Ladycastle

Hey Anons, do you like well-thought out fantasy settings? Do you like interesting plotlines? Do you like character development?

Well fuck you! Have a comic with none of that: Ladycastle! It's about a castle. Full of ladies.

Anyway, it starts off with a princess in a tower, at first she seems to be a rip-off of Rapunzel from the Disney film of the same name except anarchist and with a pet snake. As far as I recall anarchism is never mentioned again

Anyway, apparently her father, King Mancastle, is away looking for a prince to marry his daughter while he keeps her locked up in a tower. You'd think that not being able to meet the lady in question might make most princes have second thoughts about marriage, but then again the King also apparently took literally every man in the castle with him so I get the feeling he isn't all that smart.

Anyway, turns out that Princess Rapunzel Aeve gets letters from the various women around town and acts as an agony aunt for them. Also her sister thinks she should just get married already.

There's some talking and we are met with the news that a man has returned! Sir Riddick! I'm sure he's going to be a serious character to balance out our otherwise somewhat drastically unbalanced gender ration in the cast.

I will never understand how they honestly think being ugly as sin is empowering somehow.

So yeah, it turns out that some wizard summoned a dragon to fuck up Mancastle. Guess his policy of dragging every man in the kingdom kind of backfired. For some reason Riddick thinks he can gain the crown simply through virtue of his penis but is interrupted the Lady of the well Lake from Arthurian legend makes a cameo appearance. She gives some exposition and the Blacksmith('s wife) yanks the sword out of her hand and gets declared King by the rest of the women. Apparently no-one has considered that the crown would descend to the Kings first-born daughter. Also apparently Merinor isn't the Queen but the King because of the exact phrasing of the aforementioned watery tart.

By the way, Aeve is free and gives us another edgy remark that will never go anywhere.

For the first act of her questionably legitimate reign, the 'King' forms a round table, invites all the locals over and renames the place Ladycastle. I'd agree that Mancastle is a bit shit but that new name isn't exactly better. Anyway, a shit-ton of girls turn up despite our sole male resident being a shitlord and by the end of the day a bunch of them are even knighted. Man, if only they'd let women into the military sooner Mancastle and company would have learned that it doesn't take years of training as a squire, a decent amount of personal wealth and political connections to be let into the military caste, just a training montage highlighting how little prior training they've had!

By the way apparently Aeve can't leave the castle without some curse hitting her and the castle is under attack by dragons.

Oh wait it isn't dragons. Riddick gives the ladies some good advice in "Just kill everything", an example more people could learn from. Anyway it turns out that the castle is under attack from Salamanders dropping from the sky. Not sure why, anyway I', sure they'll make for a dangerous threat of som- Oh wait, no. The Ladycastle Knights just scoop them up into jars to use as lanterns.

Well that was disappointing. Next issue we''ll see if an army of wolves are a bigger threat, just give me a bit of time to do stuff.

And I'm back. Issue 2 starts with our noble King realising that the treasury is bankrupt. I'd think being under siege by werewolves would be a bigger problem but apparently they all wandered off after the first issue so the monarch can go look at how the local crops were apparently burned by… Someone.

Anyway, apparently the wolves have returned/that earlier bit was happening while the castle was under attack by salamanders or a day has passed while no-one was looking. Anyway, the protagonists venture to the map-room to mock their token man and are informed by a Muslim guard that the wolves are of the supernatural kind. I point out this lady is a Muslim for something that'll come up in issue 3.

Anyway the King and her friends go to the castle library which everyone apparently forgot about. Given that this setting appears to lack modern conveniences like the printing press, most/all these books were probably done by hand and represent a tremendous investment of wealth. Selling them off would probably solve the castles wealth problem, if they actually had anything they needed to purchase.

Anyway, apparently the well maintained and well stocked library in the castle populated with highly literate women is apparently staffed by a woman sent there to be forgotten by a man who didn't want to see her after she got hit by a cart. Seems a bit counter-intuitive given that there was apparently no reason why people wouldn't visit it and see her but whatever.

