THE DEATH OF SUPERMAN - THREAD #2 - SUPERMAN: DEAD AND LOVING IT!

Superman has always had time for that.

"Wait, you guys did what to my teddy bear?"

Ah, the 90's paranoia about AIDS.

I was a kid in the 80s and I remember NPR broadcasters saying you couldn't get AIDS from kissing or sharing a toilet seat from someone, when I was too young to know what AIDS even was.

To be fair, he was the President. Dark Knight Returns had Reagan. Ultimates had Bush Jr

Forget Medusa, Lex Luthor has the real superhair

Stop calling it AIDS. Call it by its proper name, GRIDS (Gay-Related Immuno-Defficency Syndrome). By calling it "AIDS" you are supporting the Homosexual cause

...

I both love and hate Luthor II. He's a terrible character, with disgusting Lincoln beard and retarded Aussie accent.

On the other hand, the fact that he has so much goddamn hair is hilarious. Of course Luthor would have a beautiful mane of glorious crimson locks if ever got his hair back. Why wouldn't he?

...

Maybe Kanadians don't know about Batman's no-kill rule.

Flash Fact: this is Lobo's favourite comic.

That's not what GRIDS stands for!
Skip to 17:28.

That would be a great name for a band

Laughing way too hard at this because I instantly imagined a glamrock band and how their stage would look.

Leave.

It's Superman #76, and all of these lazy fucks show up to "honor Superman".

Meanwhile, the fucking punk-ass kid from Superman #74 is roaming the streets of Metropolis after Doomsday demolished his house. Even now, he can't give a fuck about his poor single mother and baby sister.

SAD SAD SAD SAD FAKE MRS. SUPERMAN SAD

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Lois meets with Ma and Pa Kent, who brought Lana Lang with them. Man do I miss the old comics were Lois and Lana were at each others throats and engaged in all sorts of bizarre schemes to marry Superman.

As that's going on, The Super "Friends" decide to read all of Superman's mail, because that's what Superman did every Christmas Eve and he can't now that he's dead.

Again, I need to emphasize this. Guys like Batman and Wonder Woman were too busy to help Superman from being beaten to death, but now have ample time to read fucking fan mail.

Jimmy Olsen (PBUH) will always be with you as long as you keep a club house in your heart.

Jimmy takes the punk-ass kid to lunch with Bibbo Bibbowski. Now I need to talk to my local "Jimmy Olsen Fan-Club" president, but I think there might be conflict, friendship-wise, between Jimmy and Bibbo. Bibbo has attempted before to usurp the title of "Superman's Pal" from Jimmy, and though we all know the truth of Superman's bestowing the title of "pal" upon Jimmy, seeing Bibbo makes me uneasy.

Punk-ass kid feels guilty that Superman saved him instead of fighting Doomsday, but really, saving people is what Superman doesFuck you Snyder. Meanwhile, the Kents, Lois, and Lana all vow to keep Superman's secret identity secret despite him being dead and all. This is the first subtle indication that this entire event is fucking bull-shit.

...

Wonder Woman talks to porn-stache dad about coming home to his family, Nightwing gives gifts to orphans, Maxima basically carries away an entire grocery store to feed bums, and Guy Gardner kidnaps a guy and makes him see some dying old lady. Even Green Lantern and Flash help out by building a house for single mom of punk-ass kid, seeing as Doomsday utterly wrecked it.

Now, if Green Lantern and Flash's building skills are the same as their commitment to the Justice League, we can expect a beautiful broken down shack that isn't at all up to code.

Heh, they acknowledge the fact that superheroes have the time to do things like build a fucking house. Heh. NOTIMETOHELPSUPERMANWHATTHEFUCKINGFUCKERRRRGGGGGGG. I think the real reason Green Lantern and Flash built that house was because they plan to run a train on her milf pussy.

