And then sit back and smother the pain with an unknown dose of an unknown drug made in somebody's fucking kitchen.
Choose unfulfilled promise and wishing you'd done it all differently. Choose never learning from your own mistakes.
Choose watching history repeat itself. Choose the slow reconciliation towards what you can get, rather than what you always hoped for. Settle for less and keep a brave face on it.
Choose disappointment and choose losing the ones you love, then as they fall from view, a piece of you dies with them until you can see that one day in the future, piece by piece, they will all be gone and there'll be nothing left of you to call alive or dead.