Every fucking time.

Libray lady is retrained as a carpenter and we have a montage of women doing useful things to prepare a defence such as producing silver arrowheads, collecting leeches and… drawing furry comics? Composing songs? Bad comedy? Apparently the knights have managed to watch Braveheart though and the blacksmith lady-King tells the younger princess that everyone really does miss all those dead men. So I'm sure everything will go just- Huh, it looks like the women are actually about to get murder-raped by an army of angry werewolves, who'd of thought it?

Anyway, Aeve decides to use her nublie young maiden flesh to lure the 'wolves into her boudoir… In a non-sexual manner. She then decides to jump out the window.

Man, it's a good thing her horse was secretly a pegasus, right? What do you mean you don't recall that being the case? Anyway, the werewolves are non-lethally defeated and all get changed back into men after the night passes. Women are of course too smart to be transformed into abominations.

It's cute that they enforce the gender stereotypes they claim to be fighting.

Why do you do this?
Why not storytime something good

Anyway, the men are promptly humiliated and the made to piss around the castle before being kicked out. It should be pointed out that despite being locals and "Good King" Merinor demanding they address her as their liege she makes no attempt to aid them in defeating their own curse or consider enlisting their aid should the next night continue this escalation.

Anyway, we finally have our mass funeral for all the shitlords and we find out that the next threat is harpies.


Because storytiming mediocre-to-bad comics is the only way I can feel better about my life. That and I like complaining about things.

Issue 3! We're half-done now. Apparently like the Werewolves the Harpies are also playing by a "one-threat-a-night" rule. Unlike the Werewolves however they seem interested in negotiation.

What really pisses me off about all these fucking interchangeable comics is the way that virtually every singe one of them misses the point of its setting. It can be a world of vibrant and crazy super heroes. It can be high fantasy. It could be space future if more than a tiny number of female artists could be bothered to learn how to draw sci-fi stuff.

At the end of the day, it's all just set dressing for the creator's self-insert to engage in Whedonesque banter with her totally cool and zany friends. On those rare occasions that something which should be important happens, it's almost immediately resolved with zero tension and almost zero action. I can't stand seeing fantastical settings being put to waste like this even if it is just about the most basic bitch vanilla fantasy setting ever devised.

Also, this fucking art. It's like the artist understands how to draw each individual part of a human face in isolation, but has no clue how to assemble them into a cohesive whole.

…Who the hell is the audience for this awful crap? Like, who wrote this and said "I'm sure this will be a success on the market!" and who heard them say that and said "We shall publish this with the intent of seek profit from what will surely be millions of sales!!!"

Why do I get the feeling that the one with the leeches on page 12 is going to turn out to be a tranny in some way, but they are all so progressive that they just treat him like a real woman?

A mysterious figure gestures for the Princesses to enter her home. It turns out she's a slave that was bought here by King Mancastle on one of his foreign excursions. This off course shocks the current king who is firmly anti-slavery and informs her that she is a free woman. She admits that she's kept herself hidden because she's afraid of racism because her master said that everyone would hate her for being from the "Dune Lands". Apparently she didn't read issue 2 and spot the fact that Muslim guard. Regardless, after being informed that only men are racist she quickly removes her mask and explains that the harpies want a tea-party or death.

Does the author have pigs for hands, because this is hamfisted as fuck.
>MUHE VIL CISHET WHITE MEN OPPRESSING INNOCENT MUSLIMS DUNELANDERS

Meet Philcia! The Queen-to-be of Mancastle and step-mum of the princesses! She was never previously mentioned and has apparently spent the last few days sitting around in her room drinking tea waiting for a crisis that needed her to be brought in. Sir Men-are-dumb has a brief spurt of character development and apologies for being sexist and we get yet another day spent in a preparation montage.