Before GL and Flash can put a whole new spin on "superdickery", Wonder Woman shows up with porn-stache dad. As they wish their punk-ass son was with them on this blessed Christmas, I'm trying to figure out the age gap between single mom and porn-stache dad. Twenty years? Thirty? She looks pretty young, so maybe it was a student/teacher thing that cost porn-stache dad his job.

Uh-Oh, Cadmus has Superman's body! Read the letters page and gawk at the video game ads. But most of all, stay tuned for the next exciting issue where it's heavily implied that Luthor is fucking Super-Slime and Luthor does something that is finally in-character for Lex Luthor, which makes me proud.

so batman has sign-making materials in his belt or what

...

...

OF COURSE.

Ok soccer mom from it's time to go to bed

It's The Adventures of Superman #499. Doomsday Cock dropped today, and back in the nineties, we drop in on Luthor being alerted that somebody is stealing Superman's body. We, as readers, are also alerted that Luthor is totally sticking his dick into slimegirl puss.

As Super-Slime leaves to check it out, Luthor wonders if Superman is still alive. Oh Luthor, you're twenty issues too early to start foreshadowing that shit.

Bum on an 80s era cell-phone. Probably a look-out or something. Supergirl heads down to the secret tunnel Luthor installed that leads directly to Superman's dead body. Entering the tomb, it looks like someone stole Luthor's idea.

The secret tunnel thing is something I'd expect from classic Luthor, so seeing it here, I'll admit, leaves me surprised and impressed.

A guy assaults a police-officer, but it's ok. That guy used to be GANGBUSTER. He's probably going to become GANGBUSTER again, but I don't really care enough about GANGBUSTER to find out.

The Kents and Lois are still very very sad that Superman is dead. Luthor, meanwhile, apparently has random hoes in his apartment that show up when Super Slime is out.

Turpin shows up to explore Luthor's secret tunnel, while elsewhere, Bibbo breaks up a drug deal. Then GANGBUSTER shows up to break up GANGS. GANGS THAT DEAL DRUGS!

GANGBUSTER reminds of the CRACK BUSTERS, but somehow more lame.

On the trail of Superman's body snatchers, Super-Slime ends up in the mutant monster rape tunnels underneath Metropolis. Mutant monster rape tunnels that are somehow still populated with mutant monsters despite the Doomsday fight causing a massive explosion that gutted the place.

But more importantly, in the nineties there was a comic shop/ distributor called CENTORCOMICS, and I think that's fucking sweet.

How is ooga-booga there still alive? I thought for sure that fucker was killed by Doomsday off panel along with the rest of the rebel mutant rape cave monsters (not to be confused with law-abiding mutant rape cave monsters). Also, Ordway attempts a shitty homage to "Death Wish for Terrible Turpin".

Remember kids, not all fags have aids, but all newfags do.

An explosion later, Turpin and Super-Slime Luthor's secret tunnel. Turpin thinks it's awfully suspicious for Luthor to have a tunnel that leads to Superman's dead body, and will probably look into it.

Cadmus looks like they're about to do some X-files shit to Superman's body, so stay tuned for the next exciting issue where we get more Guardian.

I always like seeing BTAS ads or nods in early 90's comics, since it's obvious DC didn't realize just how big that series will be.

But………………………………………………

EVERYONE HAS AIDS!
youtube.com/watch?v=5yC7HwPh6Es

Did you guys have a good Thanksgiving? I hope you did because it's time for more Death of Superman.

It's Action Comics #686. We've got some body snatching going on and the Guardian kicking the shit out of criminals, all with excessive thought balloons.

We go through too many scenes of the Guardian showing off how fucking awesome his faggot ass bike is. In the shadows, lurks Luthor, fucking paranoid as shit that Superman is still alive.

We're also given a brief flash-back that lion-maned Luthor is, indeed, old Luthor in a new body. I don't know about you guys, but I don't really get the point of Luthor faking his own death and pretending to be his own son, all just to still be Luthor, but whatever.

