Vidya Quest

Choose your character.
Rules:
First/closest to 9 or dubs wins

what the fuck is this for

give me the black guy

C.U.N.T. get

Shit, nigger.
You wake up in a minimalist, white room.
Behind you is a vaguely retro-looking console. You're not sure what specific one it is due to your low int stat.
To your right is a door of some sort: no knob to be seen. There is a panel next to it with what looks like a 3 fingered hand inscribed in it.
Perhaps you should examine stuff?

Look for the nearest welfare office, gotta get muh gibs

unplug controllers, dual wield.

slap the door panel

Steal everything.

Roll d20: rolled 20
Is there an in-board function for rolling die?
To your surprise, the whole wall shatters into pieces of what seems like to you "magical glass". The shards fizzle once they hit the floor.
In front of you is a hallway with a window. Something about the city pictured outside seems…. "off", perhaps you could examine it further.
Shalll you venture on or stay in the room behind you?

kill self

Masturbate to the thought of having every hole filled with cocks

sneak through hallway until something cool happens

thas racis

There's one on Holla Forums. Hold on I'll make you a dice rolling thread. You can roll there, and then use the result here. Click show post options & limits at the end of a reply window and you can get to the dice rolls.

Here's the thread: >>>Holla Forums6115043

10 MINUTE LIMIT EXPIRED
Cocks. Cocks. COCKS!
As a black man your mind naturally drifts to homoerotic fantasies. You just have to jerk one here: nobody'll know.
You take out your tiny black dick, and immediately you think of the superior white penis.
Suddenly, while midst-jerk, a dark silhouette hovers over you. You're suprised! What should you do?

Oops forgot the other image

cum on their eyeballs

RUN NIGGA

Ask if you can snack on his johnson

Pull off your finest Michael Jackson impression, and cum on the new arrival.

ROLLED 4
To speed up the pace, I'll just select the best out of the first 3 comments.
It's a robot.
It does not seem to be pleased by you spouting bodily fluids onto it.
Quicker than you can say "Ow, muh dick!", a razor slides out of the side of the robot. It comes down, and in one single swing, chops off your penis.
You have a severe wound: and are losing blood quickly.

*by best I mean closest to 9

take off your shirt and wrap it around your dick wound. Then steal the robot's batteries.

Eat your own dick

This mudah fuggah just chopped off yo' deek! Channel the inner power of your ape relatives, and unleash the power of Africa upon it! Take it's dick as a trophy, and replace your lost one with it!

die and have retards start rioting in the streets because you a good boy

Submit to your robot overlord
You cant win this so its better to surrender than die

bloody brilliant. This is how I know this is a certified chan adventure.

ROLLED 10
You're not sure what that was supposed to do, but the robot has stopped for a second, perhaps to try and process what just happened.
Your blood meter has ticked down by 1.

Aim the bloodspray at the robot. Perhaps it's violence is quenched by blood!

oh fuck. wrap up your dick wound and ask robot to be your nigga

ROLLED 5
You poorly wrap your shirt around your wound.
The robot stops to process your query. Suddenly, it starts transforming, it's body starts unhinging, and a glow can be seen coming from the inside.

Oops:
The wrap manages to temporarily slow the bleeding

Run, nigga.

...

Fuck, meant for

Summon BLM activists using the fact that you dindu nuffin

You start running as the robot behind you morphs. Your speed advantages you. Electricity crackles as it flows from hte robot's body to it's head. What is it doing?
There are few objects of interest around; the unplugged game controllers, a television set with retro consoles, and a window.
Any ideas?

Throw the TV at it

Use inner dindu and steal the TV

Grab the TV, then jump out the window

ROLLED 19
That's weird, there's a small crawlspace behind it.
You hear a whining noise coming fro m the robot, it's increasing in pitch.

I have a good feeling about this

Didn't we had a rolling system? Adding 2d20 in the email and it would roll all that shit or our Jew lord isn't allowing it?

get in there and use the tv to block the entrance so he can't see us

it's disabled on Holla Forums

Markymark disabled it for not being jew-friendly.

Further proof that he is a fucking faggot

With same pitch increasing at the same rate go:
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii——

Shit bruhs, we're almost out of blood.

well, I guess that there were 3 comments and one suggestion
You crawl into the space, and put the tv behind you.
You hear a large BOOM, as if something at a high velocity had slammed into a concrete wall.
You're out of blood, and will pass out soon.
hopefully you'll live

...

Dream about whitey.

Drink your own piss blood.

get out of that shitty vent, summon Soul Edge with the magic words "needmoresoulsgibmedats", and collect souls by slaying all in your path. When absorbing souls, it's proper to cut them finely and snort them from a line.

Do the right thing, nigga

Fix your shirt so you stop the blood loss before you pass out.

For this, I did a special roll. First, I rolled a d20 to figure out how many dice I wanted to roll. Next, I rolled 5 die and averaged them.
ROLLED 71/100 (14/20?)
You get a C. You live, for now.

You are entering your subconscious.

Attempt to talk to muh nigga black jayzus.

Fuck yo' self nigguh

go look fo' dat black booty and smack it

nigga, hey nigga

EAT SOULS NIGGA

...

Ask him for a new dick

ask him for a problem solving dick so you can get out of the vent

Become Black Jesus.

OOPS: forgot:
ROLLED 6

ask for a bigger and whiter dick

ReRoll?

accept nightmare as your lord and savior

ROLLED 2
You can feel pressure on your crotch… It slowly implodes. Your chest and buttocks extrude. You lose 1 STR and INT.
(It was a bad roll so either way you would've gotten a curse, cause this would've insulted black jesus.)

