When was the last time you got laid, Holla Forums?

I think a few times last month.

Remember if you don't, others will. Come on white man what does it take to get you to fight!

Yesterday, I want today but I guess she isn't in the mood…

...

...

In January.

August 31, 2011.

Around six

When I was 5 years old, I think.

Never.

t. Level 26 wizard apprentice.

Today.

August 1st 2016

Niemals

t. 28 jahre alt

Last night.
Teased me with her butt in a miniskirt
Licked her pussy and ass while she gave me a handjob.
Got over her and 69 until she came.
I sit back against headboard and she sucks slowly until I ejaculate.
She always swallows like a good girl.

...

Never, I have yet to meet a women worthy of my 8" meat.

April 2009

June 9, 1969.

a while ago

...

About a month ago before my new gf ran away and got remarried to her ex husband. True story.

made me look at it again, wow why is there shit on the walls? Also thanks for teaching me the word 'prurient'. Good word.

about 4 minutes ago

About 4 hours ago. Not really difficult to get a decent a woman unless you're autistic, a nigger, or look like a hunch back obese Quasimodo.

I got blown this morning, as a matter of fact.

About a lifetime ago.

Years ago sometimes it was all nite sex, literally and asked for the girl or girls, well, one, i am not sure about the other. Now i am a christian and i trying to find a decent woman.

Like a fuck doll or a decent woman?

My hot chinese waifu gave me a mind blowing blowjob two days ago… we had sex three days ago.

What do you want? a poem?

Half an hour ago

moar pls ?

September 9, 2001

yes please

let me guess it was a three some with two hot tall twins that you never saw again? you heard a rumor that some shit went down at their job?

Sunday

2012
It's been so long I've stopped feeling bad about it. Sex seems so abstract and distant in thoughts now that I wouldn't even seize an opportunity to get laid if it presented itself to me.

Couple days ago when I was over to visit my fiancée

I haven't yet, but I will soon. Me and my gf have been talking about it recently. Maybe this weekend. Wish me luck anons.

October 2016. Before that I think 2011.

For some reason I'm not able to maintain an erection unless the relationship is something a bit more serious so I gave up one night stands a long time ago. I guess it's just me and the hand for a couple of years again. I don't care though.

About two weeks ago. It was some fat slut who lives by herself. I tried to turn her over like I do with all fat chicks but I'm pretty sure she had a shit stain on her ass. I had to leave after that. The bitch then tried to message me the next day saying I couldnt stay hard.

Living the life man

25 years ago
when I got out of my mom's pussy

September 2006

This morning when Master fed me.

...

this morning with my dog

...

...

6 years since..

Getting laid is for pussies
real men watch porn!

The last time I had intercourse was, if I'm remembering correctly, a one night stand around fall 2014, or maybe it was 2015. It was too many days ago.

I say good riddance, you assholes can't lump me in with the "white race". Before I got over porn I preferred white sluts fucking bbc anyway.

in about 5min

just finished

never

?

wew baby

quads

…and a handy this morning!

more lucky prick

I see an inverted nip

she's upstairs doing her yoga stuff, can't be fucked to move.

Never, I vowed to never stick my dick in something I don't love.

I've ate out 2 coochies and sucked 1 dick though.

wew lad

thats fkn gay dood

...

I don't want to be a pan, though.

insane dubs

your newfag is showing user

those are trips

all trips also contain dubs

HAHAHA YEAH BITCH

January 10th. I wanted it to be a regular thing, she decided after the fact it was a one night stand.

I tried to commiserate on here, but instead of the usual "man fuck bitches, what a whore" talk I got dumped on and attacked for wanting to fuck her again.

for one i never took it up the pooper by two females with strapons like that faggot is doing

Don't let your regrets about not doing something get you down. You still have time to realize your dreams.

yesterday

virgin FOR EVER FUCK YEAAAH

You know what else Buddha said?

About a month ago. It's almost remarkable how quickly the sex dries up when you have a kid.

...

12 years…

yes, but he meant cunt as in 'woman'

...

Good Luck!

never

been considering going to a brothel or something since it ain't such a big deal here

but on the other hand, what's the fucking point

That's how I meant it too!

I also keep a roll of toilet paper in my room for clean up. I thought I was weird but I guess it's just because my house mates either use condoms or don't get laid

NO SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE

First, tips menorah, second, 3 years alone…

New Chan forum tinyserialshared.ml Update all Days

show screenshot, jew

We hadn't fucked in quite a while, she was a buddy because she infiltrated my social circle.
Wat.jpeg
Heartbroken
Have had sex since then, but my drive is dead and that was the last time I came.

She's not ugly, just really fat.

That's like saying

wait, trap? but it has no peen

has A peen, sorry

DOUBLE BACK NEVERMIND IT'S 2AM I AM REALLY TIRED JUST TELL ME WHY YOUR TRAP HAS NO PEEN

Mtf Trans. How is that not obvious?

I am a wizard's apprentice; I need not draw from the fountain of carnal pleasures. Behold, my sixes!

HOLY SHIT

THE GET FOUNTAIN HAS EMERGED

(Checked)
Ah, I see you have some capacity for magic yourself! Well done, my friend! …two nines.

Hmm, I seem to have exhausted my mana reserves. I must retire to my study.

ooooooooooooooooooo

February 1st, 2017

january 31st, 2015

LMAO! You guys….

2008 when the "local bicycle" I worked with took a liking to me for a couple of months…

Without her I'd be a 3rd degree wizard already.

I still mourn the powers that I could have wielded…

Magic!

data mining

Without paying for it? Summer of 2015. With paying for it? I think last November but then I ran out of funds.