The Guardian has way too many fucking thought bubbles on his way to Cadmus HQ. Seriously, nobody cares that you haven't used the secret elevator in awhile. It's adding nothing to the story. It reeks of an insecure writer.

Luthor meets up with the cops that investigated the body-snatching, and Maggie Sawyer shows up with another fucking look. What is that? Four? Five different looks for a single character? Did anyone make model sheets post-crises?

Cadmus stole Superman's body to CLONE SUPERMAN! They owe it to the world to try, and they'll probably fail completely because this is the DEATH of Superman, not the REBIRTH of Superman.

All of this shit is just a waste of time.

I keep seeing the ads page and I wonder if any of those shops still exist. They all probably went under during the Great Comic Book Crash.

Ma and Pa Kent get the fuck out of Clark's apartment and the underground rape tunnels get flooded thanks to Cadmus bombs. There goes all of their potential clues.

...

The Metropolis Police decide to keep the news about Superman's body snatching under wraps because there a cult of Superman worshipers that could go all crazy if they caught wind. Eh, the gorillas from Kamandi that launched themselves out of catapults were the superior Superman cult.

As we enjoy the first DC UNIVERSE page, Ma and Pa Kent take off as Lana and Lois share a gay moment. Just like my Chinese cartoons.

As you read the letters pages that genuinely think that Superman is going to be dead and think all of this shit is awesome, stay tuned for the next issue of The Death of Superman saga.

An issue that turned my cynicism toward this event into complete hatred.

Centorcomics has a website.

centormedia.com/

Appropriately, it looks like it hasn't updated since the 90's.

*sigh*

You know, Funeral for a Friend has been pretty depressing so far. Everyone is sad, nothing good happens, and it feels like nothing is going to get better. Well get out your anti-depressants and call your counselor, because we're about to get even more bleak and hopeless. After this, it won't fucking matter if Superman comes back or not.

Superman: The Man of Steel #21 lets us know right from the cover that reading it is going to be a miserable experience. Opening it up, it doesn't get much better. Lois has a nightmare about Superman drowning, the underground rape-tunnels filled with bums and monsters are flooded out, and Pa Kent remembers his dead super son.

As The Guardian and Dubblix consider the moral implications of cloning Superman, shit gets even more sad at the Kent homestead. Superman was really a messy retard kid, wasn't he?

Back in the ruins of the bum rape monster tunnels, the boss bum investigates Cadmus's involvement in the loss of their home by climbing into a giant frog to look at underwater tunnels. That's a real thing that happens in this comic.

Lois Lane investigates a flooded basement and Batman misses Superman.

Anyway, the boss bum gets Lois Lane's attention and parks his frog to give Lois the 411 on the explosion. Back at the Kent farm, Pa Kent remembers consoling Superman and, because he suggested the secret identity thing, he blames himself for Superman's death.

Remember, they're going to bring Superman back six months from this comics publication.

Donning a sexy scuba suit, Lois Lane hops in the frog and infiltrates Cadmus! Teaming up with the Newsboy Legion, she kicks everyone's ass and finds Superman's body.

Lois blows the whole lid off the Cadmus body-snatching, which causes Pa Kent to have a heart-attack.

Thing's aren't going to get much better in the next issue.

I think Bogdanove's Lois Lane is better than his Superman.

I like this storyline. Yeah, it was a gimmick to get attention and sales. But it was mostly done pretty well. They didn't skip over the consequences of Superman dying. I like all the attention DC paid to other characters mourning or otherwise reacting to the man of steel's death. And they still did over-the-top stuff like the Cadmus mutants, which I expect from comics.

I'm all pro fighting females, but Lois Lane doesn't strike me as one of them.

That last page makes me want Lana to give Lois comfort sex.

