Give an item a SoulsBorne description

This little fucker.

Long Barrel Luger P08
An ancient, semi-automatic hand gun made in a distant land. It was the first of its kind to introduce a toggle lock design that has been revered by gunsmiths and infantry alike for its loading mechanism and ease of use. The extended barrel seems to be a modification, and one that calls the owner's state of mind into question.

Karabiner 98k
A historic war rifle from a forgotten era, it was traditionally used in trench warfare. Its antiquated bolt-action design allowed for successive fire, and it is capable of being outfitted with various attachments, including a bayonet and a grenade launcher. This particular model seems to bear the brunt of its previous owner's twisted sense of humor.

Klefki
A magical artifact imbued with sentience, it bears an adamant desire to collect and own as many keys as possible. Travelers who find such an object in their possession may rest easy with the knowledge that they may never again misplace their keys. Its origins are unknown, but its limited utility is evident.

I don't know shit about guns so don't bitch at me because I got some detail wrong. I just googled this shit

This one :^)

I can't find a proper pic for the Judge Sword.

It's time.

Blade of the Devil God Demise, forged from the body of his loyal servant.
Press R1 to use a light attack and press R2 for a heavy attack.

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Are you ok, user?

try this out for size OP

is that a skinwalker

no I think its an autistic goat

Theres nothing really interesting about a tree trunk you know, its just stupid wanting anyone to create a description for it

Holy fuck its this thread again.

Soul of the Sea Maiden, the enslaved invader.

The Sea Maiden once sought to conquer the land, but found herself overpowered by her opponents. Shackled by a great debt, she was forced to serve the inhabitants of the surface.

Maiden of the Nativehamlet
This idol of a young warrior lady is able to hold any item of variant sizes and shapes

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Please stop saying this

no~~~~

This ultra greatsword, with its unusually shaped blade, is one of the heaviest of its kind.

Highly destructive if intolerably heavy.

While often compared to kitchenware at the height of its popularity, this weapon was viewed favourably by those strong enough to wield it.

Small plasticwork doll depicting an undressing maiden.

Despite originally being designed as an object of desire for weakly-minded men, this doll provides some minor utility as a carrying device.

Combining form and function is oft considered a method of enhancing art, though the applications of this piece are to be questioned.

This remarkable effigy is centuries old, bordering on ancient, and depicts the valiant efforts of the master of balance - 'Fenton,' an aged being capable of choosing any form. Strangely enough, it is said that he chose upon the form of a starved, mottled hound, which is carefully depicted in this interpretation.

The wood this haunting replica stands on is an embodiment of the balance Fenton possessed, not only for himself, but for the woodland surrounding him.

Falling off steeper ledges will be unnaturally difficult whilst wielding this item.

you ruined the joke, you idiot

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"FUCKING NO!"
~Kommander Chesnokov

… Pavel Chesnokov?

What's the joke?

you're not meant to acknowledge the dog

checked your dubs

I have some.
Third weapon is installed to the ground. It activates when an enemy comes closer and stuns everyone nearby.
Fifth weapon is a sniping weapon. You can charge it to shoot more powerful beams. When hit something, the beam explodes and deals AOE damage.

Ivan Chesnokov.

Hatchets of Rederora
These axes once belonged to an aged giant, who had prized them from the hands of a dying champion. The giant had roamed the lands in search of one who would befit the addition of these esteemed weapons, as it was in time that he was humbled by their strange presence. His quest was in vain however, and he perished well before his task was done.

The axes lay forgotten for some time, bearing some to question the legitimacy of this fading legend at all.

There is certainty to the parts of the tale however - the axes refuse to be separate, and any occasion when they may be even a few yards apart, the weapons are reunited under strange and unnerving circumstances.

The head of each of these arrows is enchanted with soul energy. They fly true and easily pierce unenchanted armor, but are incredibly inefficient and costly to manufacture. Only the most practiced members of *magic weapon covenant* were trusted to make them, and only its most elite members were trusted to use them wisely.

Deals combined magic/physical damage.

Nice joke, I laughed for hours

Someone do this one.

…how much of a joke weapon do you want this to be? Do you want it to be a real, powerful weapon with a ridiculous appearance or the sort of thing that hackers and twinks will use just to humiliate people?

Have either of you ever actually read a description for a Souls item?

It's not my fault if you missed the last thread, friend.

Rusted wrench of a giant mechanic, one of the many tools used for construction within Drangleic.

While the true utility of this tool has been lost to time, the desperate may find use for such a hefty weight.

Skill: Wrench
Sideways swing that briefly traps the victim, wrenching them.

Well wouldn't it be more fun to leave that up to whoever writes it?

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I'll admit, they're not as long but I got carried away. Been a while since I played any of them in anycase, stuck at the dragonrider in dks3 last time I played

Painstakingly sculpted from the bones of an everlasting dragon before the Age of Fire, this spiked mace and shield are exceedingly tough and heavy.

An owner saw fit to have this set painted, clearly recently, to resemble a much more innocuous wooden shield and paw on a stick, for unknown purposes.

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I modeled this in Blender a while ago.

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A small mace-like weapon shaped like a cats paw. Seemingly forged by an obsessive cat lover or perhaps even a forgotten race of felines? Its last owner seemed to have an affinity with explosives, hinted by the gunpowder and few blackmarks on the weapon.

