Pasta Thread-Post any and all pastas you can think of

Dear diary,

It has been four months since I have moved from the urban jungles of the United States of America and into the tropical, fiscal paradise of the Philippines.

Today I went on another walk with Fredrick Brennan. He was waiting for me, in the gardens, sided by his transexual female attendant pulling his wheelchair along. He was dressed in a robe not unlike mine, except for while I wore the white of an initiate, his was indigo, indicating not just his place at the top of our hierarchy but also a reminder of his soul's color. One of the last indigo children on earth.

Every day, this man impresses me. Our meeting is surely the result of fate. I want to kill my mom, he wants to kill his father. He's pro choice because he was born. I'm pro-choice because I was born. We understand each other. It was from this understanding that I have found meaning in my life.

Following his counsel, I have mingled among the denizens of the board /ints/, a wretched hive of villainy and scum, harboring all the non-believers, heathens and people with healthy family relationships currently using our cultsite. I must report their daily activities to Fredrick Brennan himself so they may never damage our Movement again.

"I don't understand why I must do this", I told him, expecting the Illuminated one to share his wisdom.

He smiles at me from his wheelchair, a smile filled with love for the world (his dad excluded). "To prove your faith is unbreakable", he said. If I walk among the valley of shadow of impurity and come clean on the other side, free of doubt, the door to enlightenment will lay open before me.

Today, he told me: consider the board they are using. An international board.

At first, I did not understand. What has international to do with any of it? They have long since stopped being about international subjects despite their best efforts, I retort.

He lets out a contained laugh, musical like a calling of a majestic ostrich. "Can you not see? Countries are nothing more than legalized organized crime."

Suddenly I caught a glimpse of the Continuum through Fredrick's eyes. A mere instant and my mind was exhausted. But I understood. How elegantly the simple truths of this existence are laid bare before my eyes! How, in all my long two decades of life could this escape me?

A whirpool of emotions took over my being. All I could do was cry. In happiness. In sadness. In incredulity. I collapse on the ground, shaking violently. Finally, the convulsions end and all I see is Fredrick, illuminated by the afternoon sun, smiling kindly.

"These people, they have pride in belonging to a criminal organization", he continues, gulping down a handful of percocet. Without it, his body would vibrate out of this reality and his wisdom and guidance would be lost forever. "This means they are an international cabal of gangsters, out to destroy us".

I understood my mission now:

To prove the purity of my beliefs.

To monitor the activities of the international jewish cabal out to kill our site.

To prevent future disasters.

To be awarded such an important role, I am moved beyond words. I wanted to continue to seek the Illuminated one's guidance, but alas, his time was up. A man by the name of weev called him. They were to perform several nature worshipping rituals involving many perfectly natural substances that enhance one's mental capabilities.

For a moment, I envy weev's closeness to the Illuminated one. For a moment, I resent myself for even daring compare myself to either of them.

Tomorrow will be busy. There is much work to be done.

Damn I never read this one. 10/10 and nice digits

Haha thanks ,enjoy.

>"Were busy user" ;^)

And that's when i discovered that i was a furry.
Though i had a crush with crash-bandakoot before then.

I'm from Tumblr, and someone alerted me to some misogyny being posted on the Internet. Girls are smarter than boys and boys only make good pets. But they fail at that too, my cats are way more loyal and they don't rape all the time. All 20 of my babies don't rape anyone.

So what you see in these cartoons just reflect reality, men are savages, barely even human and women are perfect. You men rape everything by jerking off, did you know that my ex boyfriend raped me everyday by masturbating? And he loved using fleshlights so he was raping the girl who sacrificed her vagina for rapists too.

Stop getting mad for being rapists, you are inferior and cannot help yourselves, but please, you must stop this rape culture. I think it's time to enslave you rapists, put you on a farm and then use you for making babies.

And before you coming using your meme arrows talking about how that is rape, it isn't, men cannot be raped because historically men have always been in power and raped women, Mother Nature, and the universe so it's never rape to force you to convince children. It's just the underprivileged becoming empowered.

You fucking neckbearded rapists disgust me, you have all these problematic threads about Steven Universe and how you want to rape progressive characters like Rose Quartz by making her skinny and whitewashing Garnet and Connie. Then you make all these posts about how you want to cum inside strong woman like Supergirl or Rainbow Dash.

I'm gonna have to signal boost this, we need to stop you problematic fucks.

I've been joking for a while about you literal misogynist, homophobic, economic- and history- retarded faggots finally coming out to accepting islam because it seems to fit perfectly. Only caring about people's personal behaviour instead of serious, complicated nation-running issues like banking, trade, infrastructure, etc. You have perfectly fit into the MSM stereotype of soft social issues and sensationalist pandering. Brass tacks of keeping shit functioning, notwithstanding that more melanin = more dysfunction, is of no concern to you. Things that require actual brain-power and a tempered, realistic, non-austistic (non black and white) hand, or le longue duree. Glad to see you shitfucks are finally coming around to accepting your nigger attitudes and thought processes. Maybe you'll gas yourself once you realise how retarded and savage your are, but I guess perhaps you'd make good bullet-catchers and can serve a purpose.