That's been a thing since the 70's, when she was a kung-fu master in her own book, but the same useless asshole in Superman's book. Kind of like how Jimmy Olsen automatically takes a level in badass whenever Superman isn't in the book, but in Superman's book he's all ZEE ZEE ZEE SUPERMAN SAVE ME REE SUPERMAN I LOST MY KEYS ZEE ZEE ZEE OH HAI SUPERMAN I ASS-DIALED YOU LOL ZEE ZEE ZEE SUPERMAN DOES THIS DRESS MAKE MY ASS LOOK FAT.

to quote Lois in STAS, "Daddy was a black belt"

It's Super-Sunday! Time for more comics about death and sadness!

Superman #77 opens up with Luthor doing kung-fu while a word bubble reconfirms the fact he hates the fuck out of Superman. He even hates him over his kryptonite cancer that nearly killed him, an aspect of kryptonite that I never really liked.

Apparently Lois only broke a part of the Superman body-snatching story. She stops by to give the whole story to Luthor, who already knows it.

More drama with the Kents as Pa is rushed to the ICU. He has more visions of his dead son.

As Pa Kent screams out the name of his dead boy, new responsibilities are thrust upon Jimmy Olsen. He has to pick a cover photo for a trashy "memorial" issue about Superman.

Oh whatever will he do.

Luthor kills his kung-fu instructor and Lois has more daydreams about Superman while she flys with Super-Slime to the Wild Area, a part of Cadmus HQ.

We're about to find out the whole Cadmus thing was nothing but filler.

Super-Slime and Lois grab Superman's body and haul ass. Meanwhile, Pa Kent goes critical.

Can you see where we're going with this?

Superman is put back in his grave and Luthor gloats over something he had nothing to do with. He's just happy to own Metropolis, showing just how low business Luthor's ambitions are. He's content with just a city, when the world, neigh, the UNIVERSE lies open before him.

Also, I refuse to believe anyone spent $15 on a yearly subscription to Guy Gardner comics.

And they kill off Pa Kent. If I seemed terse during this storytime, this is why. Since we know now that Superman is still alive, merely sleeping, killing Pa Kent feels particularly scummy. Especially with the Pa Kent seeing the spirit of Superman ushering him into the afterlife. When they bring him back, all of that becomes bullshit.

While the cover said "THE END", don't worry, because it's not. We've got three more issues of "Funeral for a Friend" to get through before we hit "REIGN OF THE SUPERMEN".

In the meantime, stay tuned for the next issue where we found out that DC comics BOUGHT OUT MAD MAGAZINE BEFORE GAINES DEAD BODY WAS EVEN COLD! THE BASTARDS!

But they didn't kill Pa Kent. Not for another fifteen years

Yeah, I think this is when I stopped reading DC.
I stopped reading Marvel when they pulled see pic.
STAY CLASSY, BIG TWO.

Canonically, who's ahead on heart attacks and deaths, Pa Kent or Aunt May?

Aunt May.

Far as I know Aunt May's only died the once. Whereas pre-crisis Pa Kent died. Post-Crisis Pa Kent died. All Star Pa Kent died. New 52 Pa Kent died. Donner Pa Kent died.

Dunno about heart attacks. Probably Aunt May

Twice

When was the second time?

Its waaaay worse then you think Annon. Aunt May Died the first time in the….90s I think? Then came back, then died again later during One More Day Crap.

She didn't actually die during One More Day. She was on the verge of dying, until Peter made a deal with the devil to save her life.

So she's only died once

I think he means an arc around Amzing Spider-Man 190-200, were May's death was facked by Mysterio and the Burgler who killed Uncle Ben to get the deed to the house she lived in, that supposedly a Gangster in the 30's had hidden treasure in. It was the reason the Burgler had gone to the house in Amazing Fantasy 15 actually. It only lasted like ten issues but you were made to believe May died until the reveal in 200.

And people say comics aren't art.

Except that he specifically mentioned the 90's and he specifically mentioned One More Day. That arc was in the 70's

In any case it doesn't count. Marv Wolfman had always intended for May to not actually be dead. Conversely, when they killed May off in Amazing #400, the intent was for her to actually be dead and it's only when editorial changed hands that they decided to retcon it so it was an actress (or some stupid shit) instead of the real Aunt May

Fair enough, I just remembered that storyline and thought he might mean that, even if the decade was off.

