I have been sitting at this machine for three hours. Ask me anything. Alternatively, kill me now

wass cookin' bro?
dat a still?

This is a rotary evaporator. It separates solids and liquids without using heat. Today we are cooking coral. In order to make coral extract. For science.

...

whats in the brown bottle rotating in the waterbath? how does the condenser coil thingy function? What are you collecting in the round bottom flask?

The brown bottle has a solution of methanol and coral. The water bath heats the solution (just a little bit, wouldn't want to burn our stuff), while the rotator spins the liquid to increase surface area. This makes the methanol evaporate faster, and we evaporate it by sucking out most of the air in the system via a vacuum pump. the coil is full of water from an ice bath, and when the methanol gas touches it, it becomes a liquid and gets collected, but we throw it away because what we want is dried coral for our experiments

Why do you want dry coral?

Why haven't you rewritten guts yet?

My lab has four teams, each of us was given some random crap pulled out of the Carribean ocean. We're producing pure extracts of these creatures and mixing them with bacteria cultures. If they kill the bacteria, we're going to deconstruct them and find out what they're made of so we can patent it for billions of dongs. This is Big Pharma at work. This is how we invent new drugs.

what r u distilling?

Obviously you have not read the thread you doublefaggot tripplenigger

Make narcotics on the side?

I'm working on it! Gosh! Get off my ass!

I don't know how and I don't know what happens if I google the recipe for crack cocaine. I probably have most of the ingredints I need to make some kind of drug here, but there are so many people right in the next room, and I don't have any buyers, the risk just aint worth the reward.

Are any of your co-workers hot?

A few of 'em. My entire team is female except for me, and I'd consider all of them bangable if it weren't for one glaring, fatal flaw.
>no hooves
But jokes aside I really like the redhead.

buy some of these for that redhead and ask if she likes it bareback

Are they competent?

Actually, yes. Funny you should ask, because when I first joined the lab I did hear something about a diversity quota, but no, all the women on my team are competent. There was one who wasn't but she quit. Same with the Malaysian and the gay guy.

Good to hear. I actually hear a lot of similar stories from other STEMfags. Usually the ones who don't know what they are doing usually quit or transfer to some other department

No it doesn't

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How'd you get into this job?

Professor at my University gave it to me. Was like "Wanna work at a lab?", and I was like "Sure famy why not?"

How will you kill yourself?

I'd rather not, but if I had to, I'd use a large explosive.

try to find a drug that has a potential side effect of tripping fucking balls.

Why not a drug that causes your balls … to explode

unrelated but once in highschool my english teacher said if he wanted to die he'd be at ground zero of a nuke. he brought it up himself, during a shakespeare lecture even, so we thought he was suicidal. kinda funny

how do we achieve combustible semen

Physics seems a lot more interesting. We get to play with lasers and mirrors. Operated an AFM for a while too. That was fun.

Rotovap that bitch

Pathology is better. Cutting up stuff is fun

I'm guessing you have a freezer of dismembered hookers at home

How long have you worked this job?

Shouldn't that shit be evaporating super fast?

I'm a chemical engineer and have never actually sat around and watched my rotovap work, just leave it on overnight, but I'd think MeOH wouldn't take 3 hours for what looks like

Wait, is there method to the madness? Or are you literally grabbing random shit to see if it kills bacteria?

Oh yeah, it's pretty volatile, but the less there is, the longer it takes to evaporate. I don't know why but that's just something that we noticed. Besides, we have a lot of samples to evaporate. That little thing you saw me working with wasn't what I was working on for three hours, that was vial number ten or so. If you get it at just the right pressure all the liquid will evaporate in minutes, the problem being that if you accidentally go under that pressure, the whole thing explodes out of the jar.

Eh, you can do research on a family of organisms and see if something else has antibacterial properties, the be like "Bring me something from the genus penus", but as this is mostly unpioneered territory, there's not a long of research, so we just have guys go out and grab random sponges and algae and whatnot and toss it all in a burlap sack.

You're a modern day Edison. I'm not being sarcastic. You're doing the science that will give my children years of extra life and I thank you.

OP how can I get a job like yours?

YES, it does

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Oh… uh, thanks man. Full disclosure, I should say I'm not the person who came up with this procedure; pretty sure my company just stole the idea from somewhere else, nevertheless, I guess it is sort of important. It's all completely profit-oriented and the first batch will always go to the Jews, but, you're welcome.

Step one is to get a STEM degree. You don't even have to have one, you just need to start getting one. I won't even get my bachelor's for at least another year. If you distinguish yourself enough from your classmates you can ask one of your professors about an internship, most of the science ones run their own laboratories, and those that don't know someone who does. They write you a letter of recommendation, you get in on the ground floor of some nondescript research lab somewhere, and you prove you're competent enough to wash a few Erlenmeyer flasks, and they'll promote you to a real job. Then, once you finish your degree, you get promoted again, and if you go back for graduate school, you get to keep moving up the corporate ladder until you eventually cure cancer and are assassinated.

Just print my dox while you're at it fam

Dubs confirm.

What if the "money drug" is gone wih the methanol?

This is how assembly lines work.

What if they react just with their enviroment? what if you are ruining everything like using coagulated blood?

Years extra… of paying.

Use tor fagget.

Well, the miracle drug we're looking for won't be a liquid. Organic liquids, like blood, urine, or the coral paste we made, aren't actually liquids. They're solids, dissolved into water. So we replaced the water with methanol, and methanol evaporates very easily. Solids don't evaporate at all. So once we confirm that the only true liquid in our solution is methanol, we can evaporate it all away without fear of losing any of the good stuff.
I'm not exactly sure what you mean. We have control groups to try and eliminate confounding variables. If something weird happens where the bacteria only dies on the petri dish and not in an actual test subject not that live test subjects are my department, and our controls can prove that the dishes weren't contaminated, then we have a microbiologist guy whose job it is to find out what the fuck happened.