Jesus fucking dick-shitting Christ

Bentley Richardson
Bentley Richardson

Jesus fucking dick-shitting Christ: This was the most insane night in the history of our country.

America’s political map has completely realigned. Donald Trump has been elected the next President of the United States.

It’s 2:40 AM and I’m lying in bed, stoned off my face, experiencing a profound mixture of vindication, panic, and disgust. The nightmare scenario that I’ve been ranting about for months has come true. I warned my friends and family for months that Hillary Clinton and the establishment would lose and, frankly, a lot of them treated me a like a crank. To be fair, why the fuck would people believe me? I’m some weirdo filmmaker/actor, not an expert on policy.

“I told them, goddammit.” I texted my therapist in between bites of pizza as my friends and I watched Van Jones unravel. “They didn’t believe me.” He replied quickly: “They do now.” Being right sucks, actually. I didn’t want this shithead to win.

Here’s where we are: The Democratic Establishment is, for all intents and purposes, dead. The Clintons and Bushes, as political entities, are over. Reince Priebus’ massive erection will last for days. Ted Cruz is the biggest bitch in the world. Our country is about to change, and fast.

Now that we know that the majority of pollsters are basically Miss Cleo, here are some reasons, off the top of my head, as to what’s going on here. This is all gut level. Maybe I’m fucking wrong. Who knows? Up is down. Black is white. There’s a Trolls movie in theaters:

Jonathan Brooks
Jonathan Brooks

– Hillary Clinton blatantly tilted the scale of the Primary in her favor. You don’t need to be Julian Assange to notice that the establishment did Bernie wrong. And while we were eventually absolved by our pasty Rapunzel trapped in the Equadorian embassy, we Bernie supporters were called everything from “conspiracy theorists” to “privileged bros” for noticing bullshit throughout the campaign. The Wikileaks emails simply confirmed what we had always had a hunch to be true.

– Hillary Clinton ignored the economy. Her trade positions were garbage written by the big banks, and when questioned about it, she would pivot to race or gender issues. Intense globalization is clearly pissing people off on both the Left and the Right, and Hillary just acted like it wasn’t a big deal. More and more jobs are leaving the country. It’s getting harder and harder to buy a home, while the costs of rent, food, healthcare, and utilities increase. The middle class has been continuing to die under President Obama and no one wants to admit it. Trump successfully stole Bernie’s populist trade messages. It makes me ill.

– People are upset about the rise of censorship and shame culture from both mainstream media outlets like CNN and MSNBC and New Media like YouTube, Reddit, Facebook, and Twitter create massive public resentment. People don’t like being told that they must swallow their “privilege” to vote for anyone, let alone that shithead Hillary Clinton, who is famous for hating rap music and video games.

Every time Trump said something dumb or vulgar, the media reacted like a bunch of puritans, playing into his martyr complex. The ugly truth is that his lack of shame comes off as refreshing to the public. In fact, as disgusting as Trump is, he still managed to be funnier than most of today’s mainstream comedians, who have completely and utterly failed during this election cycle.

After years of pretending to be offended by every time Donald Trump farted, we became desensitized, and Hillary’s cries of shame simply ceased to work. One of my friends pointed out to me a year ago how scary it was how boring jokes about Trump had become. Making fun of the man had really began to feel like pouring water into the ocean. Shame always backfires: Ask a Catholic or Jew sometime.

-Trump is a major celebrity in a culture which has given more and more power to the rich and famous, who now seem to be venerated as Gods. NBC, the biggest enabler of Trump in American history, put the guy on TV for years. Hillary Clinton’s campaign took advantage of this, using a “Pied Piper” strategy of focusing media on Trump to mop up potential Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio supporters. This was dumb as fuck to do because it made Trump even more famous. Celebrities are encouraged to behave poorly, unlike mainstream politicians.

The Trump Effect was also noticeable in journalists and TV pundits, who used social media to behave more and more like comedians and openly advocate for Clinton. This was a major turn off, as journalists are expected to be impartial, even when it comes to lunatics like our next President.

On that note, The frequent appearances of President Obama, Biden, Michelle, and every celebrity from John Oliver to Katy Perry to Bruce Springsteen came off to the public as pathetic and desperate. Clinton tried to out-celebrity a celebrity and it couldn’t be done.

-Hillary Clinton’s campaigned ignored the anti-establishment wave being created by Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump. In a time where millions of people were openly expressing anger and desperation, Hillary spent her campaign going to war against cartoon frogs, getting Democrats to pose in pictures with the war criminals in the Bush administration, and spreading red scare rhetoric about Putin and Russia. This was a massive turn off to any Leftist who has read a history book.

-Clinton and the media acted as if her victory was inevitable. This angered and emboldened the Trump wing, even after she was cleared by the FBI twice. They also frequently mocked the embittered Bernie voter and continued to alienate the white working class, a boneheaded move.

In the end, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have, and always had, an insane enthusiasm gap. Voting for Hillary Clinton was a chore, voting for Donald Trump an event. She was a garbage candidate who lost to a faux-zillionaire reality show host. The enthusiasm in this country belonged to Bernie Sanders and was snuffed out by the neoliberal Democratic elites.