The 90's were a great time for comics.

Did you guys have a good day cause it's time for more Death of Superman.

Today we've got Legacy of Superman #1, an anthology book about a bunch of c-list heroes doing things related to Superman.

First story down the pipe is what Cadmus was up to between getting Superman's body and Super-Slime stealing Superman's body back. Apparently they got Superman's DNA, but The Guardian demands they make more clones of him instead.

I don't think The Guardian quite grasps how completely useless he is.

Well, Westfield says "Fuck that noise" because he's got a brand new Guardian who's over fifty percent less useless and an on-board computer! And he's going to use him to get the disk containing Superman's DNA that the scientists are withholding from him!

The Newsboy Legion flees with the disc in the Whizz Wagon! Now with 100% less awesome Kirby collage work!

Auron catches up to the kids, grabs the disk, and promptly smashes it because even though he's a useful cyborg, he's also a Guardian. Thus, the entirety of the "Cadmus has Superman's body" arc is now, without a doubt, filler.

Rose Forrest gets her VCR stolen. Now that there's no Superman around to protect VCRs, she gives into her alter-ego, THORN! Beware VCR thieves! You messed with the Rose and now you get THE THORN!

Also, can we just appreciate those nineties comic-book titties there. It always seemed artists were always trying to imply nudity and nipples back then.

Thorn tracks down her VCR through Metropolis's seedy underbelly of black kids and Native American buyers of illegal goods. All to find it. Her VCR with the onscreen programing.

THORN vows to the mild-mannered Rose that the strong will always protect the weak! Protect the weak from those who would steal their VCRs, forever denying them the in home enjoyment of such films as Cool World.

Oh, and now we've got Gangbuster. Who the fuck cares about Gangbuster?

Really, who cares about Gangbuster?

So the chief says if Gangbuster don't stop he's gonna have to bring Gangbuster in. He's a loose canon and all that crap.

More importantly, an ad for Milestone! DC's line of black heroes! Did you know that it's going to be relaunched soon? With Hudlin at the helm? That shit is going to be a disaster!

Just look at Lex Luthor there. He's so happy as he walks through an office and everyone says "Hello". That's all he really wants in the end. Some love and respect.

But this story ain't about Luthor or whoever/whatever the fuck he's talking to. It's about one of his secretary's brother who has superpowers.

So a gang called the TERROR-MASTERS run in, steal laser guns, kill one of the secretaries and leaves. Luthor just can't stop smiling can he?

Anyway, because of this Sinbad, the super-brother, decides to become a hero in Superman's stead! He finds the goons and pew pew go the lasers and shit.

Sinbad is down, but before the final blow is struck, Luthor's appears as a goofy-ass hologram projected from the gun. Apparently it was a big con to kill all of the TERROR MASTERS. All three of them.

Now that's over, it's off to the Vanishing Point to meet with Waverider and the Linear men. Don't remember any of that? Me neither. They were from way back in Superman #73 (>>938343). So yeah, they go to the Time Library to go over Superman's Death. Because we need to be reminded, again, that Superman is really, really, dead.

Fuck you DC. You didn't even wait until Bill Gaines body was cold before you stepped over his corpse to grab his life's work. First you screw him in the fifties, then you steal the fruits of his labor when he's dead. DC will never escape Bill Gaines curse. Never.

Waverider gets triggered, and travels back in time to save Superman. Waverider is the first fucking hero to think "Hey, I should help Superman so he doesn't die." However, before he can do anything, his alternate time-line self talks him out of it. DC's really banking on this event and they can't undo it just yet.

So they let Superman die, because time or some shit. I guess DC really needed to explain to fans why their time travelers didn't do shit.

I would've preferred DC explaining why the fuck Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, etc. didn't do anything to help Superman at the time, but I guess that's just going to be one of those mysteries.

