I shit on people's porches at night AMA

If you shit on my porch I would stick your nose in it.

Would you stick your nose in it tho?

No just OP's

Do you ever have runny ones on peoples porches?

whats the best food to eat before you shit on someones porch?

If your porch is enclosed, is the mailman open hunting when he delivers packages?

McDonalds.

You gotta eat 3-5 dried prunes, drink water but also have some oats or ground chia seeds. This way you'll have plenty of volume but the fibre will keep it together and prevent it from becoming runny.

Have you ever been busted for shitting on porches?

I shat in a urinal in middle school once. There was an assembly because of it and it was mandatory that the entire school attended. Didn't even end up getting caught.

Once the lights went on and I heard someone storming down the stairs and yelling. I pulled up my pants, hopped on my bicycle and was gone.

Do you ever taste it?

nah man, i'm not a weirdo or anything

...

I bet you smeared shit all over your pants while sitting on a bike seat after taking a dump without wiping

He should sell them on ebay.

You should cover the shit in leaves or newspaper and set it alight. Ring the doorbell and hide in a bush

too common for Op's taste.

that's too destructive in my opinion, they're already been rustled by having to see and clean up my shit. troll responsibly.

You should paint with it.

sounds like a lot of work just to shit on someones porch. would you say your shittings are pre-meditaded? literally first degree shittings

whyat was your reasonibg to shit in the urinal?

were you special ed?

Is it a misdemeanor ?

never heard of an anti-shitting-on-porch law. if its not specifically illegal, then it must be legal.

they are rarely spontaneous. you need to walk by past an ideal crime scene first and then return later.

I'm writing my local representatives at this very moment

How small is your neighborhood? Are there rumors about the recent rise in porch-shittings?

let me help you write it.
paste what you wrote so far

would be pretty cool if my bread would result in a new law tbh

you should kill yourself for saving that picture

...

...

triggered pole detected

Gonna need to see some pics, hommie.

I'm writing my member of parliament as we speak.

only the ones given the gift should be able to see and savour the sight of it, hence i never take pics

Dear Representative,
I have only just recently become aware of the rising crime known as porch-shitting. As a porch-owner and a concerned member of the community, I am upset over the lack of polic involvement in the prevention of porch-intrusion and consequently porch-shitting. I propose a new law be created for new act of vandalism. The "Anti-Porch-Shitting" bill need not be a big deal, but rather a local law to help mitigate the crisis. Though the act may fall under vandalism or indecent exposure, certain offenders have been getting off due to holes in the current legislation. Thank you for everything you've done for the community.
Sincerely, your concerned citizen.

OP IS A FAG CONFIRMED

I'm cutting and pasting this for my MP.

not at all, i'm married and we're pregnant

she doesn't know about my nocturnal activities btw

found op's wedding pictures

Thanks, the more widespread and accepted we can get this the more likely other communities will pass similar laws.

should be police involvement

oh thanks

you should expand on which holes they are getting off on

...

do you ever single out victims? have you ever porch-shitted as an act of revenge? how did it start?

have you ever anonymously shitted your wife or her family/friends?

You know the FBI can get your DNA from your shit?

What do you do during the day?