Conan the Barbarian is now owned by Marvel

Say goodbye to this sexist shit, misogynerds. The future is female now and Marvel will current year the shit out of Conan.
archive.is/avvG4

Lets place our bets… How hard are they gonna fuck this up?

I got $1,000 saying they'll make Conan gay.

$2000 they'll make him black.
We wuz europeans.

So now Dark Horse will only have Hellboy and Manga. Even more so if Disney buying Fox means that Alien, Predator, and Buffy might go to Marvel as well. It's a shame, because if what Marvel did with Star Wars was any indication it is just going to be a waste of all these IPs.

Maybe Drak Horse will shell out money to get rights to Red Sonja or Vampirella, and save them from Dynamite.

Jason Aaron, the guy behind Whor, will be given free reign over Conan.
Through its incompetence, Marvel will ditch the whole swords and sandals. Conan will team up with women knights wearing full plate armor, there will be people shooting crossbows, and women in general will wear "sensible clothing," while males will shirtless and borderline homoerotic.

I have stacks of savage sword that those faggots will never take away

We can only hope, user. I just want Red Sonja to be good again

Isn't Hellboy dead now? Mike Mignola also gave him a grand finale.

Its so depressing how realistic this scenario will be.

My gentleman of nubian heritage.

Vampirella is in more urgent need of saving than Red Sonja. Last time I checked she returned to the metal bikini, but her past as rape victim is still retconned and now she is a big slut. Vampirella on the other hand got her hair cut, is dressed like a grandma and is having bizarre adventures that aren't even wacky, they are straight up LSD hallucinations that somehow have room to poke fun at "muh alt-right" and "cuckposting".

They'll just use Conan as a strawman example of a behind the times dinosaur like they did James Bond in the last novel.

This is advanced kikery.

Paradox Entertainment owns Conan the Barbarian IP. Only the original stories by Robert E. Howard are in public domain. Paradox (or rather Cabinet, as they are called currently) claims to have the rights to all E. Howard's creations, but the whole story is a mess of vague deals and multiple shell companies.
And before you ask, yes they are connected to the video game company. Both of them were spun off from now defunct Swedish role playing game company, Target games.
Another interesting fact: Stan Lee Media Company sued them over Conan Copyright in 2011 when new movie came out, and lost.

There is berserk

There would be if it wasn't on hiatus all the damn time. A new chapter only came out last month.

Didn't say I read it. The author of the new one admitted it

Hasn't Berserk gone to shit because the idolmaster loving gook started focusing more and more on the side characters instead of angry man?

Conan is public domain. Literally all Marvel has is a license to the trademark and non-public domain stories.

Personally I don't mind the side characters having something to do or being fleshed out a bit. It's not like Guts is in any condition to just bum rush Griffith at the moment.

How so?

If it's what I think it is all I have to say is this. No matter how much you try to "sexual liberate" women. Sex will never be the same for a woman as it is for a man, ever.

In 2013, Gail Simone got hired to write Red Sonja for Dynamite and she retconned her rape backstory and now sleeps with anyone, male or female. Pic related is her new backstory.

You mean Cohen the Barbarian now (and not the lovable Pratchett version either.)

A key that opens many doors is a good key.
A door that gets opened by many keys is a bad door.

That is misogynistic as fuck but also correct

I do like D&D. Even though I've only ever played a mock version with a coin because you need actual people to play a real game. I feel like something about that isn't entirely right.

Stop being so damn pretentious, you're supposed to be writing a character. She can be good but, not the best. Making her the best at twelve makes all the grown men in the village look like shit in comparison. Or maybe that's why her entire village was burned to the ground.

Drunk sluts don't find happiness. That's been scientifically proven.

Really wishing the whole "no sex unless beaten in fair combat" was still a thing.

You don't even have to rewrite the whole thing to make it work. And that's the worst part about it.

Pathfinder is REALLY bad. It's worse than Dnd in all matters, and it's managed by Pazio, who is just as pozzed as White Wolf.

I like how she personally killed every single one of the bandits by herself. She sets up traps to kill all of them while being twelve years old.

I've always wondered how bad the SJWness was in the game. In the comics, I know that the fantasy arab chick is girlfriend with the elf thief and you gotta love how John Carter (a Confederate soldier) is okay with their relationship because he is married to an alien anyways.

They fired the worst perpetrator of the socjus bullshit at least. Elements of wrath of the righteous tipped the scale from progressive to alienating
All in all the crunch is an improvement on 3.5 except for a number of feat taxes. The setting they designed is an ambitious kitchen sink in need of a number of improvements.
Seemingly objectionable elements can remain perfectly intact if they were simply given better context and presentation

Sorry. Correction:

WTF? Way for them to shit on John Carter.

what the fuck is this garbage?

Holla Forums, WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE?

I think you guys are focusing on the wrong thing here. It doesn't matter in the end if she likes getting ass. The fact of it doesn't matter; the implications that it comes with are the problem.

She's a character who's supposed to want more in life and will not do what she doesn't absolutely want for herself. Being so quick to open her legs stomps on who she was as a character, considering immense riches and the luxury of being a queen is something she shrugged off. You could argue that's part of her power as a character; she doesn't have a petty interest in men and is all the more dangerous for it.

They really would be better off if they just took more influence from Conan for her backstory if they were really going to change it like this. I guess it's better than the shitty reincarnation Sonja they had for a while. But take Darkhorse's CONAN run. At twelve, Conan was not the strongest by any sense of the word compared to the rest of his small tribe. He was a wonder in his age group and always stood out, but he wasn't a 12-year-old fighting or tracking better than grown men.