Anyway, moving on to the actual threat of the issue, the tea-party! The announcer fucks up the names of the harpies and when their leader observes that she sounds like she's choking it turns out she really is! This apparently means that the harpies really do have the power to predict the future.

We've seen so many books like this that I can't help but wonder if there's a source for this formula out there, a blueprint all of these authors are copying.

They probably all group together and have the same template idea.

A second prediction goes off but rather confusingly affects the younger princess despite the harpy predicting that it would be her kind with tooth-ache. The harpy-leader explains that her people raid their neighbours because they can't farm food of their own (and apparently never thought to simply predict that they'd acquire fertile lands) and outright state that they figure they could take on the entire castle in a fight if it came to that. This then devolves into a food fight for some reason and apparently being a princess means something in a monarchy based around inaccurate usage of gendered titles and their random doling out. Apparently, the harpies should just try learning to farm their own land rather than raid others because that would be wrong (says the girl who was earlier claiming her favourite colour was the blood of her enemies).

Anyway, the offering of a spare field and the timely arrival of the castles "knights" with their three days of training causes the harpies to reconsider.

This reminds me of Dwarf Fortress. And now I'm reminded that I'll never see a comic about it. And now I'm sad.

...

The harpies accept in exchange for not burning the castle to the ground and teaching the ladies how to brew better tea.

In the wake of this victory, the princesses decide to adapt some Shakespeare so they can sound deep. The King meanwhile has apparently forgotten about the famine that was being hinted at in the second issue and is instead mediating on how without men this curse seems to have simply been an improvement.

Then there's a sudden badger kidnapping out of nowhere.

I like to think of it as"feminist faux-fantasy" and group it in with stuff like Princeless, Another Castle and that game idea that Feminist Frequency did. Basically it always seems to ape a formula of "princess trapped in tower for no real reason," "princess brakes out of tower and decides to go on a quest," "men are dumb/sexist/incompetent at things the princess succeeds at," "Princess wins and abolishes the monarchy". Other traits include everyone having "progressive" values, large non-white populations in an otherwise fantasy medieval Europe rip-off, and a lack of world building beyond the bare minimum (see: Ladycastle is apparently the only settlement in the entire kingdom).

Issue 4: The Finale!
It turns out that this time round the castle is to be attacked by the Black Knight and his posse of animals! Guess if you can guess the twist before it gets revealed at the end of the issue, it's a real shocker!

Anyway, Black Knight demands to see Mancastle and challenges the population of the castle arrange for a champion to fight him with the ownership of the castle at stake. The King corrects his inaccurate gender usage and accepts the challenge. As the only male, Sir Useless appears to be the only champion avalible until Princess Aeve calls the Black Knight a coward and steps up instead. Not sure what part of the Knights plan so far was cowardly, especially compared to the only other men we've seen so far but whatever.

Anyway, Aeve steps out to face the Black Knight and her curse turns her into a gorgon! Remember her curse? It's been mentioned a couple of times but never explained why she has it or what it does. Anyway, the Knight leave a trio of squirrels in her path and wanders off. The squirrels get stoned and our princess starts angsting and demanding a helmet because apparently that would shield her eyes?

Aeve angsts for a bit before the supporting cast arrive to support her and give her a helmet which removes her stone gaze. So much for that curse being a problem.

How does a leather helmet with NOT red glass lenses stop her stone turning stare?

Black Knight is mildly surprised by the revelation of the curse but in a surprising twist reveals himself to be a mage! Apparently he isn't massively surprised however and reveals that the curse was placed on Aeve by the King! That shitlord! Kind of ruins his plans to marry her off however as I suspect most princess would be a bit annoyed if the princess they married stoned them on their wedding day. You'd think some sort of tracking spell would have been more sensible.

Anyway, we've got a jousting song to get us in the mood, for some reason the writer didn't realise that jousting wasn't actually supposed to be lethal and so most of the song is about preparing to die.