Meant this

Attempt to wakeup and twerk your way out of the vent

So are we fallout levels of retarded?

Kill Jesus for fucking wit u.

smack black jesus and tell him you need no son of man

Whack black jesus with your new ginormous dick and fucking book it

I guess?

We are a nigger, so we weren't that far off to start with.

I thought he was trans nigga now bruh.

we're black and we're a woman. does that answer your question?

Ah


Kill self

I'm talking about the character in fallout not the game if you were confused.

Squeeze your own boobies

ROLLED 16
You shout
and promptly slap black jesus on the face.
He explodes.
You wake up.
You're a bit low on blood, but the bleeding has stopped.

Better hope we don't get PMS, or we're gonna be bleedin' out

Do you have vagina now? If yes, go find something penis shaped and fuck yourself.
If no, go deepthroat something.

Eat the iron of the vent to replenish your blood.

crawl until we find a way out of the vent

ROLLED 12
As Luck has it, it isn't your period.

Think back to ancient Eeejupt and how WE WUZ KANGZ. Use the motivation to push yourself to continue climbing through the vent.

I propose this.

Meant for

(checked)

I guess trips don't need no roll?

TRIPS
You are imbued with the power of
KANGS
Which causes you to fly past may twists and turns in the vent, eventually leading you to a grill.

Eat the grill to replenish your blood.

ReRoll?

Say "GO HOME GAMER GRILL"

Drift in midair to reverse your body; smash through the grill using your ass to absorb the impact.

Imagine that the grill is whitey's face and use the power of
KANGZ
to smash right through it.

ROLLED 1
(All 3 of these posts would've had the same outcome.)
YOUR HEAD EXPLODES UPON IMPACT WITH THE GRILL
YOU ARE DEAD
Select your next character.

Give me the robit, but make him a member of the tribe. The blue line is reminiscent of the Israeli flag.

We a proud, independent womyn who don't need no man, not even hirself.

Robot to fuck the other robot.

JEWISH ROBOT

As you were guarding your post, your sensors detect a large influx in sound-waves. You locate the source of the disruption, a bleeding vent.
Oy vey.

That's not the image I uploaded!!

Clean the vent of aids monkey.

Scan your surroundings for valuables before checking the vent. Pick up anything with a minimum worth-to-weight ratio of $10USD/Kg

Astiatye petepy yuykiyiouy. Check that vent.

Looks like I'm the closest to 9. Better get scanning, Jewbot.

But the only thing worth that much is the grat itself…
And the Gigafold Manipulmaster you've been standing next to this whole time.

Stick your robot penis in the Gigafold Manipulmaster.

Use your, ahem, interface probe, to connect with the machine and see what it can tell you about where (and when) you are.

Patjep ayruitep. Get that thing.

Throw the grate at the Gigafold Manipulmaster to see if it absorbs the silver, becoming even more infinitely valuable

DOUBLE DUBS DECLARE ME MASTER OF THE ANTI-GOY GOLEM

...

You're getting the feeling that this isn't the safest thing to do

Sorry, forgot to spoil it

Impregnate and take responsibility

vke dpeayuqe ot teitj yussep itype

I don't speak corpus you retard

the pleasure of being cummed inside

Dick it so hard that you put the fear of G-d in it. Show it why you're one of the chosen people.

Oh, and don't forget to extract GPS information from it.

Unleash your inner black father and run away after interfacing.

ROLLED 7
Too bad, looks like you failed the roll, so something bad has to happen.
(First two images are gifs)

Take this mission prep time to think back to your history and abilities.

This won't count as an actual "turn", but here's the debriefing.

Scan the room the Kang smashed his way out of, along with the general area.

Thread's dying down, think I'll stop here and start again later.

...

bump for later

I thought we left that shit on half/tg/

Fuck you.

...

Quads confirm the emperor is the original heretic.

I'm back, and just in time.

Also I'm going to namefag for this specific post so if I make another thread you guys know it's me.

You find some weirdly shaped controllers, scans indicate that they are compatible with the game system at the end of the hallway.

Plug them in and turn on the game system. Let's see what's playing.

The tv is critically damaged, but luckily your positronic graphics card supports AV input.
The console doesn't have a cartridge currently inserted, but there are a few on the floor under the table.

Play Wild West

steal the TV then tweet about it

First, let's shove that TV out of the way, just in case there's motion controls. Second, let's check out that last game, see if we can't get some of that dust off of it.

Third, and optionally, run a scan of the room quickly to see where that strange black ape may have ran to. We don't want to be ooga booga'd.

Play Space Quest

fuck you space quest is shit. it all went downhill after Space Quest III.

Good thing that's the original.

As you fall out of warp drive, you start to notice you are in close vicinity to the lost CosmoBase 14. A base which was said to hold great danger… and wealth.
As you make your first discovery, you find you're becoming more like your father, Jon MacOvercast

This didn't upload for some reason.

Follow the rules of acquisition to acquire said wealth

Well, fuck.

try to find qt spacetraps to fuck

Crash the spaceship. Make sure no one survives.

The cartridge explodes as well.

Move the TV out of the way and see what's behind it.

All you see is a path of blood that seems to extend for miles.
I'm calling it in for now, it's been like 2 hours and the dinner I ate is causing me a huge fucking stomach and headache.

Follow the blood trail