How do I get Holla Forums Premium?

What mushroom man are you talking about OP?

It says I need premium to view it, which seems odd. Should I contact somebody about this error?

The mushroom man falling forever on the bottom right. It gets in the way a lot.

Yeah. You should be able to PM the mods on /premium/ once they contact you and give you an account there.

Get your licensed copy of the Holla Forums memebership disk provided to you via postal. For safety measures, the disk uses a two-factor authentication system: first, before the disk is even readable, you have to verify that you are a human. Secondly, it must have enough DNA to confirm that you are the owner of the premium subscription. Simply slide your member in the disk hole, and the disk will automatically take a rather small tissue sample. Please remember to put a bucket below yourself beforehand, as the tissue sample and some of your human ichor, along with the disk, will fall onto the floor otherwise. You will need around 8 pints of ichor for the disk to bathe in, as it takes a lot of DNA to rapidly verify. Within 10 seconds of the disk falling into the bucket, the tissue sample should dissolve, and the disk will glow a hellish orange. This means the disk has confirmed you are human from the specific type of hemoglobin in the ichor. Wait 8-10 business days later, and the disk should have turned from the radiant orange to a color that can only be described as "actual black light". Also, The bucket should be completely empty of blood. Now, depending on your exposure time and proximity to the disk, it might not be completely activated, as it might not be completely up to date. Up to date disks exhibit several characteristics: one, the presence of a disembodied voice whispering a randomly-selected dead language (don't worry, this is a feature for those who lost their disk during the activation process, as the whispering is pierces through all matter and is proximity-based) two, the disk should have several glowing, blood-red runes inscribed on the printable side. These runes are simply the newst form of portihle data storage, and you should not be worried if they start rearranging themselves into your native language, perhaps even creating long descriptions of a classical depiction of hell. Three, depending on your faith, contact with the disk can cause: a very hot or cold sensation, feelings of meglomania, depression, suicidal thoughts, greed, pride, gluttony, lust, wrath, sloth, and/or envy, out of body experiences, complete lack of sensation, etc. If your disk is not updating fast enough, simply sit in close proximity with it for a time until you black out and your memory temporarily stops working. Once everything is complete, simply insert your disk into a DVD-R compatible device. If you do not possess one of these, check again. You will notice that a DVD-R reader has always been on your device, regardless of what your memory, intuition, and instincts tell you. A number of other files within the DVD will appear. They may have strange names and antiquated or unsual filetypes. Ignore these. Even if the file names offer you the secrets of life and death, IGNORE THESE. It is for your own good. Search through the list for the file named "Holla Forums.premium". Once you click it, you may be temporarily displaced. Often times users report after this that the date will change; this is normal, and it is simply you misremebering the date before you run the program. Also, Users often find that they have strange markjgns or tatoos along their body after the installation. Don't worry about that, it's just us branding you with your premium membership. Afterwards, the disk should not be in your device, as it has vaporized to prevent illegal copying. You should be able to view Holla Forums premium images and posts now, and the above text (and any copies of it) should either be gone or incomprehensible.

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Left-wing journalist detected

I just want less mushroom man not more.

You want only the tip?

>newcucks spelling ∞chan wrong

I might answer your question depending on who your waifu is?

Asuka.

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Good taste lad.

Not sure if trolling, or just autistic, but I'll help anyway.
See in the top right where it says options? Click it
Click the accordion menu that says "board specific CSS"
Change it to any of the other options (I prefer Yotsuba 2, but dark is good too)
That's it.

Extra internet points if you find the SECRET MESSAGE in capture 3 :DDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!1

Preview first:
www26.zippyshare.com/v/FiNd2x9y/file.html
www26.zippyshare.com/v/FiNd2x9y/file.html
www26.zippyshare.com/v/FiNd2x9y/file.html
www26.zippyshare.com/v/FiNd2x9y/file.html
www26.zippyshare.com/v/FiNd2x9y/file.html
www26.zippyshare.com/v/FiNd2x9y/file.html
www26.zippyshare.com/v/FiNd2x9y/file.html

Stop spoonfeeding newfags.

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There is a reason this place is filling up with 4chan tier cancer. Retards like you let them in.

The reason this place is filling up with halfchan cancer is because they're running out of jew_approved_memes(TM) and come looking for more edgy stuff. Until we can think of another way to give the kiddies their fix, it'll keep happening

the current defense plan of making every board on 8ch as shitty as possible seems to be working tbh

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God.Damn.It.

Can't even remember the name of the board owner of GGHQ, but his waifu was Asuka. I remember that.

And I don't even fucking follow anime.

Christ died because he was a delusional faggot.

Wow who would post on a board where the bo has a waifu as shitty as Asuka?

Post your real name in the name field, your credit card number and security code in the subject, and email in email field, this info will be sent to Jim's administration and you will have Holla Forums premium.

Serana.