Brandon Wright
Brandon Wright


I went to the mall looking for shits
try a few of them on
find one that doesn't cost ten million dollars
go to take excaliburlater up so I can leave the mall
trip and bust into the roll
literally fall up the stairs

Owen Nelson
Owen Nelson

I went to the mall looking for shits

Adam James
Adam James

OP is pajeet

Noah Martin
Noah Martin

amazing. froop read it and everything

Christopher Myers
Christopher Myers

high school a few years ago
walking to early flight at ~6:45 during the Winter, so it's pretty dark
super tired (I would hardly ever sleep)
porn addict, and hadn't showered
the darkness makes me feel more confident probably due to primal instincts
plus, school is practically empty
walking when suddenly hear a squeak
turn around
at least 7/10 grill (from what I could tell) looks extremely nervous
"I-I like your backpack…"
don't know what to say
don't want to deal with her because of previously mentioned reasons
chicken out
accidentally made it sound as if I were creeped out, like a fucking normalfag
quickly walk away to class
mfw she sounded lonely
mfw never saw her again
mfw she probably didn't have any friends

I have lost sleep over this, one of my greatest regrets. I just hope to God she didn't go into porn or something and is living well.

Andrew Flores
Andrew Flores

me and my mom traveling due to rent becoming crazy high and her crazy ex husband stalker trying to MURDER US (police and judge didn't give a fuck)
spend many hours on the road, says we're going on vacation
summer, she also resigned from her job since drama
withdraws her savings and stocks in the company
step sister with crazy ex, other step sister is with my uncle
just mother and son together, alone
we go see many sights in utah, arizona, and new mexico for 2 weeks
stop at motels to sleep
on the third day when we stop at a motel. rented 2 beds as usual and it's very late. we are both exhausted from hiking around arizona's canyons
muscles are sore as fuck
tells me she is going to walk to the store to get supplies, she takes her walther p99 with her (the only gun we have)
in the motel room alone, decide to browse through tourist catalog for a while until she comes back
mom groans at me how some homeless indian fuck accosted her and how sore her muscles are
she drops bags full of supplies
snacks, pads, medicine, scrubbers, and massage oil?
still looking at tourist catalog
mom tells me she's going to take a shower
she comes out only in a shirt and basketball shorts once done, she complains how sore and painful her muscles is
"Please user can you just massage my calf? It's killing me."
"S-sure Mom." I'm confused, scared, and a bit aroused
my mom is a beautiful hapa (half french half korean), she is very young to be a mom
"Go get the oil I bought and help me with my sore legs."
do it, apply the oil, and start to massage her
"Don't massage too hard user!" know how to massage since when i was young i was forced to give massages. getting harder, her body and skin is so soft and smooth. i never asked for this.
later she insist i give her a full body massage, "Be a good son and massage me some more. I'm so tired and I need this. I'm so stressed out user!"
do it because i want to feel her some more. never had touched a woman before
she laughs loudly and says it tickles when massaging her upper legs and lower back, literally jumps and twitches when i touch her in those areas. all i smell is that oil.
massage close to vagina in her inner thigh, she goes crazy laughing and smiling. she is involuntarily twitching and flinching asking me to stop, her sexy twitches, how her body felt, and the view of her body already made me cum in my shorts, twice.
do this for an entire hour
once done we talk about future plans, ideal partners, and other things
am completely drenched in sweat, my own muscles are even more sore from doing this
thanks me and says she's going to sleep
ask if she can massage me back, she refuses. tells me she doesn't do that. "I only recieve. I don't give."
take a shower myself, jack off and cum buckets, and go to bed in my own bed
lights off, ready to sleep, then hear my mom ask "user, I feel so lonely. Come lay down with me in my bed."
"No." i said in a stern voice
no idea why i said that, was angry at her not even going to massage me back since i was legitimately sore.
no response from her
just so angry at her for not even massaging me back

this is just one of many

four years later and still a kissless (even my mom has never kissed me on the lips) neet virgin. i always fuck up by getting scared or being angry and making the wrong the decisions.

Henry Kelly
Henry Kelly

i know your pain. except I didn't ever get the opportunity.

Nolan Price
Nolan Price

She went into porn, but only did one shoot. Two hung niggers doubleteamed her vag and ass and tore her up good. She committed suicide shortly after.

Sebastian Lopez
Sebastian Lopez

what's wrong with you user?