Unsurprisingly, the girl who's spent the last few years locked up in a tower gets her arse kicked by the trained knight and Aeve offers to trade places with her sister for the night before the next round of the challenge.

That knight Aeve and the Black Knight talk about her feelings for her father. The Black Knight hints that he isn't who he appears to be and might have more to do with the curse than simply having been roped in by it to act as the latest heavy.

The tournament starts and immediately after the first round the Muslim chick decides the Black Knight must be cheating. After all, he's a man! There's no way a man could hit a bullseye in an archery tournament! Aeve also hitting the same area herself however is obviously due to those archery skills she honed while trapped in her tower without a bow. To counter this our Muslim friend pours something into the Knights quiver and as he takes his second shot (which lands close to the first). Meanwhile Aeve pulls a Robin Hood and splits her first arrow with her second, obviously she's just a talented archer.

With Aeve hitting her third arrow in the exact same place as the previous two and the Black Knight ballsing up his third shot, Aeve wins! The Knight is pissed at the ladies for cheating but the King counters that they were simply making things fair. This bullshit pisses the Knight off and he decides to stop screwing around and immediately starts the final trial without a nights rest! Will Aeve be able to out-think the mysterious stranger or will he take the castle? Have you worked out the Black Knights secret yet?

The black knight is black.

It sort of betrays their complete apathy towards the people they claim to be championing. If they gave a fuck about these minority groups, there would be an endless stream of imaginative and exciting concepts since they would actually care about that stuff. We would feel their love for them in their work.

But what do we have here? A bunch of generic stereotypes that have no personality whatsoever fighting for a bland fantasy kingdom that has no culture. Nothing about it interesting at all. It's just props and backgrounds so the author can bitch to their audience about problems they couldn't be bothered to research.

This isn't diversity. It's masturbation.

...

Just as the Knight is about to begin the final challenge by revealing to Aeve why her father recived the curse that killed him. King Merinor, the paragon of fair play, suggests to Aeve that she could simply remove her goggles and kill the Knight, Aeve refuses because killing was what her dad did and she doesn't want to be like him.

Anyway, the Knight poses a question, would Aeve choose to undo the dragon killing all the men of Mancastle or undoing her own personal curse? Aeve ponders this for a bit and the Black Knight reveals his secret, he's a woman! Obviously no man could learn magic so well or manage to avoid humiliating himself for so long. Only a woman could have such dignity! Anyway, Aeve chooses the hidden third option of removing the curse on Ladycastle because fuck men. With this the Knight removes the gorgon curse on Aeve and reveals herself to be the wizard that laid the curse on the castle! Apparently Mancastle had killed her husband and her whole Black Knight guise was just to see if the men of the castle were properly sorry about killing her husband. Apparently since none of the women were involved in that the curse has already worn off and she's going to go home to her tower to sit and be enlightened by what she's learned here. …But not before dropping a sequel hook that the dragon that ate all the men has a taste for the blood of the castles inhabitants and she can't change that.

Not that that matters however, because with Sir Riddick being a coward one final time we've finally reached the end of our story, hurah! Just remember Anons, men are dumb and everything they do is bad.


I didn't actually think of that. I'll take it, she's not white at the very least, give your self a star user.

Bugger

Why does it always turn out like this?

Course the old fucking wizard lady has piercings. Because why not. Next you'll tell me she has tattoos too but someone also a young and barely wrinkled body because she's a lady.

Jesus fucking Christ. Literally every single aspect of this was garbage. It disgusts me that this was green-lit, produced, and sold to customers.
It just revels in its shit and expects you to love it. I hope the people who made this get cancer.

Some artists can't get work and yet this gets printed and published.

And stopped reading, nope fuck that shit.

This whole comic is like some unholy union of Princeless and Rat Queens. It also manages to be even worse than either of those two.
It's also worth noting that despite black blacksmith being name king, it is still princesses who call the shots. Besides, what happened to the sword after first issue and why wasn't it used in the duel? Why didn't they even try to use it against werewolves?