A very crude wooden shield with a cats likeness painted on the front for reasons unknown. Surprisingly sturdy but will leave you open after a single heavy blow. Every so often you swear you hear an explosion in the distance followed by a felines scream.

its been so fucking long since i played dark souls I hardly remember how they went

Lol, I made the model, the actual design was based off of some shitty manga that triggered /k/. I thought it would be funny to put the design into a 3D format.

Masterfully crafted in a long-forgotten workshop, the capacity of this weapon to fire six shots in rapid succession is offset by its lengthy and complicated reload.

Though suggestive of enchantment, the engravings this revolver bears provide no tactical utility whatsoever.

2
Greatsword of a bloodthirsty sorceror used for experimentation.

While most experiments attempting to create a bladed channeling tool fail, some fail to a lesser degree.

Skill: Cast
Cast a random minor miracle at the cost of one's health and FP.

1
Thrusting weapon wielded by the Outland Baron. The spiralling blade lacerates flesh, inflicting bleeding.

The Baron was said to be a master of many weapons, and especially fond of those that punished his victims.

Skill: Driving Thrust
Aim carefully, and attack in a forward lunge to impale the enemy with the blade, inflicting bleeding.

Brawler's Shield

An unusual style of shield-cum-gauntlet favoured by Asuran fist-fighters.

The cumbersome design prevents quick switching, but allows for an array of thrusting and blocking techniques.

Skill: Punch Bash
Without lowering your guard, strike the enemy with the gauntlet to stagger them, allowing for follow-up attacks.

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Designed for the offhand of an otherwise well-armored knight, this shield provides effective hand protection, and the ability to inflict severe damage against all but the heaviest of armored opponents.

In the Age of Fire, such weapons were known to have frequently ended the careers of absent-minded knights and those with a penchant for sleep-walking.

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nr 1 and 5 were supposed to be next to one another as a pair, my bad.

A.B.A.P.

this oughta be interesting

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I'm not imaginative enough to do the Busta Sword so you'll have to settle for this.

Someone do this

A strange carving made of an unknown material, several pieces on its face bare strange symbol's that can be depressed or moved on a pivot, it also has a rope of an equally strange but still unknown material with what looks to be a connector of sorts on the other end, perhaps it was once used to control something…

Pioneer's Pike

Traditionally wielded by brave adventurers and explorers of the unknown.

In addition to piercing, the unorthodox spear's many heads are fit for crushing, cutting, and breaking. It's suggested that with this weapon, one can engage any type of foe, no matter their armor.

Any Northerner Pioneer worth his salt would carry at least one of these when entering an uncharted land. One never knows what manner of beast or man lies beyond the borders.

Madman's Lashes

This cruel device, fashioned from razor-thin steel belts, was oft used by torturers to inflict irreparable wounds in prisoners' backs.

The razor blades cut deep, leaving streaking, gaping cuts across the flesh.

Causes bleeding damage. Innefectual against heavy armor.

VZ-58

Originally designed as a Fuck You to the Soviet Union, these rifles still serve under Czech and Slovak armies as well as many others, this particular rifle crafted in the Czech republic isn't in the traditional 7.62x39 but in the NATO standard of 5.56x45mm.

Can be outfitted with a side mounted rail and whatever optic the STALKER so wishes to choose.

Zwiebeltopf
This magical object causes Germans to argue about labeling food storing items endlessly.

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Bravo, user, it looks great.

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A gun molded in the shape of a key. Though of a unique design, the weapon has more form than that of function.

The Redeemer

A most unusual club nobody dares to use. It is said to posses great power, but this is not the source of this weapon's intimidating reputation. It is said this weapon is imbued with the rage of a neverending duel in the sky and will strike down anybody who dares to use it. Legends hint at the long lost ways of wielding a bludgeoning weapon of such power properly, but those have been forgotten for aeons.

An AK-112 5mm Assault Rifle. An old military model, out of use around the time of the war. Can fire single-shot or burst, using the high velocity 5mm rounds.

Icon of the Drake Cult

A strange relic from a forgotten time. Presumed to be a fingernail of a mature drake, the cult believes that worshipping this artefact bestows blessings upon them and their priests have sacrificed many lives in the hope of becoming immortal drakes themselves. It has been immaculately preserved and may be a rich vessel for souls.

The Echelon blade
Borne of a mad blacksmith with numb hands, the blade bonds with the hands of its user and will not let go until they figure out how to use it to fight.
Sadly, all who wield it perish before they do. Use strong attack to create an earthquake in the sky.

1.a trick weapon used by the tenno.

a machete made from the bones of those who succumbed to the infestation, it can cleave apart foes at the command of it's wielder.

The tenno where an ingenious race of warriors, where even an individual would find no trouble in arming a small army ,given enough time. it was common for groups to study and reproduce enemy technology on a scale that rivals that of large countries.

2.a pair of hatchets used by the tenno, deals more damage to armored enemies.

the tenno fought an unceasing war against multiple enemies that far outgrew their ranks. a single squad can take an entire fortification in mere minutes, a testament to their in-human efficiency.

what the fuck am I reading