Help

how to stop suicidal thoughts?

heres some background info:
ive always been shut down with my emotions and been a severely depressed piece of shit. but then i finally found a person i felt comfortable letting into muh safe space: my therapist, who was really nice and qute and it felt really comfy actually feeling a genuine connection to someone.
the problem is that our relationship reached that level during our last few appointments and i cant see her anymore because of the stupid limitations of the public mental healthcare.
so it feels really shitty to finally have actual feels with someone and have a breakup almost immediately after that.

now im left a fucked up emotional mess who doesnt find any interest in anything anymore and im feeling suicidal.

also if i dont hero i dont know whether to use this opportunity to turn my life around and start climbing towards normal, social and balanced lifestyle or wether to just crawl back into my shell, lockdown my emotions and slowly heal back to being the emotionless neet bastard i used to be.

genuine emotions fucking suck, at least when you learn them this late.

Other urls found in this thread:

pharmrev.aspetjournals.org/content/68/2/264
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4567437/
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

I wish I knew the answers. In the meantime, the horsepill has brought me joy and satisfaction.

The point of therapy is not to make a friend. The point of therapy is to get the patient to an emotional state in which they can continue to live their lives again.

Your therapist is there to help you move on from your issues and help you take control of your life so that you're not feeling suicidal after realizing that the person you pay to see is not there to be your friend.

Simple, just kill yourself.
Stopping ==all== thoughts guarantee.

I haven't actually tried this method, thanks user :-DDD

Go work at a vet, watch animals be put down and die. Be sure to drink every night so you at least sleep. Do this for 5-7 years and you will come out with no emotion.
My sister started a cat rescue then left the country. She also collect other animals my family wanted to keep and I had to take care of. I have had to watch many things suffer and die and after a while I can't feel anything anymore. I've dug so many holes to lay the corps down in that I can't keep count. If you go down this path you wont be able to relate much with anyone who thinks emotions are important.

The ideal solution? Don't build your identity on external affirmations, instead create your identity through your own choices.
More realistic one? Find an idea/goal and devote yourself to it. And I mean a real goal like getting fit, becoming a fucking monk, basically picking up an rpg class within your society and sticking to it, surrounding yourself with people affiliated with that role.

If you don't find interest in anything then maybe try reading about something outside of your comfort zone? Something that could challenge you, shit like that.

yea i know. but we just became very very close and the feeling was mutual. me being the first timer when it comes to genuine emotions i got a bit too attatched to her after she became the first person i ever actually felt comfortable letting near me.
the main reason ive always been on an "emotional lockdown" before is because of this. bringing out emotions makes me vulnerable as fuck.

You say that but you came here to make a thread asking for advice about your relationship with your therapist. You may "know it" on an intellectual level, but you have not internalized it. You are paying this woman to listen to you. She will never be your friend. Accept that and move on.
Welcome to being a human.

Is this not like with any women?

No, with women that aren't therapists you essentially pay to fuck them, not for them to listen to you.

you're right. i definitely need some goals to work for and leaving the comfort zone would be good for me. i need some time to clear my head from this emotional blizzard but ill try to come up with something when i get a grip of my own thoughts again.

i think one thing that created kind of an "illusion" of the friendship with her was the fact that it didnt cost me anything as it was provided by public healthcare. there were no paperwork or bills so it didnt feel like a "service i was a customer of". it just felt like she was a nice woman who i met every now and then. and the other thing that affected the whole situation was the fact that i actually really enjoyed talking to her and socializing isnt something ive enjoyed before.

Well then you should take the positive feelings and energy that you got from the interaction with your therapist and put that into a real relationship that you build. This could be with someone who is just a friend, or it could be with a potential lover. Personally I believe you should get a gf so you can simulate the experience you have with your female therapist. Just be sure that you are building the relationship on shared values, really get to know the person so you don't build up another "illusion" of closeness as you called it.

you must be a child still to think that a fucking PAID therapist actually has feels for you. She studies fags like you as a job, she sure as FUCK wouldn't want to spend any of her precious free time with a pathetic piece of shit like you. grow the fuck up.

this is actually what my therapist mentioned also. she said to think the realtionship we built between us as a "practice" and that it would be easier for me to built this type of connection to another person in the future as i've done it once now.
all this has happened in such a short time that theres a lot to take in and its really hard to think clearly and keep the balance between emotions and sense currently, i hope it gets better soon.
but thanks for your replies, you rarely get quality answers here.
getting feedback from others, even if they were random anons, really brings more perspective into things.