Jonathan Powell
Jonathan Powell

go to public bathroom in a mall
take a stall because I can't pee if I feel like someone's watching
there's someone in the stall next to me being really noisy while shitting
have to block my ears with my hands before I manage to pee
when I leave the stall, I slam the door shut as hard as I can
hear stumbling from the noisy guy's stall
he yells "FUCK! There's shit on my shoes now! You motherfucker!"
I run away laughing

Levi Allen
Levi Allen

go to public bathroom in a mall
take a stall because I can't poop if I feel like someone's watching me poop in a urinal
there's someone in the stall next to me being really noisy while trying to shit
have to block my ears with my hands before I manage to push because I feel uncomfortable
keep trying to push but aparently im constipated because I ate too much millet
give up on covering my ears because I'm trying so hard to poo
the other guy starts talking to me and getting competetive with me out of nowhere
"I'm more constipated than you."
when I leave the stall, I slam the door shut as hard as I can
as the door slams shut the other guys stall explodes with shit and he yells "FUCK! as shit explodes out from underneath his door and out over the top and he screams "You motherfucker!"
I run away crapping

Bentley Howard
Bentley Howard

go to public bathroom in a mall
take a urinal because I can't poop if I feel like someone's watching me poop in a stal
there's someone in the stall next to me being really farty while trying to shit
keep trying to push but aparently im constipated because I ate something that wasn't organic
"do you want to play battleshits?"
I ask "what?"
"I said do you want to play bat-
I crap a dump into my shit and poop and the whole fucking place exploded into shit

Angel Watson
Angel Watson

You motherfucker, oh wait, that's lie.

You fucked up wincest you dumb nigger, how the fuck are you gonna get laid otherwise now.

Mason Scott
Mason Scott

I didn't know it was possible to feel second hand regret. God damn it, user.

Carter Diaz
Carter Diaz

no it's true.

Christopher Scott
Christopher Scott

1) I lost my virginity to my sister (24) when I was 13
2) I fucked my Spanish teacher in my junior year of high school
3) I never lost in a competitive game

Jose Sanchez
Jose Sanchez

1) dysnomia is a faggot
2) dysnomia is a cuck

Only 2 of the stories are real.
Choose wisely.

Christopher Sanchez
Christopher Sanchez

Word on the street is that Toy-R-Us is getting more NES and Hatchlings. I figure I could always use the extra cash. I get there around 4pm and there is already a small line, mostly older men. It is not hard to figure out that they are scalpers like me. I'm fifth. I don't feel like interacting with anybody, so get in my sleeping bag, zip it all the way, and play on my vita.

10 pm is when he arrives.

He walks up with a giant smile, pulling a giant cooler full of beer, he greets every single person in line. His warmth is contagious. I couldn't help but smile back. It is hard to guess his age. I think he was younger than he looked. He gives a beer to everyone in line, charming the desperate parents and scalpers alike.

For ten hours, this remarkable man, entertained the entire line. I don't remember all the stories and jokes but these two left me in a fit of laughter.
"Women should stay in the kitchen and make sandwiches!" he says.
Crowd breaks out into outcries of sexism.
He ignores it. "I know how to get a women smile and make me a sandwich."
"How?" I ask.
"Go to Publix."
Everyone breaks out into a roar of laughter. Then he engages the crowd with crazy stories of his life. He got piss drunk and ended up hitting a light post. The city actually sued him for the damages.
Anyway, he was naked when he wrecked his car. The cops had to wrestled his naked self to the ground, and one of them tried to tase him. He screams," If you tase me, I'll piss on you, and you'll get shocked too!"
Everybody is laughing. This is why it was hard for me to guess his age. I think he was young, but his alcoholism and probably his drug abuse made him look much, much older. Around 5AM most people are sleeping, but he's still awake entraining the sleepless. I even turned my sleeping bag towards him, so I could hear his stories better.
"Sweetpea you want a drink?"
"Nah, I don't drink alcohol."
" Shame it warm you right up. I got other drinks too. You want a pepsi or something?"
He offers me a can. "Hey if I am getting annoying just tell me." Everyone reassures him he is fine. Tells him that he is making time go by fast. He tells us of his little girls. How he doesn't get to see them often. His wife does everything in her power to keep him away.
"I am piece of shit." he says. "I done a lot of wrong, but this is my chance to do something right. I'd do anything to make my girls happy. I wait here for days if I had to."
I don't know what to say, so I say nothing, neither does anyone else.
When the sun finally rises, the store manager greets us with donuts and coffee. He does a head count, and starts handing out tickets, to the lucky firsts. He gives a balloons to the last person to get the hatchling/NES. There was only a few of each.
He didn't get either. "No. God no!" he cries. He starts crying. He's not the only one upset. Dozens of parents are screaming and cussing.