As you enjoy these vintage nineties ads, stay tuned for the next issue where Luthor shills Super-Slime as Superman's replacement and gets a goofy-ass iron-man suit.

This is just cruel. They where burning down their mansions that they built over decades to show the nee kids how relevant they where.

Why does Luthor look like a bearded Jimmy?

I love old ads, especially old video game ads.

...

See

TLDR; After he got bit by Kyptonite cancer, Luthor cloned himself a new body with a ridiculous mane of hair. He then got an Roofucker accent and posed as his own son, calling himself Luthor II.

The 90's everybody.

SUPERGIRL AND TEAM LUTHOR #1 is a long one, and surprisingly boring. It deals mostly with Luthor trying to get the city government to approve his ROM guys and make them above the law. It's really fucking lame.

We've got Luthor doing the whole "IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE" shtick. It's beyond me why he's bothering to promote this. Just have Super-Slime save some people and give an exclusive interview to someone at the Daily Planet.

I've noticed this, but since Luthor is posing as his son, why did the writers insist on calling him Lex Luthor the Second? Lex Luthor junior is more common and sounds better.

This whole thing? A waste of time. Just get on with whatever plan Luthor has cooked up, even if it's a lame one that's all about money and crap. Nobody cares about fucking government bureaucracy.

Christ 90s comics sucked.

Super-Slime talks with Lois about shit and we're reminded once again that Lex Luthor gets Super-Slime's oozing, scar-tissue-esq orifice wet.

Anyway some terrorists break into STAR labs to get their cyborg suits back, giving Luthor the chance to fly around in his new iron-man suit. Why on earth did he bother meeting with the mayor and shit if he was just going to pull a Tony Stark anyway?

I both love and hate Luthor's new super-suit. It's like a drunk trying to walk the line between "90s awful" and "charmingly goofy". Seeing that it's big and orange, part of me wonders if the artist was seriously tempted to just draw Luthor's pre-crisis power-suit.

Anyway, Luthor, Super-Slime, and Luthor's ROM henchmen break into STAR labs and wreck terrorist ass. Apparently Luthor's henchmen are fond of juggling.

In the process of stopping the terrorists, Team Luthor fucking demolishes STAR Labs and Luthor breaks his leg. Is this a commentary on Luthor's power-suit? Are they saying it's stupid? I mean, they've done that kind of shit before, so I can't help seeing a connection here.

Because Team Luthor wrecked STAR Labs, the city government finds them a little too irresponsible to sanction as Superman replacements. Again, why the fuck is Luthor bothering with this? Luthor's essentially creating a corporate Justice League responsible only to himself, and he's worried about the fucking law? Why? This lack of ambition on the part of post-crisis Luthor is infuriating.

Super-Slime morphs into different women because she wants Luthor's D, but Luthor ain't having it. He's all depressed because he broke his leg. I remind everyone that this Luthor had cancer, and survived a transplanting his brain in a new body, but a broken leg is what gives him the blues.

Anyway, he calls a meeting of his corporate lackeys to tell them to be positive. The scene's pointless and exists purely to tie up loose ends from some arc that happened earlier. Again, nobody cares. Then he meets with his Cadmus mole to confirm that there's no possible way they could clone Superman. The entire scene goes on longer than it should and could've been done with a single page.

That could probably sum up the entirety of the Death of Superman: goes on longer than it should and could've been done in a single issue.

The whole thing where Luthor is subjecting his faceless goons to training that could potentially kill them, and how little he cares about that, is the first really bad-guy thing I've seen him do this entire event. If only he could keep it up, the rest of this event might be enjoyable.

In some house, one of Luthor's board members is attacked by a monster.

It turns out that pudgy board member guy hired the monster to kill Luthor, and Luthor set a trap for the guy to admit it. Luthor comments that pudgy board member was too ambitious. Post-Crises Luthor should learn from that man because, unless you're David Xanatos, evil businessmen are fucking boring.

