What a mess.
I can't have a clear mind in this moment, but my problem right now could be just what the fuck am i supposed to do? I'm an "adult" now, i'm supposed to be behaving like an adult, i see people out there shaming others for not behaving like "adults" and instead playing games all day instead of working and getting money to get wasted on alcohol and have sex.
Jesus, what does it all come down to? All i see is people different than me, i know i am more introspective than them, and that others fulfill with responsibilities of theirs, but whenever i look deeply into them i see kids, kids that are doing things the kid that i am doesn't consider fun, and after that they laugh at me, or rather, they're behind a window or something. I don't know.
I feel i'm trapped, but i'm not really bound. I have a bunch of data in my brain that tells me how a person ideally should be, i try my best to be that person and when i look out the window to those other people, so different, they're happy while i'm not. Being like them won't make me happy, them being like me i would like best, but that's not possible.
Just what the hell. Who the fuck am i supposed to be then? Every modern psychology and psychiatry are bullshit, at most a pill or two will give you a pull but the situation doesn't change. The dumbass sites tell me it's all subjective, that you compare too much etc, but if one's supposed to not compare, does one go blindly in this fucking life? Then for what reason does the normal behavior of others keep getting criticized so much? I'm sick of this modern solipsist bullshit.
Do you think leaving internet can help me ?