Last Night with my wife.
Shes a pawg god its good.

this is why you don't spend your emergency fund on creature comforts

...

...

Fucking more of that goddess

…and blown again this morning! God, I love this woman!

provide proof

Make more OC but with harley quinn

Last year sometime. December maybe.

With a whore. Actual prostitute as in I paid for it.

Was OK

We haven't recorded in a while, but I don't post our shit for others to jerk it to on the internet anyways. Believe me or not, idgaf, my Friday is going fucking awesome.

but it's thursday, you fucking moron

I never jerk to shit on here. Just curiosity. Wondering how many of the anons on here are lying and what kind of women they pull.

did you wear a condo?

Yeah. I'm not stupid.

Gave her oral though. A lot

...

source on the pic?

…I had to cap this level of stupidity., image attached and nicely time-stamped.

Not lying, I have no real reason to. She's my wife and has had four boys, so there is some wear under the hood if you catch my drift. Unless you're into chubby milfs you'd probably cringe at our home made porn anyway.

That's the notorious hacker known as Weev.

Post it nigger.

This tuesday, I believe.

Honestly I don't have much of a sex-drive anymore.
Whenever I get a GF we can fuck for days on end, but after a year or two I get back to jerking off to anime girls again.

It's really frustrating for my GF, I don't know what to do.

Married guy here with the pawg wife.
You have to try and see your gf or partner from a different angle. Join a club or take up a hobby.
Im propbably not making a lot of sense but where fucking like bunnies the last 12 years when you try out new things you see her doing something you dont expect might re light some fire. Also try a different hole once in a while.

The last time I was in a country where it was legal to walk to a brothel and pay for sex.
Brothels were literally the only redeeming factor about being stationed in Germany.
This was almost three years ago. I was a kissless virgin before I got there, awkwardly fucked some semi-willing yuro sluts/slaves, and since I left I haven't had even the slightest glance from a woman that didn't involve a disgusted expression.
Overall it wasn't that great tbh, I even paid enough to rawdog a couple of them and it was still meh.
Virgins are probably top tier, but they're practically non-existent at legal fuggable age in the US.

I have been with my wife for 6 years and we still have sex all the time. I do not understand men getting sick of their wives.

HAHAHAHAH I REMEMBER YOU FROM THE LAST THREAD

YOU ARE TOILET PAPER GUY.

(trips!)

(Quads!)

(trips!)

(trips!)

DIGITS OF TFW NO GF

...

two years ago with some fat bitch. After that i couldn't be bothered to try again.

Me neither. Been married for 10.5.

...

November 2015, Possibly like March 2016, but I was so drunk, I'm not even sure if it was real

That was the last one

Meme Magic

Never. But I'm not a disgusting oldfag either.

Do you think we'll ever get the old Holla Forums back? The way things used to be? The glory days, the golden years…all that good stuff? One can only dream.

Holla Forums was never good.

you couldn't have picked a worse example

That's my secret, no funds are emergency funds if they are all emergency funds. Sometimes a need to bust a nut in a desirable person is a biological emergency, especially if you actually know what it's like.

believe me, I've banged attractive hookers. it's just that I get a lot more pleasure from earning compound interest.

Probably two months ago, but it's been like 4 to 6 since I really got any pleasure out of it

OP you still seeing those teenage girls at the moment?

Nah. I've moved on to having sexual relations with eternal timeless spiritual creatures.

like a fucking year ago.

i'm trying to do things properly, going on lots of dates etc, every woman i meet is either boring as hell, borderline mentally retarded, completely self absorbed, or some combination of these.

i'm really trying not to lose hope, i have some great female friends so i know that decent girls are out there, they just aren't interested in me for some reason.

so yeah, i'm working out a lot to try that route, but fuck it's all just so depressing Holla Forums.

This thread

...

this is the first time a see a nigger shave

It's been a long time since I heard this good old meme

tell me your secrets wizard man

If doubles, i will meditate.

you better deliver

She needs to grow up mentally.

how do you figure?

Im dude from OC
yeah I never use condoms either, she takes the pill and I was her first and only (not counting her interactions with other girls) so there's really no need for condoms

Im pretty sure I'm toilet paper guy

lol da fuck does that mean?

not that user but i figure it's because of the cross around her neck.

lots of people were those without being religious

Never Ever

I know. I was just offering a possible explanation for the user. Lots of people wear those because they are religious too.

Did you ever think it's more likely that you're a piece of shit and not every woman you go out with?

...

last year, but we ended up breaking up in december.

Robowaifus to be released this year user. Realdoll will be the first, DSdoll will likely be the second and more affordable Vid related, warning though it's jew york times so use adblock at least

handtowelmasterrace

how big is his penis? does he peg you?

Focus!

This morning before our daughter woke up

last night, threesome (me, wife, girl we know)

first time I ever came twice without having to get hard again

...

Back in January, a few days after New Year, with a random girl off Tinder. Hit it a couple of times, once without a condom and I have been super paranoid since. She didn't seem like a total slut, and I haven't noticed any symptoms of anything yet so I might actually be okay.

handtowels are disgusting fuckery. paper towels or toiletpaper you can just throw away. it's less ecological but more handy.

wut

...

isn't handy a word?

Early September when I was having a fling with a blonde woman with giant tits.

Long distance relationships suck. It could always be worse, though

I was just laid in bed

prove this

yes. it's short for handjob

well over a year ago, she stopped it short and we never started again. she teased me furiously though, absolutely loved it to be quite honest. got along real well with her and might even get the chance to meet again one day but I just don't pursue sex anymore

why do women do this?

Friday.

...

ah, fair enough