But whatever. Keep shitting yourselves over 0.2% of the population popping into the wimmin's loo with a penis no one else sees, absolute max 5% total faggot population no making kids. Btw, historically, how many white man-woman pairs make >3 kids? Keep justifying your birth-rate destryoing MGTOW philosophies and hating people who never had nor will contribute births, but still contribute economically and otherwise to society. And fuck women, right? Our most precious reproductive resource. Men can't have babies, dumbass. Women can realistically have one per year. Dark women may be subservient but they're retarded and will give you retarded children. Do you no understand how fucking ignorant you are by pretending that non-reproducing people were always hated or killed or driven out? Very few couples had high birth rates. K-types have few but raise them well, r-types have as many as they can and don't give a shit how they survive because they're too retarded to care or know better. You encourage all whites to have a shit ton of babies, and become scavenger r-types. You are the bigger problem with white birth rates. Not the few faggots who always existed.

NEETs and MGTOW are the fucking worst self-righteous parasites. You're just like jews justifying why they should live off everyone else's labours and criticise everyone else for shit you're too pussy to do yourself. And you've a broom up your own ass projecting your own failures as others' excesses you could simply never build or overcome the skill to navigate. And what should we do with you defectives?

in b4 pasta

Dennis punched Rhonda in the nose the week before last. He tried hitting her in the stomach but she ran away. Dennis may slap Rhonda around this year for that. Rhonda is able to dance! Dennis told her to look straight at the lamp. He promised not to give her a little extra bonus, if you know what I mean. Some wasteful… Dennis matter-of-factly hit Rhonda in the face. He gave her a black eye. Ouch! But, he promised not to cut her labia. Much sufficient. Dennis handled Rhonda roughly and flipped some knuckles. He is a happy man. Dennis smiles.

Following this, they watch sleazy movies together. Yikes! This is taped. Rhonda is lucky. Dennis will not beat Rhonda with a blunt object today. He likes showing her pornography. He likes watching her sleep. He is lonely. He wants to feel her skin. He wants to feel her flesh. He wants to feel her bones. He holds a hammer above her head as she sleeps. Dennis has never cried. He may give her a hug today. Dennis likes to wait for Rhonda to wake up. He likes to watch her sleep.

The magazines are dead to Dennis. He smiles. But, on the inside he cries. He looks at Rhonda. He swings the hammer. He does not hit Rhonda. He wants to hit Rhonda. He smiles. A mangled Rhonda does not leave him. Rhonda loves Dennis. Dennis loves Rhonda. Dennis hates Rhonda. Dennis has a hammer but he doesn't hit Rhonda with it. He could hit Rhonda with it, but he doesn't. Dennis is a loving husband. Dennis will not beat Rhonda with a blunt object today.

Holla Forums is mostly comprised of the anons with autism levels that were too severe for 4chan – that's right, congratulations, you faggots are basically the most autistic people on the internet.

You act like a bunch of self-entitled children who throw temper-tantrums when mommy says "no". And btw, it's LITERALLY a symptom of autism when you find repetitive behavior appealing (see: catalog, any given time of day)

There's a reason why you're some of the biggest fucking losers on the planet, and guess what, it's not because of "normies" – it's because you're petulant children who cannot relate to other people in an effective manner.

The more that I frequent this site, the more I sympathize with fascism and the less I sympathize with the callow notion of liberty that you imbeciles espouse.

That said, some of you are pretty cool

Yesterday I took a dump, a mighty behemoth of a turd and lord did it stink. Yet I fished a single colossus hunk of fecal matter from the toilet and ported it onto a plate. Not just any plate, my good china. I set the table elegantly and began to play classical music from my expensive but tasteful sound system.

Then I sat down to my turd, my glorious shit and began by inhaling it's delicate scent. It smelled like poop. Turning it over with my hands, not wanting to waste it on mere silverware, I inspected every crevice of my veritable Mount. Shitmore, yet where the faces of Presidents might have been there were only corn kernels and the occasional undigested bean. The beans and corn kernels I set aside for later use. Delicately, I tore a small portion of waste and smeared it across my lips so as to give myself shit lips. Then I took the remaining dooky, fashioned it into a cylinder not entirely dissimilar to a shit dildo and began to fellate it. Each time the poop graced my tongue I was greeted with a foul taste that could only be described my fecal matter.

Finally I could take no more of the foul substance. I had to have it. As Beethoven's Ode to Joy reached a mighty crescendo so too did I as I stuffed the log into mouth and swallowed, pissing my pants in joy as I did so. I blacked out in happiness and the memory of this event was blurry forever after and yet it seemed that before I had fallen into a restful slumber I had updated my journal. Carefully, I opened it and read the days entry detailing what it was that I had done. I was appalled until I found a single entry that described the event:

To literally everyone bitching about getting singles:

Shut the fuck up.

Have none of you EVER rolled for dubs before? People get dubs all the time, weather you like it or not. I grew up checking dubs for as long as I could remember and rolling singles multiple times is nothing even remotely new to me or imageboards. Yeah, it sucks, and I remember how mad I was when the dubs I called were singles back when I was a kid. But you know what? THEN I GREW THE FUCK UP.

