which is when Luthor releases Doomsday. The fight goes pretty much like it does in the comics, in that they both beat each other to death. >Lex and Brainiac watch from the Shadowcaster, quipping all the way. Lex even teases his hair (he's not bald in the script) into a Don King 'do, and crows "You loved The Thrilla In Manilla! You dug The Rumble In the Jungle! Tonight, Brainy and I bring you The Superman-Stoppa In Metroppa!">Anyway, Superman dies and is buried.

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>>114907328It would have been the first and only good superman movie

>>114908533>1) he's Superman, 2) he's an alien, and 3) there are some potential reproductive issuesgo on...

>>114908665>Lois –based entirely by Superman's mention of the word "home" when they met in the Arctic – steals Superman's corpse from the morgue and flies it to the Arctic, where she drops it down the same crevice Superman had found earlier. She literally pushes Superman's corpse into the crack, goes home, and crosses her fingers. Oh, and she put a homeless dude's corpse in Superman's coffin.>At the Fortress of Solitude, K puts Superman's body in a big tub of Kryptonian bactine and starts flashing memories of Krypton into Superman's mind. Eventually, Brainiac – who's been hanging out over Superman's crypt waiting for K to appear – gets frustrated, rips open the coffin and is not pleased to discover "a common vagabond" inside.>Superman wakes up –- but now he's not Superman, he's Kal-El. He has no memory of his life on Earth, and only a vague notion of Krypton. He's also still pretty weak because of the Shadowcaster. So K turns into a weird, iridescent armor that can sprout wings "like a stealth bomber" so he can fly. It also has goggles which allow Kal-El to use his X-Ray vision; and the emblem is actually a blade – and Kal-El can break it apart and throw it at people like ninja stars.>K tells Kal-El that the "S" stands for "Science," which was Jor-El's passion. Kal-El then flies to Metropolis and starts taking care of looters as opposed to Luthor and Brainiac. When Lois first spots Superman, this is what the script says –>"KAL-EL stands in shadow, intermittently lit by the flickering fires, cloaked in the strange suit, face half-hidden by the X-Ray goggles like a hip-hop Phantom of the Opera."

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>>114906365>implying disney isnt crawling with them too

>>114906340>>114906825>>114907066>Insulting Nicholas CageShame on you.

>Sony could've gotten the entire Marvel Universe for just 25 million dollars>they refuse, saying "nobody gives a shit about any of the other Marvel characters" and bought the rights of Spider-Man for 10 million dollars

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>>114908803>Superman doesn't recognize Lois, Lois doesn't recognize Superman, Luthor and Brainiac realize it's Superman pretty quickly, and start bickering. But Brainiac has a plan – for he and Lex to merge the way K and Superman clearly have. Luthor says, "I agree, it's a brilliant merger, bigger than RJR/Nabisco!" The ship fills with "Kryptonian lounge music" and they combine into a two-headed cyborg.>BRAINIAC HALF: Excuse me.. We were supposed to fuse together. Not room together.>LUTHOR HALF: Hey, I'm clean, I don't smoke, I never leave hairs in the sink...>BRAINIAC HALF: Well, I always wanted to be part-real.>LUTHOR HALF: And I always wanted to be part-fake!>LUTHOR HALF: So what's our new corporate name?>BRAINIAC HALF: "Brex"?>LUTHOR HALF: Too hair-care. "Luthiac"?>BRAINIAC HALF: Too mandolin-maker. "Brainlex"?>Later, Kal-El finds Lois and asks her why he kinda' sorta' recognizes her. Lois tries to explain, but it's all super-awkward, and Kal-El gives her his S-shield throwing star and flies off. Lexiac almost instantly captures Lois, finally introducing himself as "Lexiac".>LEXIAC: We are the Baron of Brilliant, Sultan of Smart, guys who put the "I" in IQ!>Jimmy starts breaking windows until Superman shows up – because Superman is still focused on those damn looters! – and tells him Lois has been kidnapped. This ends up being needless, though, because Lexiac broadcasts a message and says they'll trade Lois for K. Superman counters by asking for the satellite instead of Lois, and the Brainiac-Half agrees.

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>>114907836I love it...

>>114906565What decade are you in user? We all know now that Mj was the only one in hollywood that wasn't a pedo and was protecting the kids from the actual pedos..

>>114908906>Superman flies up — only to be shot by the Sun Gun Lex had placed on the Shadowcaster. Lexiac knows that Superman is powered by the sun, but still seems to be surprised to realize that the Sun Gun has somehow rejuvenated him. It blasts off Superman's K outfit and restores his normal suit, except the shield blade.>K sacrifices itself to destroy the Shadowcaster. Superman flies into Lexiac's Skull Ship to get Lois. Lexiac releases the Thanagarian Snare Beast, a giant alien spider.> LUTHOR HALF: That was private property... My premiums are gonna go sky-high.>BRAINIAC HALF: And my ever-pressing energy needs will have to be met ... otherwise.>LUTHOR HALF: Let's sup on Supes?>BRAINIAC HALF: You read my RAM-disk ...>The beast gets Lois, but she frees herself with blade Superman gave her earlier. Superman kills the beast. Lois seemingly dies anyway by getting sucked out of an airlock. Superman punches Lexiac's two heads simultaneously. Lexiac creates a force field that weakens Superman. Brianiac lays the "brothers" talk on Superman again and begins sucking up the energy in his cells. Superman falls, but Lois catches him, because she caught the edge of the ship or something and sneaked back in. Superman powers up with love and makes Lexiac and the Skull Ship explode by overloading them with love.>The crowd cheers as the Sun shines back in, and Superman takes the skies with Lois in his arms, the day saved.>SUPERMAN: Y'know ... We need to set up an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist... To see whether we can ... you know... Reproduce.THE END.

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>>114908354>>114908432>>114908533>>114908665>>114908803>>114908906>>114909120I love this.

So why didn't this get made again?

>>114906282He would probably have handled Marvel better than Disney did.

>>114909844Hell no. It would have been totally sanitized and safe. Sure as hell no Marvel Knights or Max

>>114907328Tim Allen as Lex is actually, unironically, an inspired choice. Jim Carrey as Braniac is just making me think of him done up like The Mask but in a sci-fi esque robe with tubes coming out of it, and a really hammy melodramatic demeanor with a lot of creepy big toothed smiles. Is it weird that I think Chris Rock today would make a great Lex Luthor as well ?

>Marvel used a real resignation letter as Jarvis' resignation letter to Iron Man.

>>114909120Thank you for that.

>>114910214Why Rock today as Luthor? Just give a kind of idea for how you'd see him doing Lex?

>>114911132Just slightly held back than his normal anger. But in the way you can see the intensity under the surface. Death at a Funeral while a comedy does show a good job of him bottling rage and jealousy. But give him more drama to work with and his natural brashness can come out yelling at his underlings. He can do angry monologue really well and make it entertaining so he can do the Lex v Superman banter. Just imagine him spazzing out thinking he's the smartest most capable man around and then Clark shows up. Idk it'd be a unique take.

>>114906297Everyone already knows that.

>>114907328Wait, was that casting confirmed? I remembered way back when rumors were going around they were claiming Tim Allen would play Braniac and Jack Nicholson would play Luthor. Another set said Kevin Spacey would play Luthor for this (though he eventually did get to play the character for Superman Returns).

yes