I don't really gain anything from small talk
Then don't talk small. Talk about what you want to talk about.
I just don't know them
Talking is a tried and true method of getting to know people. Why aren't you interested in getting to know people? You want a girlfriend presumably because you know how great it can be. So why are you not personally interested in discovering another person through conversation? Talking to people is something you do for yourself, not for them.; and I get the impression that you think of a conversation as a favor that you're bad at doing for others, so you avoid it. Change that mindset.
that's super awkward
Only if you think it is. If you're genuinely interested in someone, and engage them as you would in a setting that you've been conditioned to think is appropriate, you'll find the results just as positive. The only way it can be awkward is if you don't believe it's acceptable, or the other person is a sperg.
People don't know what's socially acceptable until someone tells them. Stop waiting for permission. You'll be surprised what you can get away with as long as you're ok with what you're doing.
success with myself
You don't know how to have fun. You've told me over and over that you don't know how to enjoy yourself. You're only having success in things like fitness, and jewniversity; commonly encouraged endeavors. Your expression of yourself, though, is nonexistent from what you're telling me. There's a brick wall of lies, and deceit between the relaxed, fun, genuine you, and the rest of the world. There's stuff written on it like "the only socially acceptable place to talk to girls is at a club", which is easily proven to be bullshit, because there are innumerable settings that girls show up in, and innumerable things to talk about. What are you saying to women that can't be said at the grocery store? Something like "wanna get fucked?" (even that can be said if you're comfortable enough, and talking to the right girl)
The only thing lacking is girls but I don't even bother with them really.
Apathy is super helpful in solving a problem like this. Keep it up. /sarcasm
most dates were just feeling shallow overall (not the girl but the overall date)
That's because you're shallow. You're literally surface deep right now. If you know how to enjoy yourself alone, there's no reason adding a girl to the mix should suddenly turn things shallow. But you don't know how to have fun.
But the thing that is seemingly a lie is having a decent relation with a girl.
Not that all girls are great to have relationships with, but you've said nothing to imply you're great to have a relationship with. Your attitude towards conversation says it all ("I don't really care much")
Just seems like a massive chore with little actual gain
Says the guy who doesn't try.