I would much rather get dubs as soon as the thread 404s then get singles. From what it sounds like, the dubs were only off by one. Go check someone else's dubs while you wait. Whining like a bunch of spoiled, self-entitled newfags just because you didn't get the exact dubs you wanted when you wanted them just makes the entire shitposting community look like the greedy, toxic pile of garbage it mostly is.

Even when I had fucking sick quads roll singles when I was 15 years old, I would have GLADLY accepted a personal apology from the OP of the thread, especially one as humble as this. He isn't making any excuses, he flat out says "I made a dubs thread and rolled nothing but singles and I'm sorry".

Honestly, OP may not have done everything perfect, but his biggest mistake was thinking transparancy about the process of dubs rolling with the pathetic, greedy, sniveling, immature joke of a community that is shitposters was a good idea. It's like trying to have serious discussions while a newfag screams at you "SHIT THREAD FAM, CHECK EM"

Grow up or shut up. Every single one of you. I have loved dubs since literally as far back as I can remember, and nothing pains me more than to look around me at the community I'm a part of and realize that I cannot in good conscience take pride in these horrible, horrible faggots that I have associated myself with. If any of you selfish newfags EVER have a complaint about "m-muh board quality", you have no further to look than in the mirror for where that problem came from.

I don't like what happened OP. And I don't think you've done everything right, but I have come to accept your apology and the fact that you are a good and honest poster who is a strong and positive influence on the board. Unfortunately, I must in turn apologize to you and your digits for the SHAMEFUL behaviour of my colleagues that you did so much work for. I am sorry for what shitposters have become. Please forgive us as well. I am sick and tired of being more and more embarrased to call myself a dubsposter. Not because of my time browsing chans, but because of the shameless newfags who I am supposed to call my own. Hopefully, your dubs will be worth the wait and will teach this children a thing about patience.

What is cancer, you ask?

You came to the right place, newfriend. I will tell you.

Cancer is any time someone comes onto this board and gives any effort to fit in. Cancer is newfags who are super afraid of being called a newfag themselves, people who go on lurkmoar or cheezburger or ed and post memes from 2007 and think that they're funny, or that posting old memes will make them "fit in" more. Cancer is people who repost the same unfunny image over and over and over and over because they somehow think this will get them into the pages of internet history. Cancer is tripfags who post only to try to get notoriety or attention for themselves. Cancer is people in real life who unironically talk about memes and browsing cuckchan and think that browsing an imageboard somehow makes them special or edgy. it doesnt. Cancer is anyone who comes on to this board posting pictures of themselves or in any other way trying to get attention or validation for who they are. We don't care who you are. Thats why this is an anonymous imageboard. We care about the content of what you have to say, not who you are. So, directly to the cancerfags who are reading this right now you know who you are

I can confirm this.

Reddit spacing….wew lad

Depends on what America achieves in their plans for world dominance. You keep it clean and tidy but after a while you get lazy and make a mess everywhere. Backups are good. Some people remember it only when HDD crashes. A man of European ancestry puts a paper on a car - it's floaty and I see myself as 16 in a hallway in love with a girl like Allison Reynolds. Teenage rebellion is a myth pushed on parents starting in the 50's, and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy because it preaches that they should never have a strong hand in raising their children. A lot of kids are just doing this kind of thing because they simply don't know any better, not because they're rebelling against their parents. Raise your children with a proper set of morals for them to understand the world with and they won't have to flounder without guidance in their teenage years making a fool of themselves. I might go scouring for free furniture, fix it up and try and flip it on ebay. Dive in and bring back what you find. Reading in bed right before you are about to sleep is also good for remembering (10-20 minutes of reading). You must take out the funny bone without touching the sides. The male body is more than willing to sacrifice itself for the slightest chance of impregnating some female. It's like these faggots who simply won't understand the legal implications of 19th Amendment prohibition, and want to undermine it's disenfranchised constitionality! The fact the transgendered people that get sex changes exist should imply that bodies do imply gender. Yes, if you get up off your ass, eat more fibre and don't spend 30 minutes on the toilet to take a 30 second dump. I can improve anything about myself that it's changeable, but I cannot change those around me for those that I can't. To impregnate her with my seed, so that my genes will live on after I die - sort of like nature's way of reincarnation. Just don't get too emotional about it, neither don't get too excited or too furious. The logical thing to do would be to give back the medal. So, if you want to be to be truly fulfilled during the short time you exist in this universe, I would recommend you seek to know yourself and who you are, and resolve to undertake a personal journey to that end. And may you find enlightenment along the way.

I'm gonna let you in on a secret reality (you're probably only pretending to be aware of) that I've been dealing with since the exodus.

Holla Forums is full of the internet equivalent to political refugees. Think Casablanca but with more Nazis.

Before GamerGate there were all manner of other groups of posters deemed "too extreme" for halfchan. Much of the alt. right in the case of Holla Forums, various people banned for hundreds of reasons from Holla Forums, people who want to discuss lolcows when discussion of them became forbidden on halfchan, the most annoying elements from various fandoms. All the people who made the most autistic threads on halfchan eventually found their way here after a ban.

