The company I'm working for is going to have a "team-building" weekend, and I'm not feeling fucking up to it

The company I'm working for is going to have a "team-building" weekend, and I'm not feeling fucking up to it.

So here's the scoop. I'm working at an office with people more than twice my age and my boss thought it would be a good idea for us to get to know each other better, so she booked a hotel 4 hours away from where we work, organized some activities innawoods, improv acting classes and a spa for the final day.
Now all of this shit would have been bearable if we had access to alcohol, which we don't, so I'm looking for a way to get out of it because the thought of having to spend MY spare time in the company of people who think Avatar and Inception are the peak of modern cinema, haven't played a video game other than mine-sweeper and think briskly pacing between stops in the fucking woods is a "fun" way to spend a weekend makes me want to pour bleach in my ears. Oh, and we're not getting paid while we're there.

My boss is a real stickler for this shit tho, and won't accept calling in sick unless I can produce a hand written note by a doctor supporting it, and I'm currently feeling fine.

Are there any fool-proof ways of getting out of this shit? It's mandatory and I can't just say "I don't wanna" unless I wanted to "make it up to her" by bringing breakfast to the office for a week. I'd also prefer not actually getting sick, I have shit to do on the weekend.

Bang your boss.

No fucking way, she's already treating me like some boy-toy she can give cute nicknames and talk down to.
I only indulge her because she's my boss, and I think that it makes up for how I give zero fucks how our business goes. I get there, I do my job and I get paid. Simple as that. No reason to complicate it.

a woman runs your life.
I would quit. NOt your job but your life, just go live in the woods and think about what a faggot you're being

That comes later, the more pressing matter is the team-work weekend.

Da fuck does that mean?
OP, you are going to have to go and fake having a good time, man. The world won't end.
Just meditate on making yourself mentally check out. If you can do that they trip will be over 'fo you know it.

Give me your job since you want to be a little whiney baby about having to spending your time with other people.

It's orienteering, didn't know the english word for it.

I agree that the adult thing to do is just tough it out, but I have absolutely nothing in common with these people. They're much older than me, we studied different things, they're not interested in me and I bet most of them wouldn't even notice if I didn't come to work at all.
And that's not me having a pity-party, I have had people asking me where I've been for the last few days while I've been at the office all week, we even ate lunch together.

I heard swallowing a tablespoon of tooth-paste will give you really high but temporary fever, is that a good idea?

Or you can just say you have to take your girlfriends kid out for some sort of girlscout thing in the weekend so you can't go

That might work.