There are people on this board who can draw and write better than that. Submit your work to Boom!, faggots. If something this bad gets a book, there is no reason to not try it yourself.

I want to fuck that harpy and build a big happy family

FAT
Why? How? How can she fucking fly?! Fuck!
still would impregnate the white one

Never mind

Because the systems that control our media are fundamentally broken in ways that won't yet come to bite it in the ass until years from now.

It never stops being funny how, despite all their talk of diversity, these types always seem to invent the same small handful of characters, including "Ambiguously Brown Ginger", "Giant Negress", and "Tom Hiddleston".

Don't you mean, build a harpy family? ;^)

But it's not about the quality. If it were, this wouldn't get published. It's purely about the virtue signalling. And I ain't lowering myself to that.

You need to go back, carlos!

Boom! is actively looking for shit like this, my man. They want "diversity" books, not diverse books.

As part of a large book on the decline of the white race, I want to cover why beautiful girls turn themselves ugly when they go through college, cutting off all their head hair while growing out their body hair and piercing and tattooing themselves everywhere. My theory is elites want white woman to be unattractive so white men wouldn't want to reproduce with them, so both will end up with non-whites but I have zero proof. Anyone got any evidence of professors or others trying to turn young women ugly?


Dunelander would be a perfect new racial slur, like skype for Jews and googles for blacs.

They could even do something clever like how DnD let's their gorgons MEDUSAE see through their snakes with their main eyes closed or covered if they want to avoid petrifying something. Well Eberon medusae anyway.

The reality is that the SJWs and the like are all just puppets of bigger (((powers))). They let them do all this crazy shit because it makes women look worse. Making men more gay. Spreading their satanic agenda around.

It works exactly as intended, user.
Do not deny the craftsmanship behind this lovely system of death.

Reading OP's summaries after each post was more fun than the actual comic. You know what pisses me off? You have feminists always bitching how an impossibly built tough guy is a power fantasy, and to some extent that is true, but at least there is an in-universe explanation why Batman can take all sorts of abuse and run a multi-billion dollar company while hardly ever sleeping. Here on the other hand women can do anything if they just want to. Want to be a knight? Fuck training, just grab a sword by the correct end and you'll figure out the rest along the way. After all, if a man can do it, how hard can it really be? It's all just one giant ego-masturbation trip.


You know, having a curse that turns you into a gorgon could have been interesting, it could have opened up new problems and new solutions to problems, it could have opened up a new quest for find a cure for the curse and the people who got stoned. It could have posed a moral dilemma onto the character of when it is right to use this new power. She could have stopped the black knight without effort, but at what price?

Thank the gender-non-specific-one-or-more-deitis-that-may-or-may-not-exist, there just so happens to be a book in the library for this specific topic at hand and the solution is just red-tinted glasses. The entire curse is a complete non-issue. Phew, the writer just dodged having to write an actual plot. I swear, this whole thing reads like a parody.

That completely failed to catch on and it never will because it's fucking stupid.

What's that? You're a wheelchair-bound librarian? Grab a saw!! You're now a carpenter/engineer because why not? What's so hard about tools?

Also fuck that one squirrel squire apparently, he doesn't deserve to be de-petrified

Go and look up the sales figures for this shit. It started with less than 5,000 sales and then did so shit it hasn't even charted at all in the past 5 months.

What's next?

Half this shit's not supposed to "catch on", it's just funny watching journalists who claim to be "on the inside" of the "secret racist websites" in the "darknet" kvetch about it.

Nobody actually believes the media anymore. I don't see why you'd waste your time with them, concerning the bigger fish.

Man, don't mourn that much please.

But it stick on the princess for so many years.

This was shit.

Sometimes its all about intimidation and numbers.


As far as twists go, this one is pretty good. I wonder if keeping her from turning into an all-petrifying mosnter is why King Mancastle was trying to marry her to someone.