Now, half/tv/ had a particularly antagonistic relationship with the group of people you're chatting with now. They've variously described themselves as "Actress enthusiasts" but they're responsible for every creepy thing attributed to half/tv/ over the years. Whenever an underage or underage-looking actress got creeped the fuck out by being tweeted pictures of some dude's cum all over a picture of them, or a shrine to them in someone's home, it was someone from this group.

They'd post endless threads, day in day out about various Disney and Nickelodeon shows, and insist they were intentionally sexual. "Look, some kind of goop hit this girl's face! PRETEND IT'S CUM!" "Look! This girl looked at a tub of popcorn she was eating from! SHE'S PRETENDING THIS VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY HAS A PENIS IN IT AND SHE LIKES IT!"

Endless stories about various actresses with giant misshapen heads and flat chests and how they wondered what their armpits smelled like, how they harassed them on a livestream about showing them their fucking feet, exaggerated recitations on the qualities of their menstruation blood. Pictures of small girls and references to pedophilia, perhaps discussing their desire to have a daughter, who they totally wouldn't molest, oh no no no, they'd just sleep with her. Naked. But totally innocently, they could restrain themselves. Unless, you know, she got curious.

Needless to say an endless cycle of banning, people who didn't like pedos complaining, the pedos stomping their feet and asserting they "just wanted to discuss actresses" while getting increasingly vile and crass. This constant back and forth (as these people would spam the board all day, every day and demand their own board, and ban evade constantly) likely encouraged the moderation there towards it's current draconian state.

One day they created their own imageboard, several in fact. I can't remember the url, but they had a "/celeb/" board. There they could shitpost and spam their individual pedophilic waifus to their hearts content… but then they realized quickly… This was boring without a audience. You see, pedophiles hate eachother. The only way they can stop hating eachother for any period of time is if people are actively telling them they're shit forcing them to band together against everyone else. Their threads would get repetitive and they'd go through their disturbing folders with hundreds of still frames of each actress very quickly.

They came here, they created various boards notably /waifuist/ and /got/ but the same thing happened again and again, no one wanted to talk to them and their behavior chased all posters away from their respective boards.

So now they're here. They've been here for weeks, largely contained in their /got/ threads. People still hate them and regularly tell them they're annoying, but they persist. You know, autism and all. But people eventually hide the threads. They're being ignored again. So they've started popping up in other threads more now. Started making threads about feet, started posting threads about nickelodeon shows, started replying to threads with the same gifs and images of young-looking actresses they do everywhere.

Because of the lax moderation on this Holla Forums, I suspect over the course of several months since they aren't getting banned, they'll eventually chase all the traffic away and be confused as to why Holla Forums died "all of a sudden". Without an ounce of self-awareness they won't look back at /got/ and /waifuist/ and /celeb/ and /who/ and every other stillborn board they've created and killed by association, because to do so would require admitting that the way they behave is fucking annoying to everyone else.

You just love doing this, don't you? You just love going through your seven thousand files of smug anime girls, quoting my post, and taking your sweet ass time deciding which one is the most suited, carefully handpicking what "reaction image" is the most "EPIC" for this post. I bet you have this thread on a tab, hastily clicking on it when it notifies you that a new comment has appeared. You think you're so smart and smug, but in reality you have absolutely no control over yourself. Posting your pathetic "reaction images" is too important for you. In fact, I bet you even loaded them before you saw this post appear.

It's truly sad that none of you actually bothered to read what I wrote, let alone attempt to argue it. I don't know if it's because you can't read, or if you have read it, but can't come up with a proper rebuttal, because you know what I said is true, you know I'm right. What are you going to do? Reply to me again? Attempt to get me "BTFO"? Keep trying, because I really don't care. All I care about is getting the truth out there, which I've already done numerous times, and not once has any of you attempted to write a proper rebuttal, because it's impossible for you to do so.

can you space out every sentence? I can't read that.

space it yourself reddit.

As an artist, I am constantly struggling to find ways to challenge the limits of my chosen medium, which is sperm, and push my audience toward a higher level of both cognition and meta cognition–to see, in other words, the art beyond the art, the way the art steps beyond being an object of "art," so to speak, and invokes a definition that calls into question the very fabric of life and existence and our species' interaction with the physical and emotional world.

For example, my last piece, "Jerking Off On The Orange Line," was intended to push the boundaries of physical expression and inspire self-reflection among the three Catholic high school girls at the end of the car, whose expectation of a Metro ride without the opportunity to witness another human masturbating was challenged–I think, for the better. Its follow-up piece, "Running Pantless Through the Station," was a breathless exploration of the nexus where the tyranny of law enforcement intersects with the vibrant pulse of individuality and liberal expression.

"My Cock In Her Sleeping Mouth," perhaps one of my most controversial pieces, explored the biological, social, physical, and emotional consequences of one-sided fellatio, and often misunderstood expression of deep, abiding affection. Its follow-up, "Ejaculate on Her Forehead," takes this a step further, calling into question the ideas of what it means to "own" ones own skin. Symbolically, in turning her white with my love, I am exploring complex issues of race and challenging my audience to question their own biases, prejudgments, and narrow world views.