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Wholesome waifus that haven't been affected by the greed and/or social politics of networks and industries?

Ugh, first that cunt playing Colleen Wing disses Roy Thomas, now Gail Simone fucks up Red Sonja.
What do these rainbow assholes have against Thomas? He's not exactly the biggest sexist in comics. You don't see these danger-haired shitqueens reee'ing at Frank Miller or Erik Larsen or John Byrne or Dave Sim.
Hell, it's hilarious to see Larsen virtue signalling like a motherfucker at womeninfridges, when you consider how many of Dragon's girlfriends he's fridged over the years.

cuck your enemies

see them displaced before you

and to put mongrel babies in their women

Feminism is the reason everybody thinks Sim went crazy.

To pirate your enemies. See them turn on each other. And to hear the lamentations of their blue-hairs.

Except they did reee at both of them. Miller for Holy Terror and for saying Occupy was shit, Larsen for saying their 'practical' costumes were shit

Also Miller is also memed as a guy that is only capable of writing women as whores.

Larsen is already getting enough shit for turning his comic into monster porn with political commentary.

a dynamite comic

They tore Dave Sim into pieces for saying that women can't into logic. They tore John Byrne into pieces for saying transsexuals shouldn't be enabled, that they should be treated like we treat paedophiles.

So you're wrong on all counts.

But in comics press, or in a present-day Tumblr lynch mob? Because it's one thing to be dissed in an industry publication by some uni student, it's another to have a crowd of danger-haired fatties and rainbow snowflakes screeching and spitting at you.

I don't think Sim was ever spit on, but the entire comics press of the 90s called him a lunatic and a misogynist. You can still see anons here talking about him like he's a madman.

You need to get out of your hug-box more.

John Byrne believes we should accept pedophiles and tell them being attracted to kids is ok, but it's not ok to act on it.

Did I ever say that I didn't understand the controversy behind Dave Sim's claims, you disingenuous fuckwit?

That doesn't make it untrue though.

Handholding

>not headpatting

What the fuck is wrong with you degenerate fucks?

Firstly more than half the species is shitskins and half the species is female. Such an assertion has been confirmed true so many times at this point that it might as well just be assumed.

Hey remember when being accepting toward bitches, fags, muds, and faggots made our hobbies better written and got us laid? Me neither, so stop covering for those who should have no voice and no representation as they do not deserve it.

>>>/normalfag/

>>>/reddit/

I know man, next they'll be talking about cheek kissing.

Silly question, but did Conan left Cimmeria because Cimmerians were boring faggots?

So, making your own waifu?

Conan will legit be worse if it there is no rape.

Go ahead and post the image of the sjw in a mask. I'll wait.

What in the fuck, you've totally convinced me he's right and you're not wrong!

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You could have a great career in academia.

upstaged by woman, probably of color or jewish

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I'd say it's as high as 90%, but it's always going to be controversial, if only with the 50% you're pointing at.

Hey Holla Forums

There are no Jews in the Hyborian age. The closest thing we have are (((Shemites)))

Hello, Holla Forums. How d’you do?

Hey Holla Forums

this

you think there's any chance there will be any so bad it's unintentionally hilarious outcomes from this, or just more soulless cookie cutter trash?
who am i kidding, disney destroys everything it grasps

Howdy do, Holla Forums

They should put Kate Leth on it. She writes good comedy books.

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user, your keyboard appears to be broken.

Red Sonja's gimmick was she wouldn't have sex with a man until he bested her in swordplay. It's pretty integral to the character pre-Whale Simone.

Ghita of Alizarr is a much better take on a sexually promiscuous barbarienne.
And by the best Sonja artist, Frank Thorne, using the same art model.

Calling it: Queen of the Black Coast adaption were Bêlit is the main character and cucks Conan with her boatful of niggers.

Yes, but it wasn't about the sex. She was above all the men that had previously wronged her. I mean, you can argue maybe there's problems in a guy fighting her and getting the best of her and all but forcing her to bed because she's bound by that oath, but the oath itself is fairly solid. She was taken advantage of to begin with because she was weak before. She said no to a King and couldn't fight off the men that he sent to kill her family and rape her. That oath is a promise that something like that will never happen again.
I know in some incarnations and at some points it's more like "oh this boy's sexy but you gotta beat me first~~" and there's this implication of wanting to rape her by beating her, but if you strip that away she's built on a solid foundation of a rape/trauma survivor that's not inherently problematic. If anything it's more offensive to remove her backstory as if it's taboo to talk about rape.
In my honest opinion I think they could make a legitimately good story by focusing more on her femininity and outright saying no to men rather than either jacking up her sex appeal or making her the female version of Conan. There could be a middle ground that I think would make for a legitimately interesting story where you don't shy away from the gore and sex but rather than glamorize it, make it even more disturbing. But that's just me, and if I was in control of the comic, she'd probably be entirely topless like with other warrior women in history and comics. Which would never happen, because American comics are shit.

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Are you high or something? Honest question.

In the original Howard stories AKA the only ones that matter, we never see Cimmeria, nor does Conan ever talk about it. At best we got some nebulous implication that he was either exiled for some crime or simply didn't like being a rank and file warrior and left at 15 never to return

Are you not aware that Hercules has shown up in a great variety of comics or are you just trolling?
Anyway read the Marvel Herakles

He mentions it here and there. The implication was Conan figured there was a lot more out there in the world and went out to see and fight it. Also Cimmerians are unfun moody fags that only drink water.