No problem user. Just really try to take in the last part of my previous reply. Get to know the person you are interested in, and remember that to get to know someone else on more than a superficial level, you have to know yourself first. I know it sounds cliche, but self-knowledge is one of the most important factors in a successful relationship, sexual or not.

Good luck on your adventures, and remember this snek in a hat whenever you're sad

It's common for patients to develop strong feelings for their therapists. It's almost universally recognized as something that has to be overcome in the therapeutic relationship. If it's any consolation, you would have had to move past it in order for your therapy to be effective. It's a pity the public healthcare system left you hanging in the middle of the process, though.

Transference (German: Übertragung) is a phenomenon characterized by unconscious redirection of the feelings a person has about a second person to feelings the first person has about a third person. It usually concerns feelings from an important second-person relationship from childhood, and is sometimes inappropriate.

(absolutely impressive)
Those digits compel you to take as much normalcattle as possible with you on your way out.

...

Depression is a "sickness behavior". Isolation and low activity are what animals do when they are diseased, so other members are less likely to be afflicted. Your issue is that you don't have an infectious agent you can fight and recover from, but have something else that has been chronically wrong with you for years. This is why lots of people are NEVER helped by talking about their feelings or filling up on prescriptions that fuck around with neurotransmitters in ways no one really understands. Those pills can sometimes be helpful, but only after you get your body what it needs first.

Each "depression" is completely unique to an individual, but functionally can be treated for the most part as a nutrient deficiency.
First thing to try is 400mg of chelated magnesium (mag citrate/oxide also work, but are poorly absorbed and make you shit when you start taking them). This will very likely stabilize you in several days. It doesn't make you feel better, but it helps you to stop feeling terrible.
-Also do Vitamin D, zinc and antioxidant.
-I also suggest a B complex vitamin with a bio available folate (not folic acid, which some people cannot use!). Stop using this if you get increased anxiety, instability or become manic. B vitamins do the opposite of what a minority of people need.
-Things like cucurmin can help with hidden inflammation issues, which can also cause depression.
-Stop eating sugar/carbs as much as possible(this included alcohol as well). Sugar is your fucking poison. If you do need to eat something with sugar, eating it with protein lessens the harmful effects.
-Stop eating ALL grains(beer too) and cheese for several weeks and see if that helps. Celiacs disease can take subtle forms like depression, rather than the more obvious digestive distress. Another issue is that you could only be partially digesting gliadorphin(wheat/gluten) and casomorphin(cheese), which results in these morphine analogs flooding your brain and fucking you up.
-You could also have subtle general food allergies, but that's pretty hard to figure out without a test.
-Take a priobiotic. Your gut biome is very important, and directly effects some of your neurochemicals.
-Get to sleep and wake up on time and consistently. Stop looking at any blue light a few hours before going to bed. Melatonin is also great.
-Change what you do. Don't mope around in the exact same spot everyday. At least move things around.
-If you are a guy, things which increase testosterone are good. Try liquid pine pollen extract.
-Exercise also helps, but asking a person with no willpower to exerciser is generally pointless.

Pic related is a great reference for things to look into do. Seriously, things have advanced since a few decades ago, and some clever dudes are finally putting the pieces together about what the fuck is actually going on with depression and how to deal with it. I basically fixed my shit (lifelong dysthymia) with magnesium and removing carbs from my (keto) diet.

suicide will stop all thoughts, including suicidal thoughts.

pharmrev.aspetjournals.org/content/68/2/264

i die knowing i have truly seen all things

you mean codswallop.

Dunno, getting on testosterone helped my depression massively. There's something to be said for dietary/hormonal imbalances playing a part in mental health or lack thereof

He didn't advocate TRT though. He advocated for behavior modification, which is a sound idea, as well as for illogical broscience stuff.