...

Empty the contents of the noodles box into a pot
Very carefully open your chicken broth
Empty that ontop of the noodles
Ready your chicken by cutting it into desired chunks
You'll need to heat the stove to 300

Boil your noodles and broth slowly
Once they've cooked throughougly, let them sit
Dump your vegetables into a skillet
You'll want to lightly steam them with water

Wash your chicken and add it to the noodles
Add vegetables
Let all simmer for 5 minutes
Keep stove heated during this

To add a creamy texture, add milk
Happen to have some butter? add that too
Even if you don't, vegetable oil is fine.

Done cooking? put that shit in the oven
Include some bread for dipping purposes
Now, let bread and noodles cook for 20 mins
Once they've cooked, you're ready to enjoy
Season noodles with salt and pepper
Add some fresh greens to liven the color
Ultimately, your family will love you for this meal
Read the first letter of every line

When I was 12 I had my first sexual experience. At the time, I lived in a little suburb outside of Cleveland and anyway, the girl next door and I were really good friends. Our parents were both gone for the day and she was over playing Transformers with me. So anyway, we kinda got.. Bored I guess? And we started playing truth or dare, which turned into 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine". So anyway there I Was, 12 years old, heart pounding, blood rushing in my ears, and the chick (who was a year older than me actually) takes off her panties and hikes her little skirt up. So what did I do, you ask? I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "FRESH" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "Yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.

noice anyone got the aborted fetuses copypasta?

bump

explanation on this image?

What in Davy Jones' locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I'll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I've led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o' swag. I'll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true.

You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o' pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o' monsoon that'll wipe ye off the map. You're sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o'er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist.

Not only do I be top o' the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I'll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o' the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn't, ye didn't, and now ye'll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I'll shit fury all over ye and ye'll drown in the depths o' it. You're fish food now, lad.

What in the Lord's name hast thou accused me of, you mangy cur? I take it upon myself to inform thee I completed mine service as a Crusader in a position of leadership, and personally spited at the very least three-hundred moslems upon my lance alone. I was taught powerful forms of combat in strange lands beyond Egypt by immensely hairy blacks and I be the greatest knight in all of Britannia! Thou art nothing to me but another knave to be stuck down. I shall remove thee from the King's lands with skill none hath ever witnessed in all of God's creation, mark my blasted words. Thou believe you may escape unharmed after uttering such vile phrases to me via magical pigeon? Ye may wish to rethink, oaf. As we converse, I am calling upon my network of allies all across Britain, and your coat of arms is being delivered to me at this very moment, so it would be best for your continued survival if you prepared for the firestorm to be delivered to your doorstep, worm. The sort of firestorm that would decimate the insignificant, worthless thing thee refers to as your life. Thou art as dead, child. I am capable of relocating mineself anywhere, anytime, and I am well versed in more than seven hundred different forms of killing, and that be with mere fisticuffs. Not only am I gargantuanly trained in such modes of combat, but I additionally am permmitted access to the entirety of our liege the King's armies and am sure to make full use of it to remove your stain upon our great nation, thou filthy pig. If only thee had the sense to fathom what hellfire thine witty remark would surely bring upon you, and now thee will feel the retribution, you damnable fool. I will deficate divine fury upon you and thou will drown in it. Ye be doomed, peasant.

Saged, reported, hidden, called the cops, called the Fire Department, called pizza hut, called the USN, called the Royal Navy, called the Red Army, called the FBI. called the CIA, called Interpol, called the KGB, called the USMC, called the USAF, called the Royal Air force, called MI 6, called Scotland Yard, called the US National Guard of every state, called NYPD, called Obama, called the Queen, called Putin, called David Cameron, called every Governor of every US State, used my time phone to call Winston Church hill, As well as Hitler, Stalin, Theodore Roosevelt, George Washington, Montezuma, ever Caesar, and Gilgamesh, called US Army, called British Army in every era, called every phone sexline, called papa john’s, called the US Coast Guard, called my State Senators, called my Senators, called every republican in the US, called Dr. Who, called the Pope, called my local Gang lords, called the State Patrol of ever state west of the Mississippi, called all of my local news channels, called Star Fleet, called The Sun, called The national enquirer, called CNN, called Scot Pelly, called Steven Colbert, called half of the Mexican Drug Cartels, called Nintendo, called the Japan Maritime Self-Defense Force, called the head of the Illuminati, called the Ghostbusters, called ever free mason, called bilderberg, called my neighbors, called the mayor of ever city in France, called my mom, called the Emperor of Man, and called every school district in Canada.

I can confirm this is true, especially if you browse Holla Forums and Holla Forums.
Let me tell you how many regular autists we have that exclusively post on Holla Forums:

-Ass autist

This person only posts asses and threads about video game characters and animu asses all day every day.
He's mostly inactive now but there was a period where he posted EVERY DAY and made the same threads EVERY DAY.