Back in the van, it turns out the monster was actually Super-Slime. She's so wonderful that Luthor wishes he had a hundred of her. CLONING FORESHADOWING BUM BUM BAH

Hey, we've got a back-up story about our monster/bum society living in the rape-tunnels under Metropolis.

I can some up this entire story in one sentience: Luthor learns there are super-powered monsters living under Metropolis.

There. I saved you from reading nine pages full of cliche homeless/outsider crap.

See, what did I tell you?

Now is time for pin-ups, because it's the nineties and the collectors market hasn't completely collapsed yet.

Boy, look at that Liefeld-esq Supergirl there. It don't get more "nineties comic" than that.

Speaking of bad art, I'm sure feeling the "majesty" of Wonder Woman in that ad. She looks like a melting action-figure, and the heads surrounding her look like squirrels.

I at least enjoy seeing god-king Spock rise from the ground.

The Big Guy is coming.

As you enjoy these ads and a little DC office news, stay-tuned for the next exciting issue! It's a magazine!

Really. That's the best way to describe it.

THE GRAVE CANNOT HOLD THE NEMOY! KING SPOCK WILL RISE AGAIN!

Underworlders are basically murderous mutant-aliens and hobos and ayys who aren't quite as murderous right? Right to a speedy hanging sounds too good for them.

Ever since I started this story-time, I've had a lot of questions about the underworlders.

Questions such as:

The whole thing is a massive legal grey area and bureaucratic nightmare.

Bingo.

The same reason he spent 75 million dollars a fake presidential campaign.
youtube.com/watch?v=sI0vtqxoG1k

But Superman's dead. There's nobody to piss off.

Do you see how frustrating this nuLuthor shit is? Superman's, Luthor's only major obstacle, is dead, and how does he take advantage of the situation? By pissing about with power suited goons and having meetings with city officials.

So much for being Superman's greatest foe.

Well he also has hair. I would imagine that without Superman and without baldness…..Well, there pretty much is nothing for Lex to desire. His underlying motivations have been fulfilled. He gained vengeance on the one who made him bald, as well as got his hair back.

Not sure what else is left for him to do.

Luthor's war is not over. He cannot sit idly by admiring the crimson locks that encircle him, for his glorious halo of hair isn't safe. He was bald before and he could be bald again. Some new, unseen misfortune might deprive him of his regained treasure. The world is too dangerous for his beautiful burning locks. It must subjugated, broken by his scientific might so his sunset mane may flourish in peace.

All right, let's finally put this depressing and boring part of the "Death of Superman" in the bag. Final issue of "Funeral for Friend".

To capitalize on their killing of an American icon, DC released NEWSTIME, a "magazine" like Newsweek or Time, except with a terrible, terrible name. To this end, a bunch of guys wrote articles and Warner/DC managed to get some quotes from public figures about Superman's death. While it first seems rather novel, it quickly becomes absolutely absurd.

But we'll get to that. First, the comic. Inside we're greeting by a two-page ad for beautiful Coast City. Housing available and great opportunities! Totally won't be wiped out by Mongul so that DC can start Emerald Twilight! Act now before Superman #80 drops!

We've got the magazine's letters pages, all about various articles from the previous issue (which doesn't exist). Aside from a nice mention of Dr. Thirteen, the rest are laughably ridiculous. There's just something about their attempts to make the DCU set in the "real world" that turns the whole thing stupid. Like their comparing of Lex Luthor II to Donald Trump. In the DCU, Luthor is the greatest businessman who has ever lived and owns practically everything. In that context, comparing him to a mere real-estate mogul is fucking retarded.

This is followed by a huge-ass wall of words from LexOil. This is another stupid thing that breaks suspension of disbelief. No fucking ad agency would allow such a shit ad to be printed in a major publication.

...

Their treatment of Jimmy Olsen, Giant Turtle Man, still annoys me.