Whats with SJWs who keep creating good villanious figures? (of course King Mancastle was a villain.Hes a man therefore a villain)


King Mancastle cursed his own daughter into turning into a monster if she ever tried to leave, or King Mancastle cursed a monster into being a human within the confines of his castle?


Did the witch lift a curse, or merely cursed a gorgon into being human again?

There is a much better story here somewhere, waiting for someone better to write it.

nepotism

So the comic about how great women are is 24 pages of hamfistedly stealing from movies written and directed by men? You know damn well that they haven't read any of the books those movies were based on

They could at least have had the decency to make them look like Cyclop's goggles.

Reading your narration of this comic is far more entertaining than the actual comic itself. Good work, you'll be spared when we release the anti-goy bioweapons.

God fucking damnit, I recognize the woman next to Kill la Kill girl, but I cant remember her name for the life of me.

Can someone fill me in, and sorry for asking a non Holla Forums question?

Nah, the "skypes" and "googles" thing was a half-assed operation forced by a bunch of newfags who thought they could game the system and make a bunch of large company names and brands come up in search results with a bunch of racist stuff. They thought they could make big corporations panic by re-associating their names with racism/sexism.. which isn't how search results work, and is completely fucking retarded.

Getting journos to freak out and declare that whole milk is a sign of white supremacy isn't the same thing.

KYS

That's not Mihoshi, tho.

...

You're both mistaken. Best girl will always be our lady and savior, Ayeka.

Enjoy your stupid klutzy broad and shrill mega-bitch

Mihoshi>Ayeka>Ryoko>Kigame>Sasami>Washu>Ryo-ohki


Mihoshi a cute, pls no bully.

I brought my own.

Who is that guy?


No wonder this comic feels so familiar it has basically the same premise as Princeless.


Let me guess there will be a Monty Python reference in this somehow.


True enough fam.

Die.

The Nuclear Negro a.k.a EventStatus on youtube, he's been talking about videogames for years. Pretty good if you care about videogame controversy and fighting games.

Y'know its weird. I watched Tenchi Muyo as a kid but barely remember anything from it other than the beach bikini contest episode and that Tenchi's grandfather was originally from outerspace or something and wields a lightsaber at one point.

Now that you mention it that name does sound familiar.

It's worth re-watching if you want a harem animu that isn't awful.

OP thank you for posting this comic and you additional commentary with each set of pages.

This fucking comic, I swear is just a shallow medieval fantasy comic, whipped up very quickly with little research and knowledge of the period and only with the idea of woman good, men bad!, diversity! and from a single viewing of Monty Python YouTube clip not the whole movie

There seems to be a clear attempt at voiding any kind of action scenes involving sword swinging, while fighting off the Charmander's mass swarm of small salamanders would have actually been an interesting opponent for the new inexperienced female knights to go up against (instead of being pulverized by a large dragon). Nope, here's the princess remembering some not foreshadowed advice from Hagatha (the only good name this story provides) about salamanders to befriend them for the benefit of the castle.

Here's a plot hole for you, where are the male children and infants? Did the king really take a bunch of

Because these people don't want diversity, they want tokenism, they want perfect Mary Sues that can do no wrong and are perfect in every way, they are scared of showing women or non whites in a negative light and they legit think that people read comic books because they want someone to look up to, even though people read comics because they are a form of escapist media that don't represent the real world.

And when you call them out on their shit they'll call you a sexist/racist/whatever the fuck they can think of, all the while they shame men for liking anything that caters to them because you know, sexy fictional women in comic books is harmful to women somehow!

I've been thinking about my own fantasy setting for a while and I'm glad to see mine won't turn out like this.

Oy vei muslima we're physicians, not a costume!

Sad!

This is the wonderful educational benefit of these bad comic storytimes, you learn more from reading bad comics (by not repeating their mistakes) than from good comics

Or swap out comics for any other medium and the same applies.

Fucking get out of here.