-Christfag autist

This person will pop up in any thread where religion is even remotely mentioned and instantly derail the thread trying to turn it into a religious debate and he'll try to convert everyone in the thread and start as much shit as possible.
He will gladly go 100+ posts arguing with everyone, non stop.
If you mention religion in any thread, he WILL show up, even days after the thread was made, he'll scan every single thread on Holla Forums and find individual posts he can "hook" onto.

-Gunlance autist

This person exclusively posts in Monster Hunter threads and will start shit every single day with everyone else posting in them, while at the same time claiming that he's the greatest gunlance user the world has even known.

These are just some of the examples.
ONLY on 8ch Holla Forums have i ever encountered such terminal, relentless, absolute autism that never fucking stops.
Not even halfchan Holla Forums has this many autists, with this level of incredible dedication.

We're talking people that have legit autism IRL and should take meds for it.

Shrek is love, Shrek is life

What outcry have you uttered about my person, you oafish brute? I shall cordially remind you that I was the best scholar in my law class in Oxford, and I have been involved in several frivolous tea parties and courtroom disputes, and I have over 300 boxes of Earl Gray. I am proficient in the Simian school of diplomacy and I am the top linguist in my book club. Know that you resemble nothing in my eyes save for yet another uncultured mind. I will hasten your undisputed expiritation of the world with grace and finesse. The thought that you can retreat after jesting of such matters over the internet is laughable. As of this moment, I am telephoning a mutual friend to negotiate a swift and sure rebuttal to your argument so I would implore you to prepare yourself for the upcoming verbal deluge. The deluge that will no doubt saturate your life with discomfort. You are well and truly wrong, my good sir. My abilities of travel are unmatched, and I can recite over 700 lines from Shakespeare, and that is just from Hamlet. The amount of knowledge that I have acrued is vast, and I shall use it to firmly state my authority on such matters, you rapscallion. Truly, I wished you had some semblance of knowledge on the matter you have brought up and it's repercussions. Alas, you did not, and now you will suffer a fate most dire, you plebian. I shall defecate concentrated dislike upon you and you shall struggle to survive in it's waters. Pistols at dawn, old boy.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about my cooking, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Culinary Institute of America, and I've been involved in numerous iron chef challenges, and I have over 300 confirmed recipes for Creme fraiche. I am trained in Habachi and I'm the top cook at my local Japanese Steak House. You are nothing to me but just a poorly trained cashier. I will feed you with culinary skills the likes of which have never been seen before on this Earth,? mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with serving cold fries to me over at McDonalds? Think again, chef. As we cook, I am contacting my secret network of bakers across the US and your ingredient sources are being traced right now. So you better prepare for the repossesing, maggot. The repossesing that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your kitchen. You're fucking smoked, kid. I can cook anything, anytime and dice you in over 700 ways, and that's just with my spatula. Not only am I extensively trained in ragu alla bolognese, but I have access to the entire spices of the United States Starbucks Corps. And I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable dish of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your extra "spicy" dal makhini was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would've held your fucking spoon. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're wasting the chickpea, you goddamn idiot. I will frost cupcakes all over you, and you will drown in it. You're fucking smoked, kiddo.

I don’t give a fuck who you are or where you live. You can count on me to be there to bring your fucking life to a hellish end. I’ll put you in so much fucking pain that it’ll make Jesus being nailed to a cross in the desert look like a fucking back massage on a tropical island. I don’t give a fuck how many reps you have or how tough you are IRL, how well you can fight, or how many fucking guns you own to protect yourself. I’ll fucking show up at your house when you aren’t home. I’ll turn all the lights on in your house, leave all the water running, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. You’re going to start stressing the fuck out, your blood pressure will triple, and you’ll have a fucking heart attack. You’ll go to the hospital for a heart operation, and the last thing you’ll see when you’re being put under in the operating room is me hovering above you, dressed like a doctor. When you wake up after being operated on, wondering what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. You’ll recover fully from your heart surgery. And when you walk out the front door of the hospital to go home I’ll run you over with my fucking car out of no where and kill you. I just want you to know how easily I could fucking destroy your pathetic excuse of a life, but how I’d rather go to a great fuckng length to make sure your last remaining days are spent in a living, breathing fucking hell. It’s too late to save yourself, but don’t bother committing suicide either… I’ll fucking resuscitate you and kill you again myself you bitch-faced phaggot. Welcome to hell, population: you

What lovely things did you say about me, my love? I'll have you know I am highly committed in our relationship, I've been involved in numerous counseling sessions, and I have over 300 confirmed dating experiences. I am trained in reliability and I'm the best person for you on the entire earth. You are everything to me, not just another person. I will take your pain out with tenderness, love and care the likes of which nobody has ever been felt before on this earth, mark my romantic love notes. You think you can get away with saying you're not good enough for me on the internet? Think again, lover. As we speak, I am contacting my boss, who is the manager of Hallmark, to give me flowers, candy, and stuffed animals for me to send to your home and to do that, your address is being tracked right now so you better prepare for the love making, beautiful. The love making that will wipe the tears of hurt you have felt from those pathetic others you call your exes. You're fucking mine, my love (I know it's bad to swear to get a point across but damn I really love you!) I can be with you anywhere, anytime, and I can love you in many ways, and that's not just from my mind, but my heart too. Not only I am dangerously in love with you, I have permission from your entire family members to happily engage with you in marriage with a 5 carat ring and I will use a full box of tissues to wipe tears off your happy face, my love. If only you could have known how heart-touching your "average" comment had meant to me, maybe you would keep writing more. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're going to have put more faith in me, my wonderful love. I will give all my love to you and you will drown in it. You're fucking loved, boo.