As we get to the meat of the magazine, I realize that this comic isn't just capitalizing on the success of the death of Superman, but is also MORE FUCKING FILLER. They start reusing art from previous comics as "photographs", like the cheap shits that they are.

If you've been reading the comics along with me, then all of this is incredibly boring. If you haven't, then I'm sure you'd find it boring too.

Just when you think Superman getting punched to death is the most boring thing ever, you find out that someone writing about Superman getting punched to death is even more boring.

The only thing really interesting about these pages is the car ad.

At first, I thought was a dumb fake car ad, but looking it up, it's actually a reference to a comic book! CAMELOT 3000 was a comic published by DC in the eighties! It features King Arthur and the Round Table reborn in the distant future to fight off Morgan Le Fay's alien army! It was Brian Bolland's first major work in the US!

The more you know!

Now here's the real meat: the World Reacts.

While it's peppered with quotes from DCU figures, it features the real thoughts of actual cultural icons, such as William Shatner, Shaq, Dan Rather, and the lead singer of the Crash Test Dummies.

The quotes are rather depressing in retrospect. There's some real, heart-felt statements about the passing of one of their beloved childhood heroes, and DC just coldly used them to shill their event. Only Penn Jilette seemed to be aware of DC's scheme.

I really want to meet the writers and ask them how it felt to write reviews for movies and music that didn't exist.

We're at the end of "Funeral for a Friend". Get ready for the next exciting part of THE DEATH OF SUPERMAN!

REIGN OF THE SUPERMEN!

There is something so deeply unsacred here.

Has anybody watched "The Making of the Death of superman" documentary?

It's like watching people rationalize a collective murder. They all know what they did. Like these people talk the same way people who walked into Chernobyl talk.

Its not the talk of happy satisfied people.

It was sort of a joke that got out of hand

Well, he died in a few more media. Happy?

They are so proud of the worst qualities of this event. Where did they find people with such shit taste?

They started hiring fanboys.

I noticed how they got excited at "The Punchup" and how "It should just be punching!".

Like I guess just a comic of action could be…interesting but it needs to have stakes and scenarious.

The reason Supermans villains have plans is that without plans there generally are no stakes.

Hey reddit.

Hey Holla Forums

Like this cover.

...

Someone save part 1?.

Why Luthor look like a woman on third page?.

Looks like the "redditor" added more to the discussion than your bitching about formatting did.

Yeah…they just telegraphed the destruction of Coast City..

Heh.

The hairdresser has 5 fingers

Weird! He's probably a spy for the Underworld mutants.

I fucking lost track between the last thread and this one. Where did Superman have his climatic fight with Doomsday and (apparently) die?

user, check the catalog most of them are still alive.

The battle raged across like half of America and ended in downtown Metropolis.

Death of Superman Thread #1 unfortunately has fallen off the catalog. I checked the archive and found the thread 8ch.net/co/res/937964.html but none of comic pages were saved.

Luthor's face in the last panel of the second-last page.
Jesus CHRIST, did people just forget how to draw in the 90's?
Sigh, not much better than Calarts potatohead these days.

Well reddit, people like Liefeld were gaining traction around this time and these people were doing it for a decent pace and low costs, but eventually they did gain popularity causing them to increase their prices.

I don't think I've ever actually been to Reddit, let alone coming "from" it.

Is "sigh" a Reddit thing now? Maybe if I said "le sigh" or something I could understand spergy mcspergface getting all triggered like that one time I used it, but that was more of a Warner Brothers Pepe Le Pew reference than some verbal tic picked up from a site I generally try to stay away from.

tl;dr: Does this nigga's shit got any basis in objective reality or he just trippin?

Yeah, that's bad, but you're taking a bad face in one panel as representative of an entire decade, when that artist's work is mostly superior to comics art in general.

Typing out "sigh" has always been cringeworthy. Then again, calling everyone "reddit" or "Holla Forums" has gotten tiresome too.

Such a bad ting.