This isn't right. I don't feel right. I give him my hatchling. I'm not the only one moved by his tears.The other scalpers give up their hatchlings too, to him and other parents. It was probably one of the most generous and moving moments in my entire life. He gives me giant hug. He smells awful, but I don't really mind.

Adrian Gutierrez
Adrian Gutierrez

oh God. I liked dis if i creid every once

Christopher Myers
Christopher Myers

One of these three are false. Guess which:
I escorted a male friend to the hospital because he lost a vibrator up his ass. Never spoke to him again.
I ran someone over with my car going 60kph, got out to check on them and they got up and said I was a bit of a dick for hitting them then walked off.
I slept over at a friend's house when I was 8 years old and his mother who was also my teacher molested me. When I hit puberty I talked to her about it while over at that friend's place and got an anatomy lesson and taught how to masturbate by her.

Adam Morales
Adam Morales

hot female classmate asks me for computer help

brings her laptop to my dorm room
>windows is fucked over by a virus, fake programs and toolbars everywhere
my years of experience installing gentoo >finally begin to pay off
I start initiating the ritual
cut my wrist and make a pentagram using the blood
burn candles at each point of the star
place the laptop in the centre
at this point, the girl is furiously masturbating to the sight
I boot up the computer and begin installing gentoo
the room begins to shake as the floor cracks beneath the pentagram
hellfire begins to shoot out of the laptop (powered by Nvidia) as I compile the kernel with all GCC optimizations enabled
I grow horns and transform into the avatar of GNU/Satan
I rip the girl's clothes off to expose her open source under her clothing DRM
my huge, flaming, thorny dick penetrates her vagina
she climaxes as the compilation completes
I commit my GPL-licensed semen to her repository
she accepts and produces my child with the soul of Richard Stallman, the harbinger of the year of the GNU/Linux desktop
tfw I can now play muh free as in freedom eroges on Linux

Christopher Torres
Christopher Torres

hospital ass story

Jaxon Perry
Jaxon Perry

the first one is false?

Jace Foster
Jace Foster

Further reading: vibrating ilium syndrome

Blake Richardson
Blake Richardson

he has gay friends

Jacob Johnson
Jacob Johnson

he has friends*

Jace Torres
Jace Torres

that feeling when have no friends

everyone nice lives extremely far away

James Campbell
James Campbell

so move there

Julian Phillips
Julian Phillips

nice people everywhere live close, but are somehow always busy no matter what.

they really are busy, not trying to get rid of me or anything, their lives are all just that complicated

Andrew Perry
Andrew Perry

being one such busy person, I can tell you it's probably because you're unpleasant to be with

Chase Morris
Chase Morris

can't get a girlfriend
can't even find one let alone gey one
severe fear of getting one that seems nice but is actually a nasty person only interested in money
just want a sweet person to share my love with
tfw all alone

Jack Murphy
Jack Murphy

I'm actually a cool person, they really are that busy, I mean like everyone who I realize is good enough for me, they are all tied up, no matter what. I'm not trying to fool myself or anything, one thing I'm not is stupid.

Bentley King
Bentley King


Easton Kelly
Easton Kelly

go to a public bathroom in a mall
take a stall because I can't poop in a urinal
guy in next stall is pissing
notice a hole in the stall
tinkling stops
the guy taps my foot with his
notice there is shit on his white tenis shoe
next think I know, this tiny, uncircumsiced cock unfurls from the hole in the stall
I slap his willy ad hard as I can
run out of bathroom, screeching like a banshee

Ayden Campbell
Ayden Campbell

It's called cuckoldry.

Carson Watson
Carson Watson

Third one.

Josiah Robinson
Josiah Robinson

be me one morning.
walk outside to visit pet doggo.
noticed dog all timid and scare.
further inspection, noticed that dog has been mauled on the neck and injured.
mom said dog was let out earlier and got mauled by coyote.
multiple deep neck wound, one small hole penetrate neck skin.
a thump sized hole, you can see straight into the dog's neck.
too costly to go to vet, dog will eventually die if left with hole in neck.
use household needle and yarn to put 2 suture in dog neck to close wound.
doggo completely healed and still alive today.

Benjamin Young
Benjamin Young

be me, just a few days ago
at work as a cook
no one did prep work two days in a row
walk-in fridge was completely left to management during graveyard shift while their cook took care of tickets
1st and 2nd shift both are responsible for that stuff
I'm 1st, sometimes 2nd shift
come in on Monday
everyone gets chewed out, myself included
"Despite what you might think, 3rd shift does stay steady! Just because 1st and 2nd shift are busy does [i]not[/i] give you a 'get out of prep' card! I come in yesterday to and empty walk-in, AND" etc.
I'm standing there completely zoned out, singing in my head

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