You made this thread already today, you dumb fuck, and guess what, it was just as shitty then as it is now. You think we wouldn't know? I'm on this board 18 hours a day, motherfucker. I remember this shit. I'll fuck your mother. I'll come inside her and knock her up, and she will go through with having the baby, and you'll have a new baby brother/sister and they will look like me. I will train your new sibling to hate you, and every time they see you, you fat faggot, they will kick you in the shins. Your life will be miserable, a living hell, all because you had to make this shitty fucking thread.

You think you can come on this board and make a thread this awful and get away with it? You've got another thing coming, shithead.

You fucking motherfucker. Do you know what you have just said? DO YOU?!?

I do. I know what you have just said, and I don't like it. I don't like it one fucking bit, asshole. You think you can fucking say that and get away with it? Yeah, I bet you do. Well, guess what, jackass. I have your IP address. Yeah, that's right. I'm tracing your location as I type this. When I find where you live, you fat faggot, I'm going to come to your house, rip your mailbox out of the ground, and shove it up your big fat ass. But that's not all I'll do, oh no. That's just the start. That's just the tip of the fucking iceberg of things that I will shove up your ass. Expect things like my foot, your head, a dragon dildo, high explosives, crossbow bolts, and more to have penetrated your anus by the time I'm done with you.

All you had to do was keep your stupid ass post to yourself, and not post it, but noooooooo, you just couldn't let it go. You had to hit the "submit" button and, well, buddy, your moronic actions will catch up with you.

Oh look, I just found your address. See ya, punk.

Just fucking stop it. You have no idea what you're talking about. We're in peak physical condition, we've all shot firearms and while we're not competitive shooters we can hold our own against the vast majority of shooters who almost always fall into two categories, HURR I GOTS A NUGGET crowd and mallninjas that are more concerned with having tactical gear than training or shooting. Put real guns in our hands and we would rival many special operation units in training and effectiveness, guaranteed.

We get out there and train at least weekly with airsoft or other methods. We always run as realistic as possible (camo, tac vests, hydration systems, ruck sacks etc) and our guns are as close to real as you can get, even using real accessories. So we basically go out and run gunfighting simulations all the time. Talk shit all you want, you still feel all the adrenaline and gain all the experience of an actual gunfight, just without getting shot.

inb4 you call me underage, a faggot, or whatever. I'm 21 and I guarantee I could put you in the dirt. We just need to find a way to get into the business.

Listen to my man. He's not bullshitting. Me and my boy here killed over 600 terrorists between the both of us during our black ops missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? That's because you're a little bitch who does nothing but talk shit on the internet while waiting for his hot pockets to finish heating in his mother's microwave. I know a hacker in the CIA who could get me the IP to your (or more likely, your parents') house like that. Then guess what happens? I come right on down to that basement you're sitting in and I beat your fat ass to a pulp. Shit, I probably wouldn't even have to do that. I've got buddies in high places, brother. Buddies who wouldn't hesitate to help me out by sending a couple Predator missiles your way and then claiming it was just a horrible accident. Yeah, well the only horrible thing about that "accident" is going to be when you realize you posted on the wrong board and you fucked with the wrong Devil Dog. HOORAH.

Ok theres so much fucking bullshit in that little post I dont even know where to being, but here goes:

1. top of my class in the navy seals- I dont even think you graduated highschool.
2. Numerous secret raids on al quaeda- So what did bin ladens cock taste like?
3. 300 confirmed kills- Check my previous statement. Thats a lot of cocks.
4. Gorilla warfare? Its guerilla warfare you stupid fucking mouth breather.
5. Secret network of spies- I'll wait on my porch with a shotgun and a baseball bat for you and your boyfriends. Come at me bro.
6. The shit about the storm- yeah thats so fucking scary Im laughing. you should be a poet or something, fag.
7. I can kill you in over 700 ways. I dont care how many sex toys and buttplugs you have, Im not interested.
8. And thats just with my bare hands- If your mind is that set on getting me, you can use your mouth too.
9. Access to the arsenal of the marine corps- I thought you said you were a seal.

All in all, youre a fucking moron. Please dont besmirch the name of the Unites states armed forces by pretending to be one of them. Good day, faggot

To any Know Your Meme faggots who are reading this, I did NOT write this in 2010, you dumb fucking cunts. It was either late 2008 or early 2009, I remember because I wrote it in the computer lab of my dorm since my own PC had experienced a hard drive crash. Of course you dumb fucks wouldn't know that, would you? You Know Your Meme fags are all the same, stupid dumb faggots who wouldn't last a day in the streets. I am a master of combat, both unarmed and armed, and a weapons expert. Give me a time and place and I'll be there to beat the everloving fuck out of you. So change the information on the KYM article now before unholy retribution is unleashed by yours truly.

