I've lost my girlfriend, and I've lost my best friend, who was the only one who understood me blah blah blah...

I've lost my girlfriend, and I've lost my best friend, who was the only one who understood me blah blah blah. Every day I want to kill myself. How can I get over them when it feels like they were "one-of-a-kind", Holla Forums? How can I be happy?
(Pic is existential crisis Lain)

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Why did you kill them?

Are they dead or did they just quit on you

Do something you've always been afraid to do. I've done that myself a couple of times recently, and it makes you feel elated and puts your "problems" in a much broader perspective.

Should have clarified- Girlfriend and I "mutually" decided it wasn't working out. (I just pretended to agree with her so it didn't seem sad, even though I was still in love with her and heartbroken).
I was acting like a dick to my best friend and we started arguing a lot, completely my fault. He said one day "you've changed man" and said he didn't want to, but he had to stop talking to me because I made him feel like shit. In retrospect I see the error of how I treated him and I feel like shit, but I miss him so much. I think I could do better with another chance but everything's over.

All I do lately is wake up, go to my shitty job, go home get on PC for hours and hours until I'm tired enough to go to bed and get my 4 hours of sleep. Off the top of my head there's nothing I can think of that I've been afraid to do. It sounds like a good idea- I'll try to think of stuff like that..

Relying on others for self validation is a phase of life. If you're crushed because you don't have a girlfriend then you clearly have a weak sense of personal identity. You need to start building one. From there you need to start improving yourself.

Here's an embedded video explaining your situation. The world has seen enough men who have kicked the bucket over some stupid breakup.

Regarding your best friend, I think it's not too late. This is a simple matter of "bros over hoes." Explain how you were too insecure about the breakup and you lashed out at him because you didn't know what else to do. Talk about how important he is to your mental well being. Apologize and if he's a good enough friend, he'll accept you back.

gl

I'd say first of all fuck a bitch, they're insincere actors who keep a massive divide between their private inner world of thoughts and motivations, and what they carefully allow to be seen. When they're not overtly lying they're lying to themselves, largely to be able to apply chameleonism. I wouldn't be at all surprised if there's another cock in the picture that you don't know about that motivated her decision

Before I get into how to help you get to a better mood I have some things you should consider and do

1. Obviously: If something makes you feel shitty, don't take it out on the people in your life, because that's how you end up on Holla Forums talking about how you lost friends and partners and now have to make the sad go away

2. Please get out of the habit of relying on other people for happiness. It's totally understandable that you'd feel guilty for treating your best friend like shit, and heartbroken for losing someone you shared romantic feelings with. But to say that you're suicidally depressed on a daily basis about it is fucking absurd. You need to learn how to enjoy life on your own before you go out seeking other people otherwise what you have is a fatal dependency as pointed out here:

Now to get to the point, if happiness was so simple and easy to attain that it only took the implementation of a few steps, everyone would have it, but evidently most people do not have it. It's extremely elusive and to be totally frank people's ability to acquire it is heavily related to how they're genetically designed. You have to be smiling to be happy. I'm sure, in thinking about it, you'd find it likely that the way a person looks has a level of connection to their ability to be happy, and in many cases it really is as simple as seeing that someone really doesn't wear a smile well. It may come as a surprise that that's really all that needs to be present to be largely unavailable to happiness. The reality is it's not an emotion human beings are naturally designed to have, it's basically something that needs to be exploited, and it only works in some people. For the rest they can only expect the other things beneath happiness that cause one to feel good, like pride in the creation of something, or deep immersion in stimulating things, or hedonistic shit.

What you obviously need right now is peace and serenity. For that I'd recommend meditation, a raw food diet, DEFINITELY getting out into the world and doing new shit. The pain of losing these people is HEAVILY driven by replaying old memories of things that were done with them, and I think you're smart enough to know that putting your self in situations where you just sit and zone out will take you directly to those thoughts, and putting your self in novel situations that are interesting and grab attention will get you away from those thoughts, do intense exercise like weightlifting and cardio. If you've struggled throughout your life with anhedonia and mood problems, look into getting ALL of your health shit together through research. If you need to kill the pain of old friends by getting new ones, you can do that, but it's essential that you learn to enjoy yourself on your own, or you're gonna have problems

I think you're right, user. I've wanted to improve myself for a long time, but I'm lazy and it's hard to form new good habits. Usually in this situation I'd just say I have no motivation but now that I think about it, if you really want something, that's the motivation. I guess I don't want it enough? How do I fix that?

Also I think I need to be clearer about some things: This is all mostly about losing my best friend. I don't think any of these thoughts are influenced by the breakup. Thinking about her makes me angry. Now when I get depressed, that's from dwelling on losing my best pal. Also I don't think I was treating him badly because of the breakup. There isn't really an excuse, I was just taking him for granted I guess

I've wanted to get into meditation for a longass time because I dont like taking medication (Although I have not tried it much). There's not much to do around my town and I don't know what new shit I can explore, but I will look into clubs and hobbies with lots of people I can get into.

I have almost no friends. I've only been talking to one person I know in real life recently and that's because he got me into smoking weed and that's all we talk about/do when we meet. I plan to stop smoking though.

When you say to look into getting all my health shit together through research, what do you mean? Trying to find medicine? Exercises and other ways to cope?

I don't really have any gym equipment..I really like running although I'm not very good at it..

Oh yeah, also, music. I play piano and it's been a huge passion of mine and a driving force for a while. I've found I have some natural talent for "Right-Brain" type things like drawing and music, but I never did well in school because I was a lazy kid who didn't think doing well mattered.

