Okay, I figure out I can make the thread here, since /a/ doesn't allow for gaijin OC

Because "and then everyone got raped to death!" is a moronic attempt to try and make the story gruesome and dark, but it comes off as edgy faggotry.

I want it to have dark shit, I'm mostly trying to copy berserk.

I didn't wrote he rapes them to death though.

Pro-tip: when starting a thread on Holla Forums, don't talk about how you're only posting here because your topic isn't allowed on the anime board.

Give up on writing. You have no sense for it whatsoever.

I'm trying to write a harem anime story.

For more serious works I'll try another stories.

Even by the standards of harem anime, your idea is moronic.

Don't write at all.

I'm trying to write an edgy story.
I needs more work, designing the character personalities, how the fit togheter, the character arcs, the motivation, the lore of the world, the development arcs, the bittersweet endings, the failed goals, the acomplished goals, the mirror plots, the subyacent context, how the mc follows the hero's journey, how to develop the story.

It needs a shit ton of effort.

I know what are the rules of writing and narrative.

You clearly fucking don't, because that shit is terrible.

If it's all because you don't put enough effort in, then fucking do that first before asking for opinions.

Though you're a raging autist to even trying to make a ~anime harem piece~ as a foreigner. You know what that's just fucking called? An erotica. A terrible erotica that no one is going to buy, not even your mom, because she's gonna see this piece of shit and disown you, both for the terrible writing and for the degenerate shit.

I want to write a harem story, but then I keep thinking about berserk.

sure.

don't plan on making money.

Why did you make a thread, OP?

because I wanted to talk about it, dunno why everyone is sperging.

I think they did because the purpose of this thread is not related to the board we're in, he argues he wants to make a harem anime story; This goes either in a writing board (Or a writefag thread in here) or in /a/, where he's been ignored. His grammar is bad (He should write it in his mother tongue and look for advice in a place with said language) and the whole thing doesn't make sense at all.

First of all, you need to have an outline of the main events that are going to take place in the story, from start to finish to prevent you from adding more and more and never finishing the novel. With that outline, write the story and make sure to read it a couple of times and make sure to get someone to help you with the grammar, punctuation and all that (I would recommend you to try and write the novel in your language to minimize errors).

In general, I believe you're misguided. If it's supposed to be a harem, why are you trying to make it edgy? What's the purpose of the novel by doing that? And you're throwing zombies or monsters just for the heck of it, or at least it seems that way, making the story too convoluted.
Also, the rape out of nowhere has any meaning outside making you know the bad guy is bad/giving the main character have a reason to hate bad guy?

You say you want to "copy" Berserk, but I think you don't get the point of things like the Casca rape, it's not rape for rape sake, or even to make Guts mad, it's a bit more profound than that and its impact in fiction and in reality by readers and fans comes from the already established characters and tension between them. Go back to Chapter 1 and pay attention to the story if you really want to "copy" it.

...

It's so Griffith can see if he's overcome the emotions he used to view as a hindrance. It's not that profound.