The two-party system has failed this country. The media fucked up bigly. Buckle up and smoke a lot of legal weed, it’s going to be a weird four years. I have no idea what the fuck happens next.

Jordan Foster
Jordan Foster

this is nice copypasta

Matthew Ward
Matthew Ward

Buckle up and smoke a lot of legal weed, it’s going to be a weird four years. I have no idea what the fuck happens next.

Excellent call to action.

James Richardson
James Richardson

thx a group of us started an alt-left blog called mucksheet and this is first article we published

Jack Barnes
Jack Barnes

Buckle up and smoke a lot of legal weed, it’s going to be a weird four years. I have no idea what the fuck happens next.

Neither does Trump lmao

Connor Walker
Connor Walker

Looking at his transition team, I think he knows exactly what he's doing.

Jordan Mitchell
Jordan Mitchell

"Lol idk wat to do here guys take over for me peace out"

t. Donald "Literally Hitler" Trump

Cameron Mitchell
Cameron Mitchell

More like

lmao in case I become el presidente, which points of my campaign can I double back on while not appearing like a New York crony capitalist democrat

Hudson Davis
Hudson Davis

he's already pussying out on obamacare and the muslim ban. he'll be a crony capitalist like clinton but without the emphasis on idpol

Kevin Howard
Kevin Howard

Trump won because he appealed to bigots, just like Adolf Hitler did.

Robert Cruz
Robert Cruz

The difference is he brings in his own crony crew to replace the crony oldguard, aka he knows exactly what he's doing.

Leo Cox
Leo Cox

t. liberal

Dylan Morris
Dylan Morris

Looking at both those things:

- People are behind repealing the ACA because of rising premiums and the mandatory subscription. The things Trump is now talking about keeping are pre-existing condition exclusion, and i think cover for kids or something like that? Just because those things sit under the banner of the ACA doesn't mean you want to throw the baby out with the bath water.

- This is a great example of how opening a dialogue early could have averted disaster - What changed for Trump to change his tune about keeping some parts of the ACA? A sit-down with Obama. Was that even a possibility before Trump won the election? Nope, because nobody wanted to open that dialogue.

- Muslim ban still seems to be going ahead in the manner described during the campaign - Ban on Muslim immigrants (should just be all immigrants TBH if you're gonna do it, you can do it without locking it down to a particular religion). There was some confusion back in 2015 about a Muslim database/registration, and that appears to have been clarified around that time as 'for immigrants only, not citizens'.

Isaac Davis
Isaac Davis

104778

nice blog

Jaxson Adams
Jaxson Adams

DUDE I SMOKE WEED LMAO

#nonviolentresistance

Dylan Williams
Dylan Williams

what is nonviolent mass general strike

Jaxon Russell
Jaxon Russell

GET OUT, REACTIONARY TORY SCUM!

RRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Nicholas Garcia
Nicholas Garcia

I have this pipe dream that somehow or other a comrade gains control of the US and paints the White House red, re-dubbing it the Red House.

Julian Lee
Julian Lee

when i'm in charge, the only red substance painting the white house will be the blood of the human garbage who dwell there

Easton Nelson
Easton Nelson

t. increasingly nervous dem

Luis Sullivan
Luis Sullivan

Buckle up
This is a language used by those who prefer the predictability of the status quo and can't even imagine that they could be more than just a passenger.

Carson Murphy
Carson Murphy

Drivers wear seatbelts too you fucking moron.

Chase Perez
Chase Perez

The point is that you're just navigating or escaping the situation. Buckle up, we will get through this. It's shit, but we will return back to normal.

Levi Lopez
Levi Lopez

Buckle up, we will get through this. It's shit, but we will return back to normal.
Or just a situation where you're not driving as fast. You're in a car. You can drive anywhere the vehicle can go.

Parker Stewart
Parker Stewart

As soon as Trump announced his candidacy, this was my biggest fear. It was brought back by him mentioning public-private partnerships recently.

In Puerto Rico, we have a problem with businessmen and people with ties to the business community always buying shit from their friends. The most notorious example of this is "Supertubo". Our 2008-2012 governor wanted to plow through I think millions of acres of rainforest to build a dumb-ass pipeline (think Keystone XL or whatever one they want to build in North Dakota). People were obviously pissed, our rainforests actually generate a lot of money and are one of the last things we have and we have a strong conservationist streak here. Massive, massive protests and outcry. Supporting the thing was like supporting Trump last June (2015). His reaction to this was not to shut it the fuck down, BUT CHANGE THE ROUTE EVER SO SLIGHTLY, BRING IT BACK AND CALL IT "VIA VERDE" (Green Way, yes, as in eco-friendly, because "it'll save gas guise")- cue even bigger protests and the government quietly never commissioning the project. Oh, but the money got sent over to the company that was going to build it, yes fucking sir. We owe $72 million, and $5 million of it just disappeared entirely. The same guy spent another $27 million. And then had the gall to run again 4 years later- and he almost won.

I'm afraid to death that Trump will do shit like this, spend all our money and just generally be a disaster.

There's like three Stalinflags on here and all of them are terminally retarded. Do not engage.

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