I feel like I push away slowly everybody that I like.. A lot of times I'll talk to someone a lot and really like them and then one day get very nervous irrationally and cut off all contact with them, only to realize later that it was a bad decision..

Thanks you guys. Even though it was mostly just me rambling, talking about it more still helped. I'm definitely going to try to exercise and socialize more. And try to figure out how to build a better sense of personal identity. Cheers.

replying because Lain

They were one of a kind, OP. It sounds like you're trying to skip part of the mourning process. You lost something important to you. Take the time to think of it as loss. Not something you can get back, not something you can get over, not something you can move on from. Loss.

You have to get your everything together. Make sure your micronutrient levels are good, make sure you're only eating the best food that we're designed to eat (raw food diet), make sure your vitamin D levels are good, make sure your body is oxygenized enough, make sure your posture is good, make sure your sleeping patterns are good, the works. I don't have enough time in the day to go into all the various things that need to be fine tuned to fix mood problems, so if you want that result you'd do well to do your own research on how to treat the body optimally, because your mood is directly related to the state of your body


Welp you're definitely the first person I've ever heard say they're not good at running

Exercise is huge for you right now, I'd put it in the top 3 things you need to be doing along with novelty seeking out in the world, and raw food diet. It'd be a very smart move to get into exercising right now, you can look up videos doing calisthenic and aerobic exercises on youtube, get creative


The third thing I'd ask that you consider and do is to have many friends that you talk with instead of going deep as fuck in one specific relationship. This is an incredibly healthy practice. I have burned through so many friendships and relationships because of my desire to only talk to them and go deep instead of wide

So I shouldn't try to apologize like said?

Oh, sorry, I didn't see your reply. The girl is lost. The friend you can probably get back.

I will be more aware of the state of my body from now on. I feel like it's time to stop thinking about how much I want to do it and just do it.

What I meant when I said I wasn't good at running is that even though I'm not fat or terribly out of shape, I get tired very fast specifically from running. I've tried for a long time to increase the amount of time I can run.

Yeah that sounds like what I do, he was my only friend for a while and we'd just talk to each other about everything. Having a wide array of less 'important' (for lack of a better word) relationships sounds so meaningless to me. I want someone that I can understand, and that can understand me. I guess that's what a girlfriend is for.

No worries.

No, a girlfriend is for fucking. Women are not how they appear

This principle about widening doesn't necessarily just apply to several people. It can also apply to just doing other things instead of going as deep as the ocean with one person. Familiarity breeds contempt and what not. Find a balance or you will be fucked

Ohh that makes more sense. In my (Very little) experience, girlfriends seem to have meant less to me than anyone I considered a regular friend at the time.. I feel like I should stop trying with women until I want to have a family.

Shit if you ask me you shouldn't even make a family, you can spend your life doing dope shit instead. But I think I've covered a lot of topics here already and I don't wanna overhaul your whole belief system lol

Jesus, I need to get on your level. I really want to write more articulately but I guess that comes with practice. I had a lot more to say but I couldn't because I'm pretty shit at expressing my jumbled thoughts in a coherent way. Videos don't help.

Women are not like you. They are a different sex, with different priorities and wants. Go look up on the differences in gray/white matter concentration if there's any indication.

A woman will never love you the way you love them. I recommend reading up on therationalmale.com/the-best-of-rational-male-year-one/ just to understand how women work. I find that website informative on how society works, and especially how women function.

Some advice for the heart: woman are secondary in your life, they come along to use your success. Think of them as nothing more than minor characters.

Best comment of the week, thank you for being so magnificently correct


Yeah I've got this great ability to be able to articulate literally everything in my head. It's pretty sweet

No worries..I usually end up resenting a girl if I'm with her for a long time anyway.

He is a good writer..

But yes, women, at least the ones I've been with, are usually lame as fuck.

How can I overcome the nerve-racking fear of apologizing to the friend? I feel like he'd understand but when I imagine what would happen if he rejected me, it becomes infinitely not worth it to even try..

Get your shit together by doing the things I recommended first, then do that. It's very clear to me you need more testosterone, but I get the impression you're really not gonna pursue that or bodybuilding lol. Regardless, that would help with being able to muster up the courage to apologize AND be able to take rejection positively immensely

This is the kind of smugness that keeps me motivated to improve my work. It pisses me off in an endearing way.


If I were right there next to you, I'd kick you in the ass and tell you to do it right now.

It's fine if you are rejected. It'll teach you not the fuck up in the best way. The painful way.

I really want to pursue bodybuilding and acquiring more testosterone. But I've never really been "manly"… I will look at weightlifting forums and try to introduce myself to it all.

At least you got dubs

He's also like me though- A wreck, emotionally. I feel like even if he wanted to give it a shot it would be super fucking awkward for him and I both.

For the time being I don't know how to contact him other than Facebook .. So I guess after I feel more stable I will send a friend request and see what happens..

I'd send a message first

Good idea. Thanks everyone, I feel confident I can get my shit together and get my life back on track.

It's fine to be broken. Just never give up on improving your life.

You're broken if you allow yourself to be.

Meh it's just teen angst, don't worry about it, in a few years everything will be much much worse.

Im 20 and I've never had a girlfriend and the last time I went out with a friend outside of school/work was when I was 12.

I play a lot of video games. Harden the fuck up, everything social is a lie. Everyone wants to have friend to grow their social peen and feel good about themselves. With an internet access there is really no need for friends anymore

and no, im not an autist who sperges out whenever I have to leave my basement. I am a functional member of society who handles himself pretty well in social situations

Endure, OP. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of OP, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.