What? WHAT WAS THAT? Sorry I must have misheard, I thought I heard a giant faggot mouthing off at me with something he sure as fuck could never back up, but it must have just been my imagination. Because after I imagined hearing that, I proceeded to imagine how good it would feel to break that persons fucking spinal cord over my knee. I imagined how my next step is usually to rip out one of the persons fucking ribs and jab it straight through their nose into their brain cavity. I imagined pulling that rib back out, and then brainfucking that dead faggot through the new massive hole in his face I created.
But I didn't really hear anything, right? no one would be fucking dumb enough to talk to me like that on here.

what is this

Really it seems as though potential OC is ubiquitous. It is all around us, probably even in this thread. But the userbase does not pick up on its presence because the userbase is in the wrong state of mind. The userbase needs to be unattached from its various individuals identities in order to truly perceive these instances of OC and thus produce them. Otherwise the userbase gets distracted by more worldly concerns and will miss on the subtle opportunities that call it to become awake and begin with the production of OC. Truly, only a fraction of a communities total userbase will produce OC on a board because not everyone can even see it. The group that can is the "perceptive" group, and the rest is the "latent" group. The latent group may even inadvertently produce potential OC or reward its production, but does not perceive potential OC, and thus does not produce OC. It simply "is" and does not work in unison as the perceptive userbase does. Because the latent group is so uncoordinated, OC production by them is always low, and at times members of the latent group can even stop OC production to calm their individual egos.

I don't know exactly how to describe it, but producing OC isn't something that a single person can do. It's the groups perception that defines OC, and only through definition does it live. At least a few people must be in tune for OC to be produced.

Thus the quality of the userbase in any place on the internet can be defied by it's capacity to perceive and act upon potential OC. I'll call this the "OC intelligence" of that userbase. Etiquette actively stifles OC intelligence, through burdening individuals with irrational concerns of their ego, it slowly turns more of the perceptive userbase into the latent userbase as it gains importance there. It grows like a tumor until the etiquette has completely blinded a once healthy community to potential OC. The userbase is then scattered from one mostly perceptive mass to many sequestered egos, and so becomes unable to function as a reliable producer of OC.

Meanwhile it's not just the perception of OC that is important, but also the "reward" for producing it. When OC is noticed and memes get replicated, the producers of potential OC are encouraged to produce more. Of course, if potential OC is largely ignored, as it slowly becomes when imageboard shifts in tone to becoming more serious in nature, then it is produced less. When the reward is produced more frequently, the ego of the individual potential OC producers is one with the ego of the userbase, and so becomes perceptive, and like chariots of fire the potential OC matures decisively into OC within that community.

And so there are essentially two hands to OC production. The hand that creates, and the hand that perceives. Neither one plays more or less role than the other, only when both are in harmony is OC produced. Both hands can become tarnished by etiquette and thus be made unable to produce OC.

To improve the OC intelligence of a userbase is a simple matter of positive reinforcement at its core, but to know the conditions by which that positive reinforcement can be coaxed into production by the ever-growing latent userbase is more difficult to grasp. That is to say, to know the nature of OC intelligence is complex. Imageboards have an advantage in that their anonymity reduces the consequence of breaking etiquette, but at the same time sadly it seems as though etiquette can creep even into these places and stifle the creative mind of its userbase.

Very true indeed.

My girlfriend got raped and beaten. I broke up with her right after she told me. This is what happened:

I saw her like yesterday and she was pretty beat up, she had bruises and a black eye and stuff. So I do believe she was raped but this wouldn't of happened if she had just listened to me. Everybody thinks I'm evil. My ex-girlfriend has been trying to talk to me but I have no desire to speak to her. You guys think I was too harsh? I just have a hard time feeling bad when I feel so right…

I think the most disturbing event of my life happened just yesterday.

I've been chatting with this girl over msn for a while now, and we met a couple weeks ago. (she's ok-looking, sort of like Beth Ditto but not as fat and not as hot) Yesterday we had a date, and after seeing a movie went back to her place, we made out and before long I had my tongue buried in her vag and a finger in her ass.

This is where it all goes wrong.

I pulled my finger out and started licking her anus while gently pinching her clit, I then leaned back a bit while trying to find a comfier position, and was just going to slide a finger back into her ass when I notice something odd.

There's something on my finger. Moving.

At this point I have no fucking idea what's going on, with a closer look I see there's about 6 or 7 small white stringy things (each about 0.5" long) on my finger and more around her ass.

They're all writhing and wriggling.

Horror.

I'm now holding my finger between us, pointing at it with my other hand, I can't speak; she's panting, out-of-breath, and looking at me as if to say "Why did you stop?". When she realises what's wrong she says "Oh…, they're just threadworms, most people have them, they're harmless."

I ran.

4 hours later, I got back home, I washed my hands with bleach and dettol, gargled a whole bottle of mouthwash, swallowed maybe 1/2 a tube of toothpaste.

After showering about 5 times I still feel dirty.

Assholes are not for sexual.