Despite the psuedo science eplanation why this works, this is probably the best advice on depression I've ever seen given. It also does wonders for anxiety. It's not a fix all. Your job will still stress you out, and losing family etc will still make you depressed, but your mood will be stable and your energy higher. I wish someone had told me this exact thing 15 years ago. It took me a long ass time to figure out I needed to remove dairy, wheat, and soy from my diet (you will have to look pretty hard to find foods without them). It took me even longer to discover cleated magnesium, and most recently I have found a pro biotic that works. Anything with s boulardii is generally good (pro tip most of them are garbage meant to cash in on the probiotics meme). I also exercise, but honestly, while it is good for you, fixing your diet does much more. Its more important than money, than a girlfriend, than status, or power. If you own a car you put oil in it when it need oil, gas in it when it needs gas. Until you have that covered, there is no point in getting a new paint job. It's common sense when you realize your body and mind are like a machine. I actually consider my self happy even though I was suicidal for 13 years. (Disclaimer: this won't work for every case but poor nutrition is so wide spread that it is highly unlikely to do nothing for you)

For background I have tried every class of anti - depressant pharmaceuticals and none were nearly as effective as magnesium. Lexapro worked reasonably well for me but every single one has very prevalent side effects. Intead of feeling "normal" you feel fucked up in the head in such a way that you happen to feel less depressed. If you want to be a school shooter though, ssri's are the way to go.

Good point. TRT for everybody!!

You should do exercises.
human body isn't meant to be on his ass in confined space all day long, your body and brain won't work properly.

Go jogging in some green area at least 3 times a week for 30~45 minutes.
if your condition doesn't improve after 2 months it means your brain chemistry is naturally fucked and you may need to take SSRI for the rest of your life.

You ever consider going outside and talking to people

It is definitely pseudoscienc-y, but not nearly as much as a billion dollar industry that is barely fixing anyone and has far less logic on how it works. I work in agriculture, so and I see sickness behavior all the time, so when I see things like this ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4567437/ it makes perfect sense.
My big thing is to turn people away from time wasting bullshit like talking about feelings, and help them realize they are a malfunction bag of chemical reaction and not some nebulous cloud of bad energy fated to suffer. While still poorly explored, there a concrete reasons they can be helped. Hell, part of my job is doing nutritional analysis on plants to maximize yield, but for some reason it took me years to realize that I'm not some sort of being that has ascended from the rules of our physical nature.
Man I know this exact feel. I also watched people around me on depression meds and while it may sound odd, even though I didn't even realize I had depression in my teen years, I instinctively did everything I could to avoid being exposed as depressed to avoid that shit.

I forgot about mentioning soy, thanks for that. Soy and other xenoestrogens do terrible things to testosterone.

I've not yet found a good reference for 'what' probiotics to use and why, just that if someones gut it trashed, then a lot of things will be better than what they have. Thanks for mentioning s boulardii, any reason why you recommend it?

I'm hardly qualified to talk about this stuff beyond having been seriously helped as you have been, but even while shitposting on imageboards I can't stand by without at least trying to develop a copypasta that'll provide new possibilities to people. Eventually I'll sit down and scan some of the books I have, and make an image that's easily passed around with this general overview.
It should be noted that a lot of this stuff actually helps ADHD as well.

As the old saying goes, "Kill your thoughts. Do not allow your thoughts to kill you."

There is help if you know where to look.

Try actually working towards your real goals.

Also stop masturbating. That depression is gods way of telling you that you should be disappointed in yourself

fuck off you nigger

Find something to keep you busy. Hobby, buy a pet and talk or play with it when you're sad, pets can really help

It can actually survive stomach acid. A lot of the probiotics out there are already dead, or can't survive stomach acid. It's not the only option, and I am sure that there are other options. That particular strain is recommended for treating 'ibs'. Ie people who can't tolerate an American diet of salt, carbs, sugar, and preservatives, so over 50% of the adult population.

OP here. i didnt honestly think i would get this many informative/reasonable/supportive answers considering this is 8/b/ afterall. thanks for all the replies and ill definitely look into things and find more about nutrients/diet also

kys
sage

Do pushups fgt. Or else drink until you can’t think.

Prozac don't do shit .

it's better to do some exercise or just go for a long walk

right on, mang. we at Holla Forums have justified our existence, even if only for one more day